Seeking Any Advice

It sounds like she needs a good dose of "reality." Stop taking care of her son. Let her pay for her own daycare. Quit letting her live with you AND the Grandparents. Make her find her own place and job. Quit giving her financial support. Once she finds out how hard it is in the "real world.." She is going to change her attitude really quick! It sounds a bit harsh but.. Let her know you love her and care about her, but she needs to start taking responsibility for herself. You and her grandparents aren't always going to be around. She is seriousley taking advantage of all of you!!!

I was a pretty out of control teen. I'm quite suprised my mother didn't strangle me in my sleep:0) I think the best route is tough love. Sometimes being on the tough end if awful. But if your daughter has put herself in a situation where her son is not priority #1. She needs help. If you have become more mom than grandmother something is off. Shape up or ship out is my theory. If you allow your daughter to treat you so awful. She needs to be put in her place. Maybe sit down. Ask her what her goals are. Job? School? Son? I hope they don't go in that order. Couch potatoe is not a profession. If she is unresponsive to a nice chat and listing goals and aspirations. Maybe a good smakin' up side the head is what she needs. If she is acting like a child. Treat her like one. Cut her off if you are supporting her. Let her know who is boss.

I hate to say it, but is she doing drugs? This sounds like someone who isn't in control of her own life. If I were you, I would call HHS and find out what your rights are as the maian caregiver of her son, then I would tell her once, shape up or get out. That may mean a police escort. You do not want to give her the opportunity to take her son and put him in a dangerous situation, and he should be taken away, it is very hard to get them back after being in foster care and grandparents don't legally have many rights. I know we'vve been foster parents for almost 5 yrs. If she agrees to stay, then you have make a contract with your rules and expectations(including what is expected of her as mother) and have her sign it. Let her know that if she violates and of the rules or expectations, she will have 24hours to vacate. PERIOD! If you don't get tough, she's going to amount to nothing and drag her babywith her. Good Luck!

well V. I went through somthing that was alot the same yet very different its called tough LOVE she has to go through it to know that she has to do things for her self so keep cutting her off stop giving her money stop enabling her to continue doing the same actions let her know that you love her but you dont approve of her actions it will be very hard belive me Im still very young 25 in fact and mt family had to do the same it works when she has no money and no place to steel from she will get a job or know what it feels like to be homeless she will have to get on she will have no choice well stay strong this kind of love really hurts so good luck ill pray for you and your child

You will only get disrespect as long as you allow it. YOU have the ability to control how she treats you. If she can't treat you in the fashion you deserve, then remove yourself from the situation and from her.

V.
I am a 23 year mom of two children...I can't imagine having my mother raise my children...nor would I want to put that on her. But if you are the one who is raising that child you make the decisions!! If your daughter is not willing to get a job or further her education then you need to take action. She needs to start paying you for daycare and rent and those things and as far as the child being disrespestful to you... think of where he/she is learning it. Your daughter is being the same way. You have to step in and be a parent and teach that child to be a good person. They are old enought to understand time out and punishment. But you have to parise the good things and be firm and consistant.
Good luck remember we are all here to help
A.

Hi V.,

I might suggest that you have respect fro yourself, STOP accepting her behavior and STOP facilitating this behavior. Love her YES, facilitate unacceptabe behavior by not forcing her to move forward, NO. You are not doing her any favors by watching her child nad allowing her to wallow in this self destructive non-progressive lifestyle.

Support her choices when she tries to move forward, but you can't do it for her.

Good luck!

WOW, This is so tough. I have a 21 year old brother who is in a similar situation. He is mean to his other siblings, all of us. He does have a job but won't help out mom who is a widow. She just doesn't deal with this. She ignores him and makes constant excuses for his behavior. This doesn't help. So don't do that! LOL!! I know who wouldn't. We all think he needs to be kicked out so he can grow up. I would have to say that the same sort of kick in the butt might be necessary for your daughter. I wouldn't if at all possible let her take her child though. If she is this silly about herself how good of a mother can she really be? Just my opinion. This poor little boy shouldn't be punshised for his mother's behavior. So if you can take care of him I am certain that would be best for him.

You know I really dont know what to say. How can she allow you to drop everything and take care of the child she brought into the world. Thats sad, how can mothers be so cruel. They need to grow up and mature as soon as that baby is conceived if not before.

it's called tough love. seriously, if she doesnt learn how to act appropriatley and respectfully than you have to tell her she needs to leave. It's hard,but isnt the flip side so much worse? the turmoil you are going through is not acceptable. Remind her that you love her, but in order to live with you she needs to follow your rules, no matter what her age. You can't be wishy-washy draw the line and stick to your guns. It may be the hardest thing you will have to do, but in order for her to become a successful and productive adult you must stand your ground

Hi Vickie,
What has worked in our family is "Love & Logic" & "Love & Logic for raising Teens" and "Love & Logic for Grandparents", Love & Logic is a parenting class usually taught in schools at night for parents and you can also look on there web-site loveandlogic.com and I also bought some books from BarnesandNoble.com . It may be worth looking into.
Good luck.

First of all look at the way you are viewing your daughter. When you first wrote "what do you do with a child of that age who is very disrepectful to me, her grandparents and her sister." I thought you were talking about the 2 year old until you wrote, "She refuses to go back to shcool and get her GED or a job." Her attitude might stem from the fact that she is still being treated as a "CHILD", when in fact as a MOM herself she is definitely an adult now. Think of your relationship with your mom when you first had a child, Command respect from her. Do not give in to her whims, do not always make yourself available to watch her baby, your grand child. I have a grand daughter of my own and I know how difficult that could be, but when we make mistakes in raising our own we need to sacrifice to undo the wrongs. I'm having to make sacrifices of my own with a 28 year old son, that we made some mistakes with.I know how it hurts, but it needs to be done. Good Luck and let us know how it works out.