Seeking Moms Advice - Harlingen,TX

You are confusing him! Everything was normal until I read your 2nd to last sentence: even when he's wearing a pamper. If your are going to potty train him, do it. Potty training does not involve a diaper (pamper). It involves you, your child, a pair of underwear and a potty. Putting him in a diaper for nap, bedtime, whenever it is more convenient, etc. is only confusing him. If you really want to potty train, that means training him to go in the potty, EVERYTIME. You have to be CONSISTENT.

Each time you take him to the potty:

1. Remove his pants, sit him down and say to him "it's time to go pee-pee" (or poo-poo which takes alot more effort). This will teach him the correct word which he will correlate with and eventually say when he feels the urge. Don't say the words until he is seated on the potty. If he hears the word in route to the bathroom, he may let it go then.

2. Let him know you will stay there for as long as it takes. Take a book or game or your even a cookbook to plan dinner. (I sat in the floor for 45 minutes, playing with my iphone the first time). If you let him up because he (or you) gets bored, he will not learn to get his business done and consequently, he'll go in his pants as soon as he gets up.

3. Praise him. We sing a pee-pee song: Grant went pee-pee in the potty, Grant went pee-pee in the potty, Grant went pee-pee in the potty, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! He dances., I sing, and we both clap our hands.

4. Take him back in an hour and do it all over. The time will get shorter each time until he has it down.

Just as we, as adults, forget and /or put off going to the bathroom, so do children. The difference is, our bladders are mature and we can control them. A child cannot. This is why it is very important for you to keep up with when he went last. Children have a very short attention span and become distracted easily. When they are involved in something, they are not thinking about going potty. After a while, they will begin to learn what their body is telling them and they will go on their own. It is important that you don't scold them for accidents. We call them "accidents" because they are not "on purposes". He does not wet his pants because "he wants to". It is an accident because he is busy doing what he's supposed to be doing: being a child and exploring and learning. Be patient and chalk it up to a good 3 days at home. By the way, my children were potty trained before the age of 2. I have a 3yo girl, and boy/girl twins that will be 2 in September. If you need advice on the nightime thing, message me and I can give you some pointers there, too.

Bless you for trying so hard and being so patient. I'm a mom of three boys and all three did not potty train until nearly pre-K (between 4 and 5 yrs old).

I remember being upset because my nieces were potty trained by 2 yrs old! or so I was told (I think they were bragging).

Anyway, there is nothing wrong with your 37-month-old boy. Things I have done to help were 1) notice that he needs to go to the bathroom (dancing in front of the DVD movie he is watching comes to mind!) and telling him "looks like your body is saying you need to go to the bathroom" or just "your body is saying you need to go to the bathroom, please pause the movie", then 2) anticipate, like every 2-3 hours, and have him go to the bathroom to "try", and 3) have him help me clean up the mess.

I have a 10-yr-old(!) who plays his video games and when he finally goes to the bathroom, I can hear him, practically, "dancing" while he is trying to hold the pee and take his shorts and underwear off at the same time. LOL ;)

My 7-yr-old still says "no, I don't need to go". Then when I stand him in front of the potty and just wait. Sure enough, he has enough pee to stand there for 30 seconds or so! (I try my best to avoid saying "I told you so", just say "thank you for trying")

I believe the most important time of the day is at night. I would have my son get very sleepy or fall asleep before going to bed. That's when I would carry him to the bathroom, as he got older and I couldn't carry him it would be a matter of kind of sleep-walking him to the bathroom. I would keep the lights off (or just the night light), get him standing at the potty (where he can feel the porcelain up against his legs) and start counting in a slow, steady manner, before getting to 10 he would start peeing, then I would help dry him off, pull up his underwear (or Pull Ups) and walk him to the bed. He would be half asleep the whole time but I had less mornings of changing the bed sheets!

Good luck!

