Siblings - Dilworth,MN

my two oldest are 17 months apart and what I did was make my son a big part of the baby. We let him know that this is his baby too. He has an important job being the big brother. He would bring me diapers and blankets. He would talk with her and sing to her. They grew up pretty close and now at age 28 and 27 they are still very close. Make sure you include your son in with caring for the baby.

Mine are 15.5 mos apart. It is great now that they are 15 mos and 30.5 mos :) They play together (and torture eachother) a lot! ha! It is great to have them close and they have a little playmate once the youngest hits the walking stage. It is tough in the beginning -- not going to lie to you there. It is best if you have some support or help at home so you can give your older one some special time (or catch a few Zzzs as well while the baby sleeps). If you don't, having the toddler and the new baby can be a bit much. We got it down to a science the first 2 months and then I actually enrolled my daughter in daycare for a bit so I could spend some time alone with the baby before I went back to work. I watched a baby video with my daughter before my son was born (I have the Harvey Karp DVD- Happiest Baby on the Block) so she would understand babies CRY (otherwise you can have 2 babies crying at night every time the baby gets up to eat) and told her mommy had a baby in her belly. She liked to point and say Baby a lot as it got closer to delivery. She was a VERY CLINGY infant -- so I understand your fears. It worked out great! She isn't a jealous toddler and really is a very independent little girl now. Don't fear -- it will all work out. Just prepare him as well as you can, do not steal his crib to give it to the new baby (yes, we ended up with 2 cribs for a while because our daughter was not ready to transition yet...we tried), don't move his room if you can help it, and give him as much special attention as possible! Good luck!

Best wishes,
A. F.
Local Childcare Coordinator
Cultural Care Au Pair
(and FTWM - attorney; host mom to an awesome Aussie au pair)
###-###-#### cell
http://aferrini.aupairnews.com

Your children will be close in age, so it's important that you are thinking abou this! Start several months before you are due to get your first born used to things. Get a baby doll to play with, and hold it sometimes saying this is the baby, mommy is rocking it right now, etc... Pretend play the things you are going to really be doing. Plan a special bag for your oldest to have things to do when you are busy. I would have a backpack or tote bag with some special books and toys (like an etch-a-sketch) that are just for your oldest to play with when you are busy with baby. This is especiallly helpful if you are nursing. Start looking into double strollers and find something you like so that you can all get out and get some fresh air. You're hands are going to need to be free to tend to each of the children, so don't plan on carrying one of them - another option would be a baby sling or front pack type carrier, so that you can carry baby and tend to baby, but also have your hands free for your other child. This also works good for housework. Good luck and hang in there!

My kids are 18 months apart. We wondered about our son right away, too. I made sure I included him with everything with the baby...when I'd nurse, our son would play beside me. I'd sit on the floor to nurse, so it wasn't so far removed from him. When I changed her diaper, he could come "help." He'd stand on a stool next to me, hand me a diaper, or whatever. (Thankfully, he didn't care too much about this part). We'd read books while I nursed, after I nursed, etc. When the baby slept, I tried to get him to sleep, too, so that I could sleep. The other thing we did for our little man was to make sure he got Daddy time in the evenings. We'd even call it "Daddy time" so he would know this was special for him. In that time, Daddy wouldn't mess with the baby. Or, if he did, it was daddy and son time with the baby. I think having our son watch Daddy be kind and gentle with the baby girl helped our son to want to be kind and gentle, too. At least that's how it turned out! They are 11 and 9 1/2 now, and are mostly best friends...when they're not worst enemies. I must confess getting out of diapers was very freeing for me!

I'm excited for you. You'll be busy at first, but it is sooo worth it to have the kids be close and friends and active in each other's lives now. Congratulations and good luck!

Mine are 20 months apart and it's worked out great so far. I read books about moms being pregnant and having babies with my older son and talked about the baby in my belly - this was all towards the end of the pregnancy, when he could feel and see the baby moving around in there. Definitely get a sling or wrap (I loved my Moby wrap) to carry the baby in! As far as the jealousy, it's very typical that babies are clingy and needy at 9-12 months of age (I've got one of those right now...), and most likely that won't be a problem as your son gets older. Each age has it's issues, I suppose, but I think most people end up really liking the spacing they have between their kids (regardless of how close in age they are).

My son was 10 months old when I found out I was pregnant. I was super sick with morning sickness and my son really had a hard time dealing with that. He seemed to struggle through my entire pregnancy. He is now 16 and my daughter is almost 15. It was the hardest when they were really little but got a lot easier when they were preschool age. It was like having two babies or two toddlers. Spend as much time with your son as you can after baby is born and rest as much as you can. It does go fast. I'm now pregnant with #5 and can say that when things are rough or you are exhausted, hang in there because it will be over in a blink of an eye. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!

I got pregnant for our 2nd when our son was 10 mos old, so they ended up being 19 mos apart. They are now 2 yrs 3 mo and 8 mos. It has at times been challenging but I really feel like what has helped me endure without losing my mind and enabled me to live on 5-6 hrs of sleep every night for the past year is the grace of God!!! The way I would define that though is "divine ability to cope." I normally NEED 8 hours of sleep, but somehow I have gotten through with 5 normally and I am not overtired or struggling because of it. I know that is only because I pray when things are tough and I look to God to help me know how to parent my children. It is especially tough now disciplining my 2 yr old who very much likes to push his little brother over when I'm not looking and doesn't seem to understand that this is wrong and hurts his brother no matter how much I discipline! I am just praying for wisdom on how to teach my 2 year old compassion and kindness!!! I was worried about my son being jealous too, because anytime I'd hold another baby he'd get upset and be jealous, but it was different when it was his brother. He was pretty enamored with him, and does like him a lot (he just doesn't seem to understand yet how his actions - like hitting or pushing - affect the other person....) and there's been instances of jealousy, yes, but we get through it. I try to give my older one a lot of attention and it can be hard at times but it'll be almost like having twins they will be great playmates, and will probably never really remember what it was like to be an only child since they're so young when their sibling comes, so they won't have the "spoiled only child" syndrome and will learn to share at a young age, though that might come with some pain! :)

Mine are about 16 mos apart too - good times ahead : ). You never will really know how the older one will react until the baby is born. At 9 mos he may be clingy, but may become more independent when the new one arrives. Just try (and it's hard) to carve out some special time with him after the baby comes - with you, his dad or family members to make him feel special. Also, to the extent you can with his age, involve him in "helping" so he doesn't feel left out. For now, ENJOY the pregancy and the time with your eldest!

we had a child life specialist stop by and talk to our 21mo old when baby#2 was born. Hospital might have one to speak with about coping with behaviors etc at home.