Seeking Behavior Advice for 4Yr Old Autistic Step Son

Hi M. let me first say that I think it is wonderful that you are so attentive to the needs of your step son and your daughter. I have worked with autistic children in the past and I currently work with children that are oppositionally defiant. Well let me tell you that tone of voice, consequences, and redirecting works great with both of these types of children. Without yelling you can have a stern voice and command your son to move away from your daughter. Also, when they are playing together you should at least until you see a noticeable change in behavior, play with them so that he can see how to handle something smaller. Doing organized play with both children can benefit them immensely. Time-outs are never out of order. If he pushes her down or hurts an animal or breaks a toy, you can definitely direct him to a special time-out area where you have a task (that is not fun)for him to do ex. seperating beans or moving objects from one place to another for the expected time. I hope that you can find a suitable way to curb this behavior. Good luck and God Bless

Hi M.,
you should not have to leave your home because of little Cody, my suggestion is to you, take and talk to Cody and explain that this behaivor is not acceptable and when he hits your little girl it hurts her and it makes her feel bad. I know he is autistic but to a certian degree he does understand. you have to put it on his level. Taking your little one out does not cure the problem and just adds more stresses to your household. my grandson has some autistic tendancys and we are in the process of having him tested for it. And he can be as good as gold one min and the next min, he can be a monster! He goes to regular public school and in a regular class room, he has a aide that shadows him and helps him with his work and when he has a meltdown, she removes him from the classroom or does what ever she can to help him thru it with out too much disturbance to the classroom.
I too along with his mother and auntie have to remember he is not the normal 7yr old like everyone elses kids, and we have to take time with him and help him to understand.
Him hitting your little one is not acceptable no matter what type of person he is. It is up to you and your husband to devert that action into something good. He may be an only child at his home where he lives and now he sees his daddy with other children that is very upsetting to him, autistic children do not take changes very well. and you have to ease them into the changes.
try playing with him when he gets there or have your little one give him a new toy or one of hers, and ease them into playing together. If he hits her again, say cody, we do not hit at daddys house, and again devert his attention to something else.
Also reading up on the autistic child will be very helpful to you and your family, so you know what will help him and you will better understand the autistic child as well.
I have read and read and still seeking new material everyday, any way I can help my grandson to become a awesome person is my goal, and helping him understand that when he hits, bites, kicks, that hurts other people and he would not want them to do that to him.
I hope this has helped you. But best of all get on line and read all you can about the autisic child they truely are wonderful kids.....God didnt send him into your life for nothing....Treasure the times good or bad. and help him to learn from you. We are like a mirror to these little ones, everything we do they pick up on.
Have a great day, and I look forward to seeing good results. K.

Dear Michele,

You are right, you needed to be taught what to expect from Cody and how to handle his idiocyncracies. ...and you are right about your daughter, 13 months is just the time to begin learning how to play and get along with her peers.

This is a heavy problem, and it will take the whole family working on it to solve it for the good of both of the children and for the whole family. You are all in this together, and you need to be given a chance to learn what the right thing to do it. You just cannot do it alone.

I am not being mean and judgemental, although it may sound like that. I am being honest. Autism is a very serious condition, whether it is moderate or severe, and needs to be handled correctly.

Just sit and talk and try to learn. I know that you can get a lot of info from the internet, but you do need to know about Cody's individual diagnosis and needs.

You are going to be like Captain Kirk on the Star Ship Enterprise - go for it and be a leader. Good Luck, C. N.

I do not have any auistict kids in my family but i have worked with them for many years at an institute and other schools autistic childern do ofetn use physcial violence becuase they are not sure how to communcate and get furstrated with there suroundings they alos like every othe child have short attention spands. so maybe try to keep him occupied as much as possible and while wacthing him try to think of safe ways for them to play together and try to unerstand exctailly what he might want out of hat lay time

Hi M.,
You have already received some really great advice here! Also, thank you for actively seeking a way to help Cody and your baby girl. As you may know, Autistic children really like their routines and maybe him being at your house one day a week makes him feel very "out of sorts". If I were you, maybe have a confrence with this teacher/theraphist/Mom to find out what you can do to stop his behavior. Not knowing the family situation, maybe you can spend more time at his house? Just a thought. Well, good luck and take care!

Dear M., I don't know how familiar you are with Autism, but may I suggest doing a little research to help you understand the disorder and exactly how it can affect a child's social abilities. Just some basic things to remember: #1: autistic children are very sensitive to changes in environment and usually require a VERY static and consistent environment. it may be helpful(if possible) to have him over more frequently and when he is there try to initiate a routine. #2 autistic children unfortunately have very limited social skills, whereas your 13 month old is at a very social point in her development. This may be a little overwhelming for both of them for she hasn't learned the give and take of cooperative play and he can not grasp the need to use it all the time. ultimately i have two suggestions for you, if your stepson is in therapy(which he should be) seek the advice of his therapist, and speak with the child's mother and see what techniques and pointers she has tried and have worked for him in the past. The most important thing is to remember that this young boy does not understand how his behavior is hurting others and to PLEASE never hold it against him(autistic children are also very sensitive to emotion). i hope that i have been of some help and know that i understand this is all easier said than done. I myself have dealt with differently abled children in my job as a preschool teacher and the mother of an emotionally disturbed child. I WISH YOU WELL.

M.,
First off I want to commend you. It is not easy taking care of an autistic child and many would not do so voluntarily unless it was there own child. I know I have a 12yo autistic child. You have him on the weekends only? Change can be a big problem with these kiddos. I would try to work with the custodial parent on making story boards. These are tools that many parents rely on for helping kids with autism make changes. Here is a link for parents and caregivers. You can find a lot of useful information there and a lot of advise. http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum. You may try having a routine set for him and following that every time. Also you could hire a behavoirlist to come in and help you learn how to curb this behavior. If I can be of anymore help please ask. Autism is something we all need to learn to deal with... 1 in 150 kids wil have it and it is in part genetic.

Hello M., I happened to be watching ABC's "Supernanny" last night and the case was simular to your except the fact that this child was maybe a year or so older than your stepson and he lived with his biological parents. I didnt get a chance to watch the whole show but the part I did see was Jo wanted the mother to see all the great thing in her child.So she posted a picture of the child with blank space around it so she could write all the positive things about the child. And when it became to much, the mother could go to this area to take a time to reflect on how wonderful the child was. The other key is that it helps to know what the full medical condition is. Also Jo suggested that giveing the children something to do such as letting them help with cooking, cleaning, etc. can help them feel like a part of the family. I personally know how stepchildren can feel left out. You dont want to send the wrong message to him. I know it can be difficult but I beleive in you. I took the liberty to look up Autism and found a couple of lead for you: www.cafemom.com and www.autisminfo.com. I would love to know how it turns out for you. You can be Cody's greatest inspiration. One more thing when children feel that cant talk to an adult they trust they begin to have withdrawals with everyone!