Seeking Help with My 10 Year Old, Following Instruction. Please Help!! Houston

Sounds like ADD. I grew up with ADD and I know how it feels to think that teachers hate you or that there is something wrong with you. I would take him in to be tested soon. The teachers will be able to make allowances to help him from being distracted.

The school tested my daughter for dyslexia in the 4th grade. She had a very hard time with communication skills and remembering all the instructions. She was always behind in her work and frustrated. She is dyslexic and knowing that she is dyslexic has helped her so much. She entered the dyslexia 504 program and now in the 9th grade she is doing really well. Teaching is a hard job, but I would see about getting a new teacher. He needs to have a teacher that can connect with him. He does not need someone to be hard on him. He needs someone to find out why he is struggling. The parent has to be his biggest cheerleader. My daughter had an angel of a teacher in the 4th grade. You have to see about getting him the help that he needs because it only gets harder and summer time is also a great time to work on skills.

In my opinion, this is evidence of a learning disorder not a discipline problem and he should be tested to determine what the issue is.

Hi I.,
When I was reading your story, it was like reading my own. My son, who is now 18, went through the exact same thing. They wanted to hold him back in Kindergarten, but we chose not to. He struggled with school, and we started noticing his forgetfulness. When he would do his homework, every day it was like he had never seen this work before. His teacher (thank goodness we had an understanding one!) suggested he be tested for ADD (NOT ADHD). Her son had ADD and there were similarities. My son was never hyper or impulsive, behaved well in class. So I found a wonderful pediatrician that had me bring examples of schoolwork. We talked extensively and he did some tests with my son. Make sure you have this done. Even if you have to go to a child psychologist. You don't want a dr. that just talks a little and prescribes. Anyway, the dr. started him on Adderall. Now, no parent wants their child on medication. After much prayer and consideration, we decided to try it. There is an adjustment period, so they can get the dosage right. It was the best thing we ever did. It can decrease appetite, so we only gave it on school days. We did not give it during the summer so he could get a "break." It can also make them tired in the evening b/c they are so focused all day long. He went from C's and below to a strong AB student. When he was a freshman he asked not to take it anymore. We stopped the meds and his grades stayed up! You have to teach him ways to help himself so that he won't always be on medication. Making lists, making sure he repeats the instructions to you before he walks away, etc. They also need strong routines. This helps the most. A good dr. will tell you these things. Our son graduated this past year and is going on with his education. This is just a bump in the road, but it will get better. Talk to a good ADD doctor, then request a meeting with the teacher and principal. You are his only advocate and the teacher is not. You must "lay down the law" with them. If the teacher knows people are watching how she is handling your son, she is more likely to treat him better. If you are married, take your husband to the meeting.
Good luck!

I.
Please have your son tested by a psychologist for ADHD. I always assumed that hyper activity was the only sign until my aunt (a licensed therapist) suggested my daughter fit the bill.

My daughter had many of the same signs as AJ does. She is a good student but gets easily distracted and forgets stuff all the time!

Once you have the answers, you can start to work WITH Aj to find the best tools to help his deal with this. Medication may be necessary but not always - modified diet has been shown to help too. We are working with my daughter so that she can succeed. The hard part is remembering they aren't choosing to be inattentive or forgetful - their brain waves are not sending the right signals. They can't help it anymore than a diabeitc can help being diabetic. But at the same time, the choices they make will have an impact on their symptoms.

Please have Aj tested so that you can all have a dignosis (whatever the diagnosis is, at least you will be able to move forward). Good luck and please let us know what you find.

