Sleep Advice - Playa del Rey,CA

If this is just really recent I would say more then likely her sleep problems are from the holidays. Remember babies and kids get stressed just as we do. Also she might just be getting caught up in all the excitement. However hard it is I would wait until after the holidays to try anything.

All great and varied responses here.

The overall thing is, you need to find what approach you feel comfortable with, how you want your baby to feel, and what you want for your child in the long run.

Crying it out has been, in studies, shown to even change the brain chemistry in a child.

The thing is, every child is different. My first-born, was very much like yours. And this is normal. My 2nd child, was the opposite and was much easier to put to bed and he has his sleep phases too. No biggie. But for each child, they have their own temperament and needs and personalities. Granted, once they get to a certain age, a child, out of developmental progression... does start to get more fussy especially at certain ages... and they WILL have times of changing sleep patterns. All normal. But, I would not just chalk it up to them being difficult on purpose or trying to manipulate you. They don't go around, at this age, premeditating their every move. They are JUST a baby.

I did what you are doing, with my eldest child. I allowed her to self-wean, I co-slept with her, I nursed her ON DEMAND, and woke at all hours to help her get back to sleep, she went through "sleep-terrors" and later as a toddler she went through "nightmares." ALL NORMAL DEVELOPMENTAL phases....per their changing cognitive and development. I would wake and help her, rock her, nurse her, provide her with company, to help her go back to sleep. My daughter also did not self-soothe well, and she did not like anything else but "me" to sleep with. So I survived, it's okay... and NO, she is NOT a "needy" dependent child. Quite the contrary, she is a very independent, creative, self-motivated child and bright. So, no matter what, even if you "coddle" them (which seems to be a 'bad' word and bad thing to do with children), a child WILL grow up, will grow out of it, and will succeed and become their own independent selves. Later. In their own time.

YES it is tiring. Yes that is how it is. NO, it will not last forever. Yes, that is how it is... Parents get lack of sleep. This is JUST the beginning. At each age and stage, at each age juncture...their sleep patterns WILL change. So, we have to adjust to THEM too.

No, it's not "back-tracking"... it's just doing what is needed per the given phase at hand. Mommy's all have to flex and change too. It WILL go back to normalcy.

Sure, try and help her self-soothe, give her a lovey, or put on white noise, or cuddle with her etc. Each child is different. See what works. Or not.

All babies "used to sleep so well..." and then they change. LOL. Well, sleep is NOT static with a child. A toddler will change sleep patterns, a 5 year old will, a teen will have sleep changes, an adult, and elderly person ALL will have sleep changes. Great huh? LOL

I know, it's not easy for the Mommy...but well, before you know it, she will be all grown up and will not need you this way anymore... and it will be bittersweet.

Don't worry, she will grow out of it. Each child has their own pacing. Or, the Parent detaches them. That is the choice.
But with either method... it takes time, there are transition problems to adjust to, and learning curves for baby and parent, and patience. None of it is a slam dunk.

Really, just do what you feel is the best for your baby. Don't feel guilty, don't be hard handed, and ALLOW for transgressions/growth changes/age development phases.
She may very well be going through a "growth spurt" too... and is just plain ol' hungry too. Or teething....

Okay, didn't mean to ramble, just some ideas, all the best,
Susan

My son is two years old, and there are nights when he has had a bad dream, isn't feeling good or just needs Mommy to hug him and I do...let her CIO is only going to break the bond you have right now, and move her away from her ability to know that Mommy will be there if she needs something.

This could be a number of things, my guess is either teething, growth spurt or some form of seperation anxiety.

At this age/stage she is experiencing an enormous amount of changes and when these changes begin it's confusing and she needs you. She IS NOT TESTING YOU. I'm sorry, but while toddlers are quite capable of a lot of things she is not trying to work the system here. Her breastfeeding is a symptom of a base need that you were meeting for time, and now she just needs to be guided away from that.

If she is teething, then she is more than likely getting comfort form the sucking. You could try teething tablets or Motrin at bedtime. Check her gums for molars, and see if she' breaking through. CIO won't make teething pain go away.

If it's a growth spurt she may need more nourishment before bed, and one last final big feeding before you rock her to sleep. This is a chance for you to talk to your little one and explain what you must do together as a team. With my son, I always explain the how and the why of things. The repeating of what Mommy was going to do, helped him feel comfort and lessened the impending nervousness about being laid down in bed.

If it's a new form of seperation anxiety, think about when she started to hold her head up. At that time, she began to 'discover' her world. Now, at this age/stage she is beginning to understand that Mommy leaves, but where does Mommy go?? Is she coming back? She is attempting to understand that Mommy does leave, but she needs your help to understand that even though you go somewhere you ALWAYS come back and meet her needs.

