Siblings Without Allergies and Food

Updated on June 03, 2009
R. asks from San Antonio, TX
17 answers

Do you give your kids all the same food? My youngest is allergic to milk, wheat and eggs and my older two are not. I have been giving them cow milk and giving her soy milk (which she hates). I hate to tell them they can't have something because of sister because I worry they will resent her, but I can't give them something she can't eat. What do y'all do in this situation?

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H.P.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Well it depends on how you feel about being a short order cook. While some people don't mind it- I flat out refuse. I would try letting everyone try goats milk. Most people are able to digest it well. As for the wheat and eggs there are ways to cook that don't include those ingredients that taste just as good. Good luck I know food can be a touchy subject.

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P.G.

answers from Houston on

Try Silk Vanilla Soy Milk. My youngest had a slight intolerance to cow's milk which he thankfully outgrew. He loved the Silk Vanilla Soy, and so did my middle son. In fact he still enjoys having Vanilla Soy milk on occasion.

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

My 7 year old has to avoid wheat, milk and soy while my younger 2 are allergy free. In his case, he understands that he cannot eat the things his siblings do and he understands why. I've adjusted our dinner menu to accomodate him so that we are all eating the same things. Usually it's vegetables and either chicken or beef. If we are doing pasta I make some rice pasta for him and regular for us but it all looks the same on the plate at dinner. We do however have snacks in the house that he cannot eat but his siblings can. Unless the allergy is so severe that you must eliminate it completely from the house to avoid cross contamination, I would continue to let the older children eat what they usually do and restrict the diet of the younger one. As she gets older she will need to understand that other kids will have food that she can't and she has to accept that. If she grows up with this idea it will be much easier on her when she goes to school or birthday parties and can't have what the others are eating.

Oh, if it meets her dietary restrictions give Almond Milk a try instead of the soy. With my son's restrictions soy was not an option but we did try rice milk which he hated. The almond milk tastes much better and he doesn't mind it at all.

Good luck,
K.

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A.B.

answers from Odessa on

We have made it a slow switch in all foods being something our youngest can have. As far as milk goes though, I still have the real stuff in the house, and allow my oldest to have it (however she doesn't want it often). Have you tried Rice milk for the one that is allergic? It has a sweeter taste maybe they would like it more. Or even the flavored versions of Soy? As far as the other food allergies go (we are also egg and nuts and at one time wheat was there to) almost anything I fix/buy is something that my allergy baby can have. I found it to be to exhausting to always be making two different meals or one meal two different ways. With the exception of things that have cheese on them everything I make is allergy free and it has been so much easier and less stressful! When I do make those I dish him some out before I add cheese or leave it off altogether. There is cheese out there that is dairy free, but I have not been able to find it locally in anything other than Monterrey Jack flavor. =/

My opinion is that either way you go someone looses. Personally I would rather err on the side of caution and let the older kids realize how serious the situation could be if your allergy child had a reaction. I have seen and heard that even if one time it is just a skin reaction you never know when it could be worse and have to have your Epi-pen used and an ER visit made. I have been extremely lucky with my oldest being accepting of this change in our house, but she has said on occasion I wish I could have something a certain way. I don't deny her of all things that are allergy free, but I do limit it and when she does have things her brother can't I make sure she washes her hands and mouth well. Along with the spot in which she sat to eat it. It is going to be easier to talk to an older child about why they can't have something that it is a 2 year old.

Good luck and if you ever need any further info about allergy free stuff feel free to contact me!

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J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Eating dinner together as a family is important so I would try to make sure those meals are adjusted so that everyone can eat the same thing. I would also try to have fun alternatives for your daughter to eat when everyone else is having a snack or meal she can't eat. Maybe there is something else besides soy milk that your daughter would like better like goat milk or flavored soy milk (like vanilla). It's hard for a 2 year old to understand that she can't have something. Try making her feel special because she gets different food. The 5 and 7 year old need to be in on the plan so they can help their sister be well and cope better with the food allergy. This may also help them eat the foods they want without the 2 year old feeling bad or left out. Good luck with this hard issue!

