H.D.
I am sure your post will make a lot of women smile. You are not alone in this. There are a lot of factors that come into play.
A. Having kids - OY! all your energy goes into caring for them them, life revolves around them. Who has time to be intimate? Who has energy to be?
B. More mouths means more stress to keep working, maybe work more, worry about bills. Hard to think about sex when you are stressed. Especially in a down economy. Men are driven to protect and provide, if they don't feel they can do those things sex becomes secondary.
C. Being comfortable in a relationship can sometimes diminish sex drive, oddly enough. You don't feel the rush to have sex because you can "git it when you want it". You don't feel the need to comb your hair, put on make up or dress up to impress (or in the male version, do push ups, wear deodorant, brush your teeth). Unfortunately it can also mean that you move farther apart from each other without even knowing you are doing so.
All of this is NORMAL. What keeps balance in a marriage is recognizing that what came natural before may need a little more effort and thought. My personal view is that a strong marital relationship supports happy parents which produces happy, stable children. Let's go back to A through C.
A. Yes, you have kids and there is less time to be together...MAKE time! Even if you can't afford to go out, put the kids to bed ON TIME, take a shower (preferably together), snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, hold his hand, slide it into his lap (grin), nibble on his ear, TELL him you think he is fantastic. Men love to be appreciated! Don't go to bed with clothes on (naked bodies are more sexy than grandma nighties). Be romantic. Even if you have to plan it out ahead of time.
B. Tell your husband how much you appreciate his efforts, especially in this economy! Try really hard to save money. If you work too, put even $50 a way a month to either go on a date or save for something special. He needs vacations too! Even if they are mini ones. Sit down and work out budgets together and stick with them. One of the biggest destroyers of marriage are arguments over money. Figure out who is the better money manager and let them take control. Have separate bank accounts if you are a SAHM and your money go towards your gas, groceries, clothes for the kids, school. Put some in savings too. Figure out a way to relieve the financial stress. Even him just knowing you two are on the same track helps!
C. Don't get so comfortable in your relationship that you take it for granted. IMHO a strong relationship consists of friendship, respect and trust. With those three strong elements you can weather anything! Become your husband's best friend. I tell my husband that I am his "pompom girl", he knows he has at least one person cheering in his corner. It's amazing how sexy your best friend can be. =) Let him catch you checking out his butt, wink at him across the table, play footsie. Make the time to spend with him. Make him feel that you still think he is the sexiest thing alive.
Unfortunately we have the belief in this country that you just "fall in love" and everything will be perfect. It isn't. Life is real and it can take its toll on any relationship. A real, lasting relationship takes work and commitment. If you treat your relationship, your husband, like the jewel he is, he will shine....and you will get more of what you want. =)
I hope this has helped.