Sleep Anxiety

There are two varieties of cry it out - gradual and extinction. I would do the second. Leave little one in crib and don't go into room at all and let her cry until she finally goes to sleep. the first night it may well last 1-2 hrs but eventually she will go to sleep and it will be better the second night and even better the next. I think it is really the only method that really works. I know it is hard but provided the baby is over 6 months old, it won't hurt her and she will be very happy in a few days as will the rest of the family. good luck.

We thankfully have great sleepers...sorry :) but I have a few friends who have had similar problems. In the end most of them did the cry-it-out method. They said it was very difficult to hear their little one cry, but that they felt it was best for everyone. They always said that the longer you let them cry...BUT then went in...the harder it was. They said the child then will cry and cry b/c they know you will come and get them. Once they realize that you're not giving in it should get better.

I think with your 1st it's the hardest. We had a few sleep issues with our 1st and I felt terrible letting him cry...then we had #2 and it was much easier for me. I was more relaxed and knew in the end it was best for him. With him he did something similar but from the start we made him cry it out so it didn't take him long at all to start sleeping on his own.

Good luck and I hope whatever you do helps...it's so hard to hear your little one cry and to also not get a good nights sleep. It will get better! :)

Hi R.. I know you are in a frustrated time, and that drastic times call for drastic measures. However, 13 months is far too early to consider moving your child to a bed. Most pediatricians recommend waiting until age 3, although most people I think make that transition sometime between ages 2 and 3. Still, you are a long ways from that - a year at the earliest. Moving your child now is simply endangering her.

My advice to you is to pick up the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Wiessbluth. You will be surprised at the things you are probably doing with your child during the day that are contributing to her inability to sleep through the night. For example, you haven't mentioned anything about your daughter's napping schedule - this is a key component to successful night sleeping. And there are numerous other factors that you may not even realize exist. I strongly urge you to check it out. I will warn, there are a lot of specifics in the book. But it is the type of thing that you can read and take from it what works for you. I hope it helps.

Best of luck!

This probably isn't the ideal or most popular answer but my little girl is the same age and when she does this (which isn't actually very often), I make a bed on the floor next to her crib and sleep there. The reason for this is that she will not stop screaming and go to sleep if she isn't with me but I refuse to bring her into bed with us bc I know that if I do that, she'll never sleep in her crib again! I, too, still nurse so I understand the attatchment. Don't let yourself be drawn into nursing her in the middle of the night, either if you ever want to sleep through the night again. Your little girl will probably still scream for quite a while if you sleep next to her crib but at least you can give her your hand or reassure her with your voice that you are still there. She has to learn that her crib is where she sleeps no matter what. You can be there for her, but it has to be on your terms. Since you've been bringing her to bed with you, you may have to do this for a few nights. Hang in there and be firm! I've been there... In my opinion, 13mo is way too young to turn the crib into a bed. Not only can they fall out but what will they then get into in the middle of the night? At least you know she is safe in her crib!

The worse thing you can do is sleep with a child. They get use to it in 2 days and know if they cry you'll pick them up and sleep with them. It may sound cold, but you must let her cry. She'll fall asleep. You just make sure she's safe and dry and let her be. I had to put my daughter in a single bed when she was 10 and a half months because she was long and linky and would throw her leg over the crib gate and bounce right out. We kept a guard rail (sold in most bedding departments) on the bed and pushed the bed into a corner of the bedroom so to keep her safe. She did fine but was never use to getting into bed with us or I'm sure it wouldn't have gone so well. Good luck and happy holidays.

We put the mattress on the floor so falling out of bed was minimal and less painful for them. For our girls, I had to put a bed on the floor in our room for a bit so that they knew we were there, not in our bed, but close by. My youngest is now in her room and the transition was a good one. There is something about knowing they can get to you. When we put her in her room again, we made her a part of the process by fixing her room and putting a monitor in there and explaining I could hear her and would come. I don't know what you are up for, but if you and your husband can handle her on the floor in your room, it may make for better nights and better transition to her own bed in her room again.

