Should a 5 Year Go to Her Grandmother Funeral.

I M.. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I was 5 when my granddad died, and my parents chose not to take me to the funeral. This was a long time ago, and people just didn't do that, but I always wished that they had.
I have chosen to take my children to family funerals, and have never regretted it. They get a chance to say goodbye, and to learn that death is a part of life. It also helps make funerals less scary.
I think it is most appropriate to take her. Please do.

Take her! She needs to say goodbye, she needs closure. She is old enough to understand (at least that she won't see her again). My neice and nephew were 2 and 4 when my grandma died. My sister took them to the funeral even though her husband was very much against it. It was the best thing for the kids. They were close to her and saw her almost everyday (she lived next door). At the funeral, they learned that funerals are sad, but also joyous and fun because people celebrate the person's life. They learned to laugh in the midst of sadness as people told jokes and funny stories about her life. During the funeral, they walked up to the casket, saw her one last time and said goodbye.

In the days and weeks to follow, they would occassionaly ask to go see their great-grandma - especially the 2 year old. My sister would just gently remind them that they had said goodbye to her. They would get a sad look for a second, say "oh yeah", and go on with their day.

Fast forward a year to when a grandma on their dad's side died. He refused to let them go to the viewing or the funeral. They never got to say goodbye.... even though they were a year old, they were still asking to see her a year later!

Death is a hard topic but we can't shild our kids from it forever. They need to understand. Understanding at an early age makes it easier for them to comprehend such topics like "don't play with guns or someone might die".... they know it's serious then.

My father died last year and my daughter ws 5 then. I battled the same decision whether or not to take her. But she came to all of it except the burial. She had no trouble seeing his body in the casket and did great. They were also VERY close. I think it is good for them to have closure. I think you should take her with you and just have a nice long talk about what she is going to see and what it will be like and how that body in the casket really isn't grandma anymore, etc. Good luck!!

First- I am so sorry for your loss. Was this your mother? I hope you have someone as concerned about how you are handling this as you are about your daugter. What a great mom you are for being so sensitive to yoru daughter's experience.
I used to facilitate bereavement groups for kids- I highly recommend considering such a thing for your daughter. In the Indy area- there are 2 that I know of: Caterpillar Kids and Rainbow Kids. These are a great resource for kids and parents.
About the funeral- I would say you should take her. Rituals are an important part of grieving. Kids needs the same closure that adults do. Also, it is important that kids see adutls greiving (too often we feel that we need to shelter kids from the sadness). Your daughter undoubtedly will feel sad, and she needs to know that this is normal and OK.
There are some really great books out there to help your daughter grasp the concept of death and grief. "When Dinosaurs Die" and "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" are good ones, and of course "The Fall of Freedy the Leaf."
I would be happy to discuss this all in more detail with you- feel free to send me a note if you like.

Dear M.,
I am in favor of children attending funerals.
My mother died last yesr at age 102.
Our 5 year-old granddaughter was living with us at the time and she had seen great-grandma being cared for by me, my son, and the hospice workers at home until her death.
On the day that she died, we picked her up from school so that she could see grandma before they took her away.( We did not want her to come home and find grandma gone.)
She and our other grandchildren attended grandma's calling and funeral.
In fact several of them participated in the Mass.
It is very right for you to talk with her about it all.
It is just part of our human existence.
I hope this helps you.

I just recently had to go through this as well, but with my father. I took all four of my girls (7, 6, 3, and 10 months) to the funeral. I think it was important for them (at least the oldest 2) to go and say good bye. We would have taken them with us to the wake/viewing, but decided against it due to the condition of the body. One thing I would recommend is discussing with your daughter that you will most likely cry during the funeral. My oldest was most upset by seeing me cry and it really scared her more than anything else that was going on.

Kids handle things WWWWAAAAAAAYY better than adults. Death is a part of life. She may be a huge help in others dealing with it. I know my niece, at THREE, was an incredible source of calm and peace when my fiance died. She grasped and understood WAY better than I did.

TAKE HER! Let her talk about her feelings, ask ?s, etc. You'll be AMAZED at how she handles it!

She is definitely old enough to learn that death is a part of life. Take her and explain that a funeral is a celebration of a loved one's life and a way to say good bye. I'm sure she'll do just fine:)