My son over the last two years has experienced four different kinds of seperation anxiety, and still experiences it IF I am away for too long. At these points, I make my presence known at night but don't make moves to go to him unless he is crying or comes to get me. Even at around 16-19 months, I would simply wait to see if he woke (we cosleep) and if not I just let him put himself back to sleep. Some nights he would pop up and I would rock him back to sleep, and put him back on his side of the bed. This comes and goes, but it's what I signed up for.

Also, if she is napping twice a day still she may be moving away from the two naps, this very often happens at this age/stage.

All in all, I would just take a step back. If your little girl isn't 'soothing herself' to sleep it's okay. It's not a bad habit, and CIO isn't a miracle cure for bad sleep habits. There is SO much research on how much damage it can do to the trust of a child and how they build relationships in the future.
Try moving away from taking her to your bed, and putting her back in her crib after she's sound asleep. She may just require some adjustments to her daily nap routine or bedtime routine to get back on track. Just be patient and work with her through this period of change with a little love and guidance...you guys can do it.

Don't worry...this too shall pass.

Good Luck.
Deanna

I'm sure you know that you need to break the rocking and breast feeding your baby to sleep habit. Now she has come to expect that this is what happens just before she is going to sleep or wakes up in the middle of the night. It wouldn't be nice to go in the complete opposite direction and just let her cry it out, at this point in time at least. From here on out, when you put her to bed, definitely rock her for a bit and tell her a story or sing to her and maybe give her a small drink of water (I'm not sure if she needs a pre-bed feeding at this point now -- I kind of doubt it). When you see that she is starting to get a little sleepy, but before she goes to sleep, put her in her crib and pat her back until she drifts off to sleep. Now, because you had established a different pattern with her before, she will object to this new nighttime ritual, so you are going to have to invest sometime the first few nights or so of just staying by her bedside and patting her back and getting her to lay back down in her crib when she gets up. The first night that you do this is not going to be easy (may want to have your Ipod ready so that you can listen to music while you are doing this) but, if you are remain gentle yet firm, and consistent, you will be amazed how fast that she catches on to the going to sleep ritual.

Oh, when she wakes up in the night, you can give her a hug but try to keep the cuddling to a minimum. Instead, get her right back into bed and just pat her back until she goes back to sleep. Try to not to give her any eye contact or do any talking other than saying softly, "It's bedtime. Time for you to go to sleep." Focus on establishing this new pattern of "going to sleep in your own bed" and, once you have that down, the following month you can start decreasing the time spent patting her back and slowly get her used to going to sleep on her own without mom rocking her, feeding her and patting her back.

Also, if she's still taking more than 1 nap per day, you may need to manipulate the situation so that you get 1 good quality naps instead of 2 so-so naps. For me, that meant putting my daughter in the car at about 10:30 or 11 a.m. and driving to the store so that she was able to get a quick 5 minute snoozer before I woke her up to go into the store. It was just enough to take off the edge without blowing the p.m. nap.

Good luck and happy holidays to you, your daughter and the rest of your family.

Hi K.. My son is 15 and a half months old and was doing the same exact thing. This week, I said I had enough and decided to let him cry it out. I had don it before but still got him a couple of times during the night. Obviously that was a mistake; I was confusing the situation by only getting him sometimes. So a few days a go I decided to let him cry every time. Every time he put himself back to sleep in a matter of minutes and now he is sleeping through the night. If he wakes up once or twice I do NOT go in there. I am just kicking myself for not having done it earlier. I overestimated how difficult it would be. I too have decided to start weaning but I had to get to this step first.

Hi K., I am a Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach. Yes, your daughter needs to learn to self-soothe or your situation will only get worse. I can help you. Please visit my website at www.theindependentchild.com to learn more about me and my services. Read the testimonials. I can change your life in a matter of days. It's hard to do it on your own. I will create a customized plan for you and support you during the transition. Or give me a call and we can talk about it, ###-###-####
Best wishes,
K. Smith

I used the Sleep Lady book with both of my boys and it worked great!

Could this be a growth/change thing? You didn't say how long it's been going on. You also didn't say what her sleeping arrangement is, but when you said "my bed" I take it she has her own room. I truly feel that co-sleeping is the most nurturing for babies and young children. It's only natural that they want to be near you. Of course it is better for OUR lifestyles to have that space, but they don't care about that. My only advice to you is to scrap the crib and try co-sleeping. By not sleeping with our children we are fighting what years of evolution set up. Maybe your child knows that if she is nursing she get's to sleep next to you? Kids are so smart. I recommend a king size bed or a lower bid next to your bed. Continue to put your child to sleep while you are making this change. I'm pretty sure you will see positive results and she will lose the obsession with the all-night nursing. She should start coming off the boob and she might roll, or flop, of kick and that's her way of learning to put herself to sleep.

