Seeking Military Moms for Advice.

The military neighbors and unit are going to be your family and also a very big help when needed. My husband was military for 23 years and after all that time I keep in contact with alot of them. Sure just like other friends you do loose contact, but while active duty, you will always have a very big extended family in the service.My daughter is married to someone in the service and she has found that our also. This is a good life and you will have your good time and the bad, but you will need to learn to roll with the punches just like in any other job that your husband could have. Good luck with the life and your move where ever you go. There is always something in the area that you can do and see. Just do not fall into the life of sitting at home.

You become a single parent essentially. You find strength from within and learn to do things you never thought you would.

I found reuniting afterward the most difficult. I had been alone, and very independent and then returning to co existence wonderful but tension filled, like when you first started living together.

When anyone says, "let me know if I can help" resond "Yes, I can use help babysitting. Even just two hours to go to a GYN appointment, or get your hair and nails done.

Make a list of names and phone numbers and use it.

Hope this helps,

Former Marine Wife of Gaveleston Marines

There's a great program Navy-wide called new parent support. They come in and teach you tools on how to cope with being a Navy wife and mom. There is a MOPS program at every base and whichever squadron your husband ends up in there is a wives group. Some of them are hit or miss, a lot of the times people are snobby but it's a place to go and get out and a lot of them let you bring your kids so they can all play together and you get a small break. The Navy also has what's called "drop in" daycare, where you can drop you child off for a few hours, or the day to get a break or to run errands. If you have anymore questions feel free to private message me and I will give you me email address. Best of luck, the Navy really isn't a bad way of life.
H.

J.,

You will be fine. The Navy is awesome. I won't lie and say everything is peachy all the time becuase after all, people are only human. You will find good friends, they have groups and services of support for families. The military is the last "place of employment" that really promotes family. Good Luck, God Bless and it sounds like a grand adventure in the making! CB

I have currently been a military wife for 10 years. It hasn't been easy with numerous deployments, unexpected TDYs (Temporary Duty), and young girls missing their Daddy. Once your husband signs up, he will be given a sqadron (or platoon, I am not sure about the Navy, as we are AF). Usually military groups are very strong and they have a great support system. If you can afford it, you may want to put your little one in a mothers morning out group through a chuch or someplace else you trust. That way you do have a chance to give yourself a break. Also, many groups have play groups so you can meet other military spouses. Be willing to get involved and you will be very happy. We are a close group because we are all in the same boat. I hope that helps! I remember when my husband deployed and I have a 20 month old, a 2 month old, and I had to have surgery! I couldn't have done it without the military friends I made. Please don't hestitate if you need something.

R.
Proud AF wife and mother to 3 beautiful girls!

Dont know if there is a Navy base that you could live on. My boss was an army wife and she lived on the base...well base to base, town to town. It helped her out alot to have the other wifes there to help out and it was like a little comunity there. She had her first son on a base away from all her family. So hopefully that could be a consideration for you guys. Congrast on the baby. Stay strong in your marriage you husband and you need eachother . And a huge thank you to your husband for protecting us! God be with you both.

Hi J.,

I agree with the advice of several of the moms who've responded. As with many things in life, it depends on your attitude and willingness to make it work. My husband and I were in the Air Force for almost 10 years - he was Air Force, I worked for the Civil Service. We loved our time in the service. We were never near family, but with the support of a great military group you can build a "family" of sorts of friends and neighbors. Military folks look out for each other and welcome each other into each new assignment because they've been the "newbies" and know what you will go through. When you move, get involved and meet some people!! Be willing to try new things and seek out the advice of other military spouses on any questions.

Good Luck!

J. B
Parent Coach

Army wife here. I have to say that yes it takes some getting used to, but never worry you will have plenty of family...just a Navy family. We take care of our own and you will find that most Military wives are willing to help in anyway they can. Just get out there, where ever you are and get involved. Most Posts/Bases have great play groups and other great programs to meet other mommies like you. Just remember, it is what you make it...so make it what you want!!! Good luck. And I have to say it...GO ARMY!!!! BEAT navy =)