J.,
all you had to do was use the pronoun "he" and immediately knew what your situation was!! :) Boys are notoriously difficult to potty train! My dd trained almost on her own before turning TWO, my ds wouldn't even *think* about it until after 3. In fact, he didn't fully train until he was almost FOUR! just be patient and it will happen. I would even say that is he's frustrated right now, you might try taking a small break. If you allow him some space, he'll probably amaze you at how fast he'll finish training once he feels like he's in charge of the timing.

Best advice given to me by another mom of boys was "relax. I promise you he won't be wearing diapers at his high school graduation!". :-)

Good luck!
____@____.com
mom to Kate (6), Ethan (4), and Karis (3)

Naked time is something I always recommend, but if he never lets you know, then maybe he isn't ready. It's not necessarily a physical thing. It could be an emotional power struggle. This is one area in their lives that toddlers can control, and often do!

3 years old is a very normal time for them to naturally learn pottying, but it's also normal for them to be beyond 3. My son was 3 and a couple of months. Some children wait until 4.

Maybe back off of it for a bit and watch for him to have some interest/motivation. Then support that. I swear, reading potty books was very good for my son, and my daughter (just now 2) is VERY interested in our books as well. My favorite, by Karen Katz, is A Potty For Me. We would sit on the potty and read that and it piqued his interest.

He's not interested-and probably not ready. Put those two together and you are fighting a losing battle. Wait. My son was almost 3 1/2 before he potty trained- and it went very easily then because he was ready for it. My middle daughter was closer to four- she was SO NOT INTERESTED!!! Did not care at ALL! The third (also girl) was probably the closest to three, but she wanted to be like the older ones. I think with your oldest you lack the "role model" of an older sibling so they do some things later than the 2nd or 3rd who just wants to be like the oldest. Give it up for now and try again in a few months. Good luck.

Assuming that he has no disabilities sounds to me like he is not ready! My son did the same thing and didn't potty train until a few months before he turned 4. When HE was ready it was like a light switch. We had one or 2 accidents and have been good ever since. At the time he was in a school/ daycare that potty trained the whole class of 2-3 year olds before they went to the next class but He wanted NO part of it!His underwear would come home soiled EVERYDAY! H would go in his underwear and NOT care! It was SUPER frustrating for both of us! I did not want the potty to be a thing he hated so I waited until he was ready! He was such a big kid wearing diapers and some people gave me a hard time, but I just said, "don't worry about what we are doing, he will be out of diapers before he starts big scool!" Sure enough! Pooy training is SUPER easy when they are ready! Hang in there! Save the frustration and wait a little longer.

There is absolutley nothing wrong with him. This is very normal. With my son, nephew, friend's son-this seemed to be the same situation. We all tried various methods. The solution that seemed to work the best and fastest was actually dropping the subject for awhile. Though it may seem frustrating or like you have wasted all this time trying so far. It is not wasted at all. They retain the information learned up to this point. Also, boys seem to train later than girls, so 3-3 1/2 is not even considered late. Also, this stage in a childs life is filled with wanting to gain and maintain independence. If you can turn the tables and have him wanting to go, without you pushing the idea, you will probably see better results. Afterall, for them, it is easier to keep playing and go in the diaper. It is what they are use to and they can keep engaging in whatever it is when they need to "go".
I would drop it, wait a few days to a week (or longer) and ask him at that time, " Hey _____, Do you want to go potty?". Then start again. It just may work the second {third, fourth :)} time around.
I hope this helps some....But, no, nothing wrong at all, that would be the first thing I want you to understand.

