Color

My heart goes out to her and you. Don't fight with her over the small stuff. Just offer her compassion and boundaries and consistency.

Move to adopt her...have you presented the mother with papers to relinquish her parental rights?

Hi Grams, Sorry to hear about your Grandaughter and you going through such a tough time. I have an emotionaly disabe daughter who is expecting and I have a feeling the same will be happening for me as well. But anyway, I would suggest that you call child protective services or DSS and report your daughter. Maybe they can remove her custodial rights and give temp guardianship to you. I don't really know how all that works, but that is where I would start. Maybe they have some suggestions on how to handle or treat the anger issues with your Granddaughter as well. You will be in our prayers. God Bless and Good Luck.

I can just imagine how angry that poor little girl is. But she sure is blessed to have you as her grandmother. Don't give up on her.
I'm hearing that you are willing to take the legal route. What does your grand-daughter want? If she WANTS you to have custody of her, then try that route. I'm not sure what the age is that a child can choose IN COURT who to live with, but I bet she is getting close to that age. It's probably more like 13 years old. Have you asked a lawyer about that?? How about this. The next time your daughter takes her away, you have some legal papers ready for her to sign when she's ready to give her back to you. Maybe some legal guardian papers.
What ever you are able to do, make sure your grand-daughter know how important she is to you. And some FAMILY counseling could help, too.

I would talk to your daughter about taking custody of your granddaughter-- try a time when she is sick of the responsibility and maybe she will do it. Perhaps you can have joint custody and that way it will not be so difficult to keep her with you. As for your granddaughter-- I would take her to therapy somewhere -- she could use some counseling to talk about some of this stuff-- that is why she seems so angry-- she needs to talk about it with someone. Good luck!

M.

I am so sorry ... this all seems incredibly unfair to both you and your granddaughter. Both of you are constantly taken on an emotional roller coaster ... no wonder the poor child is angry, and you feel at wit's end!

I'm glad that this little girl has you in her life ... she's blessed to have just a bit of consistency and stability in her life from someone who loves and takes care of her ALL the time and not just when it suits her!

I just find it hard to believe that there isn't some way you could get full custody of her, given that I would think the "law" would be on your side to take her away (permanently) from a mother who abandons her and neglects her on whims!

I don't have any advice. I have two children, and I can't imagine ever letting anyone raise them but me (and they LOVE their grandparents and most days would probably prefer to live with them)! You and that sweet granddaughter will be in my prayers. And, your daughter, too ... I hope she wakes up and realizes what she's doing to you and her daughter, and starts acting like a mother ALL the time and not just when she feels like it. Please keep us all posted ... we'll be thinking about you all!

Hi! My name is P.. Dh and I are currently raising our 11 yr old grandson. We've had him since birth. You are in a tough situation. I suggest that if you want to pursue legal guardianship of your granddaughter, you should start documenting everything. It will help you to gain custody. The judge would look for a pattern in determining the best interest of the child.

If you would like to have someone to talk to, I am here and understand your situation!

Hi K. W:
I am not a grandmother, but hang in there. God has brought you this far with this situation, He will take you through it. I would be angry to if I had to go through that. Your granddaughter is still young, as time goes on she will mature and will love you for what you are doing for her. Just keep praying for her and she will be alright. Use your better judgement whenever her mom comes for her.
Stay in anchored in Jesus.

Praying for you.

Your granddaughter needs the support of a child psychologist who can help her make sense of the world she lives in. She seems at high risk for a difficult teenhood without help. In addition, should you ever end up in court over custody of this child, the professional could be a disinterested third party to attest to the impact of the parent's lifestyle of this child. Keep accurate records of all dealings with your daughter...when she picks the child up for visits, when she returns, reactions of the child to that, any bruises, etc. Dates, times, everything! Keep a calendar dedicated to this issue. Any money given for support and when and how much. You will be so glad if you end up in court. The facts will speak for themselves! M.

i have to say, that the lack of personal hygiene is very normal for a girl ant this age, and that may not be related to her living situation. however your daughter is destroying this little girls life. have you talked to your daughter about possible signing custody over to you? does she know the impact on her daughter? all i can give you is my sympathy and suggest getting some form of therapy for your granddaughter. maybe if she had a neutral person to talk to.

