Seeking Mom's Advice on 16 Month Old Meltdowns

Kids are not cognitive until about the age of 4 or 5, so it is not a deliberate action on his part.

But it is always good to assess what is triggering the meltdown and to avoid that situation.

As he gets older and is still having the meltdowns, this Dr.'s insight is generally helpful.
http://www.explosivechild.com/index.html
I have the CD, and am trying hard to put their suggestions into practice with my 6 year old.

Sign language is the best tool I have found to help toddlers communicate WAY before they can verbally communicate. I used it with both of mine and found their meltdowns seemed smaller than others I come into contact with. Not to say it is a "cure all". All the advice here is good, but also remember to NOT reinforce negative behavior with attention. If he has a fit and it gets your attention, then you are teaching him that is HOW he will get your attention. If you catch the fit before it happens, great, then try to meet what needs he has, but once he's in the fit, ignore it, check in on him, but try to ignore it. Once you figure out what it is that wants, make him calm down first before it is given. If you reinforce that negative behavior, you'll have a rough road ahead. He really understands most of what you are saying, he just can't respond the way he wants. Starting with a few simple signs will help, like "more" "done" "drink" "please" "Thankyou". (don't try too many, it's overwhelming, just a basic few) The first time he signs on his own without your prompting, I promise you, you will CRY (happy tears). It's such a wonderful tool. Good luck, and don't worry, you'll survive, you'll blink and he'll be in school.

I would recommend checking out the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". You can probably get it from the library. It worked for my daughter! Good luck!

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my son is now 23 mos old & we experienced the same thing. what i realized is that he needs a transition time or warning time when an activity is about to end. just giving the warnings, "we're going to finish up and leave in five minutes" and another at one minute. then, when we're about to leave, we say "bye bye" to toys & friends. technically they don't understand time just yet, but my son will understand "soon" and "get ready to go" and it works pretty well. every once in a while we have to leave an activity he absolutely doesn't want to, so he'll still throw a fit, but not NEARLY as often anymore.

you may also want to note if he has them more when he's hungry, thirsty, etc. and just try to meet those needs before the meltdown occurs. it also helps to acknowledge his feelings, and maybe offer an alternative. (say, "i know you're angry/sad/disappointed we can't do x. that's okay. right now we can't do x. let's do y instead.") we've just entered a stage where my son needs to have a valid reason for stopping x, so you may want to offer that, too. ("not safe," "yucky," "not for babies" are our go-to's.)

your son is too young to be able to work through those powerful feelings on his own, so try to help him do that by validating his feelings and diverting attention or just breathing till he calms down. the girl i babysit (same age as my son) needs to be held during tantrums & calms down easily if that's done, whereas my son doesn't want to be touched when he's mad (like his mama). just keep trying until you find what works for you and your son. remember that you are his role model & teacher.

good luck!!

Aww Megan, boy do I understand. My boy is also 16mths and has unexplained tantrums. I think it's because he is old enough to know what he wants, but isn't old enough to tell me. I have never tried doing the sign language thing because my first child was very talkative at a young age, but with my 16mth old I may try it. I hope that will alleviate some of his frustration.

I have a 20 month old who has been doing the same thing for a couple of months now. I don't know what to do either. I am attributing it to an early case of the terrible twos. I don't have any advice other than to remove from the situation and then try to distract with something else. Sometimes I also have to just ride it out, then go for a nap when things are calmer or let him cry hisself to sleep. Please let me know if you come up with anything! Good luck!

M.-

I am new to the area and so I don't know what Wonderscope is. but I have a 2 year old that I have found gets overstimulated in certain situations and then he melts down. If things are too loud, there's to many people, or things are too busy, he just can't handle it. He does better in more relaxed situations, like playing at home, or in a quiet park, etc. (My daughter was never like that.) I don't know if that is the case with your son, but it is something to think about. :) Good Luck!

Welcome to the terrible twos i know that he isnt two yet but they can start that at different ages. what worked for me when my daughters did that was to ignore them or i would look at them and ask them if they were done yet. hope this works for you

You have got to read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", I think the author is Harvey Karp. This is a invaluable resource to the toddler years. Hope it helps.

hi M.,
i think first make sure your reaction is relaxed when he gets in one of these moods and dont get upset about it and then i would talk to him just as if he was an adult and explain that when he gets like this you cant understand what he wants or needs and then you leave him alone you walk away. alot of this is to get your attention and see how much he can control the situation or try to atleast. when he is give him a couple of minutes and then ask him are you done if he says no or keeps doing it go on if he says yes than talk to him see if you can figure out the problem. it may take a couple times before he responds to you when you ask if hes done but he'll get it. i watch children in my home and one of the little girls i watch when she gets like this her parents and i tell her to go sit down either in the corner or the couch somewhere where she is alone and by herself, we tell her go cool of. she will and then she'll come back and we cant talk to her. she is 19 months and communicates very well for her age. but your son can understand what you are saying to him. hope this helps W. and mom of 4

I know it is a terrible thought but there is not much that can be done. If you give the attention that the tantrum is seeking you are giving in. You almost have to ignore him, he will realize that it is doing no good and give up. All I can really say is good luck and welcome to the terrible 2's.

I have a little one the same age and have experienced same problem. I find that just letting him lay on the ground and throw his fit with little interaction works sometimes. Other times I try to distract with another activity. Hope that helps but you are not alone it is just the age I think.

Baby sign language really helps, my lil guy is 16 months also and we took the class and i think it has really helped him express his needs to me, atleast when he is hungry, or thirsty. I agree with the other moms that said its just the age also, I just let my guy have his tantrum, i dont even acknowledge it, and when he quits I just go on with what we were doing, I think that the key is not to reinforce the bad behavior, by giving him attention? Or atleast thats my take on it!! Hope that helps!!! Check out baby sign language its awesome!