Hello,
I am a Navy wife of 4 years now. We are currently expecting our number 3 in 3 years in less than 4 weeks. I will not lie to you, it is a very difficult life. Financially and emotionally and on many other levels. Now, having a child helps you through the rough times a little easier. But if that child is used to having Daddy around, it may be a little difficult on both of you. He will wonder where daddy is and ask you where he is and maybe even look for him or ask. Which will make the situation a lot worse for you. You will miss your family but you will make some good friends....I will warn you to be careful who you do make friends with though. LOTS of gossiping, rumors, lies, backstabbing, cheating with some of these wives because they have nothing better to do. Boot camp, you won't really have the time to meet anyone he meets, it's kinda a hello goodbye thing. Now school after bootcamp is where you will start to meet people. We have lived in both apartments and housing, so far housing is what we prefer. Apartments are the best thing to live in if you are not expanding your family because you will be saving money from your BAH (Base Allowance for Housing). And don't worry you'll learn what all this means. But, other than all that there are a lot of supportive people in the military. Fleet and Family, USO, etc. And if you plan on working that'll keep your mind off of things too. Other questions that I have not covered on your end you can email to me and I can try my best to help you through all this. It will not be easy, so keep that in mind. ____@____.com In fact I have made myself only think the worse of every situation. Because if I think he will be coming home by a certain date and then can't....then I will get my hopes up and be very upset. So it helps to not have a positive attitude about everything because there will be several chances of a dissappointment. Please email if you have any further questions or need the support.

I have been an Army wife for over 12 years and I have 2 daughters that are 8 & 10. My husband did 3 deployments in 4 years when our children were very young. It was rough at first but, it gets better. I always had my Army family and my church family to help me when I needed anything. Like the other women have said, your attitude has everything to do with it. I am a stronger women and mother because my husband is not always around. One thing I found helpful when my children were much younger was to get into a routine and stick with it even when your husband comes home. Let him find his place in the routine. Your child will know what to expect and makes things go much smoother. Best of luck! Go Army!

You sound exactly like the sister of my aunt (it could even be you! :O, same first name not sure of her last name since she got married)
Anyway I will tell you it is tough. I am currently living in France. I don't really know the language (but I am learning). I'm not in the military it's just my husband is French. Not having family around is very hard for me because I have always been around my cousins and second and even third cousins etc. On top of that I just recently had a baby girl (my parents first grand daughter whom they haven't even seen in person yet).
I would definitely recommend getting a VoIP (voice over internet protocol) phone. These phones can save SOO much money on those long calls (be it over seas or not) to your mom or whomever else you need to talk to and ask questions. Secondly you gotta love webcams. I know it's not the same but it really helps, something is indeed better than nothing.
Other than that I will tell you it surely makes you appreciate the little times you do see you family.
I'm sure you'll be fine, it may not be easy to handle things alone but you'll find the strength I'm sure. Just hang in there!
Good Luck!

It has been a lo-o-o-ng time since I was a Navy wife, but I can tell you that the wives stick together very well, particularly if the spouses are on the same ship. We all babysat for each other, cried and laughed together, and helped out when our moms and families and friends were a long way away. Navy communities are also usually near beaches, and are often in nice towns like Charleston, Norfolk, and Honolulu. I loved Charleston and the chance to explore new parts of the country, like a 7 month stay in New England. Everything (and every city) has it's good and bad. You just try to concentrate on the good stuff and experience new things. I wish you well.

Hi J.,

I'm a Marine Corps spouse of 20 years. My husband is retiring in January and he's still young! It will be hard, but you will meet other wives along the way. The navy has alot of support for family members. You will have the ability to live on base, and usually the child care is outstanding, as they understand the stresses that can occurr from long separations. I wish you luck. You will get to travel the world and see things that you could not see otherwise. The medical care is free, as well.

C.

Hello! I am a military wife with a 3 month old son. My husband just got stationed on the USS Dwight D Eisenhower and they are doing what is called work ups. they will leave for a few weeks and are home for a week or so. a month after I had our son they started their work ups and it has been hard. although I have not experienced his first deployment for 6 months I know it will be hard, but also keep in mind that the military wives know exactly what your going through and know you need your own time either alone or with your hubby. So when he gets his permanent duty station meet as many military wives as you can. We live in Norfolk VA so if he gets stationed there I will more than happy to introduce you to some wives! As far as the boot camp he will be gone 9 weeks and it will go by fast. I hope I was of some help!
*S.*

Having been married to AF dh for 28 years and retired from the AF in Dec 99 after serving 24 years, you really have nothing to worry about being "alone". If you are located near a navy air station there are plenty of ways for agencies to help you with any needs that may arise. The military is pretty good about taking care of "it's own" in regards to family. Make sure you seek out the help and dont be afraid to ask.

