Should I Have Another Baby - Rye,NY

If you have to ask a group of random strangers...NO.

There are many reasons to have kids...I don't think providing a sibling is the best one.

First of all, you are asking strangers this question.... that is your first clue to your answer.

You have to do what is right for Your family. Every family is different.

I personally think having a baby simply for a sibling is not the way to think about it.

I have an only daughter, turning 16 on Monday. NOT once have I regretted having an only and not once has she ever wished for a sibling.

Having a healthy family, financially, emotionally and being stable is what you need to look at.

For us, we knew from day 1 we were complete with 1.

Think long and hard about this decision and why you are thinking about it. What kind of input do you have from your hubby? If he is at all leaning toward a no......by all means, don't.

If you have another baby, it should be for you--not your daughter. She can make friends. You have to go through the pregnancy and delivery and raise the child for the next 20 or so years. If that fills your heart with rainbows and sunshine, then go for it. If you are cringing at the weight gain and midnight feedings, then get your daughter a new doll and make some play dates with kids her age, and call it a day. Wish you the best!

Every pregnancy is different. Just because you had a bad experience last time, does not mean you'll have one this time. Just remember, that the older you get, the greater your chances are of having multiples. Also, please consider that there are THOUSANDS of children waiting to have loving homes through adoption. Perhaps that is an avenue you'd travel? Merry Christmas!

I say don't do it. I am on my 4th baby at 40 and as you know it is painful and difficult. The difference in my body from 30 with my first to 40 with my 4th is night and day. I am in pain constantly, I have gained the most weight I ever have, I can't sleep, I can't breath, I even get stuck in bed due to back pain - oh yeah, and I am still sick to my stomach daily at 38 weeks. I felt none of this with my first but felt it come on more and more with each pregnancy. With that, I would think your next pregnancy would be even harder than your other two pregnancies.

I would also consider that you are talking about doing this so your daughter has a baby. Hmmmm? I am thinking if your daughter understood what you were considering for her, she would ask you not to do it. People are hung up on having basically an only child but the child typically loves it! Statistically they have a higher IQ, adjust to social situations easier, get more attention from their parents and do not go through the jealousy and fighting that goes with siblings. There isn't a kid in the world that would actually ask for a baby to take the attention of their mother away.

I would just enjoy what you have unless you truly want another baby for you (remember, the 9 months of misery is just a moment in time).

NO! Enjoy what you have! Only children are awesome - I am one!

This is such a personal decision and a very hard one! You should also have a child for YOU, not just for your daughter. I have met people who otherwise didn't have a desire for another child, and had one just for the existing child. It didn't always end up being the best situation. It was very hard on them. While they didn't regret having the child, it was very hard on them and they wished they had better reasoning and realize they should have done what they wanted. (which was not having another.) Weigh your options very carefully. Is your daughter the sole reason you are considering this? How does your partner feel about it? Do you desire and want to conceive, carry, birth, and raise another child? At 41 how hard would it be to conceive? If it took a long time to conceive how old is too old, to be having a baby? (in your own opinion.)There are many other questions to ask, but I feel those are a good starting point.

I had #3 at 45. He was a surprise. I am overweight now and had some (non-life threatening) health issues during the pregnancy. I also had to do a repeat C-Section. And you know what? He was totally worth it.

I disagree strongly with a lot of the other moms. I think it's great to give your child a sibling (of course that's not the ONLY reason to have another but it's a nice reason). I was in the same boat as you. I had my first at 37. I also gained a ton of weight and had a horrible c-section. When she was 6 months old (and I was 20 pounds from my prepregnancy weight) I got pregnant again. And yes, part of the reason I got pregnant again was to have two kids. I am so happy I did that. My 2nd c-section was surprisingly a total breeze compared to the first. My little guy is almost 7 months old now and I'm within 10 pounds of my old weight. And they're starting to interact nicely. Glad I was able to have two healthy babies before I faced fertility issues (and of course even more fatigue as I get older)! Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

if you dont want to do all of that I would say no but you could adopt and avoid all of that

It sounds like another pregnancy would cost you quite a bit health-wise at your age, and for that reason alone, it does not sound wise.

There's a child's future well-being to consider, as well. No baby deserves to be created to fill a presumed need of a sibling – it's not fair to come into the world saddled with such an assignment, and of course there's no guarantee that a new child will have the temperament or even the health to be all you hope for.

Since this baby is more or less a vague dream at this stage, I hope you'll also consider that world population has been growing at the astonishing pace of over 75 million new persons per year, which is over 200,000 additional persons per day, or 8,500 per hour. Until recently, world food production has been able to keep up with the growth, but we are fast reaching the limits of farmable land, ocean fisheries, available fresh water, fossil fuels and other resources. Humans are cutting forests at the rate of 5,000 acres hourly. Human waste and pollution are actively poisoning air, water and land to a degree that is already significantly affecting health and longevity.

Population pressures are increasing public health challenges, poverty, crime, wars. Human industry is very likely changing even the climate on which all our other activities depend. And almost every baby we bring into the world will eventually hope to have babies of their own. At some point, opportunities, resources, and possibilities for future generations will diminish. Many population and social scientist believe that is already happening.

If another baby is optional for you, consider opting out for the good of all. I stopped with one child 40 years ago, and she was (still is!) a delight. Now her only 5yo son is just as delightful and happy. Kids often wish for what they can't have at some point. Kids in big families wish they were only children; kids who are onlies wish for a sibling. That's just human nature.

And onlies do just fine with conscious parenting. They are no more spoiled or babied or lonely than any other kid, and if more family resources are available for their socialization, education and other opportunities, they are content and mentally healthy children.

Go for it!!! If you're determined, you will lose all of the weight so try not to stress over that. You are getting older, though, so it's best to start trying soon as you don't know how hard it will be for you to conceive. A sibling will be a great gift for your daughter and no doubt a huge joy in your life. We don't regret having our beautiful children.

How about adoption? Have you concidered adopting an infant/child? Save your body and the discomforts of labor/delivery and save a life! Help a needy child have a loving home. That would be my vote---Good luck with your decisions.

M

Hi R.,
I understand the hesitation about weight and pain. I have extreme pain in my hips and pelvis when pregnant. If I do not go to the chiropractor, I struggle to even be able to walk. The chiropractor makes a world of difference! It is amazing. I also hate to gain weight during pregnancy. It is hard to get it off, especially as I get older (I am 43). But, I can say without a moment hesitation that it is all worth the temporary discomfort to have the gift of children. I can struggle through 9 months for the joy that a child will give me for generations! I look at my littles and just wonder how different life would be without them. I cannot imagine, and I don't want to even think about it.They are a huge delight to me. The ones that have come later in life bring an extra special joy to us, perhaps because we mellow more with years, and we know that these years are fleeting. Knowing how hard your pregnancy was with your 1 year old, and knowing what a joy she is to you, would you have done it differently? Would you have not had her knowing what you know today? Or, did you make it through and are now thankful for her life. I'm sure you are based on what you have written. I guess I would consider those things before deciding for sure. And, to be honest, you may not even be able to get pregnant again. My youngest is 4. We have not done a thing to prevent pregnancy since she was born. I have only gotten pregnant once since she was born, and miscarried on Thanksgiving. I was 39 when she was born. You just never know if it will even be something you even have to decide, if that makes sense. Blessings.

My 2nd and 3rd C-sections were much easier than my first. With my first one I swore I would never have another child but then we decided to have another, all in all I had 3 C-sections followed by 2 vaginal births (vbac). If I were you I would talk to your doctor and see what he/she has to say and you can always get a second opinion. Hope it all works out for you.
Merry Christmas to you too.