There is a lot of good info on the web that may help ypou too - I googled "adhd symptoms in children" for a list of great sights that spell out some of the common symptoms and address common myths. One I found is: www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm

Ok, first I want to say that I hope this email finds you all well. I had similar problems when I was a child, and I found out that I have migraines later on around the age of 12. Turns out that migraines can cause these things that are similar to black outs. I used to do things like throw my clothes in the trash can instead of the laundry basket. I would swear that I threw them in the laundry and would retrace and retrace my steps and end up at the laundry basket. Later we would find them in the trash can. It was sort of like a black out. I would also be concerned that there are a sort of seizure that only affects the brain and not the body. I just think you should be very careful, and it might be best to go see your child's doctor and discuss the issues that you are having. Try to be patient with your child and remember that something else that he can't help could be causing these issues. I am heartbroken on a constant basis when years later after my mother was with me when I was diagnosed and the doctor told her the same thing about my "blackouts", she still tells the story as if I was just being forgetfull. It's quite hurtfull actually. I am a grown adult with children of my own, and I'm constantly battling with my migraines, and my own mother still makes fun of me for an empairment I couldn't help as a child. Please just be wary of the "ADD" diagnosis. I also worked as a teacher's aide and let me tell you that people are so quick to sell the "ADD" issues to anyone and everyone. I just don't trust it. I do believe there are some people with the problems, but I do not believe that everyone they diagnose has it bad enough for medications especially at a young age. I hope that you find out what's going on. Hopefully it's nothing serious. I really think you should try going to the doctor before you jump to too many conclusions. If nothing else, he/she will be able to send you to a Neurologist and someone that could check for other disabilities as well. Good luck.

D. H.

Hello I.,

Your story sounds like ones I hear in my office every week. Please go to www.brightsolutions.us and watch a free webcast, "Could it be Dyslexia?". It will only take 40 mins. and could save you a life time of struggle. Dyslexia is a language processing disorder, so many children have difficulty processing what they hear and also rememberbing it! Dyslexia is very common (1 out of 5) people have it, so it is something to rule out. Why did he repeat a grade? Most schools do a poor job of testing for dyslexia or even know what to look for. The video will help you decide if that is a possibility. The other condition that can cause difficulty in following directions is AD/HD. AD/HD is not as common as dyslexia but it could be present. In fact, the two often are together!

After watching the video if you have questions, you can email me. I encourage you not to wait as fourth grade is ususally the "brick wall" for most children. P.S. Slyvan does not help children with dyslexia. I've had parents spend two years and over $20,000 with NO improvement. So, you might be wasting both time and money. Good news is that after 25+ years of research, we do know what WILL work! Good luck and please watch video. As well, there is additional info. on same website regarding AD/HD.

L. Irvin, M.S. CCC/SLP
Certified Dyslexia Testing Specialist

While this is common with most 10 yo to have selective hearing, this seems to be something else. I do not have enough experience to say what it might be, but I would take to your pedi and work at getting some answers.

You need to have your child evaluated. He could have some attention or learning differences.

I would also suggest a full physical (including a hearing and eye test)if it has been more than a year.

If he tends to work well one on one, but not in a classroom, there is special in school tutoring and specialist that can help to teach him coping strategies.

My husband is ADHD. He sounds just like your son. He can start a project, but has trouble completing it, because he so easily becomes distracted. My husband also has no sense of time. It means nothing to him. He has to wear a watch with alarms, his cell phone has all of the alarms, calendar and notes going on at all times. I have to leave him notes on the bathroom mirror or he will not remember important information. It is not that it is not important to him, he is just not wired that way. I have known my husband since middle school and he has always been this way. He would not finish classwork, he would do his homework but not turn it in. He would sit and draw instead of paying attention in class. Drove his teachers and parents crazy. He was never placed on medication and I think he needs it. As a matter of fact he is going tomorrow to speak with a doctor about it.

My husband has a very high IQ and is very talented and creative. He is a wizard with technology and is lucky to have always had careers that allow him to not sit all day. Every work day is different for him.

You and your child need to get to the bottom of this right away. It is a shame it has not been noticed earlier, but iyt is not too late.
I am sending you strength and clarity.

