Should I Let My Son Fly Alone?

I completely agree that it's something that you have to be comfortable with. That said, I started flying by myself when I was 4 or 5. There may have been better service provided for unaccompanied minors back when there was better service on airplanes in general! I remember really liking it and feeling very proud of myself. Got to wear the pin-on wings and the flight attendants paid a lot of attention to me. I would recommend you talk to an airline representative about what the realities are these days. Good luck with the decision!

I have done it every year with my son since he was 8. (He is now 14) As long as someone is meeting him at the other side and the flight is nonstop. WE always fly American. There is no way that the flight attendants would not know that he was flying alone. They put a 4inch by 4 inch badge on them and walk them all the way to their seat. It is really safe. They make the kids get off last too. So the flight attendant walks off with them . Good luck.

This is a heated issue - and I am sure to be in the minority. I KNOW that I am a good mom with sound judgement - so I won't be attacked by those with differing opinions - we are here to support one another, NOT Bash one another!!! That being said, My oldest daughter has flown solo 2 times (she is almost 12) - the rules that airlines have in place for unaccompianed minors are very strict. I of course had reservations about it - I was terrified - she did great. She was very well taken care of and it went super smooth. Both times were to visit her grandparents across the country (once alone, once with her younger brother - they were 8 and 10 at the time).

YOU ARE NOT A BAD OR IRRESPONSIBLE PARENT IF YOU LET YOUR KIDS FLY UNACCOMPIANED!! You know what is right for YOU - don't be pressured!! If you are NOT comfortable then you should not do it. I got over my reservations, but still had the mother anxiety - my 3 kids will all be flying home this summer from their grandparent's house - we are driving them there, and they will fly back. I always feel on edge about it, but I also know that bad things can happen in my own back yard. Airlines deal with this all the time - unfortunately lots of kids come from divorced homes and have to fly out of necessity.

There is not "right" or "wrong" here, only what is right for you and your child.

ALSO TO CLARIFY - IT MUST BE A DIRECT FLIGHT - UNACCOMPIANED MINORS CAN NOT CHANGE PLANES - YOU PERSONALLY TAKE THEM TO BOARD AND TURN THEM OVER TO THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WILL ONLY TURN THEM OVER TO THE DESIGNATED ADULT WITH ID ON THE RECEIVNG END - THEY ARE NEVER LEFT ALONE IN AN AIRPORT!!!! I STAYED AT THE GATE UNTIL THE PLANE LEFT AFTER I PERSONALLY PUT THEM IN THEIR SEATS, AND I WAS AT THE GATE THE MINUTE THEY STEPPED OFF THE PLANE!

Best of luck.

E.,
I know it can be terrifing to put your son on a plane by himself, but with my experience, it will all be okay. My 11 yr old son has been flying now as a UM (Unaccompanied Minor) since he was 6 yrs old. He absolutely loves it. You will be able to go to the gate with him and stay until the plane is gone, and whoever picks him up will meet them at the gate. JUST MAKE SURE...all the info on the receiving party's driver's license matches what you put down on the info you give them and that they get there early. My son's father had an issue once b/c he moved and didn't have the new address on his DL yet and they had to call me and confirm everything. So they will not release your child to just anyone. Also, my sister is a flight attendant...so if you want to talk to someone in the business, let me know, and I can get you in contact with her. Like I said, my son loves it. He takes his Nintendo DS, MP3 player, or DVD player and he is content. Now anytime we have to drive somewhere, he thinks its such a drag and says "Can't we just fly there?". Anyway, hope it helps.
T.

