Shared Courtyard and Kiddie Pools

Hi, K..
Unfortunately, your neighbor is right about how dangerous it is to leave water in the pool, so try this old tip from my camping days. Take some black garbage bags (the big sized Hefty ones), and fill them with water from the hose in the morning. Tie them up, and then leave them out in the sunshine during the day. They'll heat up and hold the warm water all day. When it's time for him to play in the pool, just dump the water from the bags into the pool! And have fun!

i would have suggested asking the other two moms first, but it sounds like the first mom would give you attitude about it now - although, why keeping an eye on her own kids for a few hours would be a problem, i don't know. i guess my response would have been, "yes, you're right - i forgot that some parents don't watch their kids- 'I' can never be too careful!"

if it's just the three of you i don't see why something can't be worked out. maybe mom #2 (the courteous one who refilled the pool) could help you out somehow. take turns watching the kids outside for awhile while it warms up, or something?

Boy, I am interested in what kind of responses you will get. This is a very tough situation because I understand what you were doing and quite honestly children should not be running about unsupervised. Nor should they be jumping in pools that do not belong to them. Unfortunalty there are many parents out there that see nothing wrong with letting their children run around and hardly have an eye on them. I guess what you have to ask is how would you deal with it if there was an accidental drowning in your pool? Is there a way you could all work together and have somebody keeping their eye on the pool as it warms up? Do either of the moms live on the bottem where they could boil a pot of water? I do not think you were irresponsible, but perhaps there is a better solution....wish I could be more help. As silly as this is perhaps you can get one of those baby pens to put around the pool? I know they are expensive, but maybe you could findone used, or all the moms could pitch in

so...could you possibly find out the nap time of mom #1's child(ren) and let her know that since her children will be asleep during said time, the pool will be warming? I hate that it has to come to this...I do see the problem if the pool was left out for days and days with water in it, but after explaining that it was warming, she should know to keep an extra eye on her kiddos and not be such a stick in the mud...it's summer for cryin out loud.

well .. here's my thoughts. only a toddler can drown in a couple inches of water. i think maybe you and the other mom (the one that's cool) should attack the pool issue together. however it work for the two of you.
at the same time, i wouldn't leave the pool with water in it all the time. although, it doesn't sound like you do.
congrats on baby #2, and be careful with your pregnant self!

UGH! I really hate attitudes like that. Why would her children be running around without her right by their side? Does she not know CPR?

Ok...that said. I don't think you should be leaving a pool filled with water unsupervised in a community living situation. You can not control if other parents are irresponsible. There are many fountains around the city your children can go and play in. And the water doesn't need to be warm for them to play in. If you wait until it's hot in the afternoon and run them through the fountains, that's safer than a wading pool and even more fun in so many ways.

I also agree that you shouldn't be carrying hot/boiling water up and down the stairs, especially pregnant!

Suzi

i'd tell her to mind her own business! she is responsible for her child and her child only and if she can't keep them out of YOUR pool it's her own fault. and i wouldn't carry boiling water down the stairs EVER, just the image scares me. :( No you are not wrong it's your pool in your courtyard, tell her to leave your stuff alone. Put up a sign that says "no one in the pool without direct supervision" and "not responsible for accidents" though, just in case...she sounds like a potentially suit happy person.

i think i would ask her to leave the pool alone , and keep her children inside if she is worried about it . if her child is very young they don't need to be out side alone any way

So does she leave her children unsupervised regularly??? As long as you and the other 2 mothers are out there supervising your children, I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving some water in the pool.

Good Morning K., you have a dilemma for sure. And I think you have a friend in Mom # 2. I can see the first mom's concern BUT she should be Watching HER child and not allow them to run free in an apartment complex anyway. Or expect another person to keep her child out of harms way. That is on her job description.
If it was me and her child showed up at my child's pool, I would send them Right back home to mom and tell them the pool was for your child and invited guests. With a smile of course but in my Nana voice.

