Seeking Sex Advice from Other Pregnant Woman.

Updated on October 05, 2007
S.H. asks from Hillsboro, OR
13 answers

Hi there,

I am 6 months pregnant and loving it, but let me tell you bye bye sex life. My husband and I have not had sex in a few months and it is starting to get to me. I have talked to him about it and I can totally understand where he is coming from that it is a little weird and maybe his hormones are chaning as well. I guess I just feel bad, because this is my first pregnancy and it is so weird not to have control over my body. I just feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. Does anyone feel the same?

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K.S.

answers from Portland on

Yes! This also happened to me, and for a very long time after my son was born. My husband just didn't feel comfortable and was weirded out by me. It sucked and I cried, but now we are just fine. I think some guys have a harder time with it then others. Congrats on the baby!

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A.D.

answers from Great Falls on

S.,
Yours is a very common problem, myself included as well as several friends went through this very thing. I found that all the talking and convincing in the world was not going to make my husband feel comfortable about "doing the act" while pregnant. Not even with I was over-due and the Dr. recommended it! With my pregnancy I had a very hightened sexual drive, so it was very frustrating for me. Many people may frown on the advice I am about to give, but it worked for me and several other friends... it is the do it yourself method. It really helps you to connect to your body, and eases those sexual tensions. I told my hubby that he did not have to have intercourse with me, but he did need to make me feel sexy, and compliment me ect... he gave me backrubs, belly rubs and told me how beautiful I was. That with what I was doing for myself got me through those long months. And like someone else meantioned, he was chomping at the bit waiting for those 6 weeks to be up. Life changes as parents, you go from being just partners to parents, but you should be able to adjust and get through it. If you are struggling, reach out to your Ob doc, they can help you through it, and can refer you if necissary. Everyone handles change differently, and having a baby is a HUGE change! good luck and enjoy your pregnancy it is an exprience you may only get a few times in your life!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from Portland on

Hi Little sis,
Isn't this fun?!!!
I am so happy you are using this web-site for more support. I told you it is great and there are so many other women out there who feel the same way. It's just nice to know we aren't in this alone. Now, about the sex thing.....I say you just pounce on him and let him have it...LOL...just kidding....or maybe it would work???? :0)
You have already received some great advice from other great women. It's all about not giving up, not making assumptions, not letting yourself settle for less. You are sexy! You need to believe it and then your hubby will too. You will find a way to connect again!
I love you Forever and can't wait for baby Lizzy to meet her amazing mommy and aunties of course!
S.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.

answers from Boise on

Hi!Yeah! That happened with both of my pregnancies and it was really hard and emotional. Although it did happen through the second as well, it was a little easier to handle because my husband and I had talked about it so much the first time that he got pretty good at complimenting me and giving me other signs of affection to get through that. I promise his drive will be back way before yours will be postpartum. He'll be chomping at the bit counting the days until 6 weeks is up and there's a good chance you will have the strong urge to say, "don't even think about it." At least that is my experience and that of several friends. And, I promise yours will come back to normal as well. But it will take a little time.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

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N.B.

answers from Portland on

Hi S.. My husband was the same from month 4 on during my first pregnancy (as soon as I was showing). He just felt that my body was sacred during pregnancy and it felt wrong to him to have sex. NOTHING I could say or do convinced him otherwise. I am no pregnant again (just 5 weeks) and know that the clock is ticking! I suggest finding other ways to be intimate .... massage (feet, shoulders), cuddle time in front of the tv and in bed .... I had my husband rub lotion on my belly each night before bed which allowed us to connect and have some much needed down-time. I hope that helps and best wishes on the rest of your pregnancy! N.

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N.G.

answers from Medford on

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my daughter, I didn't tell him untill after she was born. He said that it wasn't that he did'nt want to or that he didn't find me attractive. He said that he was a little worried about hurting the me and the baby but most of all he felt that something was wrong and thought that I didn't really want to have sex, when really it was me wondering why he didn't want to. Make it clear that you still want to be passionate with him.

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K.L.

answers from Portland on

Hi S.,
I only wanted to have sex twice while I was pregnant. I'ma first time mom myself. I gaurantee that your husband is still attracted to you, but maybe he's getting used to seeing your belly grow too. I know he loves you.
There are other ways of enjoying each other though..... I'm sure you know what they are! :)

Good luck. Everything will be ok.

K.

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L.M.

answers from Boise on

It was always kind of wierd to have sex while we were pregant too. He always said, especially towards the end, that he felt like he was stabbing the babies head:)! So, I do understand. You are still sexy -- just go for it. You will both be happy!

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

I totally know what you mean. I was the one no longer interested in any kind of intamacy. I didn't like the way I looked and I felt fat and clumbsy. Try to be understanding. This is all new for him. He could be afraid of hurting the baby, he could be just not picking up your hints. I'd say make a romantic night with just the two, well, three of you. Use all your tricks. It should work. Good luck!!!

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T.F.

answers from Great Falls on

hey its normal not to want sex in your 6month but your husband is still attracted to u he is just feeling that he could hurt the baby so it's all normal.

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C.M.

answers from Eugene on

Everyone reacts differently to the major changes that come with pregnancy and parenthood. It is completely normal for you to feel different about your body and for him to be unsure of the unknown. I would suggest communicating openly and honestly about your feelings. You could also ask your md to talk to you both about sex during pregnancy and how healthy it is and some of the benefits it has. I loved my body during pregnancy. It made me realize just how amazing my body is and made me love it more than ever. I agree with some other response that told you to take care of yourself. Spend some time admiring your new body and enjoying it. If you feel more confident and comfortable about yourself he will notice that and it may help him be more comfortable too. I have a lot more advice I can give you on intimacy if you want. It is my job actually. I am a Pure Romance consultant and it is by job to educate and empower women about their sexuality. I am a mother of two beautiful children ages 22 months and 7 weeks. Just send me a message if you want more information. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope this helps and Good Luck!

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K.F.

answers from Portland on

A lot of men think that they will "hurt" the baby if they have sex, assure him that this is not the case. Arm him with information, and if he still is squeamish, let him know you need to still feel sexy, regardless of the pregnancy. There are lots of ways to be intimate. Good luck!

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

women and men are so different its hard to understand each other some times. Really try to communicate with him your desires and feelings. Be the instigator, I have rarely had my hubby turn me down when I start things rolling. Also, if he is afraid of hurting the baby or you, there is a great oportunity to expand your intimacy. There are so many things you can do together that dont involve intercouse and still leave you both satisfied. Just remember, marriage isnt all about the sex, and intimacy doesn't have to include sex. Your husband loves you very much and is probubly so excited and terrified of this new adventure as parents you are undertaking. This is a relatively short period in your marriage and will be over before you even realise it. Give him love and he will give it back.

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