Should I Feel Guilty? - Troy,TX

I attend everything that I can feasibly go to. Sometimes, it's just not possible to be at every single event so I try not to let it get me down. Sometimes I'm exhausted, sometimes I really think that the family getting a home-cooked meal after the game outweighs my presence AT the game. It doesn't happen on a regular basis, but when it does that's ok, too! ;)

I usually attended everything but there are times when I couldn't and my kids understood. It is not like I blew off everything, ya know? So I don't think you should feel guilty.

boy do you have your hands full. i think your doing a great job! if it bothers you they are eating at the concession stand try bringing a "sack lunch" so to say. you have four kids and all play sports. i would say once a week stay at one childs game. like the first week in the month 8 yr old game second week 10 yr old and so on. but do what works out for you. i think they realize that you support them and are proud of them. do not feel guilty. some parents dont and wont even try. i say your going out of your extreamly busy day and helping everyone. i cannot speak from personal experience as my tots are young. we have agreed that they can play one sport or activity at a time. some parents have soccer, base ball, gym, karate and who knows what else. its all they can do just to drop them off at there games.

Another perspective . . . my 17 year old son decided to not play football his senior year in high school so that he would have more time to work on his music and performing arts (a tough but carefully-made decision).

We fully supported his decision, but I cannot tell you how weird it is to not go to *some* sporting event this school year. We've been doing it for so long now (too long probably).

I have cried a time or two driving by a football field this season, seeing the guys play.

Trust me - these moments will be gone in the blink of any eye. I wouldn't miss a minute if I didn't have to. I know it's tough right now (have been there) but someday you will be glad you soaked it all in while you could.

Good luck and God bless . . .

There's only one of you and 4 of them. You physically CAN'T go to everything. Don't feel guilty! Your daughter is okay with it so you need to be too.
L.

When you have a large family, it's important that everyone understand that mom and dad do what's best for the family as a whole. If you can go to things and it doesn't interfere in a negative way with the rest of the clan, then awesome. But if you can't, then everyone needs to understand that you have to do what's best for the most people, instead of doing what's best for one at the expense of the others.

You are a SAHM for the little ones, too. If she is fine, then you should be fine. You do the best you can and more that many others, so cut yourself some slack.

Don't feel guilty. Even being a stay at home mom you can't do everything and be everywhere. You have limits and if you are going to school that is like working. Having a large family you have to decide what is best for all. And if she's ok that you missed the game don't swet it. I just wont miss every game. I only have two kids and it was not till last year that either started doing stuff that was after school and now it seems like every night almost is something so I can not imagin now hard it is with four. Just do what you can and don't over do yourself or it wont be good for anyone!!!!

Good luck and God Bless!

As one poster said there are 4 of them and one of you. Your daughter is fine with you going to the practice session and so should you. I like the idea of sack lunches for the games. At least you know that they are getting something better than the concession stand.

I have been there when you have to get up early Sat morning and have a game at 7 am and get home about noon. The day is pretty well used up. Then there are the practices during the week when you don't get home until 8 pm.

We did this for about 9 years with my son when he played football. All the home games we attended. A couple of the away games we went to and that included a championship game via ferry across the English Channel and back to Germany. When all of the sports were done we were done. I have NOT attended a football of any kind since and I have only watched a handful of portions of pro football games.

So don't beat yourself up about not attending everything because you just can't. They know that mom supports them just by your actions and how you feel and cheer them on from the sideline whether it be on the sideline or from your home. Learn to be a bit more flexible and it will all work out.

The other S.

All moms are human. We can't do everything, even though we feel pressure to try to do it all!

I have to miss out on some things, and that's OK. Don't drive yourself crazy over things, or it takes away from how well you can support your kids. Going home after the pep rally and having a good meal ready for your kids after the game and being ready to go for the next day is also a demonstration of love.

You can only do what you can do. Don't feel bad about not being able to attend everything. It seems as though you are over-obligating yourself because of where your work assignment is. Work is work - inside or outisde the home and life just mandates that we establish priorities. Maybe you can sit down and look at the schedules and plan together which events are the most important and decide to try to make those. Then if time and energy permits you can include some of the others. When you're not there to observe firsthand, it makes for some scintillating dinner conversation about what happened that you missed.