I would think that 2" of water in the bottom of a kiddie pool ( less then ankle deep ) wouldn't be a problem. Would give your little man wading and splashing room. Most kids don't care how cold or chilly it is, our 3 yr old gr son was running through the hose as his momma was filling it up screaming with delight. Empty it out after use.

Good Luck K. you do have a dilemma for sure. Especially with mom #1 ugh!
K.
Just my 2 cents worth.

I see both sides of this issue. It's your pool and your child will be using it, so if you want to put water in it to warm up a bit that's your business. However, she makes a good point of it being a bit of a drowning hazard, not to mention a mosquito attractor. The thing is, she could be nicer about bringing her concerns to your attention. I can offer 2 different pieces of advice. 1. Keep doing what you're doing and the next time she complains, throw the "snotty neighbor" card right back at her. Tell her that you always keep a good eye on your child and as long as she's doing the same for hers, then she needn't be concerned. Perhaps enlist the support of the other mom with this as well. Or, 2. Don't worry about filling the pool ahead of time. I know water is cold coming from the tap, but kids are much less concerned about this than we are! If your son thinks it's really that cold, he'll splash around on the outside of the pool until he's comfortable getting in. It doesn't take that long for water to warm up in a shallow pool, particularly in these hot summers.

Do you have your own deck? I would set up a small pool on the deck, then you wouldn't have to worry about other kids getting near it. Another option you could get an attachment to hook the water hose up to your kitchen or bathroom sink and put warm water directly in the pool if you have a long enough water hose. That could be a lot of trouble but would work for warm water without carrying dangerous pots of boiling water down the stairs.

Hi, K.. I can see both sides of this issue. Because it takes so little water for a small child to drown, the other mother was very concerned. HOwever, if she watches her children to make sure they are not around the pool, all would be fine. Next time, you might tell her your intentions and why you were filling up the pool early. If she knows when there is water in the pool beforehand, maybe she will make sure to watch her kids so they won't be around it. Good Luck!

My thoughts are she needs to mind her own business & make sure she's keeping an eye on her kids. I hate it when people try to tell you what to do in your own yard. On the other hand, there could be liability issues if something were to happen. If her youngest is the same age as the child who dumped the remainder of the water out, they should be old enough to be safe, so I don't see her problem. It also doesn't sound like you leave it out all of the time, but only long to get warm & play in. Good luck & maybe you can pray she moves :)

If the management does not have any laws stating usage of the courtyard, why not do what is best for you and your family. The concern of others, they need to take care of there own first. You may understand there concern but you also would like to have time with your child making special moments. The children playing outside should already be supervised anyway. You may voice, you will dump the water out as soon as you are done. Option for you, could be, cover the pool with a tarp, trash bag pulled apart to fit, bed sheet, pool cover of some sort? Good luck and have fun!

First of all, Why would there be 'unsupervised' kids in the courtyard? If they are small enough to drown in several inches of water then maybe they should be supervised. I think you should be able to warm a little water in a babypool on YOUR back porch. Maybe you should make a sign that says, "Baby Pool! No Unsupervised Children In This Area!" You could talk to the other Mother in the courtyard and see what she thinks. But you should be able to do what you want in your area.
C.

Hi K.,
No your not in the wrong. It's your pool, your yard..it's up to the other parents to watch their children and be sure that their children aren't coming into your yard and are being safe. If she's concerned about children drowning in a kiddie pool then first of all I guess we're all in trouble, because that's exactly what they're meant for. Second, she needs to keep her child with her at all times then and not let it roam without her. Good Luck!

-J. M.
http://J..freedomunitedteam.com
HELPING People Live Better Lives!

I agree that you have done nothing wrong. First of all, all children are the parent's responsibilities. I don't think it is a bad idea to maybe give them a little notice that the pool has water in it, if they have children. If this is not good enough for her, if you rent, I would check with your landlord. See if there are any "rules" on things like this. Or, if you really want to put some effort in it, you could start a petition, stating that you are responsible for the safety of your own children. Good Luck!

