We moved here a few months ago and my 5 year-old daughter has been having a very difficult time with separation anxiety. This started about 6 months ago prior to our move and has continued here. While she can play independently in the house, she needs to know which room I'm in constantly. She's always yelling, "Mom where are you?" and if she doesn't hear my answer she panics and starts yelling louder. It's almost as if she has regressed these past months. I am certain this has to do with the stresses of the move, but I don't see it getting any better. I assure her every day and evening before she goes to bed that I'm not leaving the house, that I love her, that I will always be here, yet she still yells out my name to make sure I'm here. She's independent enough to get on the bus to and from Kindergarten, but getting her involved in any type of sports or activity has been tough - she's very afraid of making a mistake she says. This strikes me as odd because she's extremely social, energetic, full of life and otherwise your very normal child. She has an older brother who is 7 and they get along very well. Any suggestions or insight would be appreciated. Thank you!
My child had concerns also. I made a promise to him every day and when he looked for me that I would not leave without him and after a few days it got better.
As a mother of 2 daughters and an Early childhood teacher I know that separation anxiety can occur at any time in a child's life. As they mature cognitively, they are aware of more things to worry about. The move you mentioned and the start of Kindergarten are no doubt contributing to her anxiety. My daughter was fine in Kindergarten but when it came time to go to first grade all day it got rough for her. She was very anxious all of the summer before and mentioning that she didn't want to be away from me all day. She had always been fine at Sunday school and on play dates previous to this. She did spend a lot of time with me because I was a family day care provider in our home at that time. It was just a season that we had to get through. For our family prayer is very important so I prayed with her about her feelings each night. If she didn't feel comfortable going on a play date or to a birthday party I went with her. She did fine in First grade but the school day away from me was all she could handle for awhile. She grew out of it by the time she went to 2nd grade and today is a well-adjusted, confident teen.
I always tell parents of my students that how you react can make all the difference. If you acknowledge her feelings and reassure her, believing that she will get over this it will really help. Be confident for her when she is unable to be. Even tell her she will someday look back on this as something she was able to overcome.
Best of luck to you.
I have been blessed with 2 birth sons and 2 adopted sons and 12 foster children. I have been a parent for 22 years. A great idea is to give her your old working watch. Let her see you take it off your wrist so she gets the impact of how valuable this is to you. Tell her to hold until(pick a time) and then you'll need it back. She will be sooo occupied holding on to something that she thinks is valuable to you that she will focus on that and not the seperation. Also, night time seperation is similar. Give her the shirt you wore that day. It will smell like you and be warm.She will drift right off to sleep. A picture of you inside a baggie taped to her backpack works great also. Good Luck, H.
Give her a wallet to carry a picture of you with her, this way she will always have you close by. If possible place a crayon and a small note pad with the wallet..this way she can make you a special picture of something she has seen and wants to share with you. Hang the treasures on the refrigerator, and eventually remove and make a book of the art works. This is enjoyable to look at with her as the book is being made or when completed.
This may sound kind of harsh but I would tell your daughter where your going to be just once and when she starts yelling for you just ignore her. She will come to find and she may perhaps get tired of searching for you and just realize that your in the house. You could start off with "small trips" like say I am going to get a glass of water and then come back before she starts searching for you. Gradually make the trips longer. Just a suggestion.
I don't know if this will help but I thought I would share a similar situation with you. My daughter went through the same type of thing, same age, when we changed schools (not home but still a big change). Anyhow, we decided after it going on for a while to play it a bitter tougher. We figured if this was one of the ways she could build charachter in life through a tough situation, better this than other situations that are REALLY tough...if you know what I mean? So when home we let her know where we were going and if she yelled out, she needed to find us. We'd respond by voice but she would have to come where we were. After a while the trek wasn't worth it to her anymore. For sports, I enrolled her through many tears and tantrums in non competitive things (basketball camp, golf, basketball league [didn't keep score]) and each time would start with tears but end up the greatest thing ever! Now she is 8 and well adjusted, confident (sometimes sassy!)So maybe it would work for you. Hope it resolves either way. Hang in there! JH
This sounds just like how one of my daughters was and like yours, it was after a move. It was like she had suddenly developed a case of anxiety disorder. I never did find anything that helped, but am glad to say that it just took time. She no longer is like that.
Most of the children experience the separation anxiety between the ages of 18 months and 3 years old. Its normal for the children to feel somewhat anxious when a parent leaves the room or goes out of sight, and they can usually be distracted. Separation anxiety disorder is usually treated with the some form of psychotherapy or prescription medication. Other treatments are relaxation, deep breathing techniques as well as herbal and homeopathic remedies are very helpful.
http://www.disorderscentral.com/separation-anxiety-disord...
Welcome to our city. Hope you like it here! I'm sure the move has been stressful for all, including you. Your daughter can pick up on your anxiety and ADD that to her own, as she is not capable yet to filter things rationally as well as we adults. We grownups forget how much of a BIG DEAL everything is to the little ones, which is the quality that makes them endearing on good days, and frustrating on the days we need more efficiency/peace in our lives. I don't think your daughter is having an abnormal reaction at all, and shows good personal growth that she can do school and the bus thing WITHOUT problems! That indicates to you that she does have a sense of security to be able to meet the world at large, but all the MORE why she must feel her basis of it (you) continues to be securely in place. I think with your consistent patience and kind, unflappable reassurance, she will adjust well as the new becomes normative for her...and she has tested and found secure that vital piece you provide for her.
My five-year-old went through the SAME thing! Every night as I tucked him in, I'd have to promise him again and again that I wouldn't leave the house; and he would usually check on my whereabouts throughout the day as well. It seemed annoying at the time, but since he's outgrown it (it lasted probably six months), I kind of miss his " MOM?!" - "yes?" - and then "nothing...love you" I think it may have something to do with their getting older and smarter and realizing that sometimes Mommies leave (sad even for me); but constant reassurance will get you through it. And she'll probably warm up to those extracurricular activies with time; she's still pretty young. Good luck!!
I'm sure it's just her age and the move together have done a number on her, unfortunately. My little brother would never want to go to kindergarten and he finally grew out of it. My son is still too young formeto have any more personal experience(I do have a Child Development degree though), but I would say that it's just something she'll have to work through, once she gets a little more time, I'm sure she'll get over it all, although I bet it's very aggrivating. Is it affecting her school work at all? Is there anything her teacher could do to help? Or have you tried to find any books that you guys could read together to help her understand better?? Good Luck!