You may want to talk with your pediatrician. My nephew was the same way and when he was in pre-K, he wasw in the principle's office every day for his behavior. My brother and his ex-wife finally took him and had him tested for ADD(attention deficite disorder) Now he takes meds. and he has accelerated faster than anyone has thought that he would and has not been to the priciple's office in over one year. Last year, he was the best reader in kindergarten. I hope this information may be of help to you and wish the best ofr you and your family.
J.

My son is 12 and we have struggled with the same issues for as long as I can rememeber. After 3rd grade we had him evaluated and he was found to have ADHD. He began concerta and sylvan to help him get caught up. He went from D's and F's to A's and B's. However, we had to take him off the medication because he had no appetite and wasn't eating. We are currently waiting on a referral to see a psychiatrist. I have found when I tell him to do something it helps to tell him one thing at a time, and be very specific. For example, instead of saying put your clothes up, say put your socks in the sock drawer, or put your shoes in the closet. Also making a chart that he can check off things he needs to do one at a time helps. He has had some teachers that don't understand him and become very frustrated with him because they think he is lazy and goofing off but he does care he is just distracted VERY easily. Hopes this helps.

Has your son been evaluated by a licensed diagnostician or psychologist?

Hi, I am mother of 2 daughters ages 10 and 15 both have been tested for ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, They are the best girls ever, no behavior issues but your 10 yr old examples are identical to my older daughter when she was younger. I would ask her to go to closet and put photo album up and she would put photo album on couch. Simple things like that, feeding dog but not giving water. I thought it was laziness but she indeeds have ADD. She has trouble taking tests because she has to remember the information but when she takes Focalin 15mg on daily basis she does wonderful. Have you tried talking with doctors? I always thought this is always what teacher want to say, I was so against it at first but now I see how Focalin helps her. Good Luck

Your story sounds exactly like mine. My son is now 12 and in 7th grade. We have had the same exact instruction issues since he was in 4th grade. He is not able to follow through with any list of instructions, he is easily distracted, not able to focus for any period of time. While my son has managed to make good grades, it has been a constant struggle. We too have given Sylvan a try and yes it is very expensive. It finally occurred to me that my son may be some form of ADD, so I talked to his pediatrician about it. She in turn referred us to a therapist to assess my son and it turns out that is exactly what the problem is. I recommend talking to your son's pediatrician about your concerns. Good luck.

I don't have much experience in this matter; but it sounds as if your kid has ADD. I would have him tested, there are some pretty decent drugs out there now that don't turn them into zombies - but do allow them to function much better.

The teacher, by the way - is not helping the situation. I would see about having him transferred out of her class. I am not out to bash teachers - but one who will be hard on someone because she thinks he should know the material???

My husband was not diagnosed with ADD until he was almost 35 years old. He was forgetful (of course he does have epilepsy & bad short term memory). If I went somewhere, I would have to make a list for him to check off up to & including eating meals, taking meds, feeding animals... When he was diagnosed, his neurologist put him on Adderall XR 25. He still has a bad short term memeory, but I no longer have to make lists. He said it has really made a differnce in focusing.

Kids with ADD are often quite creative, very intelligent and are innovators....Much luck to you and your son.

I would have him tested for ADD (attention defeict disorder). I have a friend whose son was that way and he was test for ADD and sure enough that is what is was. He is currently taking meds to help control it and he seems to be doing very well now. There's been no more issues unless he does not take his meds.

Hi I.,

It sounds like he has a form of ADD. I would have him tested just to be sure. I have one son who has these same qualities and he has done just fine for 9 years on medication for ADHD. You can e-mail me if you live in the Houston area and would like a recommendation for a good therapist to test your son. Hang in there, help is available out there.

Peace,
C.

