Seeking Discipline Ideas for 2 Year Old Boy Who Likes to Hit

N.

Even though he is two, try taking away something that he really likes to let him know there are consequences to hitting. I'm not a mother but I listen to Family Life Radio to Randy Carlson. If you are in Michigan the Radio Station is 99.7. Real good station.

T.

My daughter went through a phase of doing this... every time I would look at her and say "Oh we are gentle" It was just a phase... she got over it and she doesn't hit anyone anymore...

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but age 2 is the paddling age. He is not yet complex enough to think "it's not ok for him to hit, but it's ok for me to hit." What he will think is: "if I do something bad, something bad will happen to me." In the Bible, Proverbs 13:24 says "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
Of course, you must explain to him that you do it out of love. And once the idea that you are top dog is established, the spanking is no longer necessary when he is a little older. I spanked my toddlers (3) and when they were 6 to 8 years old, they forced my hand and I had to actually wash their mouths out with soap. Never make a threat you can't follow through on. My sons are now young men who make me proud and have never given me trouble. People have always remarked about how kind and thoughtful they are. The idea of not hitting was introduced by Dr. Spock, who was later denounced by his own children as a terrible father.

Does he have a favorite toy or movie? You could put a box up somewhere that he can see it and tell him when you hit or hurt someone your toy will be taken away for a half an hour. be consistent and let him know that hitting will not be tolerated. Tell him when he is a nice boy he can have his favorite toy back. You can also do a reward chart with stars that he can see and if he makes it through the day without hitting someone he can get an extra story or some really cool stickers to put in a sticker book.

Does he have a beloved toy that you could put in time out? Also, when my kids were about that age, I relized that sitting in the timeout chair didn't really bother them anymore. So, I took away the chair and put a small sticker on the wall. I make them stand facing the wall with their nose at the sticker. For even more impact, make sure that the sticker is almost out of reach of his nose, so that he really has to stand at attention to reach it! It is very normal at this age especially for little boys to start getting physical. Let him know that no one is going to want to play with him if he hits them.

Can you take away priviledges?

S.

Hi N.,
My son was also a hitter. When he would do it I would hold his hands and tell him that hitting hurts and that we need to be gentle. Alot of times he was just frusterated about the situation whatever it may be. Whenever we figured out what it was that was bothering him we would fix it and he would say sorry to whoever he hit and called it good. We tried giving him timeouts in the beginning but he didn't seem to fully understand what he did and why he was there. Also be consistant with whatever you are going to do. Remember that he is still very young and try to explain so that he understands why not to do something. Good luck.
Chris

I'd 2nd the other person that said.. start saying gentle touches. I've found with my almost 2 year old son that if I tell him what he CAN do instead of punishing him for that he's doing wrong it seems to work better.

For example.. my little guy just started biting when he's frustrated so I tell him ouch.. biting hurts.. would you like to chew on ____.. we use our teeth for eating or our mouth for kisses..

He does it when he's frustrated too so I'm trying to help him redirect the frustration or help him to verbalize it for him.. You seem angry _____ are you angry cause ______

Hi N.

I've got a 2 1/2 year old that it just about out of this stage -it's awful, isn't it? I know!

Like others have suggested - I probably said "gentle gentle" a million times. I showed him how to be gentle and then praised the heck out of him when he was indeed gentle. I had his older brother (age 4 1/2) praise him when he was gentle. I praised everyone when they were gentle so my little guy would hear it and want to hear it said to him, too.

I would NOT hit or slap him to show him how it feels...he's too little to understand the nuance of what you're trying to "show" him. Just keep saying "gentle" over and over and over. Say to everyone. Say it when you're touching him gently - changing diaper/drying after a bath/etc. Make it like a game where he gets love from Mom.

It'll pass. Keep encouraging him and teaching him.

It'll pass

I know this might sound mean but do it back to him, let him know how it feels, not hard enough to hurt him, but he needs to know that it hurts. I have a 2 year old and she started bighting and hitting me and other people, so I did it back to her, I think it hurt her feelings more than anything, and then after she stopped crying I asked her if it hurt, when she said yes I explained to her (on her level) that that is how it feels when she does it to others and if she doesn't want to be hit she shouldn't hit other people. My daughter does not hit or bit anymore b-cuz she knows that it hurts other people when she does it to them.

one thing that made a difference with us was to make sure to get down to his eye level, looking him straight in the eye, and saying in a stern tone--"NO HITTING-- Hitting hurts." Then the time out. You need to make sure that you are consistent about it - every time gets the same treatment. It took a more than a few times to curb my son of this, but it finally sank in - and did so quicker when I added getting down in his face at eye level. We used a kitchen timer for the 2 min time out, and we haven't had a hitting incident for a few months now. (he will be 3 in dec,) If you have time --look for the book 'The Happiest todler on the block" by Harvey Karp. Very effective methods. Good luck!

hope this helps.

HI N.
My friends son went through this when the girls would play. He was feeling left out, didn't have the vocab to express himself and so got the attention he needed how he could. So maybe your situation is something like that.
When my daughter was 18 months I started baby sitting, and she started biting because she was frustrated. So I started working on her vocab and it really worked. I talked about feelings and what to do when you don't know what to do (ask mama for help).
Time outs worked for her most of the time, if not I'd take something away like her 1 tv show, or doll for a few hours.
Good luck, A. H

I had a similar problem with my 18 month old. She just got mean and ugly and hit purposely. Time outs worked a little bit, got her to stop hitting over and over in a row, but didn't nip the habit.

My MIL recommended the 5 love languages for kids. She'd read it and applied it with children in a church group and had great results, so I read it. It worked like a charm. She was needing more focused physical touch and quality time. We both have made a point of giving her LOTS of that, and its made the problem disappear entirely.

Best wishes!

Is there certian "trigger" that have your boy start hitting and pulling hair? I worked as a full-time nanny with a little boy who started acting out like that and it was because he was EXTREMELY frustrated because his language skills hadn't caught up with his social and cognitive skills. It was kind of like being in a country where you don't speak their language and you really need to use the bathroom, but can't communicate that with someone. When I could see that he was ready to blow his top, I'd try to help him communicate and if that didn't work he had his "cool down hands" ( I traced his hands on a piece of paper, colored them blue and taped them at his height on the wall). I'd tell him to go cool down and he'd put his hands on the paper and wait a few seconds, regain control and try again. This seemed to really work. He is now almost 5 and can really keep things in perspective in situations like that. Hope this helps.

Hi N.. Have you tried standing him with his nose in a corner?? Also if that doesn't seem to do the trick, try having him stand in the corner with his arms held out(like a T). He'll soon figure out that these are not comfortable and you can slowly increase the time if it doesn't work. Hope this helps, L. S

N.,

I would add one more suggestion to the others already voiced below. When my son started hitting himself and slamming his head into the wall to make himself cry I pulled him into my lap and wrapped my arms around him in a big hug. He was about 3 at the time and was frustrated with a timeout I gave him.

At this time he really didn't like being restrained, but in a calm voice I told him I wouldn't let him go until he was ready to be calm and stopped hurting himself. I hummed and sang in a very quiet voice while he was screaming at the top of his lungs. After about 15 minutes he calmed down and I told him, as a mommy I couldn't let him hurt himself on purpose in that way and the only way I could stop him was to hug him in my lap. I explained if he repeated his actions I would restrain him again. We talked about better ways to express his anger: hitting a pillow, his bed, the couch, etc. and inappropriate ways: hitting a person, biting, throwing things, etc. We haven't had a problem with this particular behavior since, and he never hit or bit anyone. He is now a typical 6, almost 7, year-old.

Good luck!

-C..