My son is 4 and in social situations he either does whatever he wants to do even if he is the odd one out, or he follows along if he "Wants" to do so. He starts pre-k in August and I hope that he will listen to the teacher. He has always been difficult to discipline and persistence is required of me. I use time-outs. Lately, he started hitting me when he is angry (totally unacceptable)and I'm hoping he has ended that. I give him consequences and follow through. So, is there anything else I should be doing to help him? Should he get diagnosed, or is it unnecessary? I want him to succeed in school without feeling like the one who always gets in trouble. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead... should I wait and see what happens??
I have been trying to use positive methods of behavioral change and had some good results for a few days! I hope he continues. I told him when he was having a great day that he was such a big boy - now that he is four years old --- "and now that you are 4, you don't hit mommy anymore and you share so nicely with your brothers!" I will add more of these at the right times and see if the hitting episodes will cease. He responded well to this. Right now, I'm at a wait and see what happens. If his behavior doesn't change, or if he has problems in the future, than I will seek more help for him.
Updated again..... May 2009! My son went through so much
I am adding more to this: (one week later!) My son has responded tremendously well with the above stuff mentioned.... so much that my friends and his playmates notice a difference in his attitude and behavior! I found that he needed a cool-off time when he couldn't control his anger...often when he was tired. If he yelled or tried to hit, I said calmly that we don't hit and yell at each other and had him go to his room until he was settled down and could talk about it. I used to try to talk to him when he was upset, but he could not be held and became more angry. Now that I know this, I let him unwind in his room... sometimes he falls asleep and then when he wakes up, we talk about it and he is a different person now! Hopefully, all will be well and I appreciate the help!
Updated again May 2009! One thing is for sure, my son has ADD, but that is not necessarily a bad thing....Delivered from Distration is a great book about ADD. What is a bad thing is that the foods that I was feeding him were causing neurological changes in his behavior. It turns out that children with ADD are more sensitive to these dyes - although all children can be affected in ways that do not show. The foods with artificial dyes.... the huge culprit was Red dye 40. After removing it entirely from his diet - his behavior made a drastic improvement! His motor skills increased, his frustration tolerance level was much lower, his anger, depressive mood, and violent nature subsided immediately! His self-esteem is high now. The effects of red dye 40 create an immediate change in my son's behavior. I noticed it in my own as well - more sensitive, easily angered, and couldn't focus well. My son is doing brilliantly in school, has many friends, follows directions, and enjoys his family! This, I think, is important to share and pass on to others. How many more children are suffering needlessly???
I agree with the other moms. I wanted to add that boys are usually very active and it is best to wait until they are older to diagnose anything. He may grow out of it at some point. Keep up the consistence and you will be great!
Yes , JUST SEE A SPECIALIST TO BE SHURE HE HAS (ADHD) my tow sons have ADHD this means you have to be patient with the part of focusing and remembering not to forget the jumping or goofing off all the time, but, do not confuse that you have to be strict in teaching respect!! Us mothers have the patient and sometimes we let it slide only one thing wrong with that not everybody is like us!! In the diagnosed for school department is best since the teachers are going to be more prepare to work with him and look forward to help him more in finding thins he will be interested in to draw his attention and focus. In diagnosed for medication please go to more than one doctor for opinion and verify whats best for your child trust me!!!
hi...if you want to get a diagnose for your son...never let your pediatrician make the diagnosis. Ped Dr's either medicate everyone or are totally against it. Make an appointment with a child physiologist. If you don't have medical insurance (trough a job)or have medicaid or Healthy Kids. Find your local Children's & Family Center or Family preservation center. They will help you find a qualified Dr for free or low cost.
As far as doing what he wants when he wants and not following the crowd - maybe he is just an independent person, not a follower. Good for him. I wouldn't worry just yet. Keep an eye of him. It sounds like you are conscious and aware that there "could" be a problem, so I am sure you won't let it get too far out of hand before you take action if that is what becomes necessary. You may be surprised - my son acts out a lot more with me than he does with others. He may have no problem at school!
Good luck to you!
Hi There C.,
It sounds to me that your son doesn't have ADHD. The way doctors diagnose and try and prescribe drugs these days is scary. Even if he was, I think there are always different alternatives to help it. Such as, some healthy counseling to help children understand better as to why they can't hit mommy, and other ways of getting their frustrations out.
I have a 7 yr old girl and I have had some problems with her temper when she gets her feelings hurt, or doesn't get her way, etc. And I have thought and thought about what to do, or what is wrong. I have heard good things about "Our Children First". A center to council children. I was hesitant at first, but they are the educated ones that can help pin point any problems. So, after some thinking, she is going to start seeing them soon and from what I hear, I believe this method will help get down to the root of the problem.
So, after all my jabbering,lol, as a mother I would look into other means of fixing the problem, before I let a doctor say that he/she needs to be on drugs. I myself, am just against them(drugs) in a way. The pharmacuetical companies are just taking over with all these new drugs, and they hand them out for a quick fix, because they don't know any other way.
Well, I hope I have been somewhat of some help for you. Good luck on everything!!!
K.
Dear C.,
You have recived many good answers, but I still would like to add my own. I'm in complete favor of testing your child for the possibility of ADHD. You don't have to look at this as a "label", just a means to know how you can best help your child. There are many other rhings that can produce this kind of behavior in a child, but not all things require the same solutions. Once you know exactly what is causing the problem you will be able to start searching for the approach that best fits you and your child.
