Shopping with Kids

J.,

Unfortunately people have a tendency to communicate and share their thoughts without knowing the circumstances surrounding them.

If she did have 3 or 4 kids she would know better. My mom had 6 kids and she always told us that she felt like a mother rabbit and told us to leave her alone. LOL!!! I am 43 years old. Didn't affect me any! Also just to make you feel good, my daughter was a very independent little one too. She was so independent that when we were shopping at our local Walmart store she wandered off and got lost! My hubby thought she was with me & I thought she was with him. Then we got paged! So what looks worse? Soemone that scolds you for keeping an eye on your kids, or someone that looks at you for not doing a better job of keeping your kids at your side. I'd rather have some stranger say something than to have my child lost or stolen! Thank you very much!

There is one thing I've learned in life and that is to not let what others have to say about my parenting skills without knowing my situation bother me. I do take constructive critism well, but not from someone that has no idea of what is going on in my life.

My daughter was the most independent little girl ever, she still is at age 18. She learned a very valuable lesson that day. She never did it again! I thank God that nothing happened to her, just that moment of panick, that rushes into histeria! Did you ask your kids how they felt about the situation?

It is a scarey world out there today, you really can't trust anyone. You always have to be on your guard. It wasn't like it was back when my kids were growing up 20 years ago.

I wouldn't let what she said bother you. If you think you need to lighten up then do it. But it sounds to me you're just trying to teach them to stay close.

Many Blessings & Have a wonderful Easter!

J.

That HORRIBLE woman! You poor thing to have been subjected to such a bad mannered and ignorant you-know-what. in my opinion she was abusive to your daughter by saying such things about you in front of her.
There is nothing wrong with keeping your kids close. It's important for safety and sometimes you have to keep together so you don't crowd the aisle.
I am glad you told her to mind her own business. I would have threatened to charge her with harassment.

You are NOT wrong. That horrible woman is. First of all, this world we live in is not a safe one. Children are abducted each day by horrible people. I have two girls(ages 4 and 6) and we have taught our children about the "bad eggs." I am constantly telling my kids they need to hang onto my hand, the cart or walk directly next to me or right behind. There are no exceptions to this rule. I can't believe people this day and age don't think of such things. I think you handled yourself just fine. I don't think I would have stayed so calm. It's a perfect teaching moment though for you and your children as those are people your child should not be talking to in the first place. Only you know your child and not some stranger. SOme people have no shame. She's probably a parent who never knows what her child is doing.

You definately were not being inappropriate with your daughter. It never fails to amaze me how rude people can be. One of my former co-workers has a son who is very big for his age. When he was 5 he was in the grocery store with his grandparents. He started throwing a tantrum on the floor because grandma wouldn't buy him little bananas. A complete stranger approached her and asked if they had ever had their grandson evaluated for autism. She then proceeded to hand over her daughter's business card and told grandma to call her because she had a son with autism and could give them some advice. My co-worker's mom ended up leaving the store in tears. I don't get how some people think they can make a judgement based on a minute long observation!

Well, truth is no one can really answer that question since we weren't there with you and we didn't see what really happened. Chances are the lady was responding more to your tone of voice then your actual words since the actual words were something every mom would say. However, what that lady doesn't know is WHY you might have been using that tone. Maybe your kid was being particularly difficult that day, maybe you gave her a hundred warnings and she still wasn't listening, maybe she defies you often so a stern voice is required. I have often heard myself say something to my kids in public and thought "wow, if pepole didn't know that my kid has pushed every limit today they would think I am a total monster mom by the way I just spoke to my kid". Don't let her feel bad about the kind of parent you are. As long as you know deep in your heart that you respect and love your child that's all that matters. Not to mention she never should have said anything, she was totally out of line.

People can be so rude. You have to keep your kids safe and sometimes it takes saying some things you wouldn't normally say due to being in a hurry or for concern for their safety. We have a 6 year old who is a high functioning autistic kindergartener. He is very tall so he looks older than he is. We deal with people thinking he should "behave better" due to their thoughts of his apparent age and not knowing the behavior issues we deal with. Although it doesn't help everytime, we go over the expected behaviors in the car before we go into a store (keep your hand on the cart, no wandering off, keep on eye on me (the mom) so I don't get lost-make sure you can always see me! etc. They will need reminders in the store-they are kids! Just remember to be firm but in a loving way. Take time to stop, get down to their eye level and say, it's crowded in the store today and mom is in a hurry. I need you to stay close behind me.... and try not to let people's comments eat away at you. I hope your next shopping trip is better!