It sounds like you've received many answers on color...one technical suggestion I have on getting more light is to paint the wall that gets the most light from your window the lightest color and use an eggshell finish with your paint. This is a more reflective than flat paint and can add more to your room. Good luck!

As someone who as raised by her grandparents until I was 6, I have the greatest amount of respect for you! While they never had "custody" of my brother and I, we were raised and loved by them until our father could get his life together and take responsiblity of us again. My mother has NEVER been a part of my life. And yes, that is where most of your grand daughter's anger is coming from. Enen now, I still have resentment for mine that I can't get over, but the pain has diminshed over time. There are ways for you to get custody of her. My grandparents took custody of my younger half-sister but I can't remember what avenue they took to do so. Is there anyway your daughter would be willing to give you at least guardianship rights? Anyway you can prove that all this bouncing back and forth is detrimental to her well being? I wish (oh how I wish!) I could tell you the way to do it. Good luck, and keep praying- the answers will eventually come.

It sounds like you are an amazing woman! You have taken on a tough situation. I am a new mom, but I have a background in child psychology and development. Stability is the best thing for your granddaughter right now.. which you provide for her. I think that allowing her to be angry at her situation is very important, but as the adult you need to help her realize where this anger is coming from and how to deal with it effectively. Just advice, but I would make sure I was talking to her and letting her know that it is okay to be angry at the situation, but that you love her and are on her side. She is just confused with her anger and resentment. Allow a safe place for her to be angry. It's a good emotion.

Hi K.,

I am not a grandparent yet but I am a proud, responsible parent.

I do not make judgments against your daughter as I do feel that we all have our own level of coping skills and she may be truly overwhelmed by the stresses of parenthood.

That being said, your daughter needs to respect both you and her daughter and let her live in peace in your loving care.

In New jersey, if a parent was not in the child's life for 6 months, the care giver could petition for custody on the grounds of abandonment.
I am not clear on the custody laws in the Carolina's. You should look into the possibility.
Many lawyers offer free consultation, and once you are clear on what the laws are regarding custody, you could file the paperwork yourself with the family court clerk.

So, if it is the same in the Carolina's, I would suggest this,

If, after explaining to your daughter the harm she is causing her daughter dropping in and out of her life she will still not willingly sign her daughter over to you, then the next time your daughter drops out of sight just do not pressure her about her being MIA.

And, and after the appropriate amount of time has passed, petition the court to relinquish your daughters parental rights on the grounds of abandonment and at the same time petition the court to give legal guardianship to you.

Good luck to you, you sound like a FINE grandma!

I chose to go with Chocolate as my bold color - not on the wall but in curtains and pillows and now on the area rug that I finally found. (being in the army we move houses alot so I don't put much $$ into things that cannot go with me to my next house) I then alternate between sage and ice blue (which actually can all go together) with the seasons. But chocolate can also support the deeper jewel tones as well. To bring in more light - or the illusion of it, put a mirror on the wall opposite the window - it can be your dresser mirror or a collage of smaller mirrors on the wall. An less permanent way to make a statement is to chose a bold color paint for one wall - that way you can experiment with colors that you like and if you find one you LOVE and can live with for a long time - then find a wall paper in that color.

Good luck!
T.

Blue is the most calming color of all. I would save your orange and greens for another room. You could paint one or two walls a few shades lighter or darker than the dominant blue, or, you mentioned wallpaper, 3 walls of blue w/one wall covered in blue wallpaper with blue designs in it with perhaps a touch of white, ie, little white flowers, strips, etc. and perhaps a touch of pink. To make your window appear larger and perhaps get more sun into the room, use blinds only, no overhang or drapes, etc., and you could surround the window with square mirrors with adhesive on the back. Paint the boarding around the window white, and the baseboards around the room white as well. To make a statement, go all out on your bed coverings and pillows, making certain it has some blue in it. Can also make a statement with pictures. Hope this helps. Good luck, and May God Bless, Tico & Taco

I would suggest painting one wall a deeper green that you like and paint the rest of the room tan/beige. I don't know if you have moulding or not, but it should be a shade or two different than your tan/beige...so it stands out a bit. This way, you don't have to fuss with wallpaper.