I think you have two great clues as to whether this is a good idea or not: First, obviously, is your complete lack of comfort with the idea. Second, and perhaps actually more important, is your stepmother's total lack of respect for your feelings as the mom. I would be so bothered by the pressure she is putting on you, as well as by her "totally acting like you are crazy" that I wouldn't be able to trust her, never mind the airlines! I just think whenever any family member shows a lack of respect for the parent, you have to realize it will transfer to the child one way or another. And if you give into her bullying on this issue, what will happen when another issue arises that she wants to pressure with about? Not only that, but before, you were much closer to him by being in NY while he was in CC. Now, if anything happens (accident, sickness, etc), you will be thousands of miles and an expensive airline ticket away from him. I would just be extremely apologetic but also extremely firm: "I just really hate that we can't be there, but it just isn't going to work this year. I hope y'all will come visit us in Texas later on....have a great vacation, and we'll catch up with you when my job allows it. We love you and will miss you!"

I've become a great believer in boundaries - how important it is to have them and to "insist" that others respect them. The other aspect of him riding on a plane alone is, you are totally out of control of any experience or feeling he may have while he is on that plane (and when he lands....what if something goes awry?). I would definitely not be comfortable with my child being in that situation, regardless of all the reassurance others may give you. I don't think it is safe nor wise. Good luck - I'm sorry you're in such a difficult spot!

Wow so many different responses! Here is my two cents. An 8 year old is not capable of defending himself/herself, therefore I do not think they should be on a flight alone. I know we are all different and have the right to chose the way we parent but personally I feel it is irresponsible to let an 8 year old fly alone. I am not accusing anyone I am just saying I would feel irresponsible. The moment your child leaves your side and is not with an adult you know and trust you are putting him/her at risk even if it is miniscule. Better safe than sorry. And I would tell your step mom to hush it. (sorry) but its not her decision to make. Good luck to you.

About 10 years ago - I let my then 10 y/o daughter fly from Boston to Upstate NY (non-stop short flight) because my mom bullied me into it. Unfortunately, there were severe thunderstorms at the airport she was supposed to go to, so they diverted the flight to New York City!!! We paid the $100 unaccompanied minor fee. When I talked to the airline people they said "don't worry about it, we'll just put her in a hotel" At 10-- in NYC. I don't think so. I ended up driving to NYC to pick her up. All of this was originally to save my mom a 6 hour drive from boston to upstate NY. Ended up taking WAAAAY longer.

We have allowed my 16 y/o step-daughter fly NY to DFW twice- and everytime she's in the air I have major stress. The airlines aren't as reliable as they used to be. The flights can be delayed or canceled at a moment's notice. You can't rely on the airlines doing what's right by your kid, and you can't expect a kid to know how to handle delays, cancelations, etc.

Don't let anyone bully you into anything. The fact that you're not sure about this makes me think that you believe that this is not a good idea.

Get direct flights. Talk to the stewardesses. They handle this kind of thing all the time.

How does your husband feel about this? Your son (all males in fact) need challenges while we (females) want protection and security. Although years ago, my son flew alone a couple of times, I briefed him on what to expect and when you have the airline security paid, they take that VERY seriously. On my son's 4th trip my husband thought he would do well w/o security and he missed his flight! The airline found out he was underage (because I briefed him on what to do to find his connecting flight) and assigned someone to take him while they did their job -- My son LOVED it! While that may not happen today, (or it might) I think the biggest question is what does DAD say? He knows more how to handle his son, trust his judgment. 2nd question is: what is your son like? 3rd: Have you called the airline to ask what is involved with security? Even though your child knows the person - security will NOT had your child to someone who does not have proper ID. Take all information in and discuss with hubby - God grant you wisdom.

Hi E., I think it depends on your child-you know if he will be OK by himself or not. Some kids are more independent than others. I do think 8 is old enough. Just make sure you give me lots of snacks, books, video games, a portable DVD player, whatever he needs to stay busy on the flight. Also make sure that the airline people know he's alone and needs some supervision.

My daughter is 13 now. We are a plane ticket away from ANY family. Last year, I had a couple of relatives visit and my daughter flew home with them on a NON-stop flight. A week later, daughter flew home alone on a NON-stop flight.

We paid a fee of $85 for an escorted child. When my mom took her to the airport in AL, she got a "blank" boarding pass with her credentials so she could escort my daughter to the gate and wait until the plane boarded and left.

