Single Working Mom

Hi! You don't sound whiny at all! I too wish I had a friend in a similar situation even though I have the support of my family. My closest friend in the world lives in Chicago right now and she too is married.
My life as a single Mom started when my first son was only 8 weeks old. The stress of being a first- time Mom along with having to go back to work full-time in another month was overwhelming. Or at least I thought so until what happened with my son's father. I don't want to give the details in public but I wasn't prepared for the amount of strength I found within myself. I consider myself so lucky and so blessed that I could be this amazing person for my son. But yet I have my moments of breaking down - it is extremely hard to stay positive ALL the time!
I have a job that may not be around in another month and I am also trying to sell my house that I can no longer afford. I am breastfeeding, cloth diapering, making my own baby food, always trying to keep the house ready for perspective buyers, working full-time, doing laundry, etc. My son is almost 6 months and I think we are doing great. I always take time to play with him and take him on walks and have peaceful times just sitting outside before any of the other "stuff". I don't want to miss out on any the this precious time with him.
So maybe we could meet up sometime and whine together!!!! I live in Berkley and have a sister in Royal Oak who I always try to see at least once a week - she helped me SO much through all of this and is probably the one who understands best what I am going through. Though like you said, you really don't know until it happens to you.
If you're interested, I am a great listener.

I am too a single mom of two boys 19 and 11. I have a 76 mile one way commute to work and work 13 hours a day 3 and 4 days a week and sometimes more depending on the work load. I also travel for work but my travel is weeks at a time. For my oldest I was a single parent fromt he time he was 1 to 8 the first five years I was Active Duty in the Air Force and work rotating shifts and long hours along with traveling it was hard with no family close by. I became a single parent again when my youngest was 7. I still work for the Air Force but full time with the Reserves and then with the guard. My house also isn't always the cleanest as I am writing this I can think of many things that need to be done but I just got home from work an hour ago and have to be back on the road in 7 hours. My mom helps me out with watching my son when she isn't working I have made friends with other parents in my sons 4H group who also help out occassionally. I have been lucky to connect with a man who I went to high school with and he helps me out also. My oldest son helps where he can but the boys tend to not get along very well and there is a respect issue that the youngest falther took away from my oldest son. But he tries to help as much as possible.
I have been in many different positions with finaces and working hours. It can be done. Its hard and you have days when you feel like you are not doing a good job at it. I also have been going to school part time for the past 4 years and have manage to complete to associate degrees and make the deans list 3 times. The thing that sets in with my boys is to get there education and life in order before they have children along with my nieces and nephews. When you are feeling down about it feel free to email me. You are not alone and no matter when you think you have it figured out something always changes and changes your routine. lol. You sound like you have it figured out and are just putting to much pressure on yourself. From what you say your girls are happy so keep up the good work.

I just wanted to say I admire you for what you're doing and for seeking out support. While I am not in your situation, I have a different one where I am a parent of a special needs child who's conditions can drain the life out of me sometimes. It's so important to connect with other people just like you. You are obviously doing your best - you sound like an awesome mom!

Hi, I'm in a similar situation that I am also a single working mom. I also have a 60 mile commute each way to work, thus I start my day very early in order to beat traffic and get back home early to spend time with my little boy. I'm very lucky that I have an extraordinary support system with my mom, grandfather, brother, and sister-in-law. Even my son's grandma on his dad's side is helpful in that she watches my son two days a week for me while I'm working.

I understand the feeling of being stretched due to financial stresses, work stresses, and just plain household stresses. I love the fact that you have a "happy house" . Our home is one where the dishes might wait one extra night if my son wants to do a puzzle together or cuddle and it's clean but there's a crazy amount of toys everywhere so you know that one very happy, loved, little boy has been running through it like crazy. :)

The only suggestions I can give are to visit with family and talk some of it out, that often helps me. Or ask for help, sometimes, I ask my mom to just come over and help me clean up a bit. Or I pick one thing that drives me crazy, like the island countertop and I clear it off. Then I feel like I've accomplished something and it gives me a little clear spot in my mind (I'm not sure I've explained that well. :) ) The best thing is when I do go into a cleaning frenzy, my son LOVES to help. He and I vacuum and sweep together and we pick up together. We make it funny and happy time together (this way I feel better that the cleaning's done but I've still spent quality time with him too.)

And sometimes, when it's all really really hard, after he goes to sleep at night, I just go sit on our porch outside (with the door open so I can hear him) and I just relax. Yes, there's things I should be doing, but they'll all wait until the next day.

Just remember, our kids love us no matter what. We are the best mommies that they know and someday they'll be proud that we worked as hard as we did to make the best life possible for them. (My son tells everyone..."My mommy's at work right now, but it's okay, she'll be here to pick me up in a while. :) ") As long as they are safe, secure, and happy, I figure, we'll figure the rest out in time.