I have been an AirForce wife for 12 years. Being a military wife is what you make of it. It is true you may not have traditional family around, however you will have a whole new "family" of your own making. I sugest that as long as you get involved wherever you go you will be fine. Find a play group (meetup.com is a great resorce for this) I am in the middle of my 2nd deployment for the war with my husband and since we have had kids. Just remember never hesitate to ask for help. Especially other military moms know exactly how you feel. Good luck and enjoy the adventure!

Good Morning!
Being a Navy wife is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. (Other than being a Navy Brat).I found a "new" family on our first deployment. The Navy has so many programs to offer both you and your son. Living on or off base, it's all there for you:) There are also support groups you can get involved with that are for military spouses (both husbands & wives of deployed)
Keep yourself surrounded by positive people and know that the "hard" days are just momentary.
On our "cruises" putting care packages together with the help of the girls was the thing that made deployment easier. We have a saying with the support group I am in..."Military takes care of Military". And, it's true. You'll be surprised how many Military are around you that you didn't know:) Good luck and Welcome to the Navy Spouse Club!!

My husband is in management for the railroad so, like a military family, we move all over the country. We are relocated every 12-24 months. It is hard having no relief and not having a support system like family but you get used to it. Find playgroups or other activities for you and your child. I HIGHLY recommend Kindermusik -- www.Kindermusik.com
There are difficult days when I just want a break and wish I could bring my daughter to her grandmother's but it's not an option. Knowing that my husband loves his job and is fulfilled professionally makes it easier to deal with! It's also nice to not have meddling family or in-laws around all the time. We can live our lives and not worry about what are parents think 24/7. Good luck!

Hi J.,

Yes, it "can" be tough and "is" sometimes...but, not always. Life in the military can be very rewarding not only for your husband but, for you as well. It's all in how you face it. We have been married for 16 years and ever since we've been married- and before as well, my husband has been in the military. He loves his job(which makes for a happier home life all around ) and the security , benefits, medical, etc. are wonderful. Insurance alone- on the outside is so much money, along with other things like housing- that we military families are able to usually get with less stress. You get to travel to places that you may never have seen if not for being in the military....we lived in Alaska for 5 years and it was the adventure of a lifetime. We've made many friends that we consider "family and stay in touch with long after moving to a new state/country. I grew up on a farm and never thought I'd move away from my family- whom I am very close to...but- when I was 23- I did. It was tough at first, as I missed everyone and we lived in an apartment off base...so it was harder to make new friends...but- then we moved onto a base and things changed. Wives of military- are a rare breed. We stick together most of the time. You can rely on them and they become your source of strength when your husbands are deployed. We have three beautiful sons so, I know how you feel about being left "alone" with little ones at home but- you'll make friends that will help you and you'll be able to rely on them.
Also- absence makes the heart grow fonder and when your hubby is deployed- it's always wonderful when they come home.
It's like starting over again- each time...in a good way.
Okay- well.....hopefully I've given you some of the positives and that will make you feel a bit better. In the end- you'll have to see for yourself- but, I think if you go into it with the right attitude- you'll be fine. Remember- your baby and husband are your family now and doing these things will help ensure a secure and positive future for them as well... security in the civilian world is tough now... it's nice to know you have a job if you perform well- in the military.

Military life in general is not bad. I have been in it for the last 38 years first with my Dad, then myself, and now my husband.

Has he already enlisted? If not, and I hope not, have him talk to an Air Force recruiter! I am not being funny...my Dad spent 23 years in the Navy and I have a lot of respect for it, but for your sake, I would go Air force (that is what my Dad told me!). I don't think anyone can disagree with me when I say that more money is put towards the bases and services for family members in the Air Force than the Army or Navy and that means the quality of the houses and neighborhoods your child/children will be raised in. Also depending on his specialty, you can count on him being gone to sea for six months at a time (at least) in the Navy. The Air Force tries to keep deployments down to 120 days if they can.