In the meantime, hubby and I knew the flight status, we got a "blank" boarding pass with our credentials which allowed us to go to the gate where daughter would be getting off the plane.

The "credentials" are done ahead of time. They include DL #'s, names, addresses, relationships.

When daughter got off the plane (appx 2 hr flight) an attendant brought her LAST, checked our id's, etc and then we were on our way.

It worked well for us. Like someone else said, we can't help what might happen in the air. The security we went through and what my mom went through was thorough. I still would NEVER send daughter, even at 13, if it were not a NON-stop flight. We always fly American as well. You have to do what is right for you. Follow your gut....

She made it fine. I will add, she HATES flying as I do and she made it fine. We have personally been on 3 emergency landings, one of which was exceptionally scary and her flights were only 3 months after the very scary flight we were on. I would say that my daughter is better at flying now than I am....still. We REFUSE to let our fear of flying keep us from enjoying family vacations.

It is REALLY scary to know you are on an ER landing and to see firetrucks chasing you. Basically a BIG TIME wake up call to make sure you are doing things right...LOL

TF

It's up to you but even with the strict rules post 911, you can still walk him to the gate and accompany him onto the plane. Then he has to sit with other unaccompanied minors with an id badge around his neck. Your parents will have to show id to leave the gate with him once they arrive. I wish i had parents that would take my children on vacation so this would be very easy for me but it's up to you and your level of comfort. Good luck!

Hi E.,
I didn't even know it was legal to let an 8 yr old fly alone. However, knowing that it is since other moms have done so with their kids, I still would never be able to do so with my child!
Don't worry about your step mom and pressuring you. You do what you feel is best and if you're not ready to let him go by himself then don't do it.
He's your child and your responsibility, not hers and if anything happens to him, you'd feel the guilt of course because your his mom.
I would just skip the vacation this year, whats one year?
If they want him to come so bad then let your dad come down and do the flight with him. In my eyes, that's sort of like saying for example, since he's been swimming over 50 times you minus well just let him go to the pool alone? You still never know if your child can drown even though he's very good at swimming, same goes with flying alone.
Even though he might be experienced at it, he's still not completely ready to handle something like that on his own, God forbid something ever happen but you just don't know for sure.
Take care and hope you make the best decision for your son!
Have a good Summer.

Lots of info shared here for you - I will say my daughter is 13 - and been on planes many times as well - with us. We are not able to make the "family" trip this year but we are sending her. She is going to be an "un-accompanied minor" and have an escort - which we are paying $100 each way. Well worth the security of knowing there will be no problems or confusion.

Good luck with your decisions....

MY sons now 16 & 14 have been flying un accompanied for years and years. As far as I am concerned it is safe. You can take them to the gate and they get the little tag to let the flight attendants know they are alone. They board the plane first and the receiving end will allow your dad in the terminal to meet him and he will be the first off.

Also, the airlines ask that you hang around until the plane actually leaves the airport so in case they needed to come back, you would still be there.

I was nervous the first time, but its kinda hard to loose a kid in the air, so I stopped worrying!

I'm not sure that I would do that either. As a former supervisor for a major airline in a nother large city here are some things to consider.
If you pay the minor fee that means they will be escorted from gate to gate, ticket counter to gate, etc. The way airlines hire sometimes this might or might not be a great employee. That job does not pay very good. Once the kid is on the plane the flight attendants still have 180 or so people to attend to at one time and your child will not be able to be watched 100% of the time. You will know nothing about the people he is sitting next too as the flight crew will not see what is going on 100% of the time. I have heard cases of children being touched and such on flights. Also if the flight would divert due to weather or any circumstance they would put him in a hotel with a guard outside in the hall way all night. Again...same employees as the escort. Would you be comfortable if your son had to spend the night in some strange city and was in a hotel alone with someone you don't know outside the door all night. My 8 year old would be scared to death.
Just some of the things to take into consideration when making your decision. You have to do what works for your family but I wanted to give you some input of the stuff that could happen and sometimes does.

Thanks

J.