The only irresponsible person here, is the mother that's not watching her kids. Sounds like this woman isn't a good mother or her kid wouldn't have the chance to drown. She should be watching him like a mother ought to do. Don't let another mom boss you around!

K....it sounds like some moms need to be watching thier own kids when they are outside playing! Maybe you should mention that to the complaining mom! A.

If hr children are outside and are that young - she should be with them. Why is she so worried about your little pool. She should be watching her own children when they are utside - pool or no pool. G.

I would just let her know when you are setting it up with water in. If she is that concerned she needs to keep an eye on her children as it is. And if you let her know she knows she needs to watch them and not just let them roam free outside, and I'd let the other mother know about the situation too so that she is aware.

She is right. Kids can drown in just 1" of water, so what you describe is definitely a liability. If you cannot supervise it until your child is ready to use it, your best bet is to put the pool in an area where no one can get into it except you.

If shes so concerned about kids drowning, she needs to make sure shes watching her own. Obviously the other mother isnt concerned. If shes watching her kids like she should be, there should be no issue. Do what you want, dont let her push you around!!

Hi K.-

I have never been in your situation, but I would be the person who did the exact same thing as you because you were just wanting to provide something fun and entertaining for the summer. Then, when the other mom points out your "danger" to others, it is hard to not take it personally. Just talk to her and see if you can work out a compromise.

I do agree, however, that if something ever happened to another child, you would feel so much guilt. Good luck with your situation and new baby on the way!

It's her responsibility to watch her kids. You don't have to baby proof your yard/area for her kids. If she's outside with her kid(s) when they're playing I can't see how your pool poses any harm.

You have done nothing wrong. Any kid who could drown in two inches of water has no business being outside unsupervised. I agree with the others, you don't need to warm up the water. But if you feel it's too cold, how about putting some buckets of water outside in the sun. They'll get hot pretty quickly, then you could put water in the pool from the hose and add the warm buckets. (Of course, unsupervised children can and will tip over your buckets for fun!)

Since you are in a group situation, you almost have to either address your concerns with this mom, or find ways to work around it. Here are some thoughts.

1. Tell the other moms that your kiddy pool can be shared. How about all three moms agree to fill and empty the pool as needed and they can all use it, and all agree to supervise their children outside knowing the pool is there and may have water in it. The benefit here is that your child may have the opportunity to play with the other kids.

2. Go buy a small tarp or sheet of plastic and put over the pool while it's warming up. That tells everyone the pool is off limits. It will also keep bugs and leaves out - bonus.

Accidental drowning is one of the leading causes of death in children ages 1-14. Small children, do indeed, drown in as little as 2 inches of water and can drown in as little as 20 seconds. The reason small children drown in things like 5 gallon buckets and garden ponds is that once they lean too far over to get a better look, they don't have the upper body strength to pull themselves back up. Small children have accidental drowned in ditches with only a few inches of water. So, your neighbor has is right to be concerned about only a few inches of water.

However, it would seem to me that in a controlled environment like your courtyard, you should be able to come to some kind of agreement with your fellow moms. You all need to acknowledge that the pool, with any amount of water in it, can be a drowning hazard. Hopefully, you can all agree to the value of warming the water and agree to supervise the kids around the pool and courtyard. If the pool is small enough, you may want to consider a play pen type fence around it.

Lastly, if you haven't already, I would recommend taking your son to a parent/child swim program. One of the best ways to avoid accidental drowning is to have your child to learn water safety and eventually to swim. The best way, is supervision. Check your local American Red Cross, public swimming pools, swim clubs for lessons.

There are a lot of good suggestions here. How about putting one of those circular baby gate / play yard things around the pool? This may be too pricey a suggestion, but maybe you can find a used one on craigslist.