Put her in her crib not your bed. It's kind of like having a brownie sundae sitting in front of you and telling you not to eat it. SHe's way old enough to let her cry it out. If she used to be a good sleeper, it should only take one or two nights about 10-30 min tops. Good luck. GREAT job breastfeeding, keep it up!

LOL. I am sorry I am laughing, I just can't believe you are getting advice to "beware". Your 16-month old is NOT TESTING YOU. That thought is simply ridiculous. I am pregnant and due on Jan 6th and still nursing my 21 month old. I am an attached parent and truly believe tending to your babies needs is the 100% best way to go, always. Crying it out was never an option for me and I am hoping you won't make it an option either. it is so sad...

I can hear the love you have for your baby girl... that is so amazing. If you want to begin to wean her I would suggest you begin to "night wean". Basically still nurse her to sleep like you do - whatever works the fastest - and than throughout the night try rocking her or laying with her, rather than nursing her. I PROMISE YOU - THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Babies go thru so many changes and their sleep habits sometimes get affected. She could be teething, she could just be going thru a change.

As far as her soothing herself, we are parents. It is our job to nurture and soothe our babies. Sure, you can play music or give her a lovie to help comfort her!!! I also believe that a consistent bedtime routine is key. Bath time... jammies... music/book... nursing... bed. Something like that.

I am really liking what Susan wrote to you too... well said Susan!

Best of luck to you K.!!

Kids do begin testing you to see what they can get away with... be aware of this...

Also, since you are soothing your daughter she can't figure out how to soothe herself on her own (I have been there and seen this many times). The discovery of this may generate crying- as she protests you ignoring her... but it will also create a good sleeper. Because she is older it will probably take longer than if she was 5-8 months old or so... she already has preferences and she knows how to "voice" them. BUT, even if it takes longer, you and your child will benefit from it.

It is not "healthy" for you or your daughter to miss out on sleep. Life long sleep habits can develop if children are not allowed to sleep a large chunk of time and if they are not asked to soothe themselves to sleep. And sleep is needed for brain development and just for kids to happily go about their day. Sleep is such a huge key that so many miss out on.

Your daughter should be taking a nap around 1/1:30 for 2-3 hours and probably be sleeping from 7pm to 7am or so (a good 12 hours)... give or take a few hours all around. You want to adjust these sleep times so that she never gets overtired.

Start with the nighttime sleep and then the naps will probably fall into place. Also, once the night sleep is going well... if she is still waking up too early leave her in there until the desired wake time and then get her. This will help her body adjust to getting up at the desired wake time.

If you have any other questions check out my sleep blog and sleep consultant site www.lullabyluna.com

My son is 18 mos old and still bf, he goes to sleep easily he just wakes up far too much for his age, and for ME! He does/did the same thing as your daughter. Actually he was never a good sleeper, so count yourself lucky there! But I too was waking up bfing him all night long, sometimes 5 time in the night. At their age, I knew that was not necessary! I tried cry it out, but after an hour, that is hard to take. Sometimes i still slip and attempt the cry it out method, it does work. The problem is you having to listen to it. Anyhow...If you dont want to cry it out, you could try the sleep training method from Super Nanny, the one on TV. I used it/modified it for us and it took a few nights of hell, but it works pretty well for us now. Although it may be torture since you have to sit there and listen up close to the crying...

There are many different versions of this, but basically you go in and soothe her in the crib. Dont pick her up. Do whatever, pat, sing, give pacifier, hug or just stand/sit there. I think supernanny says not to speak or make eye contact, maybe even no bodily contact?? Anyhow the idea is that you move closer and closer to the door, until you are finally out of the room. You can do this over several nights or all in one night.
Here is what I did.
First night was hell, like 45 mins of him screaming while i sat on the floor near his crib, he was devistated. I sat with my arm thru the slats, patting him, letting him hold my hand/fingers. Just so he knew I was physically there. But he did not like it! I would softly say "ni night", which was a term he knew. I didnt force him to sit or lay. In the beginning of that first night he stayed standing for quite a while looking at me--i tried not to make eye contact. (I started out standing actually, but quickly learned I was going to be there a long time, so I sat.) Anyhow I first began patting the bed, for him to lay down and said "ni night" very softly. He was/is very stubborn so it took him forever to finally just sit. He would sit, then stand back up over and over, crying/screaming off and on. Then he stayed sitting, as I sat on the floor next to the crib. I kept patting him and the bed and saying "ni night". He wanted to be close to my hand so he eventually just layed down on my hand/arm. He tossed and turned and I slowly took more and more of my arm out of the crib, until I was just sitting there with no arm in the crib. He finally fell asleep with me sitting there. I didnt time it, but I was probably in there for over 1 1/2 hrs. My husband came in at one point wondering where I was... he just looked at me sitting there in the middle of all this screaming like I was crazy! LOL