After reading some of these responses I'm sure you are confused as to what to do. I will be clear about my opinion. I have a 15 yr old, 4 and 2 yr old, no way would ANY of them go alone. God put these children under MY authoroity and care, not that of the airlines or grandparents. While I agree about memories of vactioning with grandparents being special, so is your son. It's totally not your fault he can't go and and if they want to come get him, let them. But bottom line, you aren't getting any sleep while he's gone and none of you would ever be able to live with yourself if something happened. About the "chaperone", let me ask you a question. Would you go to the unemployment office and pick someone you don't know to spend hours alone with him? I'm sure you have standards for any babysitter and this is no different. You don't who it's gonna be, you don't know why they do this or even if they should. Then like someone else said, they are ALONE on a plane with 180 other people you DON"T KNOW!!!!! So even if the plane is non-stop and there are no issues with the flight, there are so many "what ifs", too many, in my opinion, to even begin to consider this. IF hubby is not ok with this or willing to go along with your NO, then let him be the heavy. Just tell them you are SO sorry, but after careful consideration and prayer, you just can't let him travel that way without parents. Period. No more explainationi s needed. And unlike someone said earlier, you can protect them, that's your JOB!!! If you don't do it, who will? Do not feel guilty for being a mom. Stay strong, and remember you are setting precedents now for what will come later. :) I support your no. Big time. And shame on anyone who would try to make you feel bad or stupid for this decision.

As Long As It's a nonstop flight and As Long As you pay the extra escort fee for unaccompanied minors, then you're fine. You'll go through security with him and actually watch him take off before you leave the airport. Your dad should arrive BEFORE the arrival time, get through security himself and be WAITING at the gate when he gets off.

Then the only time he's not with either parent is when he's physically ON the plane (which it sounds like he'll be mature enough for). And if something happens when he's in the air... then there's nothing you could've done about that if you were with him anyway... ya know? Sounds grusome to think about it like that, but that's reality.

I understand your feelings, really I do. I only have 1 child (a son) and ALL of our family lives out of state. I fully intend on letting my son fly alone to see family As Long As it's a non-stop flight, the escort fee is paid, AND he's mature enough for it. The gift you give your son with these vacations are priceless and you can't protect them forever! :)

Good luck!

My husband and I had to make the decision of allowing his daughter to fly without one of us. We were a little more comfortable with the idea though, b/c our nephew had been flying back and forth to the Virgin Islands with a chaperone since he was at least 6 or 7 years old. Our daughter was 8 at the time we started putting her on a plane with just a chaperone. Even when her mother and grandmother weren't there to pick her up, the chaperone stayed with her until they arrived. We've had no problem using a chaperone, and our daughter is comfortable with it as well.We've found out that she's fine with it unless her grandmother tells her things like "what if the plane crashes, you'll be by yourself." You should at least try it this once, and see how well you all do with it.

My oldest daughter was 10 when she first flew by herself. She was perfectly fine with the idea, and although I was a bit nervous I decided to let her do it. It was tough leaving her at the airport, but of course everything went great! And she has done it several times since then.

But my middle daughter, who is 9, is a different personality . . . more of a worrier. So I'm not necessarily sure I would be ready to let her fly alone, and I'm not sure that she would want to!

So what I'm saying is to take your son's personality in mind when making this decision. If he seems really comfortable with it, then this should alleviate some of your worries. But at the same time, if you are REALLY uncomfortable with the thought of him flying alone, then don't do it. He's 8, and he'll survive a year without his "typical" vacation! Instead, perhaps you guys can embark on some great weekend activities.

I'm sure he would be fine, but if anything at all were to happen, you'd never forgive yourself. Personally, I think 8 is too young to fly alone-- too young to do lots of things alone. But, I tend to fall on the protective side of the spectrum. We can't let our kids grow up too fast. Go with your gut!