Hi J., I know it is frustrating, hang in there! All of the stuff I have read says the kids will do it on their own time. Dont push them just gently nudge them because as you know at this age they really like to be independant and dont like to be "told" what to do. Some of the resources I used were Pullups.com they will send you a free potty training video: http://www.pull-ups.com/na/potty_training_DVD.aspx
I let my son run around naked a few weekends when we were at the beach or outside (he was 2 1/2?)
If I were you I would lay off for a while = you definitely cannot punish him for accidents because then he will not want to be trained. the praise is good when needed but it is you that needs to be trained also. after they drink something about 15 to 20 minutes later they have to pee. my friend told me the first step was to put them on the potty first thing in the morning. everyone has to go right when they wake up! then use your praise and keep everything low pressure. my son LOVES stickers. what I started doing was giving him stickers when he would go pee and then I raised it to stickers when he would poop. he would get two and he would put them on this wall in our kitchen (whatever) we called it his "trophy wall"! we just kept telling him when he was younger that he should tell us when he has to go then he would not get painful diaper rashes anymore. I also figured out he would poop in the afternoon about 30 minutes after lunch so that is when i would start to watch him closer. I also have a document saved on word that is other people's suggestions on potty training that i researched on the net. I could send it to you if you like. my son turned 3 in Jan. He has been trained now since June and is wearing underwear but diapers at night still. Good luck! S.

I second that he just may not be ready, but I'll share my experience with you anyway. The fact that he WILL use the potty is a huge step in the right direction.

I am just two weeks into the process with my 2.5 year old daughter. So, I am going to give you my opinion straight from the "trenches". She stays completely dry at night and during her nap...but she is only telling me about once per day that she has to go. We've been having one accident every day to every second day...she pooped in the potty for the first time today (for me, she is actually better at daycare).

Get rid of the diapers/pull-ups. Buy thick training underwear if you need some extra absorbency (I skipped this, feels too much like a diaper to me)...or some good carpet shampoo/floor cleaner. You have to re-train their little bodies.

Use a kitchen timer to take him to the bathroom on a regular schedule. Start at taking him every 1.5 hours and then add 5 minutes a day. Pay attention to when he is drinking and take him sooner. Don't ask IF he needs to go...just say, "time to go to the potty" when the timer goes off.

Make your son part of the clean-up process.

I started with stickers...to no avail. It just wasn't enough incentive to convince her to sit on the potty. Since she rarely gets sweets at home, I found her achilles heel in M&Ms, marshmallows, and jelly beans. I keep three big jars (with child-proof lids) clearly visible. She gets to choose two pieces when she successfully uses the potty...she gets a whole handful when she poops in the toilet.

The little ones may recognize what is happening, but doesn't feel the urgency to respond to it. My daughter would look me straight in the eye and tell me she didn't need to go only to squat and poop less than 10 seconds later.

Try to avoid putting too much pressure on him about it. Don't get overly upset about accidents, but do let him know where it goes. Also, make sure he has sufficient fiber and fluid in his diet to keep everything moving. It will help avoid issues if he starts to resist pooping for one reason or another.

Since it is just she and I at home...we already have an open-door household. She has had plenty of exposure to how it is done.

Good luck.

I would add only 2 things to the "wait until he is ready" messages:
some kids treasure their feces. you might remind him that there will be more tomorrow and we can't keep it all. Let him flush the results, even if from a diaper. "Bye poop, there will be more tomorrow".

carrots and sticks: M&Ms are great carrots. the stick is "big boy" activity. Only when you are sure that he can control it, you plan an activity for big boys who of course wear big boy pants (not baby diapers). "I hope you will be able to go, it is only for big boys in big boy pants". He will fail. You will be sad. "sorry you didn't get to go, I hope next time you will be ready to go to a big boy_______"
Voila.

BTW, all kids vary greatly. I have a grandson who was closer to 4, his brother self trained at 2 1/2. I have a little friend who trained at 2, his younger sister at 3. Dry diapers after nap are a good sign that the bladder is ready.
Good luck, it is frustrating. I would definitely wait until your baby is sleeping through the night. Otherwise, it is too hard for you to keep an even tone throughout it all.
K.

He may not be ready. Some boys just do not develop that control till later. Maybe give it a break for a month or 2.
It is so much easier to potty train when the child is really ready, not just because you think he should be ready.

Is he in daycare? sometimes being around other kids and seeing them be successful, will encourage him.. Also he should watch your husband both stand and urinate and sit and urinate.. Also when your husband sits for a BM have your son go in and watch.. Maybe your son can "read" a book to
your husband while he goes.. that way your husband can then read to your son when he is ready to go.