I don't have four kids dividing my attention so I'm going to answer from a 'I have two kids standpoint'. I do plan on having four kids in the future so I'm interested in seeing the responses.

My rule of thumb is that I will go to every game or event that my children are attending/participating in. When my 2 (or more in the future) kids have conflicting schedules, I will then have to decide which event to go to. I figured I'd go to the oldest, then the next oldest, etc. so that I am sure to have attended their event over the other children's at least once (hope this makes sense).

So if you are asking if you should go, I would say yes. But you should not feel bad if you do not want to go and you just want to stay home to take care of the younger kids. For me, I want to be there (even if they don't care) to see any and everything my children participate in. If you asked my husband, he's probably say skip it. LOL

You have a misplaced sense of Mommy guilt. Go with what is best for the family as a whole, which sounds like getting most of them home and fed something wholesome with time to do homework. Your daughter has already said she's fine. You CAN'T do it all, especially with 4 kids. Pick and choose with what is important to each kid and stick with the "most things" plan. That's healthier for all the kids, not to mention you. You sound like a great Mom, by the way!

It hard but sometimes you have to limit yourself to what you attend. Missing a game here and there is ok.

Atleast you will still be seeing her in action even if you don't stay for the whole thing.

I have to miss my sons games every weekend. I work every sunday from 7am-3pm. His games are at noon. Its hard and sucks, but there no way around it, it bums him out but he understands.

No, don't feel guilty. We can't be everywhere at once and noone can be on the go all the time. Sometimes you have to weight what is the greater good for all the kids. It's a juggling act we do.
But there will be many many more nights like this. Is there any way to better organize the situation in the future? Have them do homework in the stands, or in the car on the way, or during free period at school, or immediately after school before the peprally and game? I've seen moms in the stands with a laptop or smart phone out helping her other kids with homework.
I've fed my kids from the concession stand too and I hate it too. Will your stadium let you bring in some healthy snacks like trail mix, string cheese and bottled water, maybe a thermos of hot chocolate when it gets cold. If you crock pot dinner on game night, it would be ready for you when you all walk in the door at 8. Or prepare it early in the day and just reheat after the game.

I would say that if you have a family member playing in the football game you should go, otherwise I wouldn't bother with every game. I would try though if there was nothing wrong with me like I wasn't feeling well. If it means much to her then I would go regardless. She may not care if you are there or not, she might like to have the freedom of not having a parent there too. She could flirt with some cute guy if mom wasn't watching...not in a bad way.

Being a SAHM does not obligate you to attend everything. You have other things to do, including making sure your family gets enough nourishing food and sleep. You may want to rethink your priorities.

I'm not sure where this cultural "parents must attend every sporting event" expectation came from, but it seems like crazymaking to me. My kids do their events for them, not for me. I'll come to a few to show interest and support, but for the most part I relax and let them have their own lives. We don't expect parents to sit there and cheer for every day of every class. We don't expect parents to attend every performance of every play. Why should sports be any different?

This is *not* intended as a criticism, just an observation. If an expectation is making you crazy, question the expectation.

Good luck.

You only need to feel guilty if you don't care about what your kids are doing.

Mothers don't get any awards for perfect attendance (... do they?). Your real objective is to support your children.

My husband's niece has four very active girls. Mama and Daddy have to divide and conquer most of the time, with Mama going to, say, the pep rally and Daddy going to the game, or Dad going to one girl's game on one side of town and Mama going to another girl's game on the other side of town. The baby of the family (age 2) is learning more about girls' athletics than most kids her age!

If you have relatives living nearby, maybe they might like to be on the support team and go to some of the events when you can't. If you don't, maybe you could talk with your active children and find out what things are most important to them, as far as your attendance is concerned.

The idea is for your children to feel confident that their parents care about what they're involved in. If your children know you care (and it sounds as if they do), you're doing a good job. SAHMs have only 24 hours in a day, too, just like everybody else.