Seeking Help from Mom's on Finances in Marriage

Updated on December 02, 2009
N.P. asks from Circle Pines, MN
20 answers

My husband and I have been married a few months now but seem to not able to save money but sure are good at spending it. How can my husband and I save to take a honeymoon or just to get caught up with past due bills,groceries,gas,etc.

What can I do next?

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K.S.

answers from Green Bay on

Read anything by Dave Ramsey. Also consider a 3rd stream of income. The key is to spend less than you make! :)

K.
http://K..myshaklee.com

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S.S.

answers from Omaha on

I think the world is full of "great advise" but, as I am finding out- you just have to do it, you have to pick one thing and do it. All the adivse and ideas in the world are great- and different things work for different people- I opt to have 50.00 a month taken out for a money market account, trust me- the extra money isn't easy- I have actually cost myself a month or two in over drafts just trying to save money- kind of counter productive, but anyway, I had to make myself do something- or the money would never get saved. And there isn't much to fall back on- but there is something.

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K.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

A few years ago my husband was laid off from his job and was out of work for nearly a year. It really sucked at the time, but now we look back at it and think it was one of the best things that happened to us. We had to learn the hard way that we couldn't just spend, spend, spend.

Here's a couple things that we did (and continue to do):

1. First, track EVERYTHING you spend money on for a couple weeks. I mean EVERYTHING, even that quarter you give to your kid to throw in the wishing well. After a few weeks, take a look at your list and think about which of those things you really NEEDED and enrished your life in some way. You may be very surprised how much you spend on impulse buys.

2. Use cash only, except for bills that you either have to mail in or pay online. We did not use our credit card at all except for gas to pay at the pump (I was not about to unload 4 kids everytime I got gas). And then I kept track of the amount in my checkbook.

3. Save your coins. We always pay cash and put change in a jar at the end of the day. Sounds like it wouldn't be much, but between my husband and myself, it's about $150 a month that we cash in.

4. We use a 24 hour rule. If we see something we like, we need to wait at least 24 hours to buy it. Most of the time, we decide we don't really need or want it.

5. Set a budget for each area; groceries, eating out, entertainment, gas, etc. Then take out cash each month for each area and put it in an envelope. When the money is gone, it's gone, you have to wait until next month or take from another envelope. (ie. ran out of grocery money? take any money left from the entertainment envelope). In the same regard, any money left at the end of the month in any envelope is a bonus. You'll find creative ways to save money at the grocery store to have that extra money at the end of the month to go do something fun.

6. Give yourself and your husband an allowance. Talk about what you think would be an appropriate amount and make sure you agree on it. We have done $100 each a month for the last 15 years and it has worked great for us. We each get a certain amount every month that is just ours to spend on whatever we want (or save all or part of it for the next month to get something bigger) without the other having any say. So while I think it is ridiculus that he wants to spend $85 on a round of golf, and he thinks its ridiculus that I would spend $30 on my favorite tinted mosturizer, it comes out of our allowances, so there are no complaints.

7. For 1 month do not bring anything new in the house except items that will be consumed during that month (ie. food, paper products, laundry detergent, etc).

The biggest thing my husband and I learned is that there are so many things we were buying that we did not need and brought no additional happiness to our lives and really didn't even want. We live a lot "poorer" now, but have nearly 2 years income in savings as compared to the 0 in savings and the debt that we had 5 years ago. We have a much happier and stressfree life now. And even though the economy sucks, we are not worried about my husband losing his job again.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I"m a mom that works in finances with families if you are serious about getting your finances under control give me a call my # ###-###-#### please leave me a message S..

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J.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Not sure if you're into computers but the best way to figure out where your money is going is to get set up on Quicken. It's a great personal banking program that helps you pinpoint what categories your money is falling under. It shows you bad debt (credit cards) vs. good debt (house) too. It helps you see the whole picture.

If you're wanting to sit down with someone to help you figure it all out - my husband may be a good candidate. He has helped a few of our family members and friends out and loves working numbers as well as a challenge. If you're interested just send me a response back. He doesn't do this for a living but he does work for a bank. He's not in the banking industry but works for one of their divisions. I think why he likes to help others in this way is b/c #1 - he knows his stuff; #2 - it's so different than what his daily job is - so, if you're wanting assistance in figuring out a plan - let me know.

