My son, Jack, has just turned 14 months old and has just recently learned to walk 100% on his own! While this is a great achievement, we are in a period of heightened separation anxiety. He screams if I leave the room and panics if we even enter his room to lay him down for a nap or bedtime. Ordinarily, he is a great sleeper and has no problems putting himself to sleep. The lack of sleep has made him grouchy and very temperamental. Even his "lovey" has not provided him any comfort these days. Please help, any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thank You to everyone who sent in their suggestions! What I did fail to mention, which is also probably most important, is that my husband travels quite a bit and during this period he was away on a business trip. Im pretty sure the separation anxiety is from Daddy! Last night, after we all played together until 8pm or so Jack went to sleep after about 10 minutes of crying and slept through the night. His naps are still rough though, but hopefully were rounding a corner. Thanks again!
There is a series on Discovery Health called The Baby Human - it said that the more independent the child, the more heightened the separation anxiety. there is a lot more to it, but based on everything else you've written, you've done a terrific job of helping him be independent. It also said it can last to the 2nd year. Yikes! I'm not looking forward to that!
This may or may not help. Is he teething? My son is 15 mo and has also been a little more fussing too. He is getting 4 molars all at once. He tends to be more fussy around bed/nap time. I think it's just that the pain plus being tired, they can't handle both together. Then you add the new found freedom of walking and the fear of mommy not holding/carrying him as much anymore, and it's just too much. If your son is also teething and you just haven't connected everything, try "treating" him for the teething and see if the rest doesn't get better. I use Hylands teething tablets because they are homeopathic and wont harm him or make him groggy. On the nights he's really having a hard time I do give him a dose of tylenol and it helps him get to sleep, then if and when he wakes up again the hylands tablets are sufficient the rest of the night. Hope this helps.
Hi! I am a mom of four sons - now 26, 23, 21, and 8 . This is an absolutely normal phase of development. He is becoming aware of the world around him and his autonomous nature. The sleeping issues are a part of it. He will stabilize again. Getting the walking thing down seems to set off a chain reaction of emotional responses. Try napping and sleeping with him. Although the opposite may seem true, if you give him the comfort and contact he desires he will grow up to be a more confident, self-assured, independent boy and man. Good luck! This can be a challenging phase, but rest assured that it is "baby stuff" compared to what awaits you during the teen years. :0)
Has anything happened recently to make him feel insecure? Did you move? Did you leave him in a nursery? My oldest son was a little older when he had problems. We sat by his bed and rubbed his back while we sang until he was asleep at night. We took turns and as he grew older and knew after we sang a bit we would leave the room, we left the hall light on and always came if he called us. It can be a problem because you don't want to prolong clinginess, but your son is very young and probably needs to have the extra assurance at this time.
H.
When my youngest was born my friend gave her a little teddy bear rug. That thing was magic. If it was naptime I put bear on her cheek and rubbed it and she went down like a bag o bricks. I guess from association. it was wierd.
It may be that he would get attatched to some cuddly thing and let you off the hook...
my daughter who is 14 1/2 months is the same way as your son. then we realized that shes cutting 4 teeth at once all on the top 2 molars and the teeth right infront of the molars. we give her the gentle naturals teething drops and tylenol. i think out side of the teething its just a phase and it will soon pass. i hope this helps! good luck!
Start playing Peek-a-Boo at short distances. Increase the distance and time. When he starts screaming when you walk out of the room, say, "Peek-a-Boo" and look at him from around the corner.
When he is down for a nap, let him know that you are just outside his room out of sight. Stay around the corner so that when he cries you can look around and say, "I'm here." This may take an hour or longer at first. As the days go by, he will realize that when he fusses you are there to reassure him, but not to go to him to comfort him.
Hi S.,
This is a normal developmental stage. He's becoming more independent by walking but he's still anxious that he's getting too much independence and needs to have you close. Try to accommodate him in this stage and maybe lie down with him for naps and read stories to him until he falls asleep at night. Be patient, it will pass.
V.
Separation anxiety is totally normal at this age, but the level you're describing sounds a little extreme. My first guess, just based on what you said, is that somehow his trust has been undermined. When you leave him with someone else do you sneak out or do you say goodbye to him? Parents tend to think it's easier if they sneak out, but if you do this you undermine your child's trust and they begin to fear that you will sneak away any time they can't see you (like when you put him to bed and leave the room). He will cry when you leave him either way (either when he sees you leave or when he realizes you're gone), so make sure you say goodbye and let him know you'll be back soon, but make it short and sweet.
In the mean time, if he is really truely upset at bed time, go back in and reassure him. You know what I mean by truely upset- as parents we learn to decode our children's cries, and I know when my daughter is really upset or she's just crying because she wants to put off going to sleep. If, for a week or so, you go into his room and comfort him every time he cries for you, you may reestablish his trust and make bedtime easier for both of you. But when you go in don't let him get out of bed and avoid picking him up if possible. Comfort him with as few words as possible (pat his head or back) and the second he is calm let him know it's time for sleeping and you'll see him in the morning, then leave. But go right back if he starts to cry. You will be able to tell when he transitions from being really upset to just crying to get you to interact with him/put off sleeping, and at this point you have to let him cry, but you will have reestablished his trust so the crying won't be as bad.
The first bit of advise I thought will help, is to establish who is incharge. If he keeps up his routine, then he will continue to feel that he is in control and will not gain the respect he will need to have for you as he grows emotionally. It is vital that you calmly show him who is boss and stand your ground. It will take patience, but it will work.
He's just now learning that there are things in the world to be fearful of but doesn't yet have the ability to talk about it. How you react is the most important thing. Just be calm and reassuring.