Don't you just LOVE sharing a yard? I also live in an apartment. We moved to our current home in December because our last neighbors were so rude about sharing common property.
Anyway, I would try to talk to the concerned mom about the issue. See if the two of you can agree on something to make the situation safe and fun for all involved. I do like the idea of a tarp or playpen/fence set-up. See if any of those ideas would ease her mind. Do let her know that you weren't leaving the pool out there for no good reason, but that you were warming the water for later use. But, just out of my own curiosity... I wonder what she would do if there was a community pool on the property? Would she still let her child run around unsupervised and have the property owner leave it unfilled all summer long for her convenience? Oh, yes, and enlist the help of the understanding mom, too, if you can. Hopefully, the three of you can come to some kind of agreement. Good luck! Enjoy the summer with your little guy!

Well there shouldn't be unsupervised kids!! Why aren't their parents watching them then?? There are more hazards everywhere than a kiddie pool of water.... I share a property with my brother-in-law, and we share the yard. He has lots of dangerous things around... I have a 1 yr old and a 2 year old and I would never leave them unsupervised in a yard I share. Especially a small enough child that could drown in a kiddie pool... why would a child that small be unsupervised???

I would go talk to her and tell her it's a shared yard, and there shouldn't be unsupervised kids. I would explain what you were doing and tell her not to leave her kids unsupervised in the courtyard!

What if you were sharing with someone who liked working with tools and knives doing carpentry or something..... would she tell that person they had to put their stuff away because it's dangerous??? We can't make other people baby-proof common public area! We can only baby-proof our own area, and any where else we should supervise our kids. She can't tell you what to do... who does she think she is. Of course your not stupid! you know that a baby can drown like that!!! But if parents were watching their kids, that wouldnt happen. It's sad that if a baby did drown in your pool, you would get blamed!!! It wouldn't be your fault, it would be their fault for not watching their kids! What if the courtyard had a large underground pool??

That's just my 2 cents.

Hi K.,

When people share spaces, it is not uncommon for miscommunications to occur. When you share a space such as a courtyard, all parties must respect each other's space.

It is true that children can drown in as little as one inch of water. Please see the following link for water safety. Please don't take drownings lightly. If a child were to get injured because of the kiddie pool, not only would you regret it, but you could also be faced with charges especially since there has been an incident where the other mother had already mentioned it to you. Why not prevent this altogether by trying to work out something with the other mothers?

http://www.usa.safekids.org/water/

Also, standing water is unsanitary and a harbor for mosquitoes and west nile virus. The best way to work this out is to talk and explain to the other mothers what you mentioned in your post and maybe have them help you out by carrying the hot water down to the pool to warm it up. Have a safe summer!

My feelings are that this society is TOO sue happy causing everyone to be paranoid.

I feel that it is the parents responsibility to watch their owns kids or have someone responsible watch them.

I also feel that if you want to have a kiddie pool for your children to play in, that it is on your patio, then it should be okay.

BUT, in today's society it just can't be that way. Too many people are too sue happy. So I say, do not allow any water to collect in the kiddie pool unless you are out there at all times. Don't take the risk of someone waiting to sue you because their child was injured in your kiddie pool, on your property. I've seen it happen when someone was injured doing something they should not have been doing on someone else's property and the property owner was the one who paid the penalty.

Makes me sick that this is how society has turned out to be.

I'm not saying that your neighbor is right, I'm just saying that in order to protect yourself, you may want to not have the pool available to collect water when you are not around. Sad...very sad.

Best Wishes,

J. H.

I don't think you were wrong. I think she was. Although you have to share the courtyard, the swimming pool is your property. The other parents need to teach their children that your pool is off limits. Besides you wouldn't think that they would let little ones outside without being supervised. If it happens again I would bring that to her attention.

Well, in my opinion, she should shush. If she has kids, then she should know how hard it is to do certain things along with making sure you angel is safe. If she was worried about her kids getting into the water, then sounds to me like SHE needs to be a better mother and keep an eye on her kids BETTER and STEP ON HER "MOTHER SKILLS". Sounds to me like you were doing your job & there is NO reason to think that you did anything wrong. Your responsiblity is YOUR KIDS. Not everyone elses. You have enogh to worry about.