My daughter is 17 and currently a Junior in high school. She was invited by her boyfriend, whose a senior and 18 years old to go in a limo with 2 other female friends of his, who are seniors, down the shore to Wildwood, NJ for 3 nights. Another couple was supposed to go but they backed out so they are looking for other people which is why my daughter was asked. They have been dating for about 8 months. I think she's too young to go away without adult supervision but next year she will be going away to college and she will be on her own so I'm torn. Please help with advice!
Thanks so much for all of your wonderful advice. My husband and I discussed it and both agreed it was a bad idea so we told her NO! We told her she is only 17 and too young to go away for 3 nights without any adults. She wasn't happy but someday I think she will understand especially if she has kids of her own.
Both my kids did a beach trip right after prom their senior year. The difference is there were parents chaperoning. Discretely but there.
No, I would not be okay with kids going to the shore without supervision. Most parents I know would not be comfortable with this, even the parents of the seniors.
Sounds like a big accident waiting to happen. No.
No, and I would talk to her about getting on birth control. Even if she is not planning to have sex right now it takes birth control a few weeks to become fully effective and teens rarely plan that far ahead when it comes to sex.
Nope especially Wildwood!
i'm all about giving young adults the freedom and responsibility they need to develop judgment, and that includes making mistakes.
however, this situation seems all about the mistakes and way, way too much temptation to make bad decisions.
there are absolutely circumstances under which i'd let a responsible 17 year old go somewhere without parental supervision, but a party town for three nights with high school seniors (they must not be renting, no one would rent to kids without adults present) and one her boyfriend? and her not on birth control?
heh.
kinda weird too that inviting your daughter is an afterthought.
this situation is just fraught with peril.
khairete
S.
Seriously? No. No, no no no no. And then? Still no.
I wouldn't let 4 (or 6 or 8) teen boys go with no adult supervision, or 4/6/8 teen girls. I know your daughter was kind of an after-thought so is this just to get help with the expenses? I doubt it! It's interesting that others backed out - I wonder if parents put the kibosh on that.
The whole liability issue bothers me. There's the sex but there's also the drinking and the smoking pot and who knows what else. There's the whole issue of a rental to a bunch of teens (so someone's family either owns the house, or someone did some fancy falsifying to a real estate manager about who's renting this. The post-college short rentals are bad enough, but a post-high school rental with no adults? That's a huge red flag. (And I'm not a prude - I know my son went on a post-college senior week thing and what all had to happen to make that possible.)
I'm curious about the limo. Where did that come from, and why? I think of that as a prom/bachelor party thing where there's drinking or just kids who are too young to drive others at night. Why hire a limo to go to the shore? Is someone paying for a limo for the whole weekend? If not and the limo is just to get them there and back, what's the weekend plan? To sit in the house and just walk to the beach during the day? I'd investigate this a whole lot more. I'm guessing you don't have anywhere near the full story. I think you need to talk to whatever adults have been involved: the homeowner, the person who signed the rental contract, or a chaperone.
While it's not impossible for teens to date for 8 months without having sex, it's also not uncommon for teens to fail to tell Mom and Dad when they are.I hope you will have more than one talk with her about this. If you daughter thinks that condoms are a reliable for of contraception by themselves (even assuming the guy knows how to use one properly - which many do not), she needs to be better educated.
D.
Welcome to mamapedia!
You don't have a close enough relationship with your daughter to know if she's having sex?
Do you trust her?
My son is 18. He wants to go on a beach trip. I know all the kids and parents involved but for one. None of them are dating. So we are okay. However, our son is 18.
Personally - I think that if there is no parental supervision? I wouldn't let her go. It's a SENIOR trip not a junior/senior trip.
I know 17 year old's can be stubborn and think they are so very ready to be treated like adults because they are so close, most have legal adult friends, etc. BUT, she IS a minor, and you letting her go off on a trip like this for 3 nights would be irresponsible. What if something happened? YOU are legally responsible for her at 17. I'd just tell her no, you cannot not risk it. She can wait until she is 18, and she will have plenty of time and years ahead of her for these kinds of trips.
