Seeking Tips on How to Stop My Daughter from Crying When She Wakes up from a Nap

I agree with one mom's suggestion that you may want to wake her up earlier from her nap than usual. Another mom's suggestion that she may need a schedule readjustment may also be what's going on. Play around with the nap, do it earlier and later to see if either helps, then try to wake her earlier a little at a time to see if this helps. With schedules, as you probably know having 2 others, it takes keeping one small change around for about a week to let it sink in and hopefully work. So all these ideas can take quite a while.

Another suggestion: she may have reflux, that's aggrevated at naptime. If she's just eaten lunch and lays down that may bring it on, causing pain. Then after crying that may be another reason she vomits as well. The pediatrician may prescribe her meds to help with this if that is the case. If it goes untreated it may be dangerous in the longterm so talk to him/her about it!

Just a note: my son has always been like that after his afternoon nap. Not as bad as gagging and vomiting, but being extremely touchy, cranky and prone to tantrums, sometimes all afternoon and into the evening. We've learned that he is just a sensitive guy after waking and we just take his cue in order to keep the peace, whether it's stick around him to play or leave out some toys and slowly back away...

Good luck!

My know 6 year old was the exact same way!!!!!! Everyone who new us knew that nap time was done at home and nothing got done till it was over, the only way we could calm him down was to go outside and sit in a chair, around the same age as your daughter with winter coming, I decided I was tired of this and had had enough ( I think he was a little younger). I quit giving naps and adjusted his bedtime a little earlier, You'd be surprised how well this worked, the firsr couple of days were a little rough, he was cranky, but I would play with him and entertain him, we would go to friends house's anything to keep him from sleeping, he did much better at night, didn't wake as much, and within a couple of days didn't need the nap went to bed a little earlier and my days of misery after his naps were gone. This might work with your daughter, hope I helped a little.

As for the naps... my question would be, do you wake her up, or does she wake up on her own? If she wakes up on her own, perhaps you could try slipping in to her room a bit earlier than she would normally wake up - so she's still good and sleepy - and try a little back-scratching or massaging or some such thing to bring her in from Dreamland... or turn on some nice music for her to gradually wake up to... Music does calm the savage beast... at 3 years old, she's still trying to recover from the big change in her life at 10 mos. Hang in there... But I'd try music... Great time to be playing some music from China, even... keep that culture alive. E-mail if you want some ideas there. I can hook you up with some great music from China...

When I was three years old I was adopted from South Korea by my family. My mother kept having boys, four, and wanted a girl and along came me. I was super lucky as my family is wonderful. But there were some tough times, my birth mother abandoned me on the streets of Korea and left no medical records. When I came to America I spoke no English and immediately was introduced to a family of six. I also would wake from naps upset and crabby and would have fits. I am positive that this coincided with the abandonment and the adoption and the center that I lived in. It took me a long time to adjust, but what helped me was my brothers and my mother and father. What I mean is how loving and supportive they were and still are with me. As I was growing up I did feel out of place, not because of how they treated me but because I looked different than my family. This had a lot to do with the behaviors I had as I was growing up. It's funny, I am now married to a caucasian man and everyone we meet still assumes that I am the daughter-in-law and not the daughter. I don't even bother anymore to correct people as I know who I am. You may want to look into having her talk to someone about the adoption as this may help. I did when I was younger and this did help. I don't think I was as young as your daughter is now, but it did eventually help me work out things. I am glad to hear that waking her up from naps earlier is helping, but for future reference she may struggle with some of the things I have mentioned. You mentioned you have two other boys, maybe if they are around when she wakes up and help to try to soothe her that will make her feel better. I know all four of my brothers did and still do take care of me and show a lot of love to me. (I am not implying that your sons do not) I am simply saying that this is a wonderful factor as I was growing up that helped me cope with not "looking like my family", but feeling part of one.