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I.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Most of the meals I have made, the entire family are eating and enjoying it.
We do not do soy or corn as this is genetically modified.
Alternative milk we use rice milk, almond milk, Hemp milk, there is even Choc. milk (Pacific brand), etc.
Only do gluten-free when it comes to any pasta, bread, snacks, etc. which is pretty close to the real thing now that I have master and could tweak usually most recipes.
To begin with could be like bake chicken, roast meat with some red potatoes and veggies. Simple meals like this.
We are actually feeling a difference and my son does not feel left out.
Working with a doctor who understands the allergy arena, see if they are aware of any nutritionist or dietitian who could assist as this helps to replenish the nutrients.
Another warning with some of the immunization, make sure none of them contain eggs, like the flu shots, need to avoid this.

Nutrition makes a difference:
http://www.iser.com/strickland.html

Living Without Gluten
http://www.livingwithout.com/recipes.html

I.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

i was the youngest of three and the only one with food allergies. i had special milk lots of other foods that i had to stay away from. basically it helped me know that just because others are eating it dose not mean that i need too. i did not feel left out and at a very eairly age i began to read labels and question what things were. thats just my take on it.

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H.H.

answers from Houston on

I have 2 boys, ages 2 & 5. The 5 year old is allergic to red dye (aka red 40). I never give the younger one anything the older one can't have. Although the extent of the allergies is not as severe as milk & wheat allergies, I don't think it's fair to let one have something that another one can't have. Hope this helps

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J.T.

answers from College Station on

My middle one is more sensitive to food additives than his brothers are (red head and very fair skin). We just blanket eliminate things. It is easier to keep track of that way. My oldest had a hard time with this at first and sometimes sneaks foods he is not allowed to have, so your concerns are warranted.

It is difficult, but this is a health issue where your youngest child could be seriously ill if she gets ahold of this stuff. There are lots of gluten free products out there. Visit www.feingold.org for more information. They have a list of all natural products available in your state and region and list them in terms of additives. They do not always say if something is dairy or egg free, though. They do have a gluten free list. I have all my kids on this diet.

You can also try rice milk. I prefer it to soy milk and it is a little sweeter. It comes in lots of flavors.

Just find some things that your whole family enjoys and find that in a product that your daughter can have. Show the other kids that there are viable options out there.

Good Luck!

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B.K.

answers from Austin on

When we had to go gluten free with my 4 year old, I fed my 18 month old the same thing. Although, it's much easier for me because my daughter is so young, she doesn't know any better. With your two "non-allergic" kids being older, they may very well have some resentment. Have you asked them how they feel about it and explained that it can hurt their little sister if she accidentally gets a hold of these foods? Have you tried almond milk with your 2 year old? I've never tried it myself but I've heard it's good and better than soy. Expensive, however. Maybe add some chocolate and have your oldest two stick with their regular milk (no chocolate). That way, they will be pleased having their cow's milk but she will not be left out by getting something special (chocolate). I think I would go ahead and try to put all of the kids on the same diet and see if they protest. Try to make it fun foods in the beginning. I just wish all of the prepackaged/convenience foods weren't SO expensive!!! You probably already know this but you can buy a lot of gluten free mixes online much cheaper. However, I don't have to deal with the milk and egg allergies so I don't know which of these will work for you. I do know, however, that some of the products we buy are milk, wheat and egg free. Anyway, as you know, these diets are very difficult to do. We still do not have it all figured out. Overtime, maybe there are allergy free foods your kids will all enjoy but maybe on certain days of the week, you can allow your big kids to eat their old foods. It's just hard. Sorry, I'm all over the place; just throwing out ideas as they come to mind. Good luck!

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S.B.

answers from San Antonio on

We run into this problem more with school than at home. What we try to do is to have something similar for the one with the allergy. Say they are having cupcakes at school, I make sure to have a cupcake there that I know is nut free(as we are allergic to nuts). Good luck!