So the next night when he woke up after only an hour after putting him to bed for the night, I did the same thing and surprisingly he figured it out. I would say it took less than half the time on just the second night. He sat and layed down right away, just couldnt fall alseep, kept checking to see if I was still there. I would say by the 4th night he knew the routine and stopped crying all together. Now at 18 mos. he still wakes after only an hour or 2 of being put down for the night, I hug him, put in pacifier (which I am sure helps my whole process) and he lays down and I tuck the blankets in around him. I walk out while he is still awake. I think the main thing is that you have to be consistant. Dont cave, follow thru with whatever method you are going to try, even if you choose crying out. My son will wake between 4am and 5:30 at which time I bf. Just to give me a few more hours of sleep! Also, we found he wakes up less when we really bundle him up. His room is the coldest in the house, so I have begun putting lots of blankets on him and he is waking even less, sometimes he sleeps all the way thru the night! LOL.

Is she eating something new? When kids have trouble digesting something, they can't sleep well. Try altering her diet to remove anything that might be a trigger (gluten, juices, dairy, soy, etc - you can research allergy causing foods for a more complete list) Keep a diary of what she eats and how she sleeps. If you figure out what is causing it, keep her away from that food for as long as possible. Good luck

Ok, first, it sounds like she just doesn't need as much sleep. you could try cutting one of the naps out. My daughter lost one about 15 months, and now at 21 months she is down to 1 nap of 1 hour most days. Sometimes I get lucky and she sleeps for 2 hours, but that is less and less... =( =)
Anyway, as for the other problems try to eliminate one thing at a time. Write down a list of what you are using now to get her back to sleep and eliminate one when she is getting to sleep without the last one.
I am also a big beleiver of tylonel. When my daughter has a fever or acts like she is in pain, and it is bedtime, I will give her some, and most nights she will feel better enough to sleep through the night. Follow the instructions, because tylonel can cause damage to the kidneys, so you don't want to overmedicate. (And no, I am not recommending drugging your kid every night, but there are times when it is appropriate to the situation.)
Anyway, hope this helps
R.

Oh K.! I too am in the same situation as you. My daughter is almost 20 months old. My little one never slept well anyway, but when I was finally able to get her to sleep somewhat through the night, I was thrilled (as well as my husband)Mind you, this was only a few months ago that this happened. She was actually waking up around 4:00 am and then sleeping in my bed until about 6:30 am.
The way I got her to sleep in her crib the whole night was to let her cry. It killed me to do it, but it actually worked. (it took about 4-5 days of this)
The problem is that I would visit my sister and allow her to sleep in my bed all night. She alway slept straight through till the morning when she was nestled against me. Now, every time I try to get her in her crib, she crys like crazy again. Part of me say's WHO CARES!!!! As long as she is sleeping! I really don't mind her in bed with us, I mean face it, there will be a time when they no longer want that affection.
So, my point is that I too have regressed in my daughters sleeping habits. There was a short time where I was able to put her in her crib awake for naps and night time. It was so simple. But, now we are all screwed up and I know it is my fault for giving in and allowing her to get her way.
I really have no good advice for you, because I am in the same boat.
I don't have a plan either, I think I will just do what I know makes my daughter happy. It won't last forever. I also think that I will try to get her into her own bed very soon, see if she takes to that.
My daughter also used to take short naps, and I realized that she was transitioning into one nap a day. Now, she sleeps at least an hour and a half to 2 hours.
Remember, everything is just a phase and will not last forever. You just have to find whatever works for your little one and never mind what other people tell you to do!
Oh ps, I know my daughter was waking up because of teething (she still has teeth to come in)
Good luck and I will look forward to reading other peoples responses.

She can be getting molars. Offer teethers, hyland teething tablets or oragel, maybe even Tylenol at night.
Night terrors also start at this age. Not much to do about those other than comforting.
It's Ok that you don't want her in bed with you-that isn't for everyone (me included) and bringing her in it will become what she is accostomed too and not help your situation.
Maybe get one of those glow worm toys to keep in the bed and a musical animal. Play the nap music on repeat all night. If you are up with her, keep the lights off.
This may take several nights but you can just go in and check her, cover, give a kiss, say good night-it's time to sleep, not picking her up. Go a little longer in between going in there.

As hard as it is I think you need to let her cry it out. We had to do that with our son. I felt so bad about it that I called my Dr. to get her advice on what to do. She said when he starts to cry to go in and make sure he is safe. If he is then you have to let hime cry it out. She said he may even cry for 45 min. to an hour and you just need to peak in and make sure they are safe. If you go in to pick her up after you have let her cry it out for a while you have just put yourself through all of that for nothing. That was something my husband had to learn. If it would make you feel better, maybe you should contact your Dr. and ask their advice. I know that helped me to feel like I was doing the right thing for my son. Good luck.