First , Thank you! to everyone that answer my question with my 12 year old. It help a lot and with all the advise I got to try to understand we did it. We are not the best of friends but were working on it. My question ladies is that today my daugther came home letting know that a boy in her middle school started fighting with her for no reason. She said he call her all kinds of names and told her he was going to get her afterschool. She did tell the teacher and they told they will send the Principal an e-mail. My questions is should I go to her school and personally speak with her or should I let them handle this. I'm really upset and would like to her school and find out what their going to do. Please help me with some advise. Thank You!!!
Thank you!! Ladies for all your advise. I did go first thing Monday and asked to speak to the Principal but they told me to come back at 10am, he was at a meeting. According to them I needed to talk to the vice principal first. By then I was more than upset and I finally went back and asked to talk to the principal and that I was not moving until I talked to someone. Principal apoligize and we were able to talk. I told her what happend and that I did not see it was right what was going on. To make it short both Principal and Vice Principal talked to the boy and this for right now has stopped.
Yes, follow up on it with the teacher or principal. Kids are still pretty young in middle school, and it's not that hard to stop them from bullying.
Ok, I am a child victim of bullying ... and yes the kind you read suicide stories about. These girls WERE my friends, I was12 or 13 (7th grade) and they said I said something that got one of them in trouble blah blah blah. It esclated to the point where I had friends escort me to the bus stop and that did not help I had to WALK 15min to the previous stop with a police man escort at the stop to protect me in the event they chose to come there. In addition to the constant hanging infront of my home and spraying hair spray on the walls to make me think they were vandalizing and doing other horrid things as well as calling me with death threats. My mother was involved but was not able to be as involved as she should have been since work was a delicate subject (single mom). So, as a victim Dear God Mom GO! Go to the principle, go to the police station if needed STOP IT NOW! No, she does not have the tools needed to handle this ALONE she needs your leadership and guidance. Bullies of yesteryear are NOTHING compared to bullies of today. I know some may think I am jumping off the deep end and chances are if I was not bullied reading this I would think "what a whack job." I shared tidbits of my experience so you can understand where a small thing can lead to a HUGE thing if not stopped immediately. Please go to the school and discuss this with the principal and see what kind of mediation or anything can be done it's THEIR JOB too!
Dear M. - PLEASE go and talk to the Principal! My daughter went through the same thing IN THE THIRD GRADE! The Principal blew me off, sent it to the Asst Principal, who was much kinder and patient with the situation. I think if this boy sees Baby Bear can't be messed with, without M. Bear stepping in...He will back off. I think also, a lot of these bullies are tough and mean to the weaker ones (like my daughter) b/c they know they won't fight back. But again, once someone steps up to them and calls them on it (and Mom or Dad are called from work to come up to the school)...It will stop. It's good for your daughter to see your protection over her, the pro-active approach and she will trust you more further down the road. Good luck and protect your Baby...She's only this age once and I know you want it to be a pleasant experience for her.
As a retired school teacher, I have handled many bullies. I will tell you the same thing I have told countless parents over the years. Bullying is like any other problem that needs to be corrected. It MUST be handled NOW
1. Congratulate your daughter for being brave and coming to you, it was the right thing to do.
2. Meet with your daughter's teacher after school TOMORROW and set a time to meet with the principal THE NEXT DAY or sooner if you can.
3. At that meeting, explain FOR YOUR DAUGHTER the situation. DO NOT make your daughter tell the story over and over again. (it is actually best if you have her write out (not typed - it is better in her own hand writing) her version so she can just "hand over a copy" to whomever needs to see it. You will document EVERYTHING that you do as the parent as well. Take notes during each meeting as to what was said and decided. Let the people present know that you are taking notes.
4. Allow 2 school days for the school to "deal with it". How they deal with it will depend on the policies at the school. If they have zero tolerance, ensure that policy is met.
5. Keep reassuring your daughter she did the right thing.
6. If the school has "dealt with it" and you feel comfortable that it will not happen again, move on HOWEVER it they have not done anything or want to believe that "it was nothing big"..."no harmful intention"...or other garbage like that, then tell them "thank you, I will now be going to the school board". Take your notes and your daughters story with SCHOOL POLICY to the school district. DO NOT STOP until this is rectified. Show your daughter how there will always be someone to stand up FOR her and WITH her when she needs it. Studies show that when a person is abused it takes 7-9 "tellings" of the situation to get help. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Show your daughter that help id just "one person away".
Some may argue that this is harsh. Will "kids be kids"? sure...but if the situation is not addressed, who will teach them how to be responsible adults? How many more kids will be bullied? One bully is too many.