Don't let people guilt you into doing something you know could turn out bad. It's not that he wouldn't show up, it's the people he could encounter in the airport and on the airplane. Strangers do not have the best interest of your son in mind and some sleezy person could totally take advantage of this situation. And what if there was some sort of crazy layover that was unscheduled? Who would be the responsible adult looking out for your son then? It's sad when we have to dissapoint family but the safety of your son is way more important than hurt feelings. It is not OVERPROTECTIVE to keep your son out of unsecure situation.

I think your son would be fine, but you are obviously uncomfortable with it. I do do things I'm uncomfortable with when it comes to my daughter...rational or irrational or silly or overprotective. I don't care what everyone else thinks. My kid, my feelings. Do what you feel comfortable with.

No, no! Think about how you would feel when you were 8 years old flying accross the other side of the country by yourself. Don't take any chances with your children that you might regret or say "If only I had..." or "I should have..."

For sure I would NOT let my son at 8 go on an air plane alone. Your step mom needs to take a pill. you listen to your instincts and dont let others pressure you into something you are not comfortible with :0). Its not the end of the world if he does not go but it would be if something happened. I think its better to be safe....

AJ

I would say no. If your dad wants him to go to Cape Cod, then he can fly out and pick him up and take him. Obviously he has money so he can do it otherwise why would one go to the Cape? Enough, don't let your stepmom bully you. She is no relation to you. You have just started the job. Or the other thing would have had you starting your new job a week or so after you knew the family vacation so this would not have had to come up as it did. Good luck to you. Keep him home this year and do things locally. The other S..

Airlines do a great job of keeping up with the little ones. The flight attendants also attend to them very well. With all of the flying experience that your son has, there probably won't be any issues at all! Let him go!!!

No! He is only 8. I don't care how mature a child is it is not safe for him to fly alone. Point in case, my neighbor, who is 68 years old was flying back from Houston. She happened to be sitting next to a little girl 5 yrs old, who was traveling alone to lubbock, layover in dallas. My neighbor met this little girl and her mom while waiting to board the plane and made friends with them. She kept this little girl entertained during the flight and when they arrived in dallas she was asleep. well, not wanting her to be scared when she woke up, nancy told the flight attendants to make sure she didn't cry when she woke up and realized that nancy was gone. The flight attendants had NO IDEA that this child was alone. They thought she was with nancy. I still shake my head when I think of this. This child's safety had been entrusted by her mom to the airline. They were responsible for her and yet they had no idea that they were supposed to be keeping an eye on her. A pedophile could have easily sat down next to her and assaulted her without anyone knowing. Trust your motherly instinct. Don't worry about offending your step mom. You only have one son. there will be other opportunities for vacations.

The airlines really take extra special care of kids flying alone. How does your son feel? If he is confident, I'd say go for it. If he is unsure, then I bet there is another solution that would work for everyone.

I would not do this!!

When my kids are that age, I would love to let them do that. But I'm a fraidy cat, and won't. I'm just too scared that something, ala 9/11, would happen and they would be scared and alone. So, no I wouldnt. But I wish that I wasn't such a scaredy cat.

There is NO WAY my 8 year old would be flying alone. Trust your mommy gut...you can't always worry about what everyone else thinks. If something happened to your son you would never forgive yourself. And 8 is REALLY young to me.

If you are straight up uncomfortable, then that is the way that it is. One vacation isn't worth ruining family relations permanently - which is what would happen if something happened to your son because they 'forced' you to let him go.

That said, if there are no change of flights, I would probably be ok with it - given his experience on planes. FWIW, you check them in with a stewardess - who puts a tag on your kids with a list of who can pick him up and who is responsible for him. He will board first and sit in the row closest to the stewardess jump seats. He will not unboard until everyone else is off the plane, at which time the stewardess takes him to the podium to meet whomever is supposed to pick him up. That person has to have picture ID and match the name on his card. They sign the card and the stewardess takes it. That is how SWA has done it for at least 10 years. In an emergency, the stewardess is his 'mom'... he just needs to know to stay with her (or him) like glue if they have to get off the plane (mechanical failure requires change, whatever).

On the other hand, if there is ANY CHANGE OF PLANES - there is no way my kid would go alone.

