Sleep Advice for Second Baby, Age 4 Months

First of all, to get a good nights sleep, I feed my 3 month old until he just can't eat anymore starting about 7pm. By 8 or 8:30 he is fast asleep and generally sleeps until 5 or 6 am. I do supplement breast feeding with formula and this is the time I give the formula. If you don't, consider giving a bottle of breast milk as the baby can drink more/faster from the bottle and you can get them to keep drinking even if they fall asleep. (You can also try a "Dream Feed", later in the evening, feed without waking - it's a challenge but can be done.) If the baby can get a good nights sleep you'll have a clean start the next day.
I like the idea of the sling others have suggested, my son will sleep very well in the sling, but that's not always practical for me. At those times, I use his swing or put on a video to occupy the 2 year old so that I can hold the baby to put him to sleep.
I have done my best to teach my 2 year old that there are times that I need to hold the baby and there are times I can devote completely to her. My days go by much better when I make a point to give the older one her special time, she tends to allow her brother his due more willingly. I also try to incorporate her "help" with the baby, making her feel useful and more involved and less ignored.
Best wishes to you - I know it's a challenge.

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Marsha Podd gotosleepbaby.com

I wore my second one all the time so I had hands free to do things with the first one. She slept quite a bit more in the carrier than if she were left alone. Compared to the first she wasn't much of a napper anyway. Now I wear my 3rd one so that I have hands free to be with the first 2.

Do you wear your baby? Seems like they can sleep thru anything when they are in a wrap or sling next to your body.

Dear V., I hear your pain and I hope my response can help out at least a little.

I, too, have a 4 month old and a 28 month old. First of all, they have separate rooms (not sure if possible in your living arrangement but this helps). my older son only naps once a day and the rest he is running around playing. My infant son likes to nurse and sleep. Once he falls asllep I put him in the crib (if he wakes up, I give him the pacifier) and I close the door so my older son does not go in and disturb him. I can then have play time with my older son.

Sometimes the swing really helps too. My 4 month old likes to lay around in the swing listening to music and falls asleep for at least an hour. Or - if I have to walk around outside (for example, to the park or something), I put my younger one in a moby wrap or baby carrier and he falls asleep as I walk.

The trick is to keep the older one entertained while you are soothing the younger one so he can fall asleep and stay asleep peacefully. I have lots of puzzles, lego toys, books to keep the older one busy. And at times (i am not ashamed to say it), I put on some kids programming on TV (sesame street, mickey mouse, baby einstein) for him to watch.

Hope this helps!

I'm in the same situation but w/ a now 6 mo old and a 2.75 yr old with a travelling hubby. My trick... I use a good white noise machine plus fan (when it's hot) to help him put himself back to sleep after his 1st 90min sleep cycle. It's on the whole time. If he wakes, I paci him, give him his blanket w/ momma smells on it and he passes back out. I had a hard time w/ him in the beginning w/ his sleep during the day - night times he was usually good. I read Happiest baby on the block and still apply some of the 5 S's, but that's more for 0-3mos. Still, he fights sleep for a few minutes - but then konks out. Apparently my nursing wasn't enough either - so sometimes I'll top him off after nursing w/ a few ozs of formula. Good luck to you - it's not easy with two...

Hi V.,

My 2 year olds name is V.!! :D

I have a 1yr old and a 2yr old. What I have learned is to try and get baby to sleep before she starts getting too fussy. Paci works wonders over here for that. I know exactly how you feel about still being able to mother the toddler. Imagine, I had a newborn and a 1 year old who still needed me just as much. It takes some time to fall into a good pattern but you will find one. Try a little earlier nap time is my best advice. I know when baby gets too tired she just cries and cries. BUT if I get her right in her window she falls right asleep.

Another thing is that baby #2 may not be a "sleeper" like #1. That is my problem. V. ha sthe same nap schedule she did when she was younger and baby already takes less naps then big sister. SO every child has different needs.. I am barely learning that :D

Best wishes,
C.
www.AtHome4MyGirls.Com

You sound exasperated! I hope you are getting good sleep...
First I'll say, I am a 35 yr old mother of 2 but I am also informed by my experience growing up as the eldest of 10...
THings that I've read suggest a "normal pattern" for a baby as young as yours does not exist. Remember, this whole thing of having a body and being in the world is all very new and hard work. The baby is learning so much- eating, digestion, sleep, relationship dynamics, environment, language, motor skills and then, in no time at all, the drool starts heavily and you've got a little teething child! That's hard work!!! (for the baby!)
I encourage you to give yourself credit. Two four hr rest periods is an accomplishment. (NO matter what my infants woke up every two hrs like clockwork to nurse during the night for at least 6-9 months!) It sounds like it hurts you to see the baby crying in distress. I am wondering if it not a sleep issue but something else. To address the sleep part though, what about carrying the baby in a sling during the day. Take a long walk in the stroller or while you're playing w/ the toddler, keep the infant strapped to you. That can be very comforting for a small one. ALso, sending your toddler out on a play date occasionally could give you much relief- or maybe daddy can take him out in the morning during weekend.
The NUMBER ONE thing I would do is try to get that baby back to sleep for a nap first thing in the morning. All of my mom's children and my children were pretty much ready for their first nap 1 1/2-2 hrs after they awoke. It was like clockwork!!!
You can also make up exercises for the baby, playing with their legs and arms to help them get tired from exercise. Another factor is to consider stimulation. SOme children do cry a lot if they get a lot of stimulation coming in.
Lastly, have you checked your diet? Could the baby have colic from you eating dairy, onions, garlic, broccoli, cucumbers, strawberries, genetically modified wheat, etc? That will keep a child crying in fits for LONG periods.
Good luck!

I read the Happiest Baby on the block when my son was 4 months and kicked myself for not reading it BEFORE he was born. The 5 "S's" worked for us except the pacifier until he was 7 months. The white noise suggestion worked for us - we still use it to mask Hubby's rhinoceros-like snoring and the landscapers racket during naps.
Can you try putting the little one down while the toddler takes his nap? Have you tried a swing or bouncer? Wearing him in a sling might work too unless Big Brother is really loud.
Also, make sure the window coverings block out most of the daylight where baby sleeps.

If your husband is at home at night, I would ask him to help with the toddler. My boys are 5 years apart, so it's a little easier. I don't have to worry about getting my older one to nap. Does your toddler go to sleep on his own? We used the Ferber method with both boys when they between 10 and 12 months and it worked. If you can get him to go to sleep on his own, you will have more time to help your baby get to sleep. Good luck!

I put my son in a sling and took him everywhere with me and my daughter. They are 23 months apart (similar to yours.) Now, he is a great napper and can sleep anywhere. He is two and still naps wherever we are.

Find a baby carrier or sling that is comfortable for you. Then, you can still take your toddler to a park or other places to wear him out and spend time with him. It seems like work, but it is a win/win all around.

Also, for a couple of months that was really hard, I hired a Mother's Helper to come and help me for a few hours a week. This helped me rest with the baby (he would not sleep w/out me) while my daughter had someone to wear her out and play with.

Just a few thoughts...this stage will pass and soon you will chase both kids around! Good luck!

The book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems is great for sleep issues in general but also has some specific things relating to 4 month olds. I used the book with book with my kids from about 3 months on and they are still good sleepers today (now almost 5 and 3 1/2).
Best of luck!
C.