Hi I.,

I'm not a professional but in my opinion your son may have a learning disability. I'll leave that subject like that. However, I do have an opinion about the teacher. I have the utmost respect for teachers. I believe they have a very hard job with very little pay. But your son needs a new teacher. My daughter was held back and her teacher NEVER said that she was harder on my child because my child has repeated the grade. There's a reason why our children had to repeat the grade and his teacher was very wrong to say what she said. You should go to the school today and tell the Principal that you want your child to have a new teacher today. If the principal won't do it, than go over the principal's head. Your child already feels bad about being left back and watching his friends move on to the next grade. So your child DESERVES a teacher that will treat him with respect and teach him. He doesn't deserve a teacher that makes him feel bad about himself. I hope this helps

your son has add. they frequently get side tracked and "forget".medication may help or he just may need some tips to help him remember. now they have a patch they can put on and it helps them to focus on the work they have to complete. my 15 year old has it, but had a hard time with meds(different side effects) so i pulled him out of school when he was going to repeat the 7th grade for the 3rd time(the school acted like it was no big deal)and homeschool him. Just talk to your childs doctor about it.

I was a learning disabled teacher (for 4th grade) before staying home to raise my children. There are LOTS of replies about ADD, and while it may be ADD, I want to suggest auditory processing disorder. Federal law requires that the school do an assessment for you, FREE of charge, if you request that a learning disability test be done. The laws regarding special education are very complicated, and the schools do not like to spend the extra money to do the testing, etc., but they are REQUIRED to do them. You can also speak with your pediatrician, but tests can get expensive. In order to differentiate between ADD and auditory processing, I would try my own "experiment" and create some visual cards. I would create a schedule of the day with things that your son can see - like a picture of making the bed, followed by a picture of brushing your teeth and have them out for your son to see. If he does better following instructions when they are visual, then he most likely has an auditory processing disorder. There is still a lot to learn about ADD and auditory processing, and even some of the best experts will have trouble differentiating; but there is a lot of great information on the internet to help you figure out some ways to help your son. Please feel free to send me an email and I will get you more information. Also, I want to say that I am VERY sorry your teacher responded so poorly! She should be aware that there are reasons for your son repeating the grade, and I would speak with the administration about switching classrooms if she will continue with this attitude all year. Good luck!

I.,
you said that he doesn't have problems with behavior, but with listening. first of all have you had his hearing tested, that would be my firs step. Then after that I would take him to a medical dr. and INSIST that he helps you or go to another. There are some many different things out there that can cause memor loss, and being 10 you need to Nip this if you can. I have a 7 & 9 yr old and my 9 yr old is dyslex and i had to fight the school to get her tested because i truly believe that we know our children. Don't accept anyone telling you this is just a phase and/or he is just a kid and he forgets. If you truly believe there is a deeper issue i think you need to insist on the dr maybe running blood work, MRI, catscan or look up some things on the internet doing your own research. This could make all the difference for him.
God Bless...

Have him tested for ADD- he may have an overload of thoughts running constantly in his head and loses track of what he's supposed to be doing - there are behavorial triggers you can use besides drugs that may help him stay on task. Good luck - catch it now before he gets any older and it really makes a negative impact on his entire life.

I found a great article about learning disabilites, with a section on ways to help with memory problems. (Since I got it from a site for NF tumor disorder, the very end of the article won't apply to you) http://www.ctf.org/pdf/brochures/Achieving_in_spite_of_LD...

Here is a part of that article:

• You may need to repeat directions, step by step, and then have the child repeat them AND demonstrate he/she knows what to do.
• Do not give directions while the child is doing something else. Wait until you have the child's full attention.
• The child will need to overlearn material to remember it. Provide many opportunities for practice.
• Don't assume a child will know tomorrow what he/she knows today. Inconsistency is a trait of children with memory problems.
• Teach the child memory strategies, like mnemonics or acronyms to remember information.
• Teach the child how to use visualization and imaging techniques to recall information.