Good Luck!

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K.S.

answers from Milwaukee on

I think we've all been there. You'll have to find what works for your family but we've started using some principles of Dave Ramsey and things are REALLY turning around. You can spend money for the whole financial peace university or you can just use his website along with books from the library. We just used his debt snowball and got the cds from the library. It's really helped us. We now have a small savings and are credit card debt free. We also have money saved for our expesive heating bills this winter! Also, I HIGHLY recommend sitting down and coming up with a plan/budget together. Have fun with this and maybe even a competition is in order. Good luck and God bless!

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B.L.

answers from Seattle on

If you have a target near you I sugest doing some shopping there. the Target bran things are the same as the magor brands (they even say compare to Johnson or Enfamil). I started buying my son formula there after mu husband asked why i ws buying the one that ws more than twice as much, i said it was a better product and he showed my the lables, the ingrediance where in the same order and it had the same nutrition. It is the same with soaps ect.

M.S.

answers from Omaha on

The other responses were really nice. I have found that shopping at the dollar store really helps. Make sure you go to the one where everything really is actually a dollar. I can't think of the name right now, but we buy deodorant, soap, lotion,aluminum foil, napkins, paperplates, toothbrushes, detergent, . . . the list goes on and on. Saves us a ton. Crest toothpaste is 2.99 at the grocery store, and the exact same thing is 1.00 at the dollar store. That little trip there saves us money.

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

After almost 20 years of marriage, I finally figured out how important it is to track expenses. I sure wished I asked YOUR question when I was first married. So congratulations for addressing this now!

If you have a computer, start an Excel spreadsheet. Put all your expense categories in the first column. Label the first row with the each month. Then, each month, enter your expenses. Just seeing what you're spending will help both of you control your spending. It gets easier as you go along. But very worth it.

(By the way, not everyone gets a honeymoon, esp. when there's a child around. I'm still waiting for a honeymoon!)

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

1) Do a rough budget: monthly income, monthly required expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, gas), closely examine food expenses (grocery and eating out). Then look at optional expenses. You can start tracking expenses more carefully later but righht now you need to make simple step by step changes. If you change too much you won't follow through.

2) Put away the credit cards and set up an envelope system of cash (one for food, one for gas, etc.) Stick to those amounts for the month. It is amazing what you DON'T buy when you see the money dwindling away. Also set up an envelope or separate bank account for the honeymoon and put inn a set amount of each paycheck (note-before you do this though, you should set up a strategy for paying off any credit cards, again set up a certain amount each month).

3) Also set up a retirement plan as soon as the cards are paid off and have the $$ automatically deducted.

4) Look at places where you can cut expenses...cell phones (I spend less than $10/month using a prepaid cell), cable TV, shop at thrift stores for clothing, cook more meals from scratch, menu planning around store sales, etc.

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S.O.

answers from Omaha on

I have a few suggestions. Hopefully they will be helpful. First of all, put your credit cards away so you can't use them for impulse spending. Make a budget that shows all of your bills and necessary spending. If your husband's paycheck covers those bills, plan to use your paycheck to start a savings account for real emergencies. If possible, have that taken out and put in the savings account before you even get it! Then allow enough for each of you to have a frugal allowance. Put the rest of your paycheck toward paying down bills. It would be a good idea to have a certain amount of your husband's paycheck go into savings as well. Then, when emergencies happen, you won't have to put it on a credit card. I would suggest that you put off the honeymoon for a while but plan for it when you have paid down the bills and have not only an emergency fund but some additional savings to pay for the honeymoon. Don't look at this as depriving yourselves but as good planning and you will be able to enjoy that trip without feeling guilty about spending the money! Good luck! I know you can do it if you make a plan and stick to it.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Hi N.:
I would try the envelope method. Take some envelops and mark them rent, eletric bill, etc and every week put 1/4 of the amount you normally owe or pay in each envelope at the end of the month deposit it all in the bank and write out checks for all your bills and what is left can be spent on other things.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Create two separate checking accounts - the first for bills only, the second for spending money. Also create a savings account and put any extra that you can in there each pay period (even if it's $50). If you can, set-up direct deposit into these accounts and deposit enough money (plus a 5% cushion for the unexpected) into the bill account on a monthly basis to cover your bills. The rest of the check goes into the spending account.