First of all, you do not need to involve the school, government or anyone else for that matter. You can have your child tested privately by a psychologist and keep whatever the results to yourself. If they prescribe medications which you do not wish to adminster to your child, just say 'thank you' and walk out the same door you walked in. There are many nutritional things you can do to help your child which do not involve medications with questionable side effects. Eliminating sugars and processed foods from the diet is a very important first step.
Again, I would highly recommend you enlist the help of a professional, someone who can pinpoint the root of the situation, rather than speculating on your own. But above all things, maintain exclusive rights over your child and make your very own informed decisions, Do not let doctors or educators tell you what to do. Utilize their services as a means to your own ends.
BTW, I speak from experience. My child was having learning difficulties at school and was being hounded by the teachers. She has a soft and delicate nature, so the constant criticsms from teachers and other kids was weighing on her self esteem. I took her to a P. child psychologist and had her tested. He told me that she was ADD, no hyperactivity, and informed me of her best learning style. (visual/auditory) So I pulled her out of school, found some excellent curriculum which fits her learning style and started to homeschool, modified her diet, and we're doing great! I have no intentions of allowing her "label" to reach the wrong hands, but I now know how to interpret certain idiocyncracies in her behavior and how to manage it. So you see, there are always balanced approaches to things when we look, and as loving parents, there is no one as qualified to make the best decisions for your own child. Blessings to you.
it sounds like you are very on top of your son's behaviour! good for you!!! (i'm not being sarcastic, it's hard to read tone in writing..)
I would say that you should meet with the teacher ahead of time and state that you are there to work with the teacher and that you want to follow through at home w/ what she does at school- you want to be on the same page- so that's what I would do- work with the teacher together to keep your son on track. don't worry, if he becomes out of hand later on there will be plenty of meetings to discuss you getting him to a pediatrician to get a diagnoses/help...I wouldn't rush into anything like a label right now- I would do what you're doing and keep on top of him :-)
do you have charts w/ stickers and things? this might help to & it's a learning tool as well- I posted about it here:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/4962288163155345409
hope this helps!
~L.
Since many kids your sons age act the way you are describing, and do NOT have ADHD, ADHD isn't usually diagnosed until grade school (preschoolers tend to have a very short attention spans, can't sit still or concentrate and can be very obstinate). My good friend's son in second grade just got a diagnosis and is doing much better now that they are in treatment. I agree that waiting it out is really the best thing at your son's age though.Some kids are just more stubborned and strong willed than others (Just ask my mom :))
Since it sounds like you are using good discipline techniques with consistency and following through, one thing you may want to look into is his diet and sleep patterns--both can affect behavior. A really good book about sleep with babies/toddlers/children is Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth
http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...
This guy is the sleep doctor for kids and has done years and years of research on the subject. Though sometimes he tends to write like a Dr and gives a bit too much info--the book is a valuable resource and I strongly suggest reading it. I'm not saying your child does have any sleep problems, but it would be worth looking into if you are having problems with behavior.
Diet can affect behavior too--not just caffeine and sugar (which most of us know) but food intolerances can show up in behavior problems. I haven't read too much about it but my friend that I mentioned above went through that route and even though her son was eventually diagnosed with ADHD, monitoring the diet and good sleep helped make it more manageable.
Here's an inexpensive article on the subject (which I have not read):
http://www.amazon.com/Feingold-solution-assessing-childre...
Hi C.,
I think you should see a specialist just to make sure he does have ADHD. I had my son tested when he was 5 and he is now six because I thought maybe he had ADHD but it turned out that he had Mixed receptive-language disorder. I took him to a specialist in Sarasota that was great. My younger brother who is now 17 has ADD and he has also seen a specialist due to him having problems in school. He is doing great now but be careful that docs just don't prescibe medicine such as Ridlin. It helps to solve the problem while there younger so that they don't have trouble in school when their older. I tried to get my son to see someone in school now but they are very picky and he seems to be doing fine right now but I will be taking him to a specialist I found. I hope you have good luck.
I think you should sit back and see what happens at pre school, but PLEASE go into it with an open mind and open ears to anything his teacher has to say. As a teacher myself, it aggrevates me when people say they don't want their child "labeled". Teachers don't go around with a label maker, sticking unnecessary labels on children with an intent to scar them for life. If your child has issues, wouldn't a parent rather hear it early on when they can keep an eye on things and possibly get some help, rather than be one of those parents who sues the school board when their child is graduating high school because he had gone for so long undiagnosed and/or without getting the help he needs?? Anyway... I have a friend whose son was a very difficult, high maintanance child. When he hit preschool, she thought aliens must have come and sucked out his brain and replaced it with another child's because he was the star student! He was helpful and listened well and all of the children fought to be the one to sit next to him. The SECOND she picked him up from school each day, he was his old self again for her!
Laura H is definately right. DO NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD LABELED. He is just a child and in the pre-k he may change due to the fact that they are not with mom and siblings but are interacting with other children. For instance my grandson 5 started kindergarten . he did not go to pre-k but he adjusted so well and has done so well she had a talk with my daughter and thinks he may not be ready for 1st grade because he was the youngest in his class and did not have pre-k that he might not quite be able to handle it. That is a big decision. You need to let him experience it and go from there. Good Luck to you and your son.