If he has enlisted, don't worry, it is not the end of the world. When my husband deployed, I just picked up and took off to my in-laws or my parents house for two weeks. I would have gone crazy with two babies only 20 months apart if I had to stay home all the time, so break it up with short trips or have some family come see you. Remember that there are a lot of other young women with children at your base with the same situation and you can babysit swap for them too. In the Air Force, there are on-base programs and on-base child care for when you have had it and need a break. There is also family support (Air Force) who will set up to mow your lawn or service your car or provide other services you may need while hubby is deployed so they try to make it as easy on you as possible. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

J.,

Being a Military wife is one of the toughest jobs, but someones got to do it. I have not yet had to experience a deployment yet, my first is coming next year sometime. I am currently pregnant with our first child and having to deal with the same thing in a way. My family is 2 1/2 hours away so they aren't too far, but not too close either. The FRG (Family Readiness Group) is a good source of support while your husband is away. Don't be too shy to make friends, go to the functions and meet people. There is nothing like going somewhere and not having anyone to talk to. I'm slowly making friends here, not alot of functions to go to, but I have the people I work with and I can still call my family. Also if you can work at least part time, that will help time go by during a deployment. Hope this helps puts your mind at ease as much as it can. Good luck.

I am a military wife with a 7 month old son. Some days there will be no relief for you. Like right now my husband has been working for 16 hours straight and I don't even know when he will be home. Not having any family near is not fun at all. But you will make a new "military Family" and you will have some select few that will always be there for you when you need them. Being a military wife is not fun I will tell you that. But if you love your husband it is worth it.

Hi J.,
My daughter is married to a navy man and she has three children who she will give her life for; they are beautiful children who I miss dearly. They live in Oxnard, California. Her husband is deployed at this moment. Well, J. I could tell you that it will be a walk in the park but I would be lying to you she has a very rough time especially when he's away in deployment,but that's b/c she's so far from her family and there are times she feels all alone there in California but she calls me often and her sisters also keep in touch with her, she also makes friends where ever she lives, she's a very out going person,there are times that she feels overwhelmed with everything, God watches over all of us and he will also watch over you I will pray for you so God can make you strong to be able to over come this. All I can tell you is this, make friends, ask God to help you to be strong,God will not give you anything that you can't handle, he will be right there with you to help you raise your child, I tell my daughter this too. I'm not saying that she is always unhappy b/c she has had a lot of fun times too she has traveled and my grand kids have gone to Disneyland we even went down there and had a blast and they have come down to visit here in Texas,several times, the children miss their dad of course but their happy for most of the time, Your not a lone honey you'll be okay. Make friends. God Bless.

J..
I was a military wife for 7 years and it was the hardest and most rewarding time of my life. You do find a new family from the other military families around you, new neighbors and for us church. I have two boys and when my husband had to be away we used a special box call the " While I'm Away Box" That I would fill with special gifts and cards (that my husband signed before he left) (we would keep in touch with Daddy that way.) Have him make videos of him reading stories. Keep a schedule and don't be afraid to ask for help. You are entering a life that only those who live it can understand but it is worth it. You will make friends that will last a lifetime. You can do it! As others have said, you make your life what you want. Have a positive outlook and things will go much smoother. Get involved and give when you can because one day you will be on the recieving end. Good luck and GO NAVY!!
ps. When moving put linnens, silverware, etc. in zip lock baggies to keep down the amount of things to be cleaned on the other end.

I'm a wife of a reservist, so I don't deal w/ the full time military stuff like others do. My hubby went to Iraq in 2005 and it was hard, I'm not going to lie, but we got through it. It made us stronger as a couple. Many people enlist for many different reasons, my DH re-enlisted after 9-11 because he is very patriotic. He's currently trying to decide if he wants to go active or stay in the reserves. As his wife I do think about how things will be if he's gone, but I also look at the long-term effects of him being in the active military. He'll get awesome retirement benefits, medical coverage, good life insurance, and a brotherhood like no other. He'll be around. He might be gone for a few months at a time, but he'll be back, and the time you'll share then will be even more special. If your DH deploys, there will probably be a family readiness group, which is like a support system for the family members that are state-side. I met one of my good friends through my hubby's military group. Message me any time if you need somebody to talk to.

You will have all the other wives of the sailors that are gone and the families of the sailors who are there. Plus the military base has programs for military families. Make friends with other wives and neighors. Don't complain because worry makes people make mistakes. Don't let loneness cause you to be with someone else, it is not worth it and you will regret it. If you don't think you and make it stay with your family. You have to be strong.