My daughter went through something similiar, although not for 2 hours. It seemed like the best course was to be by her, not even cuddle as she didn't want to be touched. I just had to let her know that she was safe and loved. It did pass. We worked on breathing in and out when she wasn't fussing to learn as a technique for her to do to calm herself down. Now we use that yoga breathing in a lot of situations, going to the dentist, when she's mad, when she's hurt and has to calm down... Also having a lovey or a blanket helped her transition from naps - she could sit with it for a while until she was ready to play.

I have found that if my kids wake up crabby, then the nap wasn't long enough. Of course, that leaves the question of how to make her nap longer and I don't really have an answer to that. I think I would be concerned of some other health issues that you may want to have checked out. Have you mentioned it all to the ped?
~L.

D.,
It sounds like she's not done napping. My son always cries if he wakes up too early. I have to do the same thing you do and keep the stimulation low.

I also hate to wake up even though I stopped the crying years ago! It could just be her personality. Try keeping her up and extra half hour before her nap so she's a little more tired and may sleep longer. Sometimes that works for my son even though if I keep him up too late, he won't fall asleep until late at night. Maybe you could have 30 minutes of "relaxation" before she has a nap so that it can wind her down and "count" as part of her nap. Get creative and I'm sure you'll also get a lot of advice from other Mommies.

She is 3 yrs old. Have a quiet time where she reads books or plays quietly for 30 minutes and move up bedtime 1-2 hours.

thx. mb

D., hugging and loving, loving and hugging,
and You definitely need to talk to doctors:
a good counselor, psychologist, maybe psychiatrist also.
If you know (or if you don't know) her background, her blood parents, the environment she came from, the events that surrounded you, then that is what is probably the cause, not the current situation. Yet, she cannot overcome something. Whether the bad dream is haunting, or something happened times ago while she was waking up, but this fear is sitting deep, it seems. It shouldn't be sorrow, but probably fear.
Please, seek for a good doctor!
All the best to you all, GooDay!
M.

How I feel for you. I also adopted a daughter, but she came from foster care at the age of 3. Wow, could she throw a tantrum. They were terrible, and lasted for hours, too. There is a point when children who are adopted have to deal with the fact that they are removed from their original home, and that is usually within the first few months. She should not be dealing with that so severely at this point, not that it will ever be completely gone. I know that with my daughter, to stop her tantrums, we had to ignore her.

It was very hard, but she excellent at manipulating people. Sounds crazy, I know, to be a 3 year old with that problem, but I realized after a time, that even though she was screaming and crying, she was demanding our attention. It was very powerful to her. It gave her control over us. I finally said, "When you are done with your crying, we would love to have you come out with us to read a story, color, or play a game, but until you are ready to join us, you can spend time in your room. Feel free to come out whenever you are finished." It is hard to say that, and she was very angry for awhile, but eventually she realized that she did not have power in that situation. Unless she had hurt herself, or something serious had happened, we stayed away from her during that time. It worked. It was probably harder on myself and my husband, but It worked in the end. Just be sure to give her lots of love when she comes out on her own. Give her plenty of reasons to enjoy being with you when she is not crying. Hope this helps.

What works for my 19 month daughter is letting her pick out a snack when she wakes up and watching a show on PBS for a little while. She usually sits on my lap for awhile and then after her snack and one show she is usually ready to play. Since your child is three, you also might want to condider an earlier bedtime and phase out naps completely. I find that when my girl throws fits, ignoring seems to work the best.

I guess I can't give you much advice unless I know the cause of her crying. Has she done this from the beginning? Have you bonded well with her? I was an adoption Social Worker here in Mi. They should offer you post adoption counseling. If you would like to give me a message with more detail, maybe I could help.

I don't know much about your situation or what kind of situation that your daughter came from in China. But it is possible that she maybe experiencing some memories or nightmares. I think you taking her into a quite room and being with her and supporting her is very good. I think continuous comfort and reassurance is extremely important. I don't know if anyone has ever told you to get some books on reactive attachment or talk to a someone who specializes in reactive attachment. Im not saying that your daughter has a reactive attachment but some books may help give some ideas. and if by chance she is struggling with this issue you will be able to address it through appropriate measures.