I'm not sure if this helped, but I hope it did.

This may sound simplistic and pie-in-the-sky to you, but being involved in a local church can give you support like you've never dreamed.

You are not alone! I have been a single parent for 12 years, with three boys, and dad isnt exactly around at all. You learn a new set of priorities and just do it. Get a good support system with girlfriends and always remember to take care of yourself. You cant be a good parent to the children if you cant be in tip top shape mentally & physically. I am in Shelby Twp if you ever want to talk, you can never have enough friends. A.

I am a full time teacher and full time mom to 4 young boys. I feel your pain and stress! Trust ME!! I have been a single mom for 3 years now...and it will get easier. Your daughter is just young right now! Contact me for help, moral support, etc...

So often as a single parent we think of ourselves as stranded alone on a desert island. No one really knows what we are going through, even if they've been there themselves. And really.... Our married friends haven't the slightest clue what's happening in our lives, and it's so hard to sit back and listen to them complain about their husband, what he does do, what he doesn't do, and so on.

I've been a single parent since my son was born. His father lived with me until he was 15 months old, but he never helped me, he never cared for our son, nothing. When I kicked him out, it was the scariest thing I've ever done. Oh my gosh I was petrified. But then I looked deep into my sons eyes and I realized that this is what I had to do in order to be the best mom for him. I had to "go it alone".

During that time, I worked a job that was far away like you do. I also drove the opposite way to daycare. 9 miles west to daycare, and then almost 30 miles east (from daycare) to work. It was TOUGH! Sitting in traffic, counting the minutes so I'd get to work on time, or get to daycare on time.....

I got lucky and found a job closer to home (only 10 minutes) and a daycare that's also closer to home. Those two adjustments made a HUGE impact on my time with my son. Time where the dishes didn't HAVE to sit so we could play together, time where the toys could be picked up, or the puzzles played with......... I'm sure you know where I'm going.

I'm always available if you'd like to talk more. My son is now 3.5 and he's so happy, he's so well adjusted, and he does like to play by himself. Sometimes he does request mommy's attention for Candy Land, Chutes & Ladders, or the very loud, very annoying Quacking ducky game (Can't remember it's name right now). Sometimes, we just sit and watch his favorite TV show together.

It'll get easier, I promise. Just remember that you are NOT alone in this fight, there are plenty before you, and will be plenty more after you.

Hang in there! I'm also the single working mother of a little girl who will be 7 in August. I actually have my full-time job and three part-time jobs. My daughter's father didn't want her when she was born. He moved to Chicago when she was 18 months old and to Philadelphia when she was 3. These deliberate moves sent a clear message to me (along with being told I ruined his life and being threatened when I refused to abort) that he doesn't want to be involved. He is now Court-ordered to visit her the third weekend of every month at his parent's home. I get child support, but the relationship between my daughter's father's side of the family and I is not good and never has been. I have no family in the area I live in and my mother became to chronically ill to help out in 2006 (my daughter was three).
I work a full time job and pick up odd jobs to make extra money. I've been on an improv comedy team (kind of like Who's Line Is It Anyway) since 2005 and get to perform comedy shows in my "spare" time. I attend a single mother's support group. I have made a "family" out of the community where my daughter attends school and the friends I have through theatrical performance. We are blessed to have an abundance of friends who will watch my daughter for free when I need to work or have shows.
I am getting ready to go back to school at 37 to pursue a career in Pediatric Nursing. I spend time with my daughter that is just ours every day. IT CAN BE DONE!!! Sure, I have to take her along with me to work out or do these odd jobs, but she is so patient and understanding. We make it fun for her by giving her t.v. time or a special project to do while I'm busy. And then, when I'm not, we do the things she wants to do. At the end of the day, I'm exhausted. I take medication to fight depression and help me sleep at night. But at the end of the day, I can also say I'm doing it and doing it right. My daughter was God's gift to me. Against all odds, we've made it as a team and I am truly blessed to have such an amazing daughter. Things haven't always been perfect, but overall, I know I'm doing my best to raise her. There are challenges when you're doing it all on your own. I chose to build up support where there wasn't any, get involved in things she likes to do (ballet, soccer, Girl Scouts) and use the time I do have with her to the fullest. Some days, she spends more time with day care providers than she does with me. Now that she's in school, I don't feel the guilt of leaving her with other people. Once I'm nursing, I will have more time to give her. For now, we're both happy and healthy and have made it through some difficult times, stronger and better for the experience. I hope this helps. Feel free to stay in touch if you'd like.
J.