Single Mom Completely frustrated...any Advice Appreciated.

Updated on September 08, 2010
K.O. asks from West Mifflin, PA
13 answers

Hello all,

I am a single mom of a 5 year old boy with Autism. His father is no longer around and feels like paying child support. He owes me a ton in back child support as well. Not getting into much detail, but I get help from the state. Without that, I probably wouldn't have a home, let alone my son in my custody.

I can only work a limited amount of hours at work, because of my son's therapy. During Christmas time I do get some help from my grandparents to supervise in the home while he is in therapy. Other then that, I have to stay at home, because I have no one to watch my son.

The government, has cut practically all of my benfits (health wise). My work doesn't even offer them to part-time employees. I have a limited availability with work that most bosses would laugh at, and I am at my wits end.

I have done everything I could. I am not lazy and I am working and doing what I can, but the government keeps taking away all of these precious benefits that I need, and work hard for. It's not like I don't pay taxes, work, or lie about it. I simply report what income I have, and everytime I report for health insurance or food stamps they are getting drastically reduced well over 50%.

Is there anyone out there that is the same situation that I am in? I try my hardest and it just feels like a single working mom gets kicked down everytime she is up. Is there any advice someone could give me in trying to get my benefits back? Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks, even though I feel like I just aired all of my dirty laundry to you all..

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So What Happened?

Nothing has happened yet, still haven't gotten a hold of the case worker. Left three messages. My son does get SSI, but with that and what little I work I have to borrow money off of family all the time. It really sucks, I guess. I will keep you all posted. Thanks all for the advice.

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A.B.

answers from Washington DC on

First, you are a strong mom with a wonderful son. I work with children with autism and what a thrill and such hardwork! Have you looked into working with or for an autism waiver company or speaking to anyone from pathfinders for autism? They have tons of information and may be able to point you in the right direction. I hope I helped..

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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I think you should get an advocate for your son. Your school system should be able to take care of some of this therepy.

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K.B.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I commend you for everything you are doing. I know what it feels like to finally think you have things under control only to be thrown through that loop again. I do not know what its like to be a single mom, but I do know what its like to need help and not get it. My husband and I both work and are barely making endments. If your son has autism shouldnt he have medical for life through the state? Do you live in PA? I know we thought my son had a neurotube defect while i was pregnant and i was told that his medical bills would be covered for life. Doesnt autism fall under that same catergory? I may be wrong. I know the state does seem to not be there for those who need it. Its a shame when you have a hard working mom who needs the help and cant get it but then you have these women who all they seem to do is have children and are one welfare and get food stamps. I think the system is really messed up. Good luck and if you need to talk ill be here to listen.

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S.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

When things in my life got so frustrating and difficult I turned to the local Mennonite church. I'm catholic but I have to tell you in the past two years I have been given so much reprieve and love and help and it is not a government system....and the value of children and family is unbelievable. Find a local Mennonite church and you will be surprised. This religion has changed so much --at least in our area they are very modern....so don't let that hold you back. Desparate times bring desperate measures but this peace loving and caring group of people will help you in ways you have not ever imagined. Good Luck Single mom of a five year old.

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F.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I also am a single mom i also feel yhe same way i am not getting much support from my daughters dad. this is because he has 4 other childern it a shame because the state doesn't understand that only the kids suffer. i don't know what advice to give you cause my daughter is about to loose her daycare i don't make enough to send her some where that charges 150 a week so i do know your pain and struggle. i had to have my daughters visiting nurse fight for her nj kid care looking to here from you

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T.V.

answers from Johnstown on

HI K.,
I am also a mom of an Autistic son, He is 13. We have been recieving SSI for him since he was about 5 yrs. We also get medical assistance for him. It covers all his medical expenses, Meds, Dr visits, etc...) I dont know if you had applied for SSI or not but we recieve $500 a month for him. Which helps pay for some therapies or whatever that Med Assi. may not pay for. Because of your sons disability he should qualify for both SSI and Med Assistance. My husband is self employed so we dont have benefits and right now we all have the Med assistance card. I wish you luck, please feel free to ask me any questions or give advice etc...I truly know what its like to live with an autistic child.

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K.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

HI K.,

DID YOU EVER APPLY FOR SSI FOR YOUR SON. IF HE IS ELIGABIL FOR THIS HE WOULD GET A MEDICAL CARD ALSO, WHICH SHOULD HELP WITH HIS MEDICAL EXPENSES, IF YOU DIDN'T APPLY
CALL THE SOCIAL SECURITY AND GET A APPOINTMENT. THIS MIGHT HELP. HE WOULD RECEIVE A CHECK EACH MONTH.

HOPE THIS HELPS, K.

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K.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't know what you do for a living, but have you considered getting a job as a nanny/babysitter? The pay is great, you would be able to take your son with you and it would provide him with a playmate, which I imagine would be good for him.

I wish I had more advice to give, but I wish you the best and I don't think its fair that someone who legitimately needs government assistance can't get it while so many others play the system.

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D.F.

answers from Providence on

Dont give up! I am a single mother of two, one child has special needs, and my daughter is now 9...I have no idea how I got through all these years, without family support or their fathers help. I am telling you everything WILL Be ok!!! Keep working at it...
www.singlemotherscandoitall.blogspot.com

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C.J.

answers from Harrisburg on

I agree with going to SSI if you havent already. They can help you.

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J.T.

answers from Washington DC on

If your son is in full time kindergarten, what about becoming an aid in his school? I'm a former teacher, and the aids did in fact get benefits, and the hours were that of the children. Aids are not expected to stay for staff meeting or participate in staff development outside of working hours. Waitressing is an option as well (how I put myself through college). Benefits are provided, and the hours worked can fit your lifestyle. I hope this helps. Good luck.

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J.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I myself am a single mom to a five year old son. I don't receive child support from his father because he had 3 children after mine and somehow they started getting child support before my son. I was getting what was let over in the bucket each month about 20.00. It wasn't worth it so I closed the case. During the year I did that I lost everything. The daycare assistance and medical benefits my son had. I now work 55 plus hours a week at two jobs to barely make ends meet. I feel the system has failed me. I hope the advice others gave about SSI helps you. Be strong and I hope everything works out. The system doesn't make sense.

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N.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi K.. I am a mom of a 5 yr old with PDD-NOS (on the autism spectrum). When we got Adam dx'ed we had to apply for SSI (denied cause of my husband's income, in your case you should get it) and I had to get an Access card. With med assistance we are able to get his out paitent speech and ot 2x a month and I am currently getting him in a social skills group too. I live in South Park right over the hill. If you need help with phone numbers or any other reference, let me know.
God Bless You. I know how it feels to be a mom of a special needs child. I realize all you go through.

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