Separation Anxiety - Springfield,MO

I am a SAHM as well. I worked with my first child, resigned after my second. HUGE difference my son (second child) is way more attatched. He does good at church because he has gone there since an infant. I put him in mommies day out so that we got a little more seperation. He does great and I haven't had any issues yet. It might help to find a mommies day out or some situation where you can give him some space?

It worked for me.....but they are so different!!!

Good Luck

This is something my ped has said has to do with an issue of trust. From a previous post I recall you stating that your daughter was quite talkative which means she probably understands a lot for her age. Make sure that everything you tell her is true. I mean if you say "mommy will play tea party with you today" make sure that happens. I would practice for a week making a big deal out of things just like that. After each one that you keep your promise to then tell her "see, mommy always keeps her promise." Then try going off and leaving her with hubby for a while. Pick her up, hug her, tell her you love her. Tell her you need to go bye bye for a little while and will return very soon. Ask for one last great big hug and even divert her attention a bit by talking about how big she is to give such a big hug. Then put her down, smile and wave and leave. Be gone for 10 minutes and come home. When you come home be sure to greet your hubby 1st because children should see the pecking order so to speak. You can verbally acknowlege her, but then after you have greeted hubby pick her up and act so thrilled to see her as I am sure she will be to see you. Again reiterate you kept your promise and came back. Keep doing this but make your time away longer as time goes by. After having a solid month to adjust, then try leaving her with someone else. It is possible she may be ready before then, but that is a general guideline. If you leave her with someone new she doesn't know, it is best if you can arrive early and hang out for a while. Introduce her to them and talk to them for a while. Always be honest to her about when you are leaving. She will trust and depend on your words and actions. If you follow your end of the bargain so will she....she will trust and not be so anxious to be attached to your hip. Another thing that would make this even more successful would be if you spent some focus time with her before you leave. Give her 10 minutes of undivided attention. Trust me it will change everything~

Good luck!

B. :)

I highly recommend being gone regularly, maybe once or twice each week for short and predictable times when she will be left with daddy only.
Keep doing the church nursey...it helped my DD for me to be one of the first to pick her up so I leave church a little earlier so she doesn't have to watch many of the other parents come pick up.
I disagree with the spending 10 minutes with quality time. In fact, the days when we go out I pay LESS attention to her so that when the sitter come SHE pays attention to her and holds her and that makes it seem like it is better, at least that is what works here.
I also think you should pay attention to daddy more and let daddy do more of the caretaking when he is home, have him put her food on the plate in front of her, have him give her a bath, stories before bed etc if he is not very involved in her routines. It sounds like that bond may need a little work too. It is ok if daddy has to do something fun with his dauughter to help her transition. It won't be like that forever but it could really help and if it is one or two times each week he may relish or grow to relish that time together. Men tend to be less hands on and that sometimes makes things harder with this.
Also, I didn't ask if you are nursing but if so that likely is contributing and makes it more normal in my mind....not that her behavior is ABnormal but it is more expected with nursing attached toddlers. If she is still using a bottle or would at night, that is something else daddy can do with her unless she IS nursing. Just a thought. I would stick with the church nursery before you add another moms out. That will be a new place and longer time frame. Starting smaller will help even if just for a month or so. Also it should be YOU passing her to the nursery caretakers rather than them "peeling her away" and better yet it could be them holding their arms out (see if you can get the same provider each time for a while) smiling and whisking her off to play right away. I did come stay with my daughter in the nursery to "visit" the first few times and didn't leave her at all. You could try this too. Best of luck to you, she will get past it with your patient help.
L.

Things will get better with time and if you keep doing this. I am all for staying at home with the kids, but kids and parents both need a break from one another. It will be a better when she goes to pre school or kidg as well if she has learned to be away from you and a little easier on you too if you have learned to be away from her just tell her that you will be back and go. Your husband or others that she stays with will just need to find something fun that she likes to do to occupy her time while you are gone, Hope this helps or lets you know that what you are doing is right trust me I know it feels terrible but it has to be done sometimes when I would leave my son at home with his dad he would just stand at the door crying and yelling mama mama! One of the hardest things for any mother to do..... It will get better there is light at the end of the tunnell! S.

Start playing hide and seek with her. At first just you and her and then gradually add your husband and then others. Hide until she feels uncomfortable, then, reassure her and try again but for a little longer. It makes a fun game out of the seperation that she feels without you, and also trains her for when you are gone to work or she's with the sitter. Also if it isn't just the seperation anxiety from you, you could play the hide and seek game when you leave her at day care to try and minimize the stress she feels from an unfamiliar surrounding. I had to deal with this issue with my daughter but she was much older than yours. It took only a short time until she was comfortable with me without her. I hope this helps you and your daughter, I know how heartbreaking it is to see them stress over something( to us )that's so trivial.lol

M. E.

When my son wanted me or anything else he learned quickly that screaming is a very persuasive tool. After much torment I regained control by ignoring screaming, crying fits as this is not an acceptable form of communication. In a few very long months his 3 hour fits almost became non-existant. I didn't fall into that trap with my second child. If she is very talkitive well all the more reason to let her know she should use her words to express herself. Above all, just remember seperation anxiety is very normal at her age and it will pass in time.

This happened with my youngest. Eventually he got over it as my leaving him increased to once a week.