Seeking Advise About Adding a Second Child

The "right" time is whenever it happens. My 2 year old (first born to me child) is very clingy and Mommy's girl. I had her baby sister just 15 days before her second birthday. My 2 year old also did not sleep through the night until she was 18 months. She isn't potty-trained fully, and she does get jealous over having to share me. But she is thrilled to have a baby, and is such a big help. Even though my first needs a lot of my attention, we are managing fairly well.

My son was the same way... when i had my daughter he was so proud to be the big brother. Though he is still somewhat emotional it will pass. He loves his sister to death... they are 2 years apart but i cant say whats the right time things just worked out great that way.

I don't know that there is a magical "right" time to have another baby. I think if you are ready for one then go for it. There will always be obstacles, there will always be second guesses about the timing, you will always be tired, you will always have to make adjustments, etc. And no matter whether your children are 2 years apart, 6 years apart or 18 years apart you will make it work.

My kids are 14 months apart. We didn't plan it that way and I absolutely didn't want kids so close together. I had a c-section with my second and the night before going to the hospital I cried for hours. I didn't want my first born (son) to ever think I had another child so quickly because I didn't love him enough. I didn't want my newborn (daughter) to miss out because I couldn't give her as much attention as I had given my son when he was an infant. I didn't know how I was going to get anything done with a toddler and an infant who both need a lot of attention and both take up a lot of space in the grocery cart. LOL! I didn't want to have two kids in diapers at the same time. But you know what? I now wouldn't have it any other way. They are so much fun to watch together. They play with the same toys (safe for 3 and under) and they also fight over those toys (sharing is a hard concept). They both have times when they crave attention and when they want to be independent. The diaper thing isn't such a big deal, though I will be glad when they are both potty trained. They truly bring us a lot of joy. If we had waited until my son was 2 1/2 or 3 to try to start having another baby we wouldn't have my daugher. My son was diagnosed with leukemia last fall. Not knowing how sick he would be, what the treatments would entail and how much time he might spend at the hospital, I would not have taken on the resposibility of another child. But we've adjusted to our "new" life and are doing well. I'm getting off track a bit, but am trying to show you that you can find a way to make things work. If you are ready to have another baby, go for it. Then follow your instincts, be open to change, be a creative problem solver, love your family and make it work.

Hi D.,

It is whenever you feel the time is right, you son will adjust better than you think.Every aby is differernt my older son cried 20 hours out of the day(he was colic). My 6 month old sleeps through the night(5-8 hours)and has been since was 3 months old and hardly ever cries so each child is different, and having siblings is a wonderful thing, I can't imagine my life without my 5.
Good luck,
L.

Being a parent of 2 myself, ages 4 and 11, I feel the best time is when the older one is in school. I could not imagine having a child around 2 1/2 years old and a newborn lol. I think that it is good to have one is school so that you get a break from one of them during the day especially if you are home by yourself while your husband is working. You may not be able to wait another 3 years lol but from my experience and the summer my children are currently putting me through you might be best waiting until the oldest one is in kindergarten or 1st grade. There was a HUGE difference between raising my daughter and my son. My son is NEEDY... he gets offended if I put my attention to anything besides him. This way your son is getting all of the attention and at the same time you are making sure that his trasition to school goes as smoothly as possible. :-)

tierra

My daughter is three and a half and we just had our 2nd child last week. It doesn't matter what age you have a 2nd one because there will be issues there regardless. She has shown soem behaviors that we have never had from her. It is going to take adjustment time but as far as how soon you should have another child is comepletely up to you. Just remember there will be an adjustment period. I know some children where it has taken as long as 6 months so just be prepared. It could be quick or it could be longer. Hope this helps.

Good morning D.! I completely understand your anxiety about adding a second child. We got pregnant with our second child when our older son was 19 months old and they are 2 years 4 months apart and it worked out nicely. Now at the time that we got pregnant we were unaware that our older son had a disability which has been challenging but his younger sibling is great with him! You will be amazed at how close they will become and that it will feel like you will be the one with lack of attention instead of your children. Good luck with your decision. Remember that any age gap will work its how they are parented that is important.

Take Care,
A.

I think your fears are totally normal. My husband and I are struggling with the same things. We have a 17 month old and planning on "trying" for a second in a few months. I'm scared. I think that there's never really a "right" time. It just depends on when your think you are ready. I don't know if anyone really knows the are ready. I wish you the best with your decision. :)

i'm not sure that there is a "right" time to have children. i think it just happens and you run with the ball. i worried about lack of attention too, it's normal. i just had my second child 4 months ago. my first daughter was 28 months old when she was born. they get along well, no major issues, yet.

i do find it difficult to divide my time between two, especially one that is a baby, and so helpless. but it is getting easier by the day. i'm looking forward to when the kids can play together without me worrying about the baby getting hurt.

your son will be 3.5 when the baby arrives and he will be able to help and he will feel so proud. having a sibling changes your household in every way, but i believe it's for the better.

ur feelings are normal, there really isnt a "right time" to have another child. mine are a lil over a yr and a half apart and it was tough taking care of them both when they were lil and their dad was working but as they got older it got much easier, they play together, fight together, and when they both could talk watch out...they'd talk ur ear off or talk to each other. we prepared my son and made sure he understood everything that was happening, it helped and he wasnt resentful at all he actually tried changing her diaper and feeding her when he was about 2 1/2. now they are 7 and 5 and when i get tired and dont feel like doing much they have each other to play with and talk to..they really help each other with learning and stuff. in my opinion as long as the younger child can somewhat understand what is happening and sees that you love them just as much you have nothing to worry about.

