Seperation Anxiety - Ludington,MI

Updated on April 15, 2011
C.P. asks from Ludington, MI
7 answers

OMG PLZ HELP my sweet lil baby girl is having the worst separation anxiety and it's so hard to deal with. She is 10 months old and this has been going on for a couple of weeks. She won't even let anyone hold not even her daddy. She rarely lets me put her down, I can't leave the room and I'm trying to do controled crying (soothing her with words every 15 min)to get her to sleep in her crib but she will cry for hours even if she is tired. Before this she has been sleeping in our bed and she is also breastfeed. If anyone has solutions to help with these problems my fiance and I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks so much moms. I know I can count on you for some good advice.

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I might catch hell for this- I've even had some moms message me directly to tell me what a horrible Mom I am for letting my kid cry...sheesh...- but sounds like your daughter needs tough love. Let her cry it out. She's obviously throwing a fit, and you're picking her up, which is giving her exactly what she wants. Result? She's learned that throwing a fit gets results! She's playing you, Mom! Yes, even ten-month-olds can work the system. I wouldn't say the same a 6-month-old, but your daughter is old enough to self-soothe. You are allowing yourself to be manipulated. Put on some strong pants, and let that girl cry!! You will be glad you did, I PROMISE!

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C.B.

answers from Detroit on

Sorry to say, but it sounds like you've already committed the one parental crime. Time to stop cold turkey and NOT let her sleep in your bed. That's only paved the way for these crises. So that's good news.
You're probably going to have to endure the 'torture' until she starts falling asleep a little sooner each time. Get some type of mobile or something to distract her from you and attract her attention to something else. The more you give in, the longer this phenomenon will last. Be strong, be consistent. And it shouldn't fall on your shoulders. Share the task.

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A.K.

answers from Fayetteville on

Separation anxiety is a stage that all children go through, multiple times, at all different ages. At ten months she is learning so many new things and with that new knowledge comes uncertainty about the world around her and perhaps some fears. She knows mommy is there to take care of her, so she clings to you. If daddy was the main parent home with her, it would most likely be reversed.
I know it can be frustrating, but the best thing you can do is just to wait it out. It typically doesn't last more than several weeks at a time - we've gone through 4 or 5 episodes in 18 months. Being there for them unconditionally (unless you don't have a choice like needing a shower or bathroom break) reassures them that they are safe and you'll always be there - that's just what they need right then. Once they get over that 'hump' they'll be back to their adorable little independent selves.

In personal experience, I can tell you that at 18 months my son is very confident in being 'on his own'. He can happily play alone, doesn't get too nervous around new people, has no problem being babysat (no crying when we leave or anything like that), and can sit in his crib before and after naps without freaking out. He's comfortable, because he knows we've always been there and we'll keep him safe. It is exhausting and frustrating at times, but just remember that it won't last forever and that you're the mommy - so it's your job to keep them safe and protected, even when it's just a reassurance they need. There's no need to force babies and toddlers and small children to 'grow up' or 'toughen up' or be 'big kids'. There will come a time when they can't wait for you to get away from them, but right now they need you, so do what is needed :) Good luck.
And if you need to get things done, try out a carrier like a babyhawk or ergo, something along those lines. You can put her on your back and still get stuff done, and that way she feels safe and isn't fussing for your attention.

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D.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi C.---It's going to take time and trial and error to find the best way to wean your daughter from her anxiety. My best advice is to start at www.AskDrSears.com. Dr. Bill is a pediatrician, graduated from Harvard and he and his wife Martha have written over 30 books about babies, child care, sleep, discipline and on and on. They have 2 sons that also practice pediatrics with them and one, Dr. Jim, is on the ABC show The Doctors.

They have a great? and answer section on the website. I'm sure you'd also find one of their books that will help you. I think that mostly, this will take patience and time as you gradually get her to be ok with you not holding her all of the time. Good Luck...D.

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G.B.

answers from Detroit on

Perfectly normal. Don't let her cry it out. She really thinks you've left permanently when she can't see you. This too shall pass. Good for you for breastfeeding! She may go thru this again during her 2nd yr at some point but her limited understanding of the world makes this terrifying for her at this stage. Please keep her by you until she's more mature.

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

Normal phase and usually stays until 14-16 months. No worries tho - you continue giving her the Mommy support and love she needs, and breastfeeding on demand - she'll grow into a very independent and outgoing child - unless of course she was extremely withdrawn as an infant BEFORE the separation anxiety started.

My daughter was breastfed until she weaned herself at 4.5 y/o - she's extremely outgoing, social, friendly, affectionate with others and loves to be a helper with those who need it. First thing ANYONE says to me about her - even strangers - is either how beautiful she is or how friendly/social she is.

Also thru-out their lives - your child(ren) will go back and forth between who is their favorite parent. It's nothing personal, they just need different things at different times which one parent gives more of.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Very normal. If she has been sleeping in your bed it will take time to get
her in her crib. Sep Anxiety will get better.

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