Seeking Opinions on Preteen Myspace Pages and Other Internet Access & Technology

H.,

I think you are being a great "plugged in" Mom. My 12 year old daughter does IM. She loves it. We also keep a time on how long she is allowed to IM her friends. She also has a cell phone. The deal was if her grades drop below straight A's and or she doesn't keep up with the lawn (front and back yard) the phone becomes mine. So far it is working. No complaining yet. Oh kay so it is not the summer. I have not had to do yard work in 2 months and I LOVE IT!! I only have to keep up with my veggie garden.

You are doing such a great job. I will reconsider getting her a myspace page.

Dene'

New dawn new era. Being a parent is so hard at any time and certainly when there is new frontiers like the internet and cell phones. I have a twelve year old daughter. She wants all that stuff too. Sometimes I feel bad for not letting her have all the stuff that "all" her friends have. But, I am not all her friends mother either. I respect my parents now more than ever for not giving me everything I wanted.
Good author to read for reasurance on saying "no" and also great advise on parenting, James Dobson.

Saying "no" is just as loving as saying "yes"
Sometimes more so.

My daughter hounds me for an email address. I explain to her that she can share my account with me. Privacy is important to her and I give her privacy when it is merited. The internet is not a leval playing field to let her have that kind of privacy. "my opinion" I don't always feel safe on the internet so how can I expect her to acknowledge danger?

Good luck and you know what is good for "your" children. Don't feel bad for doing what you know is right, feel good about it, because so many parents just give in because it is easy at that moment.
Good job for putting thought into it!

I have to always be one step ahead.

Hi H.! Myspace is great as long as it's used properly and you "keep tabs" on your kid's space. I believe it's a great place for kids to interact and "meet" people, but it can be "bad" too. They can put edgy pictures on there, you can sign up and say you're a different age then you are...alot of it can be racy, but on the whole I think it's okay. Again, just be a parent that stays involved in what they post and read, etc. I would suggest you have their username and password so that you can see what they are sending too, etc. I hope this makes sense and I didn't ramble too much. :o) Good luck!!

T.

My opinion is, if you don't allow him to have a myspace account, he will just create a myspace account WITHOUT you knowing. So, you made the right decision, I think, plus, this allows you to be involved with his interaction on there.

My daughter is 14 and she has a myspace account and I monitor it and I inquire about any and all friends she has on there. She knows the rules, guidelines, etc. and she obeys them because I am right on top of that.

Good for you for being involved in his exposure to technology!!!!

MySpace can be fun AND safe. Sounds like you are doing all the things you need to do to keep it safe for him. He is old enough to explain the safety "rules", so I wouldn't worry too much.

I agree with Tracy that myspace is great as long as it is used right and monitored as you are doing! Thats awesome! As well as having the computer in the Living Room. VERY VERY good idea. The internet is wonderful and scary all at the same time. No matter their age, in my home the computer will ALWAYS be monitored.

As far as the phone goes eh i dunno really. I see good points all around. If its one to just talk on all the time heck no - just use the home phone I say. My best friend has a cell for her 10 year old but it is some kind of cell where only something like5-8 numbers can be programmed in or something so the phone only lets him call certain numbers lik mom, dad, 911 etc and so he carrys it with him when he walks to and from school and when he goes to friends so he can always call in an emergency and mom can always get a hold of him. Not so he can talk to friends all day long. If you do decide to get one tho I suggest metropcs. Unlimited minutes for like $20 or $30 depending on your plan. This way you wont be getting a HUGE cell phone bill for overage of mintues. This is what my mom finally switched my sister to. Good luck and keep up the awesome mama-ing! :)

I think it sounds great that you are so involved and aware of what he is into. As a teacher, I can tell you that most 14 year olds start to venture into a world that they are not ready for alone on the internet and myspace.

I personally am not a big fan of myspace as I myself had a horrible situation there. I created a space to keep in touch with some high school friends and my 21 year old step son and 14 year old nephew. First of all, I was very surprised to see what they put on their pages (almost more than I wanted to know as I am not really involved in either of their lives on a regular basis). I also had my students on here (some of the teachers at our school did this as a connection point to the students).

Well, one of my 34 year old recently divorced friends started emailing my 21 year old stepson...ewwww! I confronted her on the inappropriateness of this (besides the point that when he had initiated the conversation he could have been one of my students). She disagreed with me saying it was "only emailing", but I still thought it was gross.

But that is not everyone's experience and some kids have good experiences on it, so keep up the good work and remember that you want to stay on it throughout the years. I think they need us more at 14 than at 5. ;)

Good for you for being so involved. More parents should be as vigilant. I don't think you're nuts at all; it is our job as parents to protect our kids. There are so many more bad/ negative influences out there now than even 10 years ago. Influences that are more pervasive & in some cases, what I'd even call "virulent." No, we can't protect them forever, nor should we, but greater value should be placed on limits & the things your family values needn't be unduly altered just b/c his friends' parents' values aren't yours. There are things kids don't need to be exposed to so early & skills they need to be learning that won't be taught at or by interacting through a computer terminal.

I'm totally with you on the phone thing too. Kids just don't need to be plugged in all the time. They need to have more opportunities given them to actually interact in an interpersonal manner, not via computers & phones. I think such technology is fantastic- when used with restraint. Kids still need to learn the finer points of interpersonal communication. Electronics just change things.

For the record, I absolutely refuse to allow Playstations, Game Cubes, and the like in our home, and it may be at least a cool day in Hades before I'll let my kids have TV's in their rooms. One in the playroom, just outside their bedroom is enough.

I know I'm SO old fashioned; hope my kids will be too.

An Electronics Fascist ;)
-D.

I think kids are given waaay to much these days, and their innocence is deteriorating faster from it from what I have seen.

I agree with you on the cell phone and that sort of thing, and I think it's great what you are doing on with his myspace. He still may recieve unsolicited pictures and messages, and even if he is just browsing through his friend's pages and sees a big brother's page with trashy girls or whatever, you don't have to look very hard to see something bad on the internet.

Just stay careful, and involved.

Good Morning! Being in the technology industry myself there are several things to safe guard your self and your kids. As your children grow - you will want to teach them the kind of safety that will help them protect themselves on the world wide web.

You can track all internet activity on your computer - This way if you ever can't be in the room - you can go back and check.

As your kids get older get you can use the tracking of activity to go to where they are going. Sort of spying but in a way that you can provide guidance.
(ex: A friend of mine found out her daughter was blogging - he an application developer started tracking where she was going. She being a teenager was mainly complaining about all the rules at home. He got a userid on that website and started providing feedback to her complaining. Without her ever knowing it was him. - This way she thought she was getting feedback from someone else - while he knew it was good feedback!)

There are many turnkey programs out there that will help you track this kind of information. I would do a bit of research on the web. Make sure you keep a keen eye for something that is easily set-up for you, but not so obvious to your kids.

Hope that helps! If you have any specific questions about things feel free to email me.

LP

Remember sometimes kids need to fall on their face with you there to help pick them up.

I like Myspace if its monitored by parents. I have found out lots of things about their friends by monitoring it. I know who I want them to hang out with and who I dont. The people who say bad things about Myspace are only listening to the media. My 12 yr old has a pre paid cell phone but only because he wants to call me when he is at his dads. Also he has alot of after school activities such as sports and clubs. What one person said is true most people who wont let there kids have a Myspace, the kids sneak and get one anyways.