As for bringing in more light, I'm a big fan of torchiere-style lamps. They bring in light without being oppresive about it. (I'm all about a "soft glow" in the bedroom.) A good way to bring in light is to choose a light color for the walls and paint the ceiling white. I like a satin finish on my paint for several reasons...it's easy to clean when it gets finger prints, etc. on it, and it gives a bit of a luster to the wall without saying "I'm shiny;" I reserve semi-gloss and high gloss for moulding/accents. (I've never painted with matte...it's just not my thing.)

Also, when you paint, I would paint the wall that is behind your bed the accent color and the rest of the walls the tan/beige. There are a few websites that will let you play around with color a bit so you can get an idea for what you like. Also, you can get paint samples so you can decide which color is best before committing to an entire wall.

I wish you luck!

Check out "Sandstone" a Behr paint available at Home Depot...it takes on many peaceful and romantic shades both day and night and seems to change color due to different lighting...Happy Painting!
God Bless!
A. D.

In our bedroom we have earth tone walls and accents with brightening linens. The walls are Camaroon green from Ralph Lauren. The curtain is from Lowes and is a triangle with a tassle with a nice ornate rod, the comforter is Woolrich (from Taget) light khaki.--we have a heavy one and light one for different seasons--the accent pillows are earth tones to match the curtain (green-like the walls, maroon/crimson and gold (not shiny gold though). The art on the walls is by K. from Kirklands. The accent chair is crimson from Home goods and the seat lifts for storage of winter blankets. Please be advided: we are a very frugle family and this did not cost a fortune but definately looks like it did. Hope this helps. I wish I had pics for you!!! God bless

I've tried so many color in my bedroom and finally found one that makes me happy. It's a muted dark gold. So it's not a bright yellow (which I tried thinking it would wake me up - but hated after 2 weeks) but it's not dark either.

Then my bedding is in blue and browns with gold pillows.

I found a picture with those colors in it to tie everything together. But you may want to find a picture first and then get paint to match. I usually work around an object like that, but this time found the paint first.

I think that to make the room brighter you can use a very light shade of whichever color you want. A light green shade on the wall will reflect light, and you could use a light matching wall paper for the one wall maybe with some green and orange. To add more light place a mirror on the wall opposite the window so that sunlight reflects in the room.

Don't do orange. I have a light peach that I have been living with for about 20 yrars and hate it. Remember that on most walls to use latex,
and trim uses an oil base.
I would so an off white, with green trim, or off white, same trim and perhaps do a sponge technique on a board so you can bring the board into your room and see if it works with or fights against the other elements in your room. Lowe's will sell tester cans for about $4 each. Worthwhile to try out different colors and stylrd before painting.
Use accessories to bring patterns into the room, and then you can changre around as needed,

Personally I like the darker colors, like Fall colors. If you like orange I would do a burnt orange, like an amber color. A fall orange. We did it on one wall in our living room while other walls were taupe. It was really pretty! I would not suggest wallpaper but it is just not what interests me, I would choose a color that is about 3-4 shades darker than the other 3 walls as a backdrop or you can just find a color that goes well with your one wall you are trying to showcase. maybe the wall behind your bed should be the darker color. A color I really like is a blue, a light blue, not baby blue, more like a silvery blue...there is a name for it, it is in all the Pottery Barn mags, etc Look in mags and see what you like and then go with that. Very relaxing blue color and it goes great with brown furniture. You could even do your one wall chocolate brown and the other 3 in this blue color. Watch HGTV as well for some really cool colors. You can call Pottery Barn and get a swatch of their paint colors, they will mail you the wheel for you to see what you like.

recommended colors are muted pastels, preferably green and blue. Don't go with bright colors as they are too stimulating.....check out Feng shui and color decor. tan is too drab but can be accented with other shades to make your room relaxing. Google Bedroom Sanctuary and you should find some ideas and answers.

