My sister-in-law is getting married for the second time. My husband, daughter, and myself are all standing up and it sounds like it is going to be a smaller (200 people) extravagant wedding. She has everything already from being married for 10 years to her ex. Her fiance's mom is throwing a shower for her and invited me. I really don't feel like I should get her a gift because she has had a shower how many years ago. Just wondering what everyone else thinks - I don't want to be the bad sister-in-law.
I probably will get her something small. She is just someone who has and gets everything she wants. Everything is always new - I know it is a jealousy thing on my part. I didn't mean to sound like I wasn't happy for her.
First of all, I personally don't think that 200 people constitutes a smaller wedding. That's fairly large in my eyes. Because it's larger, you coudl comprimise and do a smaller gift of like $20 for a shower gift. I would still spend an equal amount on a wedding gift as they will have spend on a dinner for the 3 of you at the reception. (probably $50-$100)
The day is about hopes and wishes, and the ones from her first shower were obviously lost or destroyed. Whether she has or deserves more stuff is not the issue. Don't even think about money - think about whether or not you want to contribute to her happiness. It doesn't have to be material, if that is what you're begrudging her.
I think that the shower gift is supposed to be a way to wish the couple well and to help them get started in their new life together. So whether you gave her a gift for a shower for her first marriage doesn't necessarily come into play in regards to the shower gift for this marriage. The two don't really have much to do with one-another.
Since she's already been married and has all of the things that young, new couples don't have, maybe you could just give her something symbolic of your good wishes, rather than something pricey to start off the new couple... Although, if she's divorced from her first husband, perhaps she didn't actually retain everything and does have items she needs?
Hi A.
I think that showers are more for the lady getting married than the man. You get them both a gift for the actual wedding. I have very strong feelings towards marriage, I came from a broken home and I am on the same page as you. She already had a shower I would not feel she should have another one. But I agree with one of the other ladies that if you do get her something it should be a marriage book or self improvement book that can help them grow in their marriage together. Some books I really like are Personality Plus and The Five Love Languages, I think everyone should read them. You will need to give it to her with tact though so she doesn't feel you are attacking her for getting married for the second time. If you are in the wedding you are probably pretty close, so it is ultimately your decision on what to do. I hope that everything works out for the best.
Take Care and God Bless
S.
I would get them a gift certificate for a restaurant or theater tickets or something along those lines. Doesn't sound like they need more STUFF to collect dust.
Maybe you could get them a book or something that would encourage them in the new marriage.
This might be a 2nd marriage for your sister-in-law, but it is the FIRST marriage to your brother-in-law....
I had wedding shower for my 2nd marriage. It was the first marraige for my husband and he shouldn't be "punished" for me already being married before.
Also, 200 people is not a small wedding. I dind't even have that many at my 1st wedding...lol
Get them something small - maybe something that is personalized for the 2 of them....
I have been to a few second wedding showers. I would just get something a little smaller and maybe not the typical, towels, (starting out type) stuff. I think all marriages should be celberated. Maybe get her a nice wall hanging with something about family or happyiness poem or something. Or get her a certificate to a salon or somethign for a massage or a manicure.
Hi A.! A shower gift for 15-20 dollars is a small price to pay for keeping the peace. A shower for any marriage, let alone a 2nd one, is a good way to show support and love. It's not just about the gifts.
I would suggest the Wedding Day candle from Yankee Candles or a gift cert. for a pre-wedding massage or pedicure. You won't be the bad sis-in-law, you will be the thoughtfull one!
I agree with Kelly B. It may not be HIS first. (Besides.. I have lots of friends who joke as to how great it would be to have new showers when you're married 10 or 20 years (a celebration in itself these days)- after all- that stuff doesn't stay new forever!)
I presume this is your husband's sister? I'd see if she registered and get her a nice gift. It sounds like an upscale wedding- and I'd gift a gift accordingly. Especially since you're standing up for her.
Whether she gets everything she wants or not, protocol is she's entitled to a shower, gifts, the whole shabang. I'm guessing this is your husband's sister? If so, I'd definitely get something, and something nice to keep the peace in the family! Why borrow trouble when you don't have to? What does your husband say about your feelings? Does he know? I guess no matter what, I'd put my personal feelings in check and do the right thing. Get her something nice and welcome the new brother-in-law warmly.
