I so believe that children should grow up around animals. It is true that children aren't always as gentle as they should be though, and children of all ages are going to dress up their pets. We lost our cat (14) in April, and by May, I NEEDED another. We ended up with two sisters that were 4 months and actually quite big kittens. My son was 1 at the time. They have all grown up and learned together. My son's favorite thing is to love on the cats, which is really just lying on them. For the most part, they seem to like it and just lay there, even when we ask him to get off them. There is definitely one that takes it better than the other, and we never leave them alone together. They have learned that when they don't want the attention, that they aren't around him, and when they do, they walk all over him.
My sister had a nasty cat that they ended up having to put down because of the aggression to their daughter. She had 2 other shelter cats that saw my niece from an infant, and they have been great with her. She just got a kitten too (my niece is 3.5), and she is fitting in nicely. You can make it work.
I would suggest either a kitten that can learn (you can keep the claws trimmed, and a spray bottle handy), or an adult cat (5 or so) that has previously been around young children. To try to introduce an adult cat that either hasn't been around young kids, or an older one that may not have the patience, isn't fair to either of them. You should definitely see what the personality will be ahead of time, but that can't guarantee you of anything.
Good luck to you!