Separation Anxiety - Shawnee,KS

My daughter was the same way and this too shall pass. She was pretty much a mommy or daddy's girl for the six months! We tried staying in the same place with her but out of sight (so she could still hear our voices). I know that's easy to do at home and not so much at church etc. We also tried leaving her for an hour or so with friends or family every couple of days - just to get her acclimated to different surroundings. Always try to bring your son's favorite things (stuffed animals, blankets etc.) so he may find some comfort in the time he's away from you. Maybe try to go a little early so you can sit with him and talk so he doesn't feel like your going to leave him immediately. I don't know if it's possible, but maybe stop in there with him a different day of the week - just for a minute or two. This will teach him that it's not a place to be afraid of and that you're not "abandoning" him there. Good luck.

Welcome to KC.
I just wanted to let you know your not alone. My daughter started doing the same things you are discribing about your son at the same age. She is now 28 months and it is still going on. She is growning out of it though. This past Sunday is the first time we put her in the nursury at church with out a total melt down. For a while I thought this would last forever! One thing I did was tell her every night what we are doing the next day. If she was going to the sitter the next day I will tell her before she goes to bed. Instead of dwelling on the fact that she won't be with me all day we talk about her cousin that will be there or an activity they will be doing. We do the same on the way to church. We try to make the nursury sound fun. Your son may be a little young to understand all that but if this continues you may try it as he gets older. Good luck to you. I'll say a prayer for you cause I know it breaks your heart to hear him scream when you have to leave him. Keep doing it though. It does get better.
S.

Don't forget this past Sunday was probably a little more crowded, noisy, and intense because of Easter. Were the nursery workers that day new to him?

I would ask the nursery workers if anything happened - he fell down, another kid pulled his hair - anything that didn't seem like a big deal but might have given him a fright.

I'm assuming you didn't leave him in the nursery, which may set you up this week for a fight. If he knows that a big enough fit will let him stay with Mom, then he will probably try even harder.

That said - my younger son had severe separation anxiety and I kept him with me in church for a long time. I had people tell me I was making a mistake, that I was babying him, that I was overprotective, but I was leading with my heart and I knew he was not being manipulative but was genuinely scared. It didn't have anything to do with the church or the workers. When he was first diagnosed with bipolar, I wanted to go back to those people and say "SEE! I was right! There was something more to it!" (not saying your son has any underlying disorders, just illustrating that I think parents should follow their hearts and other people should butt out)

I'm also assuming you feel comfortable with these workers and you don't have any reason to suspect anything intentional. I know our church runs background checks on everybody that works with kids in any capacity.

Other ideas are to give him something of yours to keep with him - something soft with a dab of whatever cologne you normally wear. If you nursed, you might take a cloth diaper and wear it inside your shirt for a bit to get your "scent" and let him carry that with him.

And remember, this is a GOOD thing - a sign of development that he is able to tell the difference between people now.

Man I feel for you. My Ds was 15 mos. old when we moved from Ohio to Kansas. I assume it was development and stress but he had MAJOR separation anxiety. It was so bad he wouldn't even want to stay with my Dh if I wasn't there too. I remember being at my ILs for Christmas that year (which is overwhelming) and taking a shower --and Ds screaming the whole time. He was 'velcro' baby then, wouldn't leave my side to go with anyone other than Dh or me.

For us it passed as quickly as it started. I hate to say this, but as I am thinking about it - it was about 6 weeks. It doesn't seem that long but I am sure at the time it was the longest 6 weeks of my life. Its ending was more surprising than its beginning. About 6 weeks after we moved I attended an LLL meeting. I took my coat off and and turned to take his coat off ---and he was off sitting in the lap of another mom----a complete stranger to him. Before the meeting was over, he had 'visited' the laps of several moms.

I don't know if it was just a relaxed group of moms or the comforting smell of breastmilk ....and after that the separation issues faded away.

He is now seven and has never had a problem separating for school or church activities.