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A.H.

answers from Austin on

I see this as an opportunity to learn new cooking skills, recipes, and to practice patience.
There are healthy dishes your whole family will like. But it will take a transition period to introduce new dishes, and see what works. You can learn how to make substitutions for dairy, wheat, and eggs, and transform family favorites into something everyone can eat.

Good luck! I plan on teaching classes on this topic in the Fall. I cook a primarily plant-based diet, and find that by centering meals around whole grains and vegetables and supplemented with other foods, my family can be healthy and well fed.
email if you'd like to continue the conversation.

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L.R.

answers from San Antonio on

When my now-4yo daughter was diagnosed with celiac disease a year ago, we made the decision to be totally gluten-free at home. It's easier for me and safer for her, and my husband and 13yo son don't mind. Outside of the home (school, restaurants, etc), there are no restrictions on what is consumed -- other than our daughter, of course -- so there isn't really any issue of "missing out" or being denied a favorite foodstuff. Good luck!

L.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

In my opinion, it's not fair to "punish" the others because your other one has an allergy. Your youngest needs to learn a hard lesson here, life's not fair and she can't eat what everyone else can no matter who they are. Your older ones need to learn sympathy and not engorge on things she loves right in front of her. But, they should be allowed to eat without hiding as well. It will be a balance. Your youngest will face this the rest of her life at school, at parties, at restaurants, etc. Both lessons need to be taught. But, the youngest needs to learn this lesson first and foremost as it is her that will have to deal with it in other situations. It will be hard. It won't be fun. Just remind her that that particular food makes her sick. Sometimes, if the allergy is not life threatening, she may have to learn the hard way and actually get sick for her to start taking your word for it. Once she understands, she will comply more easily, though not wonderfully. Don't pity her, just teach her this matter-of-factly. She will have a better attitude about it if she doesn't see that you see it as a horrible thing.

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S.B.

answers from Austin on

Wow. that's a tough situation. i am the middle of 5 children and my older sister was diagnosed with special dietary needs when we were children. my mother made the switch for all of us, no more real chocolate chips, she substituted carob. we didn't have regular desserts, we had things made with various nectars and such. TVP was regularly added to many dishes, we stopped eating some foods, added new ones, etc..... i have to tell you that at first i hated it and i hated that my sister, one person, was the reason our entire family of 7 had to eat things with so little taste.... fortunately these days there are more options for people with special dietary needs (and they taste much better as well). i do agree with the other responses that your approach to the situation is vital. my mom never made it just about my sister. she made it about our family and the need to eat in a healthful way that honored all of our bodies and their needs... we children still made the connection though and dearly missed our old favorites, but we've all made it safely to adulthood with no food related casualties.

my mother made it an adventure for us and that i believe lessened the blow of not being able to have some things we used to enjoy. this was not just for my sister's sake, but i know it really helped her. we were encouraged to try new things and my parents kept it fun. they would talk about where the food came from, who else (what part of the world) would eat it, etc. so i had fun imagining another little girl who enjoyed quinoa and things like that....i know now that it must have been a real challenge for them at the time, but i never would have known that as a child. i hope this helps you!

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C.W.

answers from Waco on

Hi R.
Well, unfortunately you are going to have to consider the one that gets ill from several foods. I know it is difficult and can be a little costly- but others will have to learn to understand the issues. They will adjust and then everyone will be happy. We had 12 children and some had allergies and their certain dislikes and likes- so it is a juggling act for you.
good luck and blessings

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C.P.

answers from Houston on

Sometimes, it isn't a matter of they can't have it because their sister can't have it, but what you can afford to buy, what you have room for in the fridge, what might go bad before it is gone. Keep trying different milk substitutes till you find one they all enjoy. Also, I let my children have Chocolate Malt Ovaltine, even though it has sugar in it, because it has so much extra vitamines in it. Chocolate Malt or plain Malt Ovaltine is the only milk flavoring mix I've found that has so much extra nutrtian. Maybe that would help with the flavor. Also the "8th Generation" (??) milk substitute was pretty good, I seem to recall.

Point is, YOU get to make the food decisions.

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