Separation Anxiety - San Jose,CA

You shouldn't be sneaking around to leave. What I have learned with my son from help with his daycare provider was to let the child know you are leaving and will return later, give loves, then leave promptly. It also needs to be done in a short amount of time from when you need to leave. The crying use to bother me alot too but once I started doing this it did stop. I also reassured him too when I picked him up by saying "see I told you I would be back".

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for going to work. Better to have a mom that works than to have to go without!

Sneaking out of the house is teaching her that she can't trust you to be there when she expects you and will cause her to be clingy. She is in a developmental stage where she is learning to remember things/ people when they are gone, and expecting to see someone and not finding them can be very upsetting.

Find the book "the kissing hand" and read it to your daughter often. make or purchase a small purse and and put a laminated picture of yourself in it. Create a routine with her in the morning. Always follow it. It could be as simple as singing a good morning song and pouring her cereal. Tell her you're going to work and you'll see her after school, you love her, kisses! and bye- bye! Don't turn around and don't let her see you upset by her tears. You will teach her that she can trust you by being consistent, you teach her confidence by giving her routines, and you build a stronger bond by showing her you love her and will always come back to her.

Good luck and keep us posted! :)

Hi A.-
Could be that a lot of her issue is that she knows she can keep you around just a little bit longer when she cries. If Dad says she's fine after you're gone, it's just her way of getting your attention. If you stop responding to her crying, she'll stop the crying.
I always felt so guilty sneaking out too, but what they have to learn is that it's ok for Mommy to go and that she comes back.
Good luck!

I understand that some moms must work but the fact is the best thing for the family is for mom to be with the children and dad to work. Babies are born into a family. That family has the responsibility of raising that child. The unnatural thing to do is to employ others to do the job for you. That being said, this is a place where people seek advice for their circumstances here is my advice for yours. Carla is absolutely correct, Do not sneek off to leave your child ever! By doing so you will only accomplish teaching your child that anytime you are not within their sight you are gone. Building up to being gone for longer periods of time is best. Tell your child when you are leaving, "Mommy is going bye, bye and I will be back to get you later." Give your kisses, waive bye, bye and leave. Go out of sight for a time to allow your child to realize you are gone and settle down and forget about it. This may take some time at first. Do not come back while your child is crying it only encourages them to cry to get their way. When you come back go to your child hold them and say, "Hi sweety, Mommy is back now." Your child will learn that you kept your word and that you are going to return at some point. You can do these exercises periodically extending the times you are away and your child will soon realize that your leaving is just temporary.
Hope this helps,
K. R