I am the mother of 4- ages 10, 8, 4, and 3. The farthest spacing is 3yrs 8mos, the closest 16 months. I personally like the closer spacing. it is trying sometimes, but they play well together and are best friends. It is a very personaly decision that is different for everyone. I found that the older child/ children will adjust regardless of age, but it is important to explain to them early and often that there is a new baby coming. My kids knew as soon as we did and we talked about it alot. They all adjusted well and never had jealousy issues or anything.

Hello D.,
If your son was anything like mine then he is ready for a playmate.My oldest Tyler is 5 now but was almost 3 when my second came along and he loved holding him and feeding him.It made him feel like a bog boy and in the long run it helps with the potty training cause they are not the baby anymore.So my kids are 2 years apart and they love the same things since so close in age so that they can play together.I am ready for one more and my youngest is 3 right now so i still have time so they can be close in age.

Good Luck to you and i hope that u decide yes kids are the best in bundles LOL

hugs H.

Hi there,

Well, my kids are 17, 11.5, 4.5 and one due in the next few weeks. None were planned, lol. Last two concieved using birth control, so I can't give you advice on planning them, but everything seems to work out. If you feel you are ready for another, go for it. My 4 year old still wakes up in the middle of the night at least once for water or bathroom, so I know what you mean about getting sleep. I'm just taking it all day by day. Your oldest will adjust to the new one, some jealously is normal , so don't be alarmed about that. Just let him know how much he is loved and that he can be mommy's helper and in the end he will love a new playmate and fight with his new bro/sis like the rest of em.

Good luck on whatever you choose to do.

God bless,

L.

Hi D.

When to have a second shild is something that only you and your husband can decide. It is different for everyone. I know some people what to have their children close in age and others like to space them out. We started trying when my daughter was 1 . I didnt get pregnant though until she was a little of 2.I like the age differnce that they have. They are still close in age but yet not too close. One thing thst er did was make our daughter a big part of the pregnancy. She was the one who told her Daddy when I was pregnant. We made a Tshirt that said Daddy Guess what ... then on the back it said I am going to be a big sister. She went to all the Ob appointments with us and the Ultra sounds. She even named the baby. She helped pick out baby clothes and bedding. She was a big help. we took her to classes about becoming a big sister . we also got her the Big sister Dora and the book and the DVD that goes with it. We tried to include in everything . I think that really helped her adjust. It didnt take long for her at all. She was potty trained when I had him, but when we came home from the hospital she did have a set back for a week or so but after that she was right back on track again. She is a great big sister to her little brother. I am sure your son will be the same way. Good Luck, L.

When you find out....let me know!! Just teasing....My son is 18 months and we defineately want another so he has a partner in life..however, I think that we should get him potty trained first..I'd imagine that would make life easier. The point we are at now is we are waiting until he is at least 3 to even start trying. Not to mention our son is in daycare at a whopping $800 a month..if we added another right now, we'd go into financial despair!!
Good luck!!!

Only you can decide when it is the right time to have a second child. My wonderful husband and I are expecting are second and my daughter is almost 2 and 1/2 years old and we do the best we can to include her in my doctor's appointments and asking her to help mommy with the new baby when he comes and things like that. I think all children will have an adjustment period but as long as you can set aside time for just them and time with them and the new baby together then it should be okay. I have to younger brothers and I can't imagine my life without them.

Your feelings are very normal. My boys are 25 months apart, and when I was pregnant with my second, I felt so very sad and afraid for my firstborn. I wondered how he would adjust, would he resent having to share time with me and daddy, would I be able to love another child as much as I love the first? I think every mom feels that way. But it all works out. We were very fortunate in that we never had any sibling rivalry issues when the new baby arrived. Our oldest was very sweet and loved his little brother. Today they are 19 and 17, and they do all the usual things two brothers do, rough-housing, sticking up for each other, and arguing, too. They are wonderful gifts to us and to each other.

I think that having a second child (or 3rd, or 4th, as in my case) puts the firstborn in a position where they are forced to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, and there is joy and pleasure in helping someone else. It is a good thing for him. So don't worry about taking attention away. Include him in the process, and it will be a good experience for him.

My husband and I chose to always take our older kids to prenatal visits. So they got to hear the heartbeat and all that. Didn't have them in for anything I had to get undressed for (basically only the Group B strep test, as I didn't have any cervical exams done until labor), but they were around for BP checks, and Doppler... We also had our kids meet & hold the new babies as soon as possible after the birth--usually that was within 2-3 hrs. Boppy pillow is great for helping them to sit on a chair and hold the baby.

Good luck!

In my opinion, there is no "right" time. It is completely what fits your life style, budget and family. We waited 4 years. Others like to have kids 18 months apart. Do what is right for you and your husband...you son will adjust regardless.

Hi D.,

I got pregnant with my second child when my first was 6mos old, I was a stay at home mom so I had enough time to give both children, as they got older it was good because they had a playmate, this gave them a sense to share their things with each other, I waited another 4yrs with my 3rd, and 5yrs between the twins which were my 4th & 5th. But that is a choice u will have to make if yr ready for a 2nd child, with the last ones the twins I spent more time with them because the other 3 were all in school.