Single Parenting and Custody

If you live in Pa, the law states if the father doesn't see the child within 6 months, he looses rights to his child. You should get a lawyer and discuss this with the lawyer.
In New York, you have to pay child support to get visitation. I would think since he lives there, you wouldn't have to let him see him.
He is not following the order of the courts, for visitation, and can be in legal trouble, never mind, not being able to see the child. He can be charged for breaking the court order, just as you could if you denied him visitation. You need to go report this to the court where he had gotten visitation.
Of course this will hurt the child no ever knowing if his dad is coming to get him or not. It is not fair to him, to let his dad play games like this. It sounds as if this man has some real issues. Report him to the court. He is abandoning his child.
You should get in touch with the other grandparents, they have a right to know they have a grandchild. Go meet them first, don't just bring your kid to a family you don't know. See how they react, and what they are like, go from there. If then you feel comfortable with it, let them meet your child. You have to be careful, of course, but they may be hurting from their sons behavior as well as you and your son. They might be happy to meet the two of you. You just need to meet them first, to make sure they are decent people, and that they will accept your son. you don't want to subject him to more rejection, it can be tough on a kid.

Dear S.,

My daughter is 21, and is going through similar circumstances. Though never married, he promised my daughter when she became pregnant that he would take care of their baby "no matter what". They lived together until my Grandaughter became 3.5 months old. My daughter found out he was cheating on her, amongst other many things. My daughter decided he was never going to change and told him to leave. He would pay child support every now and then and usually not what they agreed upon, he would decide how much and when, my daughter finally was tired of calling him and trying to track him down so she could get some help with the cost of raising their child. Finally they went to court and he was ordered to pay weekly, to court and not my daughter, because at the time she was getting some state assistance, after a month my daughter began working full time and got off the assistance, so the support was to begin coming to her from child support enforcement, which can be a real mess, finally she received a couple checks, and then nothing, he stopped paying again. Enforcement told my daughter that they would give him 3MONTHS before going after his license and placing a bench warrant out for his arrest. 3 MONTHS! How in the world do these woman and children survive? The family of my Granddaughters father knows about their Granddaughter but choose not to see her, they even bought a Christmas gift for her last year and asked why my daughter had not gone to their home to pick it up? HA!
I will tell you what I tell my daughter, you have enough love for your child to make up the difference of her not having a caring father. Yes, she will most liekly be hurt some day when old enough to realize that her father did not care for her, but if you show her all the love and raise her to feel special always, she will get through this and realize he was never deserving of her in the first place! Stay strong!

I had gone thru alot of the same thing when my daughter was younger. her father met her for the first time when she was 7 and promised to keep in contact and nothing, she is now 10. You could go thru the process of terminating his parental rights. I wouldnt let him get away with not helping you if thats what you want

From what I understand, though he has visitation, the courts can't force him to visit- it's not a violation. As for changing his name, it's not that simple. He has to give consent and agree to sign off custodial rights. It has to be done in court. Seek advice from an attorney.

Hi S., I know how you are feeling, I went though a simalar situation myself. I will start by saying that I know in NY that if the parent hasn't contacted you in 6 months its consided abandonment, you will have to check to see what it is where you are. First, stop contacting him. No calls no e-mails nothing. If he doesn't want to take an active roll in your son's life then that is his loss. Second, definitly take him to court. You can have it set up so that you have full custody and that visitation is up to you. That doesn't change that he has to pay child support, if you don't have a court order for that get one right away. As for his name, I did change my daughters and it has made life a lot easier. It doesn't change his parental rights at all. If you want more info on doing that let me know. Lastly his family, I really think that you have to deside if that is something you want to deal with. IF you do then go ahead and try and find his parents. But if you do find them and tell them they can fight for visitation. So think it though it really is up to you. No matter what your son is the most important thing and just remember your not the one how will be hurting him and one day he will realize what his father is.

It's pretty obvious your son's father wants no part of his life. However, I think you should find your son's grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles... It's not up to his so called father whether or not he sees the rest of his family. Start by thinking of anything you know about your ex. Where he was raised, what his full name is, and anything he may have told you about his family. Then do some research online. You should be able to get quite a bit of information for free. Then just make phone calls to the numbers you find. Don't be afraid to call the wrong person. Your son has a right to grow up with his father's family in his life if not his father. Good luck!

First off your son is young enough so that it may be a good thing not to mention Dad is coming to visit. That way if he doesn't show your son isn't disappointed and if he does show it will be a nice surprise. Second thing is go to family court and establish some kind of visitation schedule on record.