I have DS and DD who are 3 weeks shy of 4 years apart (turning 9 and 5) in birthdays and this year I'm planning to have a joint party at a park. I need to send out invites but don't know if I should mention anything regards to gifts such as "gift optional, no gift please, etc". I don't want them feel pressured to bring multiple gifts to each kids and want them to know that but feel awkward even bring up "gift" in the invites.
Most guests will be family, mutual friends with a few kids from DS's sunday school class that my DD doesn't know. Should I send separate invites for these kids just mention DS's name??
Also another dilemma is that I have a DS who turned 2 in Feb but we didn't have a party for him and I thought I could add him in the party or at least have his own cake and sing a song to him. I don't know if I should add him to the invites and let guests know about this or just do it without mentioning it first.
Park is reserved but I am stressing out over this invites and time is running out, I need to send these out as soon as possible.
WWYD???
Thank you for any advice.
Thank you all for great response. It is still 50-50 on whether to mention "gift" or not in the invitation. I guess it is my guilt and I feel bad that I didn't get to do a b. day party for the 2yr old DS (poor 3rd child! LOL) and this is the reason I thought I could at least add his cake so people can sing to him. I don't care if he doesn't get any gifts and I probably wouldn't even mention his name in the invites but I didn't want people to be surprised or offended if I ask them to sing for the child that was not mentioned in the invitation, kwim? (would they feel offended, I don't have to mention his birthday month although some folks will know). I know he will not know now but when he is older, he will not have his 2nd birthday party pictures. We had a family dinner in Feb at grandparents house and just had a cupcake and a candle for him along with other Feb. birthday relatives, didn't even get the picture taken, no gifts were present so I don't feel it was a party for him... Now what can I do LOL?...
Please no mention of gifts in anyway shape or form. It is rude to suggest people to spend or not to spend their money..or how to spend it. People will bring what they want to bring so let it go. A joint invite is fine.
I'd do separate invitations... For people who are only friends with one of your children, have an invitation with just that child's name. For people who would come to 2 separate parties bc they're family, friends with both etc, then put both kids' names. I wouldn't mention your 2 year old at all in the invitations. I had a situation like that once and didn't mention anything bc I didn't want gifts etc. I just pulled out a cake and said "come sing!". I might let it go altogther though since he's only turning 2. 3 bdays at one party might be a bit much. He's so young he has no idea what's going on and a Feb bday was fairly long ago now.
I do joint b-day parties and I send separate invites. For family and friends of both my daughters, both of their names are on the invite. For my older daughter's classmates & friends, I send one with just her name. That way, they don't feel pressured to bring two gifts, but the family & mutual friends know they should.
The way that I got out of having everyone bring gifts to the party this year was that I didn't call it a birthday party. My son wanted to do an egg hunt last week as part of Spring Break. It was 4 days before his birthday, and all of his neighborhood friends were going to be there. So I planned and egg hunt and then as kids were eating pizza, I said, 'By the way, Carson's bday is in a few days and we brought cake to celebrate!'
In your situation, I might send out invites to just 'Friends' picnic' in the park and not mention the birthdays.
As for family and bringing presents, either open the gift as they arrive, then place it in your car, or wait til the very end. For us our family came to the egg hunt and one brought a gift that he opened at the end. No other guests complained about not knowing, etc.
M.
My sister is having one for her two children this weekend, they will be 1 and 4. In the invite she said, if you plan on bringing a gift, please only bring a gift for one child. I thought is was tasteful and actually considerate; then the guests are not left wondering. Not sure if your children are at the age that they won't be comparing who has more. I also don't think the 2 year old is going to know the difference if you dont have a cake or sing.
We just did the same in February. I left mention of gifts off completely mostly because I find that people DO NOT listen if you tell them NOT to bring gifts.
Then the people that actually DID NOT bring anything feel weird because so and so showed up with items anyhow.
I just invited everyone to the party - period. 99% of people showed up with gifts for both kids - which is very kind and gracious - and those that only bought for one (my son's friends from school, etc) were fine too - there was so much going on neither kid noticed.
Have fun!
Don't mention anything about gifts...I always find that tacky. You can do a seperate invitation for the Sunday school friends. Also-I don't think you should add your 2 yo on. First of all-he is only 2 so he is not likely to feel slighted. If so you tell him he gets a big party when he turns 3. Also it is not fair to his siblings who do have a birthday or the guests who will feel compelled to bring him something as well. It actually kind of seems like you are fishing for gifts for your 2yo by adding him on.
Personally I find it helpful when people mention whether gifts are OK or not. I love getting gift but I know some people do not want the clutter or they have guidelines to what kind of toys or items they find appropriate, so I like to know. Most invitations do not mention this so I just end up asking when I RSVP which works.
Gift optional seems like a nice idea. It takes the pressure off :) But I like to know if parents do not want gifts so if you do not want people to bring gifts definitely mention it.
I just read Victoria's response & since she said every single thing I was going to I don't need to repeat it. Follow her instructions & you'll be all set. Best wishes to all of your kids & for a fantastic party!!
yes, I think "no gifts please" is appropriate to add to the invite.
I WOULD send a 'different' invitation to the kids that only know/are friends with your son and not your daughter. They don't need to know anything about celebrating daughter's birthday, and it will only further complicate the whole "gift giving" issue. If the issue comes up once they arrive at the party, just tell them, you are doing both their parties at the same time since they are close together. They are under no implied obligation to bring a gift or do anything else for your daughter. And she will be oblivious as there are all the other people there that are celebrating with her.
For the people that know and love both your kids and are invitees of both the kids, they will probably figure out their own way to deal with gifts. If I were a guest, I would figure out something that they could share or use together, or something that I didn't mind getting 2 of. Or if I needed more direction I would call you up and ask. So don't sweat that part. I often think that some of the more unconventional birthday gifts are the best. A beach towel and a pair of sunglasses for kdis with a warm weather birthday is usually a hit and not too expensive that they couldn't do the same for each kid, but have the towels be different. Something like that.
As for your 2 year old. I would NOT do a cake for him or include any part of his birthday celebration in this party. The time for that was back in February. It didn't happen, but it's too far gone now to try to compensate. He's 2. He isn't gonna care anyway, as long as he gets to eat some of SOMEbody's birthday cake. :)
Just make sure you plan early enough next year, that he does get a party within a week or two of his birthday (if you want him to have one). But a shared birthday experience in May for a February birthday for a 2 year old is just too far gone. So skip that idea.
btw, for what it's worth: my son and daughter are 19 days shy of being exactly 3 years apart. So we are faced with Joint birthday party or not, every year also.
Three invites... his, hers and theirs. Don't add the 2 yr old. Honestly, he won't know otherwise and you didn't do a party, but if you celebrated as a family that's enough.
I really think you should NOT do the two year old's cake at this party. That was 2 months ago.He had his party with your immediate family and that was his! This party is for your other two kids. He had his time. At two he would be confused as to WHY he is having another birthday when it is not his birthday and in the future he might expect to be included in other parties as well. I would drop that idea completely.
I have three sons. 17, 14, and 12. My eldest and youngest birthdays are one day apart. When they were younger I often did joint parties for them. BUT I sent separate invitations to their friends. The friends do NOT need to know about the other sibling being part of the party. This was never an issue for us at all. We did each kid's presents separately at the party and each child got their own time being celebrated. Often the number of gifts didn't match up. That was the way it turned out and they NEVER had issue with it. Your children are definitely old enough to understand this.
I do what Nikki does! She said it perfectly.....
