I don't have children of my own yet, but have had quite a few in my 4th and 5th classroom which gave me the benefit of seeing how so many families manage busy lives while staying focused on what matters: family! I hope you'll find something here that's helpful!
It's a bit long, but so many things popped in my head, I wanted to at least list a few, especially as I don't know your child. You may be doing many of these things already, but I chose to be redundant over leaving holes. :)
I framed ideas within personal, classroom, and school levels as you're part of many communities.
We want children to stretch because it's through this that learning and growth occur, but don't want then to stretch so much that it creates anxiety!
PERSONAL LEVEL
Framing homework time as a shared time to tackle a thorny but do-able problem can help shake up patterns: "We can do this!" This sounds corny, but really holds true. Even if you don't feel so confident inside, it let's your daughter know that regardless of where you both are on the road to the solution, you're at least on the road and moving toward a solution together.
Many daycares have a homework time set aside, during which every child needs to be quietly engaged in homework. Younger children without homework play quietly, idealy in another room so it's less distracting. If a child is done with his/her assignments, the child draws/writes/reads at his/her place so that the atmosphere of productive working is maintained. Perhaps your daycare has something like this?
Make mental or written notes of what happens during homework time so that what is making it difficult can be teased out:
- things bog down when it's (math, reading, etc.) time
- certain time in evening
- types of assignments (fill in the blank, questions to answer, etc.)
- feelings expressed
- work patterns (work, fidget, talk, ugh, struggle; repeat.)
- precursor events (best friend not in class this year, seatmates/tablemates, playground/classroom/daycare happening)
Maybe she:
- didn't have pure "Mom time" yet (hard to do with a busy schedule!!!)
- needs a 15-minute free-play time before starting
- needs working breaks: do x amt. (start small!) then have a short break, or work for x minutes before a break. Slowly increasing the amount of work or minutes will increase her stamina
- ***(I'm not a big fan of this, but sometimes it's a means to an end to get habits started. Then, one should slowly remove it as we want children to develop an intrinsic system, versus extrinsic.) Earning a marble/bean to put in a jar for a certain behavior (pout-free homework, an amount accomplished, minutes on task) and when the jar is full, the child earns a reward (pee-wee golfing with Mom, a no-chore weekend, sleepover with a friend.)
CLASSROOM LEVEL
Create a time to conference with the teacher, perhaps on a lunch break via phone. It's tough to find time, but this is huge! It's a chance to create a stronger team with the teacher, who also cares for your child and will be a big part of her life. Framing concerns around "what can we do" focuses all energy on creating a successful experience for your daughter. "I'm wondering..." is a great phrase to keep a positive, problem-solving outlook, which can be tough when your child is really struggling. Writing down challenges makes themes easier to discern for yourself and will help the conversation stay on track.
Possible Questions:
- What could be making completing classwork challenging?
Maybe: understanding of concept (prerequisite knowledge, that day's lesson,) understanding of assignment, learning and working style.
- What will help her be most successful in completing work (to practice the concept / show her understanding)?
Maybe: ways of framing independent time for the class (productive noise levels, appreciating different styles of working, etc.,) a quiet side table to work at (by choice,) modifying the number of problems required at the beginning of the year: doing even-numbered problems lets the child go through all types and levels on the page or lesson (if appropriate.)
- When my daughter is working, what behaviors do you see? (Sometimes a child's perspective about this is quite different that what's observed by others. Children don't always see their part, nor all the pieces. Helping her reflect about ALL of what is happening could help her come up with her own solutions/options for success.) (Reflecting then generating solutions for oneself is a life skill. :)
- With our schedule and your understanding of my daughter, what are some things I can do as a parent to support classwork and homework? Share your mental/written notes of what happens during homework time, plus your thoughts.
(When the teacher understands what your day is like, she can make suggestions tailored to your child, you, and the realities of your life.)
- As a parent, when is it appropriate for me to end a homework session/page/assignment? [Frustration level too high, time for bed (good sleep=good learning, processing, and memory!)] Share your mental/written notes of what happens during homework time.
*Sometimes the teachers suggestions may not seem workable, but write them down anyway! See if one fits better when other additions/deletions/modifications are made.
Sometimes there is a golden nugget hidden in the dirt and you have to shake the pan to find it! :)
Network with other moms and with your oldest child: what helpful hints do they have?
From my experience, regardless of how easy and relaxed I take our 4th grade pace at the beginning, the children don't feel fully "on their feet" until mid-October. There is just so much that is new: level and amount of curriculum, structures, responsibilities, and now 33 kids in the room! Returning from Winter Break, they are completely different and shake their heads when thinking back to September, wondering why they ever thought some things were so hard back then. :)
Their advice to next year's kids is priceless:
We're all in this together.
If you feel overwhelmed, just ask for help. We all need help and Ms.x and your classmates are here to help you.
You can do it!
4th grade is fun and you'll learn so much!
Projects are big but they're great!
If you have a different idea, share it!
It's great to all be different!
This is part of a bigger list; they're just some of the thoughts that helped the 4th graders through their year and became their advice to the next year's kids.
SCHOOL LEVEL
The transition from 3rd to 4th is so challenging for students and families. Under the umbrella of PTA, perhaps parents both who have made the transition in past years and those who are "in it" could get together to list challenges and provide solutions. Teacher/Admin. could add their ideas, too, and the big list of solutions could be posted on your PTA website.
Providing opportunities for 3rd and 4th teachers to collaborate about how to ramp up into the new expectations would be fruitful, especially if provided with the parents' list. It can be as simple as sharing each grade level's language of the discipline, or transitioning in May from weekly packets to writing each page that's due the next day in an organizer, and ramping up students' responsibility levels.
For 4th grade teachers, it can be difficult to take things too much slower without jeopardizing being able to complete the curriculum by the end of the year. For me and my collegues, we are acutely aware of and appreciate each child's need to spend quality time with family, to participate in extra-curricular activites, and to just play around and chill out as the kids they are! We love children; this is what brought us to teaching!
I hope you find something helpful in all of this, and my hat's off to you! Enjoy your 4th grade year! :)
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P.S. Curricular demands, which teachers are obliged to fulfill, ask for more time than is given in the school year, leaving us teachers to come up with ways of weaving subjects together in a cohesive way so that homework does not exceed its 1-hour allotment. My personal hope is that we as a greater society reflect on children's varied needs and create cohesive expectations that are centered around what we know is best for them, now and in their futures, academically and emotionally. Oops! I'll hop off the soapbox now! :)