How do your husband and son feel about it? My husband would be quite willing to be the bad guy, as in - you know, dad - I think he'd probably be ok, but Mark has said that there is absolutely no way his only child is getting on an airplane at 8 years old by himself - he couldn't live with himself if the line were extinguished. Your dad (if not your stepmom) should surely appreciate.

S.

You are his mom. You know him better than anyone else. Go with your gut and don't worry about what other people say. They may be mad if you say no, but would you rather have a frightened 8 year old or a mad adult?
Remember that you get to decide for your son and that you truly know what is best for him. I don't think I would let my son go by himself, but that is because I know him and know that wouldn't work well for him. Other 8 year olds might be completely fine with traveling alone. You decide for your son....
You are a great mom for taking such good care of him!!!

There is more danger in being an overprotective parent then there is in allowing your child to participate in the unaccompanied minor program. We cannot protect our children from everything so our job is to prepare them to protect themselves. By allowing your child to fly unaccompanied via a formal program, you are helping them mature in risk mitigated environment.

In a situation where divorce is involved - the court documents and the mother and father are the only parties involved. Your step mom has no official involvement in this - however, I am sure she has good intentions.

Some respondents to this have assumed incorrectly that the step-mom is your child's step mom. They should learn to read more closely before ranting about things.

Good luck and I hope everything turned out o.k.

I do not believe that an 8 year old person should be permitted to fly on his own. I'd check with the airlines, however, I believe that the minimum age for a minor to fly on his own might be 12 years of age.

Hope this helps.

D McKinzey

I say if you feel uncomfortable then he doesn't go. Frankly every time I have ignored my isntincts something bad does happen. Besides your stepmom is not the one who gave birth to him, you are. So the way I see it- what you say goes. And don't let her make you feel guilty. Because ultimately if something happened it would be you who suffers the most from the decision. But if you think your son is mature enough to handle it then call the airline see what special accomidations they can make for him and see if that makes you comfortable. The other mom said her almost 12 year old kid flew alone, but I know girls mature faster and 12 is at a different level than 8. Do what you feel is best, you are the mommy!

I'm with you.....if you do not feel comfortable then I would not let him fly alone. I have an eight year old boy that I will not let him stay alone for 20 minutes to run to the store much less let him ride an airplane alone to NY....especially with all the delays and such that the airlines are experiencing. The grandparents should understand and respect your feelings. If they want to spend the time with their grandson it sounds like it would be easier for them to come here. Final thoughts.....you and your husband need to feel comfortable with whatever decision you make.

Rather be safe then sorry. Should be everybody's motto.

If you really feel uncomfortable about letting your son fly alone don't let him. It doesn't matter what the step mom thinks. It's not her son that is getting on the plane. If they want to see your son why don't they fly down here and have a vacation with him here for a change? The other grandchild can fly down with them.

I wouldn't do it. Call me overprotective, too. I'd rather me be called that than something happening to my child.

I would let him fly, because from what I have seen the airline staff does a wonderful job of staying with them.
I would let him take the earliest flight out, because i've read that early flights are opt not to be cancelled. My son flew by his-self when he was around 8 yrs old many, many years ago, and was treated wonderful. He even got the airlines wings from the pilot. Not sure if they still do that or not now.
It's still your call. It's a different era now.
Your are the parent, and it your decision.

My advice is to do what you feel comfortable with. You said that you "do not feel good about it." As a mom of two boys, 12 and 7, I have learned over and over again to trust my "gut" and not worry about what others think. You are his mom and you need to feel comfortable and your step mom should not pressure you. My oldest son flew alone for the first time when he was 11 and I was a little nervous, but knew it would be fine since he is VERY mature and my husband was meeting him on the other end. Good luck!

My opinion is this: you are his mother and if you don't feel comfortable with it, that's the end of the discussion. It would be one thing if it were a quick little 40 minute SW flight to Houston or something, but that's a long way. I say listen to your gut. Your job isn't to make your parents happy anyway. Hopefully they'll understand and respect your decision.