I changed my children's diets when they were having similiar problems. There is a cookbook by Dr. Lisa Lewis, called Special Diets for Special Kids & basically you removed all dairy (don't replace with soy-for other reasons) and gluten=wheat, barley, rye, oats. I use other grains and other "milks" such as almond, coconut or potato-very creamy! Anyway, that's the short story. My daughter got so much better, she got moved up from a lifeskills class(fulltime) to a resource class. So good luck, it can be done and it very much is worth the effort.

I'm not sure how to advise you to help your son to follow instructions, but as far as his teacher, I would certainly request that he be moved to another classroom. There is no excuse for his teacher to treat him like that. He definitely has a problem and it may not be something that he can correct by himself. He may need some kind of help, but if she is going to treat him like that she may need to find another line of work. I would recommend that you insist that the school test him for dyslexia, ADD and anything else they can think of. My prayers are with you.

Please take him to his pediatrician with your concerns and ask for a referral to a clinical psychologist. There may be other things going on. They will help rule out issues and help your family.

Good luck.

Have him evaluated. At around the same age, my parents had me tested and learned that I had the visual memory of a 5 year old. They first learned that I was having problems after I scored really, really low on an IQ test for the gifted and talented program.

I still remember my mother asking me to get things and I could not remember where she told me to look or what I was looking for and the utter frustration she had because she did not understand why I could not complete simple tasks. I also remember crying because I needed to re-read everything a dozen times before I retained anything.

I was placed into visual therapy and within a couple of months my visual memory caught up to where I needed to be. I really detested the visual therapy exercises and to this day I do not care for the game of Simon (hand held game that lights up and you have to follow patterns), but I am so thankful that my parents addressed the issue when I was younger.

Here's a link that talks about visual memory problems.
http://eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/2005/02/visual-...

Good Luck to you and your son.

Have you done any testing? He may have an auditory processing issues. This is where the mix up in the directions could be explained. May effect the attention to detail in the school setting too. My son has it and we are working with a program through the Tarnow Center to straighten issues out. Since it has been this long and he has repeated a grade there might be something more going on. Worth a look. It was for us. We didn't repeat a grade but the frustration of the lack of attention to detail was exhausting.

I., You are not alone! My son has similar problems. He constantly tells me "I forget." I am certainly not trying to diagnose your son -- but after much research, testing through the school, pediatrician, neurologist and psychiatrist, my son has been diagnosed with ADD along with a Learning Disability. I was a FIRM opponent of ADD medication . . . that is until I saw the positive results it has provided for my son. He has been able to concentrate and focus in school, which immediately was apparent in his schoolwork (I understand the academic angle of your son's issues are not the same). I had considered having him repeat 1st grade, but the professionals all discouraged me from this decision. You may want to go to the school administration first to ask what type of testing and services they can provide for your son. The next option (or simultaneously) would be to consult his pediatrician. I wish the very best and hope you are able to find some help for your precious blessing.

Do some research on learning disablities. He sounds like my son who has ld.

Have you thought about nutritional aspects? For example, trying to give him EFAs on a daily basis for several months. Nutritional deficiencies can cause behaviors such as what you are mentioning.

It seems to me that this child needs to see a physician and be tested. This should have been noticed by not only you, his mother, but each of his teachers. You all owe him an appology because he seems to be doing the best he can.

He may be "turtle" ADD. Talk to a doctor or call UH education department. He may need to go on Concerta to help him concentrate. He is not doing it on purpose. It is very frustrating to children that have this. They only see the adult being mean. It may help to give him a white board and marker to write or draw a picture of what he is suppose to do. The brain is not getting the correct chemicals to keep recall. Once the chemicals are regulated you will proably find him to be very smart.

