Short Term Care Issue - Should I Worry?

I think it is good that he is getting evaluated, and he really seems to like it there. I would let him enjoy his last 5 days there.

The provider has to walk a really thin line. She wanted to let you know a concern, while at the same time risks offending you. The evaluation may prove that she is wrong, but with something like autism, the earlier you know, the better. There are definitely reasons for why he acts a certain way around her, but good for her for calling your attention to it. Sometimes an outsider can see things that someone so close to the situation can't. But, at the same time, her experience may be with kids that are more socialized, so it could just be part of his process. Good luck.

Update: just wanted to give you my friend's story. I'm not sure who told her to ask her ped about autism, but she did, and he actually told her that he had seen some signs, but didn't want to mention it!!! Well, with his help, Jake was diagnosed with Asperger's. Now at a good school, he is 3, and they have suggested streamlining him into a Preschool in the fall. He might actually end up ahead in school.

If it is just a few more days and your son is happy going, I wouldn't worry about it. There is a major difference between daycare and preschool I've found (I've worked at a preschool). With preschool, there is a lot more structure and learning. With daycare, it's more about playing and making sure the children are taken care of...so if she runs this more like a daycare (and with so many different ages of children, that is probably the case) then I would guess her only contact with him would be to do the things you are talking about that he doesn't like to have eye contact with. There isn't much more that one daycare worker with several different ages of children can do. If this is not the sort of setup you like for your son, I'd look for a structured program rather than a simple daycare situation where, yes, probably the main adult contact will be to keep your child safe and alive. Yes, there is the gray...my youngest child is currently in a MDO program, but they run it like a preschool. There is structured learning and the children are only with children their own age. Good luck to you!

He will be fine in any environment. Typical kids are not messed up by being around other kids. Are you worried about how he will handle being around peers?

It is a it is a mistake to rule out any developmental issue because he CAN do something on a diagnostic list. Specifically, an autism diagnosis is not undone based on the presance of any one skill, and it is a common mistake parents make when they are in the mist of "you idiot for thinking that- not my kid- reactions."

Pointing is actually one of the biggest indicators, and by having this issue alone, a good pediatrician will make the referral no matter what else he can do, and if they don't you should wonder. You don't want to miss a developmental issue that would respond to early intervention on the basis of making a critical error in understanding this disorder, do you? You should also know that pediatricians have very poor records overall in sending children for evaluation in a timley manner. The point is not to avoid any overreaction, the point is that if you are the 1 on 110, you have no time to waste, so what is the harm in finding out for sure?

You are making justifications that are based on inaccurate information, in terms of eye contact, the issue is not if he looks at you per se, it is what he does with the information he gets from sizing you up while you talk, again, a language issue. It is just usually expressed as "eye contact" because most kids with autism don't use that information, so why gather it in the first place? There is no "inverse" diagnostic rule and that he looks sometimes, will in no way mean he can't also have autism.

Get him screend, your reaction is very typical of parents who see nothing because there is nothing to see, but it is also typical of parents who don't want to see what is in front of them. I would not take a risk and find out later which category I was in if that risk was that I would have a newly diagnosed 7 year old autistic who missed 4 good years of early intervention. You will kick yourself if that happens to you, and you have only the most wonderful things to gain by finding out, intervention or a clean bill of health. In my experience, parents who march in to pediatricians saying, he does not have autism because he can do this, this, and this will not be effective at telling the pediatrician something important, like what the funcitonal issue really is. You have no idea, it could be many, many things that are not autism, but need early intervention just the same. If you go in determined to prove what it isn't, you will not find out what it is- you will kick yourself later, for very good reason.

This is exactly why people should not give you a "diagnosis" if they see an issue, they should just tell you what they see so that you can ask someone who can tell you for sure who really knows what to look for. It leads parents down the wong road as oftne as it helps them seek timely intervention.

Good luck,
M.

Hi,
I don't think you have anything to worry about except this lady. She may not like that he doesn't look at her, but from what you have described he seems fine. If anything I would throw in a few reminders, "look at my eyes when we talk," make a point to correct any mispronounciations, and even though you may already know what he wants have him ask propperly before it is given to him. He needs to learn to express himself by asking for what he wants. And, what ever you do, _don't baby talk to him, he is little yes, but he will mimic your speach and language so if you say a sentence wrong, all the time, that's what he will learn and until he is corrected he will continue to say it that one way. I hope I could be of help to you.
Best wishes, and blessings to you.
A. P

I think you should schedule an appointment with your child's doctor and have him refer you to the local state agency that tests for development (for free), if there are any concerns. Our son was tested because he didn't respond to his name and had a speech delay at 18 months; he's closely been monitored by the state program for two years and he's completely normal. We learned he didn't respond to his name because he wanted to be called something else during a "phase".

His teachers have said he's not as outgoing or energetic as other kids, etc. but he is shy just like his dad. At home he's a chatterbox with energy to spare and his doctor is not concerned - even though to this day he hasn't hear him utter a word (he's scared of doctors/ shots).

The one thing you can look at is what's going on in your home, in terms of changes. This can sometimes affect behavior.

I don't know much about autism, but the one thing my pediatrician told me about my son is that "if he can point, he likely doesn't have autism". He made a big deal about the pointing thing, so in my opinion, it couldn't hurt to have him evaluated.

As for continuing to allow him to go to the in home childcare, it sounds to me like this woman cares about kids. She isn't trying to be mean or single out your kid by telling you of her concerns and I highly doubt she is treating him in a negative way because of it, but only you would have more info on that. If you aren't comfortable with the care he has received, then I certainly wouldn't allow him to return, but if you feel like he is being cared for appropriately and he enjoys it, then why not let him go there until you find somewhere else?

I know it's hard as a parent to hear that there might be something wrong with your child (i.e. autism or any other learning disorder), but I would much rather know and get the right help for them than to ignore the signs and pretend like nothing is wrong to the detriment of my child's future. There are so many therapies that are helpful to kids these days, especially when they are started early, so why not find out for sure and get him the help he needs to be successful if there is a problem? If there isn't an issue, then you can rest easy and know for sure. Best of luck to you in your search for a new childcare that works for your son. I know how tough it can be to find a place that you're comfortable with. This is your baby after all!