Quick story, I had 8th grader tell me one morning, in pure frustration, that he was going to "go home, get his dad's gun and shoot me". Now did I believe that this child would actually do it, NO, but did I take it seriously? YES! I immediately told my principal and she disregarded it as "boys will be boys". That was block 2, right before lunch. I told her to call the boy to the office until he calmed down and she "didn't think it was necessary". This young man went to the local store at his lunch break and decided that he was angry enough to beat up 2 children younger than him. The store owner called the police when he saw what was happening and my student was placed in police custody until his mom showed up. All because some adult, my principal, decided that "kids will be kids'.
DO NOT LET THIS GO.
B.
Family Success Coach
I would certainly email the principal and ask what action is going to be taken and on what timeline. this way you can assess the response of the school. If no action, or minimal action is taken, you can follow-up by looking at your school district website and finding their bullying policy, so you can hold the principal accountable for following the policy. When my then 12 year old daughter was severely bullied verbally and then physically at school, and the principal did nothing, I called the superintendent's office and spoke to the parent liaison who did follow up.
While I can not say I ever experienced being bullied nor was I ever a bully I have witnessed my niece go through this. If it were happening to my child I would immediately go to the office and request a meeting with the teacher as well as the administration (principal, counsellor, VP). #1 you are teaching your daughter the proper way to handle the situation by seeking help from those in "power" since children being bullied feel powerless. #2 you are putting the administration on notice...you will not tolerate your child being bullied in any way shape or form. #3 you are telling that boy and his parents in no uncertain terms that your child is not one he wants to mess with. I know I would WANT/NEED to know if my child was being a bully. I'd want to be given the opportunity to correct the situation immediately. And YES I would teach my child to make amends. It is such an awkward age anyway and most of the kids are just trying their best to "fit in." But they need to know that bullying is never acceptable. Most importantly your daughter will know that you will always fight for her rights to be treated properly. She will learn to navigate through life by choosing her battles. Some small stuff can and should be ignored, kids will always tease each other a bit. But constant belittlement can not and should not be ignored. Telling her her would "get her after school" is a direct threat. Threats of any kind should not be taken lightly. Especially not in this day and age. I'm 40 and I remember when we were in school if 2 people didn't get along and chose to fight it was only those 2 involved while some kids would watch. Now a days these kids think it is perfectly acceptable to gang up on one child...and then post the beating to youtube. I swear I wonder what the world is coming too. Good Luck and God Bless.
Hello, I would definitely follow up on this. I would go to the teacher and make sure that this other child understands that this is not okay and will not be tolerated. If you don't feel that anything is being done about it and it continues, I would then go to the principal.
Recently, my grandson came home and told me that one of his teachers called him retarded and stupid. I didn't go to the teacher. I spoke with the principal at the school I volunteer at just to see what I should do. He immediately called the principal at my grandson's school and spoke with him. That principal callled me and also spoke with my grandson. They were quick and thorough. I was very pleased. Bullying isn't just from the kids, it can also be from an adult. I was calm and explained that not only did we not ever use the word retarded to belittle someone, but that I have another grandchild who just happens to have Down's Syndrome. She is very smart, witty and affectionate. Our other grandchildren are very protective of her and know that although as she grows there will be challenges, we accept her as we accept all of our granchildren just as they all are.
I hope it all gets better. I don't know what I would do if either one of my kids experience this.
You also need to work with your daughter. If you watch kids at schools (like we teachers do) there are some kids who are NEVER bullies and never receive a hard time by bullies or bossy kids. These kids have the confidence to let things roll of their backs, the bossy kids cant boss them and the bullies cant get any reactions
I would defintly intervene...but that is just how I am. I have not experienced a lot of bullying with my kids personally, but when my kids come home and share issues with me I will try to give them the words to use if it happens again and of coarse asking to tell a teacher. But that is hard for kids sometimes to go to a authority. They are afraid as to what the kid will do or say after they do. But they should be involved if it continues. So I think that she did the right thing telling. But I certainly will get in the way and more for the reason that the bully knows that we all know what is going on and won't have it. I have even talked to other parents of the child that was hurting my childs feelings. I guess I am bold . Maybe I am hurting her more helping her get through things.......but it is hard for me to stay out of it because I was a bullied as a kid and my parents did not know or did anything.
Please go and talk with the school. We just had to do this for our son. My son is in middle school too and I think it can be very hard on them to deal with on their own without the help of a parent. Good luck with your daughter!