I.:

I can't speak to the difficulties you son is experiencing and looking at the posts there are far wiser moms than me on that front! However, I can speak as a mom about your son's teacher. If her excuse is that she is harder on him because he should know the material, then my response would be "if her knew the material, would he be here AGAIN?" And even if he does, meaness is not the solution! Your son obvioulsy knows something is going on here and it just breaks my heart (and I'm sure yours) to think of him in a classroom, sitting vulnerably at his desk wondering why his teacher hates him! He needs buckets of love and self confidance boosts that he is a great kid and that his teacher doesn't hate him, she is just being unrealistic with him. It needs to be clear to him that it is the TEACHER, not him. (yes I realize he has some problems, but this is the fourth grade, not MIT) She went to school to deal with all kinds of kiddos (and bless their hearts ALL kinds of parents, it can't be easy having 40+ bosses!!) so although I do have some sympathy for her, what she has said and obviously done to your son is WAY out of line. Ask your son again to see if she's better after you had a conference and you have tried the other ideas the other moms had for his issues. If he still feels the same way, have another conference and make your feelings known. You are your sons first and best advocate and as a mom your first priority is to protect him at all costs. Teachers can make mistakes just like anyone else. This is yours son FIGHT FOR HIM because you love him like no one else!

Good luck!

Firstly, I suggest moving him to a different teacher. His teacher does not have the skillset to help your child move forward. Furthermore, it sounds like her attitude towards him may be exascerbating an already challenging situation. At this point, I think I would talk to my Pediatrician and see if she can refer you to a specialist that can evaluate your child for a learning disability. He might have some type of dyslexia, or a number of other learning challenges that might require more creative teaching methods. Good luck.

Your child may be ADD check with your Dr. and see if he thinks also. (Attention Deficit) There is medication for this.

Please take him to a doctor and make sure he has nothing physically or mentally wrong. Of course this is also sometimes normal behavior as kids minds run a mile a minute but I would certainly make sure it is nothing serious. I am a little disappointed with the response from his teacher saying he has been through the 4th grade already and should know it. Well apparently he had a struggle with it or he wouldn't have to repeat it and she should be giving him a little more attention to insure he gets it and is able to move on. You don't just ignore the fact that he is repeating this grade. He needs help and that is what the teacher should be giving him. I can certainly see why he feels his teacher "hates" him though I am sure that is not the case. All kids forget to write their names on their papers. They get to the paper, start their work and when they are finished they turn it in and forget to write their name. The teacher just needs to remind him to write his name and after saying it several times he should remember. Heck I remember forgetting to write mine as well when I was a kid. Please don't discipline him until you know for sure there is no underlying problem or you will just make matters worse. Good Luck.

Sounds like he may be a little ADD. Not hyper. Just attention problems. Maybe you could make something to give him each time he is to do a task. For instance, you may want him to feed the dog and give him water. So, give him a picture of dog food and a bowl of water to take with him and have him bring it to you when the chore is done. You may need to have his teacher repeat or highlight directions for him. I know this is more work but will be helpful to you and him as time goes on. It may be something he can't help. If so, he should not be punished for it. Just some food for thought. Hope it gets better. By the way my son has asperger syndrome and has some similar behaviors.

I know ADD is overly diagnosed when it is simply a lack in discipline. But, if you are dealing with this and discipline isn't helping then I would say you may be dealing with ADD. Just a thought. My niece is like this and does not require medicine, but organizational and listening strategies.

I would also say that he may reacting to having to repeat 4th grade. His mind may be in "lala" land over this. (Or he could be in love!!)

I would ask that he switch teachers as soon as possible. I can understand a teacher expecting certain behaviors from him since he has done this before. But, she may be singling him out and putting too much pressure on him. This is stressing him out and causing his behavior. If this is true, he already has issues with her and may be solved easiest by giving him another teacher. But, either way she needs to change how she deals with him. (I'm a teacher.) He could also be BORED! since he has done this before and does know the answers. He is distracted somehow no matter what the cause. Or, he is not paying attention to you as a discipline issue and you need to get his attention somehow.

