Siblings of Friends

I agree with you...some of these kids may have nothing in common and it becomes a burden to entertain them. You aren't responsible for babysitting somebodys 5 or 6 kids, just because your child is friends with one of them! I say put your foot down and start a NEW trend!
~L.

I dont agree with siblings having to do all things together. I have a 2 year old daughter and 3 year old son and I think it is very important for them to get to do things without the other around. I think it will help build personal growth and confidence.
I agree that your children should get to have their own friends over and time with that friend...not their little sister/brother tagging along...espically if there is a big age differnce.
Also it will give the parents that special one on one time with the child that stays homes...I know I always appricate that time b/c it doenst happen often.

Sounds like my small town. I would start by when you call to invite a friend over ask for just that friend by name: "Would JUSTIN like to come over and play?" I do have one mom in town that we both take all the boys when we invite them over. Her's are 9 and 7 and mine are 7 and 4, but it works out great. However, all their other friends are THEIR friends and they don't do double playdates. Even with that other mom there are times when only my 7 yr old goes over to their house. You just have to make it clear when you issue the invite that you are only inviting the ONE child. Surely she'll understand that kids need their own friends.

I am going to guess you live in a small town? I have seen this happen and it comes from not a lot to do and not wanting the other kids to get thier feeling hurt, I at times have not allowed my children to go to friends houses becuase I don't want to deal with the ones who stay home and get thier feelings hurt, I do however have no problem w/ the siblings coming to my house if they want, only so long as it isn't being abused and an everyday thing. Istead of looking at it negative maybe pick a day here and there were the siblings can come to but have other days were only the friend can come over, just make it clear to the parents ahead of time what exactly your intention are.....for example " tomorrow jane would like for jean to come over and maybe next week we can plan something for all the kids to get togather" that way the siblings aren't being completley ignored but giving your child a chance to have alone time with only her/his close friend. Don't know if that helped.

I agree with you. Children need to develop friendships and siblings need to learn that they will not always get to go. Even my 6 and 9 year old still get upset sometimes when the other gets to go to a friends and they don't. If a child or a mom called to have one of my kids play, I would never assume that all three of my children would be going to play. Siblings need to learn to thrive independantly so they can funtion that way as adults. I can't believe that is happening in your town. Tough one, good luck

I'm going to agree with the other mothers and say I think it's odd to require to that all their kids come over when you invite one. (Sounds like people want some free babysitting to me.) I think you are right that every kids has the right to choose their friends and have time alone with just that friend, not all their siblings, too.

This is one of those unfortunate times when you're going to have to bring it up with the mothers and it might be uncomfortable. But if you just say something like, "Tommy would like to have some time just to play with Billy and I'm sure Billy would like some time away from his siblings." then maybe they'll get the hint. If not, you'll probably just have to be blunt about it.

I think, T., you are absolutely right.
The question is, how to make it right for your family, when others think otherwise. This is a delicate task, but being polite and firm, you should make them agree with the rules for YOUR family.

Is it with all your child's friends? or just one friend has to have there siblings come over too. That is the wierdest thing I've ever heard (well, not ever but ykwim).
I'd be for starting a new trend too. It almost sounds like someone wants you to babysit. I've read articles where its not even good to have twins do everything together because they need to learn to associate them selves as individuals and not as a couple.
Good luck on this.

We seem to have gotten into a similar trend here. Ours has also stretched to include birthdays.
I have tried to be specific when I extend the invite. For example, I would suggest that when she has a next dr. appointment for one, that we would be happy to have the closer firend come and play. Or that Mommy and the other kids can have a special day while one of them comes over. Anyway, I try to make it sound like I am doing them a favor. But honestly I haven't figured much out myself.

I don't buy into that at all. I know the reasoning behind it. They hate to think anyone is left out, but I think its better to teach your children to be happy for other people. I don't want my children always feeling sorry for themselves because they didn't get invited. I want them to learn to be happy that their brother or sister were invited and get to do something fun. Later they will have a turn at getting to do something fun. What are you going to do when they are older and one is talented at swimming and gets on the swim team while the other isn't? Sorry swimmer you can't because you sibling isn't? I have friends that have seven kids. I couldn't invite them all even if I wanted to. I couldn't fit them and mine in the vehicle.

Hi Tamamra,
I encourage my kids to have different friends and would never assume if one son went to their friends house that the other would to. Sometimes it's nice to have one on one time with my kids. When my older one goes to play I like to have that time with my younger one. I agree with Lacy and you should start a new trend. Good luck.
Chris

I think that the parents want to ensure the closeness between the siblings rather than build a closeness between friends. I agree with them. Sorry, I think close adult sibling relationships in our country are rare.

Yup, seems that in our busy world, lots more moms 'dish off' their kids to one mom - easier to deal with. But I've been on the receiving end a bunch of times - and it's not always good for anyone. I find the kids coming are much less comfortable in our space when their sibling is along. They think for themselves, less - and seems the relationships are inbalanced from friendships (my child and their one child) disappear and it's mayhem. I don't so much care for providing daycare - and am thrilled when friends offer that they could swap care with me... for one of our children... if i might watch one of theirs, (outside the normal playdates) - but I've been vocal and honest, both when inviting and when being asked to watch children. I ask for one child, by name - and remind mom that my child and hers get along very well and will have a lot of fun doing ?? - as well as when they ask for childcare for two. If I feel I can handle it, I set the length of time, or let them know our schedules are so hectic, their children won't enjoy being with us that long ~ and it's truthful! How many children care to be dropped off for three or four hours, and attend swimming lessons with us or eat a meal with us they don't care for - or have to do homework with us, since that's part of our nightly routine, etc.

Good luck - and certainly, you are not alone!

Wow, I would never expect that. I mean, I would be happy to invite one more child over, but what if they have 3 siblings? So now instead of 3 kids, I have 6 kids over at my house? Of different ages? And will they all play together, or will some get bored and start trashing my house?
That may sound harsh, but it's happened. At this point of our lives, I pretty much invite MY friends over, and they bring all their kids. I had to stop doing that with one friend because the two oldest weren't as interested in playing with my kids, so they'd go off on their own. They trashed my son's room, getting out all of his toys, unmaking his bed, and they even broke a lampshade. And one of them kept sneaking out into the back yard and dumped the cat food into the water dish, making a huge mess and wasting our cat's food. I love my friend, and her kids are really great, but we just couldn't keep track of all of them in a new environment. And that was with TWO parents there!
As friends, though, we wanted to get together. We found that going to her house worked better. Really, I was adding one kid to her 4, because the baby stayed with me. And other times, we met at a park with all our kids. So maybe if someone insists that all the kids come over, suggest that you could all go to the park together (including the mom!)
My mom always said that if you need to get rid of all your kids at once, you have to pawn them each off on a different friend. Spread out the fun and the workload.
So don't feel bad. Don't send both your kids over if they're not both specifically invited, and make sure to specifically invite just the one friend. Be a force of change!!!