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C.C.

answers from Sioux Falls on

Hi N., I have had really good luck bringing in extra income with Scentsy wickless candles. I have set this money aside so I have a little fund when we need it. It has really worked out well for us. Here is the link to Scentsy if you want to check it out. www.danacarey.scentsy.us

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J.B.

answers from Madison on

use cash. sounds simple...and mighty scary but it works.

with each paycheck pull out your spending money. money that you will use for groceries, gas, neccessities, fun, entertainment, etc. Use only the cash. Once it is gone then you are done spending. if you "have to" dip into a reserve fund (savings or use a credit card) then you must pay that balance back the next month.

it's tough for the first couple months but it will help you save tons. We went from blowing over $1800 a month to living on about $900.

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

start with a budget and stick to it...things like groceries and eating out can get out of hand if you dont keep them in check. also look and see if you can have money automatically taken out of your paycheck and go into savings...seriously, you will never miss $25-$50 a paycheck and after a while you will have a nice nest egg to pay for bills, buy something special or go on a trip. try paying cash for most things or pay your credit card off every month to save in interest. talk about big purchases ahead of time and save up for it, instead of buying everything on credit.

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E.T.

answers from Rochester on

Do you have direct deposit of your paychecks? If you do, see if you can get it set up so that a certain amount of your paycheck is deposited into your savings account. If you don't have direct deposit be sure you pay yourself before you pay your bills. Decide on a set amount that you will put into your savigs account each pay period. Make that deposit before you take out any cash or pay any bills.

Put your loose change into a piggy bank each night. It is amazing how quickly it can add up.

Use coupons. But only use coupons for items you would have purchased even if you didn't have the coupon. If you buy something that you normally wouldn't buy just because you have a coupon you will end up spending more.

Find little ways to save money. Stop buying bottled water or other beverages from vending machines. If you are going to eat out find places that have kids eat free nights. Make coffee at home. If you want a mocha just add some high quality hot cocoa. Take your lunch to work. Making little changes like that can save you hundreds of dollars a month.

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

It looks like you have lots of good advice and I would like to add one more piece of advice. When we spend we spend what we see and we also make excuses for not putting a percentage of our wages into a savings account. If your husband's job will allow it, have them do a direct deposit with a set amount going into a savings account. We put $50 each week into a savings account through this method. It is there when we need it but we don't see it come into the checking account so we don't spend it or skip it. If they won't offer that at the job, then take and put every other check of yours into a savings if you share finances. If not, then put a percent of each of your paychecks into the savings.. say 5% or even $20 for yours and $50 for his since his will be more working full time.

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C.M.

answers from Rochester on

I can't really tell you the specifics because since my husband manages a company's finances I completely trust him to run ours as well. I'm a stay at home mom and we live on one income that is just over 40k so it takes a little bit of budgeting.

I don't know about quicken like another poster mentioned, but if you don't like quicken try making an excel spreadsheet or just simply writing down HONESTLY every single penny you spend. Make a budget for groceries and don't eat out. For a family of 3 we cook every meal at home and our weekly budget for groceries (diapers/wipes/formula not included) is 40 dollars and we have plenty to make real meals from that. Make lists and STICK TO THEM with groceries. Find out what you need for gas for each of you per month and figure that realistically into your budget. Like another poster mentioned allow for a small allowance for both of you. Also factor all your bills into this budget. Know what you need every month down to the penny and what you don't need, no matter which check it came from, deposit it into your savings account.

Your first month will be kind of a trial run and you can keep refining it as you go, but its worked wondefully for us and enabled us to get to the point where we almost have enough for a downpayment on a house.

Oh and yes, absolutely follow what one of the posters said and put away those credit cards, store cards, gas cards etc. Don't use plastic. We still use our debit card but we keep our reciepts to enter it into our budget spreadsheet (so you'd want to keep them to write them down/enter them too if you did this). Don't cancel your cards, just don't use 'em.

Good luck! You guys can do it, just put your heads together on it!

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N.S.

answers from Omaha on

What my husband and I do is allocate money each month for spending and leave the rest to bills and savings. We each have our own checking account that we use as a spending account. This is money we can choose to spend however we want without the other's say so. Our third checking, the joint checking account, is then used for the bills only. We have done this for a couple of years and it really works. I hope it works for you! Good luck!!!

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