If it were me I wouldn't let her go.
Her boyfriend is off to college - this is a celebration/last hurrah for him.
Next year will be her turn - she's jumping the gun.
It's very likely they are already sexually active - so that argument is irrelevant.
He should be dating other people when he goes to college - and she should be dating other people during her senior year - and she might very well go to a different college than he does.
Very few high school relationships survive when one/both go off to college.
When she is in college she will do what she wants - until then she's a minor and unsupervised teens in can get into a lot of trouble.
Make plans for a family trip (to a different location) and go do it with her while the boyfriend is celebrating his graduation.
Call it a kick off for your daughters senior year.
I'm a bit confused... your daughter is a junior, but going away to college in the fall? I think you meant that she will be going to college in a year, right?
I would not be comfortable sending my kid off with a group of friends on a roadtrip for four days without an adult present precisely because there will be sexual activity. More importantly, you should know whether you daughter has been working with a gynecologist or other female health provider to ensure she has full information about STIs and sexual health/pregnancy prevention. It's high time, at 17. Without that knowledge, I CERTAINLY would not send her off with a boyfriend and several other teens over night. ETA: Diane B raised quite a few other issues with regards to the likeliness of drinking, drugs, and legalities. I think this trip definitely would not be a good idea this year.
For me that would be a heck no. I would not even let me son's go with friends like that without adult supervision. You are right they will have sex is you let her go.
Haha! I'm with Patty K on this - you had me as a maybe til I realized we were talking about Wildwood! No way!! (This is not about being "on birth control" - the guy might own condoms - this is about what is likely to happen overall for those three nights.)
No. I would not allow it. When she's in college is when she can do this. Not now.
Personally, I would not. I would trust my gut. If you don't feel she is ready to be away without adult supervision, then she likely isn't. A year can make a big difference.
I wouldn't let her go. She's almost an adult, but not quite. I think it's ok to simply say that you're not comfortable with the situation.
Next year is next year. It's important that you do recognize that she will be making her own decisions at that time, but it's also ok to say, nope, not yet.
It's easy for all of us to say that she is still in high school and should stay a "kid" a little longer, because we have a different perspective in life than she does. So she's probably not going to like you saying no. Still, she doesn't have that perspective, and there will be plenty of time for her to have trips like this when she is an adult.
No. it's a SENIOR trip. NOT a junior/senior trip.
The fact that there are no parents there? No. Even if they are "next door" No.
I would say no. Her turn is next year. (We sent my daughter to Disney world for a week for her senior trip. She stayed at her friend’s time share with her friend’s mother and grandmother.)
Dear D.,
Tell her no, not his trip. Have more talks with your daughter...
Good luck,
P
Updated
Dear D.,
Tell her no, not his trip. Have more talks with your daughter...
Good luck,
P
Updated
Dear D.,
Tell her no, not his trip. Have more talks with your daughter...
Good luck,
P
Updated
Dear D.,
Tell her no, not his trip. Have more talks with your daughter...
Good luck,
P
I'm really confused as to why her boyfriend is planning a trip with 2 other females (and the couple who backed out) and is just now asking his girlfriend to go??!!!??? So if she doesn't go, he's just going to go with the other 2 girls??? Not ok in my book if I was his gf!!!! IDK, what I would do honestly, my daughter is 13 now. I do know that when I was as young as 15 I was staying pretty much wherever I wanted, but my parents were basically absent in my life. It seems like she's been dating this senior guy for 8 months, they've most likely had sex, but who knows..... Is she on birth control? knows about condoms, etc? I'm leaning towards letting her go and have fun!
Absolutely NO!
It has of late become a "thing" to pressure young people into participating in sexual encounters that they would not ordinarily entertain.
The BF and two lesbian friends is a red flag. It may be entirely innocent, but all too often it's the premise for peer pressure and manipulation. Especially accompanied by alcohol and/drugs.
I would not let my 17yo daughter do this.