Hey! I was recently working on the same thing - love this link and the way it describes how the colors can make you feel!
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/413504/3_best_re...

and this one is cool too, you can actually look at the colors together and it lists all of the most romantic, soothing colors...you can buy it here to, but I just liked the fact that I could see the colors together before purchasing...
http://www.myperfectcolor.com/Romantic-Bedroom-Paint-Colo...

another site mentioned two things that were important to me:
red can make you anxious and angry - not a good bedroom color(for paint anyway) and orange is similar...

Best results for the one statement wall, broad large stripes(very thick) in two of the colors that you choose, horizontal.
for example: a light brown or tan and a soft, light green...
If you do soft green as the major color - keep that near the window to allow more brightness...and maybe just some funky lamps for added lighting...

Hope this helps w/some ideas for you!

Definitely keep the wall color lighter and consider adding mirrors (even HUGE ones!) on the opposite wall as the window (and/or adjacent to) to help bounce the light around. Have fun!

We painted our bedroom a light Khaki color, Sandstone Cove, from Home Depot. Our furniture is a dark cherry color and everything else is white, bedding, molding, blinds. Love it. We have the same color in our living room and I put peace lilies and brick red toss pillows on the couch in there to have some color stand out. Have you considered some kind of statement artwork instead of wallpaper. It might make things a little easier for you.

as far as her lack of concern for her hygiene, i think it's normal for her age. you just have to set the rules about them and stick to them even if there is a fight. have you ried sending her to a counselor for her annger. it might help for to talk to some one about her feelings. also, you need to have a long, stern with your daughter. you need to tell her that under no cicumstances is she going to disrupt your grand daughters life again. you are raising her and she can visit. thats it. it's making things too difficult for everyone. i'd keep talking to lawyers...eventually you'll find one to help you. you are a good woman for taking your granddaughter in, she may not understand or appreciate it now, but one day she will.

A nice sage type green would be cool..or you could do a spice color. Depends on whether you want a light and airy room or if you want a warm, surround me with comfort room. Both of those colors can be in degrees of light to dark. Once you decide what color, pick a wall paper or vice versa depending on which is most important to you. If you are in Murfreesboro area, I would meet you at Lowe's and help you pick. Love doing this stuff.

A nice taupe or color a bit darker than taupe would be calming. We repainted our oldest daughter's room when she moved out last spring. The ceiling is in a lighter beige color of taupe whereas the walls are a darker shade. It turns out it works perfectly for the room. I want our bedroom painted in the same color. It's light enough to keep the room looking larger yet dark enough to allow that comforting calming earth-tone that brings that comfort you long for just as I did.

Actually, my living room is in an earth tone color just as the hallway and foyer. The kitchen, laundry room, spa room (indoor wet room; built-on with industrial exhaust in ceiling with a dehumidifier) is in a nice warm outdoorsy color but it's difficult to give a color per se. I didn't pick it out. I'm going color blind because of a retinal eye disease complicated with lupus and Sjogren's disease. The darker colors help ease my eyes when they become over-strained from light, specifically sunlight. I think I would probably call it more of a cream-type color for the ceiling and the walls are a type of green but not really green, if that makes any sense at all. My kitchen is a yellowish color but it's one I pulled from a magazine before most of my sight left. I had the guy at the paint store scan the color from the magazine. It's how I came up with the color for the living room, hallway, and foyer too. MOF, it's how I got the color of Once Upon a Peach for my girls' rooms before their dad repainted them. LOL!

Best of luck. Just remember to go with a good quality kilz beneath the paint so you won't have any seepage from previous colors and it helps the primary color stand out better. We have a friend whose a painter. He gave me lots of tips including how to paint paneling when I was able to see well enough to paint the house though I did have my MIL go behind me along with my husband to get the spots I missed because of my funky vision problem.

One more thing... Have you thought about perhaps putting up a tapestry either behind your bed or on one wall? Maybe even a curtain like a set of drapes then paint in a window with a type of mural view. My aunt did that in her bedroom once. She loved it so much it remained that way for some 15 years before she painted it again. She put the mural back up only used a different wall the 2nd time. LOL!