If it were me I would have him checked for a learning disability and/or take him to a neurologist to rule out any brain damage. When you said that he forgets after you make him repeat it back to you or brings you a cup for the baby instead of a bottle, that worried me much more than forgetting water when he is asked to feed the dog.
That said, you didn't mention what kinds of things might be going on when you are speaking to him. If your family tends to have the TV on a lot - even if it is on in another room - I would try to make sure 100% of the time that TV is turned completely off when you are giving him any kind of instruction. You want to make sure that his attention is not being diverted. If he is thinking that as soon as he finishes feeding the dog or getting the bottle he will be able to go back to watching TV, then that could definitely be distracting. The rule for now at least should be that the TV stays off until the children go to sleep on school days anyway. Hope this helps. Good Luck,
L. (working mother of 2 grown children)

have the school test him for adhd or dsylexia. If he test postive for this ask if they have a 504 program. My daughter is dsylexic and she had a hard time remebering things. It was like she wud understand what the teacher was saying one day and the next she wud forget what she had learn. i got the school to test her for dsylexia and that's what she had. I also tried sylvan and that was a waste of my money. Sylvan is not for dsylexics or adhd kids. what they need is someone to help them work around their learning disabilities. The 504 program in public schools set up accomodations for your child that will help them succeed in school. I found a program for my daughter, it was the ron davis program www.dsylexia.com. I found a person that taught this program in my city and it was worth every penny. She learn that she cud learn but just in a different way and that she is smart. They are very highly intelligent kids. Always make sure you tell aj that he is smart and that he just learn things differently than other kids. Some things he will be able to pick up on faster than other kids. also check out the website great schools. As for the teacher, see if you can put in another class. That is no accuse. you will find in the school system a lot of teachers don't know how to work with learning disablity kids. hang in their. See if the school has a support group for adhd and dsylexics kids. Stay strong and be prepare to fight the school sys if you have to b/c sometimes you will, learn e/thing you can before you go to meetings to let them know that you are on top of things. get an adovcate if you have to. Good Luck, hopes this helps. KB

Hi I.- I completely agree with Debbie M's comments! This sounds exactly like my child too- he has started off the school year very rough, almost exactly the way the two of you describe. ADD/ADHD meds aren't always the only answer though. My son has been taking fish oil for only 5 days now and has made HUGE improvements. (His teacher even thought he must be on ADD meds because he has improved so much!) Do an internet search of "benefits of fish oil" or "fish oil and ADHD" and reasearch it for yourself. Good luck!

How frustrating this must be for you--and AJ, too! Have you considered having him tested for Attention Deficit Disorder? He has what sounds like the classic symptoms--trouble remembering and following through. If he does have it, it's not his fault (or yours, either, for that matter!)
Call the counselor at his school and ask to have him tested. Actually, the diagnostician would be the one to do the testing. If he is having to repeat a grade, your request should be honored with no problem. Actually, I'm surprised that the school hasn't already considered testing them and asked for your permission. They are usually very sensitive to kids with possible learning disorders.

Anyway, please do this for your son. Don't have those "pride" issues that you don't want your child labeled with a "special ed" label. ADD is so common now, I don't believe that kids with it are grouped with those having more severe issues.

I.,
I feel like you're talking about my 11 year old daughter! Here's what we did...at the beginning of last year, (4th grade because she was held back in 1st for the same reason as your son)she had received the usual complaints. I took her to Betsy's Health Food on 1960 and they loaded her up with Omega 3's for memory. They also gave her grape seed extract for attention and focus and a multi-vite especially formulated for pre-teens. It took 2 weeks for the change. I never had another complaint about her all year, she wound up with all E's for conduct and was on the A,B Honor Roll! I swear that's all I did! She had the best school year ever. I will list exactly what she took in case you want to know...
DHA by Nordic Naturals, Strawberry flavor...2 a day
Pre-Teen Girls Caps by Michael's Naturopathic Program...1 a day. Obviously they have this for boys.
Grape seed extract by Bluebonnet...1 a day
Please feel free to contact me if you need further information. Remember, if you try this, give it two weeks to really take effect.
Best of luck.
D.