I don't see anything wrong with the way you were talking to your daughter. I think every time I am shopping with my kids I need to remind them to stay close to me. My guess is that that woman would have been threatening to call social services if she found your child wandering all alone in the store. Don't feel bad about keeping your children safe and within your sight. If you have never tried to shop with independent children then you have no right to comment about how it should be done.

People like that are snooty...

I was at Ikea about a year ago and my daughter was being a royal brat, after telling my daughter to stop, c'mon and listen a bunch I got fed up grabbed my daughter's face and said loudly and firmly "KNOCK IT OFF" this lady with a English accent goes "OMG did you just see what that lady did to her child?" I looked back at her and said you want me to yell at your kids too? Shut up and leave me alone. I'm rude like that I don't care. I am like you and give out orders too, I don't beat my child I'm more verbal than anything but 5 year olds have a mind of their own mine is extrememly independant too.

Don't let people like that get to you. Atleast you didn't let your child run wild, you were teaching her to mind you and stay with the group.

J.,
What an AWFUL woman and I'm so sorry she felt she had to muddle in yoru business, especially in front of your child! from what you've described, I would say your system seems FINE to me. It's not like you had your daughter on a leash (and I have seen that!)
brush it off honey, you're doing great!

Hi J.
NO!! that woman was not right. She was probably bored and feeling bad about something in her own life. so she needed to bring someone else down also and you happened to be the target. you as a mother know how to talk to your child to get them to listen to you best. I would not let this woman bother you. Have a Good Day T.

you've gotten some wonderful advice, and i agree - that woman was way out of line. it's amazing that when you're pregnant or parenting, everyone has an opinion & it's better than whatever you're doing.

kudos to you for only saying "mind your own business" - i know i would have popped off with something incredibly worse. :)

when you're dealing with independent kids in a crowded store, it's absolutely within acceptable limits to give them instructions for behavior - especially if it's out of the norm from what you normally do.

wow... the nerve of some people is absolutely amazing. too bad she doesn't show other moms the same respect she allegedly shows her kids.

take care of you...
J.
mom to chase (4) & paige (due 6.2.08)

I'm sorry, but threatening to call social service!? After she'd seen you with your daughter for a number of seconds!? Something was very wrong with that woman - maybe she was having a really bad day or maybe she has a mental problem of somekind. I would not give her comments a second thought. Good for you for keeping your child safe and with you at all times. It might be a good idea to discuss the situation with your daughter (it may have scared her)and tell her that there are all kinds of people out there and they don't always act the way they should. Remind her too, that you are doing your job as a mom by keeping her safe and WITH YOU.

S. W

We had something similiar happen to my husband about a year ago. We had a long day shopping and our than 3yr old was past his "good" stage. My husband kept trying to get him to stay by us and it wasn't working and my husband was getting upset. Than all of a sudden this women comes up to him and says "Count to 10 Dad" in a snuddy way. I was a few feet away and I couldn't believe her. I wanted to go over to her and tell her "to mind your own business", but I didn't.

I am sorry, but if you do not know someone, I do not feel it is any of your business to tell them how to raise/discipine their child. Now if a child is being abused by the parent, than yes feel free to step in....

I don't care how many times you tell your child to behave and stay by you...it only lasts for so long, as the child gets bored!!!

One of my biggest pet peeves is the busybody that watches you for 2 minutes and then makes a snap judgement based on VERY limited info. She had no business making threats to you in front of your child, but she did it anyway. As tempting as it may be, never get angry in public! (bad example for the children) If something like this happens again while you're shopping, (unsolicited advice, uneducated judgements etc.) Look the person right in the eye, smile big and say calmly, "I think you may have me confused with someone else. I'm here to find shoes, not unwanted opinions." Then walk away.