Separated from My Husband, Parents Not Supportive and Need a Job!!!

H.,

Since you already have a full time job and your parents are willing to give you help to have your own place, I suggest you graciously take their offer, keep your job and find a modest place of your own for the time being.

Two months is a long time to be a house guest and/or roommate no matter how large your parent’s home may be. Nor does it matter how rich or poor they are, they are entitled to their privacy and lifestyle.

They can still be there for you; they just don’t want to live with you and seem to be willing to provide you the means for you to have your own place.

It might be a little difficult at first, but if you want your independence and want to be the primary care taker of your child, you will have to learn to stand on your own two feet.

Blessings....

Some of your issues seem to be partly solved. You said you have a full time job and your mother watches your child three afternoons a week. So, where does the child go when your mother is not watching your child? Find a suitable, affordable place to live, in the vicinity that you are in now. Keep your full time job and child arrangements that you have now. Don't make too many drastic changes at this stage in your life. Best to you.
V.

Hi H., This is a difficult time for you, and I'm sorry for you that you have to go through it. It does sound like your parents are willing to help you, at least financially, and you should accept their help. If your husband is able to contribute support you should seek that as well, so that you have more income for child care and the costs of your own place to live. Many divorce attorneys will offer the first consultative visit free and you should talk with one, if you have not already, to see what rights, etc, you have. They may be able to provide info on agencies that may be able to help you, and doing research on the internet would help as well. Once you get your basic needs covered then you can look to how you can improve your situation for the future, with a better job or more education, and how to accomplish it, etc. Good luck to you! Keep us updated on how you're doing!

I'm not sure if this is a possibility, but you might want to consider talking to nanny agencies. A lot of nanny positions are live in, and there might be a family who would be amenable to having a child come too. Likely you would be looking for a family who needs long hours and isn't going to pay as much (since your child would be there too), but it might solve the job/housing/childcare problem.

On another note, I'm very sorry you're going through all of this.

I wish that I had some great advice to give you, but I really don't. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know that things sometimes seem like they will never get better, but this will pass. Maybe you could find an apartment that you could afford where you are at in the mean time. I bet you will enjoy not having the pressure from your parents, and standing on your own two feet. Anyways, I wish I had answers to your questions. I will be praying for you ~ Janine

I think I'm missing something...you have a full-time job and your Mom watches your daughter 3 days a week. They're willing to help you out financially too.

You say you understand how your parents feel, yet you've made remarks about "their hefty retirement" and "their 4000sq.ft. home". You're right it is theirs. H., they've earned it and they're helping where they feel comfortable. Perhaps you're right and Mom hopes you go back to your husband. You have to do what's right for you and your daughter, just as your parents must do what works for them.

Right now you have a full-time job. I don't think you should pull up stakes and start all over again somewhere else. Finding work isn't easy. For now, take the help your parents are offering and start looking for a modest place that eventually you will be able to afford.

Check out counseling groups, single Mom workshops, educational programs, etc. H. you're going to be a single mom, don't be a victim, start working on being a great woman in your own right. You can do this!!
Many blessings,
E.

I'm sorry I can't help with some of the emotional aspects of what you are going through, as I haven't been there, but this is what I would do.

First, sit your parents down and have a talk with them. If you are all as close as you say, this shouldn't be a problem. Find out what the issues are - do they just want their privacy again, or are they trying to push you back to him, or have you don't something to make the situation for them uncomfortable? Let them know that you have no desire to go back to your husband, and if they are serious about you moving out right now, this is what you need to make it work. Let them know how grateful you are for allowing you to stay so long, and while you are working to get back on your feet, let them know how being kicked out makes you feel. I would hate for this to cause an issue between you when you need support right now.

After reading your update - kick that husband out of the house!! You shouldn't have to pay for him to live there! File for divorce, sell the house, or at least you and your daughter should live there, and you should get support from your husband.

I have been living with my mom for two years after separation. Not easy, not one bit, but she would never kick me out so I can't imagine your parents telling you those hurtful things when you are in need. It's beyond my comprehension. If you can't afford a one bedroom apartment for lease in the area where you leave, you could look into taking a full time job in a different city/state which will give yoy the chance to rent your own place and have your son in daycare. Many towns in the south east are affordable and nice to live in. I reccomand Greenville, SC, it's very industrial and there are many companies, yet is gourgeous, lively and culturally high-standard. When I used to live there you could lease a one bedroom apt for 400$ monthly and the daycare cost was approx the same. I think you could survive there, where the cost of living (groceries, clothing items etc..) is lower than California. When you'll be ready to welcome a new love in your life your lifestyle will get better again, for the moment I would try to move somewhere safe, affordable and where you have a job!! Good luck...I can't believe you parents!!!