I know this is frustrating, but there is nothing wrong with your child.

OH I FEEL FOR YOU...I have a 3.5 year old and still to this day he occasionally has an accident and doesn't tell me. Kinda what helped us was I just started making him go to the bathroom at designated times...ie - after every meal and before any naps, at least every couple hours until they get use to going on their own...Not sure if that'll help...but Good Luck...I don't think there is anything wrong with your son I just personally think all kid's get potty trained when they are really ready to do it and it's not going to happen before that. Even now that my son is I still make him go 1st thing in the morning and before bed. Well and when we get home from work...but that's us. GOOD LUCK!!!

Don't worry, he'll eventually get there. My son was 3 and a half before he was ready. A 3 year old will not tell you when he needs to go. You have to stay on top of it and ask for many, many months! ...even after he is officially potty trained. Once my son was potty trained, I would ask him if he needed to go. He would almost always say no and often would wait until the last second and pee on the floor in front of the potty because he couldn't quite make it. So, I made it a game. I wouldn't tell him where we were going and I'd just grab his hand and lead him to the potty. Then say in a fun voice, "let's see if there is any pee-pee hiding from you!" It worked most of the time and also for my best friend's 3 year old. Now, as for getting him potty trained, lay off for a few months, then try again. It's not abnormal for him to not show interest. This is the one thing he can control in his life and you can't make him. When you are ready to try again, buy a tons of undies, hide the night time diapers where he can't get one to go and start a reward system. Fill him full of fluids and don't plan on leaving the house for 2 days. Whatever you do, don't get frustrated when he has an accident (eventhough it's hard to do). Just clean it up together and say, "it's okay, you can try again." Stay positive and be proud of him. After the two days, just leave the house. It's going to be the biggest pain in the rear. Keep a kid potty in the back of your car and stay on top of him, he's not going to tell you if he has to go for probably 6 mos to a year. You are definitely going to deal with accidents out in public. Keep plenty of diapers wipes, change of clothes, undies and ziplocks to put stinky undies in. The poops in public are the worst. It sounds hard to believe I would actually take him out, knowing he'd pee and poop his pants in public but I just did. I just told him, the diapers are gone and he "gets" to use Big Boy pants now. It eventually worked. I dealt with a lot of messes for about 2 weeks and then it just clicked for him. Good luck! Do a lot of research before you try again so you have various options. Not everything works for every child.

My son didn't fully potty train until 3 1/2. My pediatrician said it's pretty common for boys to train between 3-4. It sounds like he isn't ready yet because he isn't recognizing the signs that he needs to go. You may want to try pull ups, they do not stay as dry so they may help him feel wet and start recognizing the signs himself.

Just keep encouraging him, but I would back off a bit. He will train when he is ready!

Dont feel bad. My son was 4 before I got him going to the restroom. Just keep him in underwear not a pull up or pampers. I put a little kids potty in his room so if he was in there he could just go and if he was in the living room with me I would just keep asking him if he needed to go.
Just have PATIENCE, that is the key. Because once he sees that you are frustrated with it they will just use it against you in any way posible.
And keep asking him if he needs to go like every 5 to 10 minutes and when he goes just wait a little longer. Keep this up for a few days and be accurate with it .
One more thing LOTS OF PRAISE when he does go. you will love to see there face light up with excitement.
Good Luck and God Bless

I agree with everyone else that he just might not be ready yet. Another thing is he might not be ready since you have a 1 month old now. He is having to adjust to sharing his mom's time, not being the only child any more... It might be that potty training is just too much to try right now. If I were you, I would wait a few months to give him time to adjust the new dynamics of the house before trying again. While you wait, if he does go or tells you, give him lots of praise and no pressure.

Good luck from a mom with a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old boy to another.

As a parent of a 3 yr old boy who just recently finally is out of pampers and owner of a preschool, boys tend to potty train later than girls. Although many children are potty trained before 3, rest assured he isn't "abnormal" and won't go off to college in diapers! Try taking him on regular visits to the toilet before he asks to do so. For some other tips, visit this blog:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/