Should I Throw Him a Surprise Party?

it's a neat idea, but anticipation is SO much a part of the fun at this age.
i have to say, i'd have little patience with the sulks.
that would mean that i'd have a party, but he wouldn't get to pick. i'd simply plan a home-based party, with a pokemon theme.
and yeah, no telling the guests what they should buy as presents.
khairete
S.

I think surprise parties out people on the spot. He doesn't sound like a particularly spontaneous kid but more of a perfectionist. That's a lot of pressure. And please don't tell guests what to bring. Tacky!

Yours is the exact reason why you don't give "power" to a kid regarding birthday parties. You offer suggestions, he poo-poo's them. You don't give a party and he sulks and cries.

You're the mama. BE the mama. You decide what kind of party you're going to throw. You let him CONTRIBUTE his opinion to the guest list. You get the final say over how many and who comes. If he argues with you? Then NO PARTY.

No surprise party. You would be playing with fire. Mr. Nine Year Old Sulker could decide to have a pity-party in front of everyone, fussing because you didn't do this or didn't do that or why isn't so-and-so here. He needs to have the EXPERIENCE of mom dictating TIGHT parameters to him about what this party WILL consist of and how many guests can come so that he is used to the concept and will not have a melt-down on party day.

You are the leader. He is the follower. Even for birthday parties.

I think the surprise party could be fun, but telling the kids what to bring as gifts, or to bring gifts at all, is super tacky. If you want to have that theme maybe you could buy a big pack and hand out cards as party favors?

Maybe just ASK him what he wants, if he doesn't like any of your suggestions. Not all kids are into the "party" thing, some would rather just have a few friends over.
Remind him that a party is HIS choice, and if he chooses not to have one, fine, but no crying or complaining about it later (he's old enough to understand that.)
I for sure wouldn't have a surprise party at his age, he may hate it and then what? Send all his friends home? Nope. His birthday, his call (within your budget and boundaries of course.)

Hasn't he asked about a party this time around? Will you just tell him, "Sorry, we cant' do it this year" so you can preserve the surprise? I would think that would make him sulky again before the surprise party. Not sure if that's worth the surprise at the end.

The idea of having and planning a party this year could give him as much pleasure as the party itself. He might love being in on making the invitations (he could make them look like Pokemon cards), planning and making a cake with you, picking out the exact type of pizza and ice cream he wants, setting up in advance etc. The anticipation of the party may be hugely fun for him, so if it were me, I'd skip the surprise part and get him really involved in the planning. It kind of extends the fun prior to the party itself, if the kid gets to make choices and be involved.

I think the surprise idea is great it will be fun. I think telling people what to bring as a gift is tacky.

If you think he'd be receptive to a surprise party , great!! Done people hate surprises ( I'm one of them)

However, if you tell people what to bring..... Oh so tacky.

Possibly go with Pokemon theme if he loved Pokemon but never suggests to potential guests what gift to bring.

I think he would like it. Some kids get overwhelmed with decisions about parties. It's not that he doesn't want one,it's that he is paralysed over making it perfect.

One time my youngest, who was that way, went with me around to "kidnap" his guests! They were surprised and it was great fun with just a board game and a cookie cake. We told the parents we would bring the kids back in a couple hours and we did! No stress, lots of fun had, DONE.

To tell you the truth, I would give him one more chance to make a decision, with a limit. " By Sunday, let me know what kind of party you want, or we will just have family cake and ice cream. "

Then I would throw him a surprise party, but do not tell people what to give him as gifts that is not considered polite.

My husband us terrible about making these type of decisions and it drives me insane. If I give him a deadline and stick with it he does a lot better.

I think your plan is fine!

You are putting too much pressure on your son to make decisions. Take control. Just tell him, "We are having a birthday party for you this year." "I was thinking of doing a Pokemon theme and inviting your friends (insert names here).""We will have pizza, cake, and ice cream."

All that being said you can then give him a few choices. Don't give too many choices though. It will only overwhelm him. "Would you like a bouncy house?" "Or a pinata?" Be sure to let him know that once a decision is made and things ordered (or not ordered) he can't change his mind. He is 9 years old and old enough to understand that once explained to him.

He understands parties; he doesn't understand PLANNING parties. He thinks they just happen. A lot of kids can't make decisions.

So I would invite his friends. Then I would decide on what kind of party to have. He may well get overwhelmed by huge parties - so scale it back. When our kid was 9, we invited 9 or fewer guests. When he was 6, we invited 6. Do not invite the whole class - it's too much. Besides, I don't want my kid getting 25 gifts! If you have a smaller number, then the birthday child can (and should) open his gifts in front of the guests and they should be able to see his pleasure in opening. Otherwise, the gift is just the "price of admission" to the party, and people think your party is a big gift-fest where the parents try to recoup the cost of the entertainment by raking in 25 presents! Teach your son the etiquette of opening, oohing/aahhing, saying thank you, and putting the gift aside until later. He may not know this, and it may not be what he has seen at other parties. But teach him anyway - he is to be equally appreciative of every gift, say "Thank you for choosing this. I really like it" (no matter what).

Then set a budget. A bouncy house is not cheap (and there have been news reports this past week of them blowing over with kids in them, so parents may be nervous and you'll need to check with your insurance agent). You could do a Pokemon theme with a few decorations and a Pokemon design on the cake. But kids this age aren't always into themes.

Another thing that is making a reappearance is older style party games - sack races (get old pillowcases) and scavenger hunts (9 year olds are able to read the clues), water balloon or egg tosses (be sure to pick up ALL broken water balloon pieces due to bird/small animal hazards), and so on. Go to the library for a book of party games and get all the rules. You can also have the kids wear bathing suits and run through the sprinkler - at 9, they can entertain themselves for a good chunk of the time.

Don't over-supervise, but do decide what your rules are. A lot of families don't allow gun-play, for example (especially now). So if it's outdoors and you have water play, decide about water guns ahead of time. (You might say "no" just to be sure everyone is comfortable.) Then have alternatives and suggestions, but not a ton of organized games for the whole day. Plan on 3 hours for the party - at this age, the parents drop off and come back to pick up. You don't have to feed them all. Pizza and snacks and maybe one alternative for the kid who is gluten-free or dairy-free would be fine.

Inform your son of what's happening but don't give him too many choices. You should be upbeat and confident so that he knows it will be fun.