R., You said you let her cry for five minutes but I was unsure if you went in and calmed her down. When my son was this age he wanted to sleep in our bed. I let him cry for five minutes and then I picked him up and calmed him down. I didn't talk or do anything else. Keep the room dark. I put him down again (he was mad!) and then cry five more minutes. I repeated this five times the first night, once the second night and then it was over. She absolutely cannot win this one because you all suffer. I did not chose to practice "the family bed" because I couldn't sleep. I have no judgement on it if it works for people.

Absolutely I would not put her in her own bed. Your problems really begin then. Safety issues are first and foremost if she can get up and you don't know she is up! I kept my kids in their cribs as long as I could. Moving to a "big bed" is more an adult idea unless they are climbing out.

Good luck. Hang tough. Watch the clock--it is a long five minutes! A.

Our daughter was the same way...since the day she was born (she wouldn't sleep in the bassinette in the hospital). She always nursed to sleep and then stayed in bed with us. This went on till she was 10 months old and started moving around a lot. We decided to put her in her own room and it went o.k. for a few weeks, but all of a sudden she started waking up when I put her in there. I let her cry it out for 20 minutes one night, and after that it was a disaster. She was deathly afraid of the crib. We bought her a twin sized mattress and set it on the floor in her room. Ever since then she has slept beautifully. She has only fallen off the mattress 3 times since then (10 months old) and she is now 21 months. You may want to try the mattress. We just put some pillows around the perimeter of it in case she falls off but it's not like she has far to fall anyway. We also don't have a problem with her getting up at night and getting into anything.

Don't try to get her sleepy before putting her down. Don't try to calm her down for bed. Try putting her down by the clock and let her cry it out while increasing the time. When 5 min goes by just look in on her, don't try to calm her down or give her a stuffed animal or anything else. Then do the same after 10 min. Follow the same putting to bed pattern for her naps. you don't say if she is in day care, and if she is, try to get their cooperation to do the same. Be sure to tell her ahead of time that she has to go to sleep by herself, she may very well understand what you are saying at 13 mos of age.

Hi R. -
We coslept with our daughter until about 1 year, then transitioned uneasily to the crib (in our room) thinking that would make it smoother. It really didn't (it was like torturing her that we were so close but she couldn't snuggle with us). So we put the crib in her room and did a very wishy washy version of crying it out for a few days - this ended in frustration. After 3 days or so, I really stuck to it and let her cry until the crying escalated (not just regular crying - that would subside quickly when I came back - which was already breaking my heart, but she was really upset - actual tears, was not so fast to be consoled). Then I went in and reassured her - tenderly but to the point and as brief as possible. Saying something soothing, over and over like "mommy always comes back" worked well (also came in handy when we started pre-school). We had to repeat this many times this first night that we got "serious" but the next night was dramatically easier (not easy, mind you).

She did, however, quickly learn to save the urge to poop until we had left her for the night, knowing that we would have to come and pick her up to change her diaper. This made me realize how diabolically manipulative they can be at a very young age - give them credit for this. We love them and hate to see them upset and they KNOW IT.

If you really think she has sleep ANXIETY, then maybe you should consider a sleep specialist, but otherwise, though it seems surreal, it really is normal.

Some things you can try:
- MUSIC - a whole cd or one magical song on repeat(the first track of the "African Dreams" compilation was like tryptophan for my kiddo)
- SMELL - let her sleep with a t-shirt or pillow case that smells like you or you sleep with her crib sheet as a pillow case so it will smell like you
- BACKGROUND NOISE - white noise forces kids to try to shut it out and often puts them to sleep in the process (witness babies sleeping in noisy restaurants). And I've never tried this but I've heard of people using baby monitors in reverse - so they can hear you (washing dishes or talking after dinner or whatever) and be reassured that you are still close by.
- TALK HER THROUGH IT - "I'll be back in one minute...two minutes..." (this still works - my kid is 4 now) and really do what you say you will
- TENDER BUT FIRM (set this precedent now with sleep for you will need it again and again in many scenarios)

also, I agree that you should wait at least a year or so before transitioning to a big girl bed. It wouldn't be safe now, and I don't think it will accomplish what you want - being more exposed vs the cosiness of a crib might make her feel less snug and comforted rather than more comfortable.

sorry for the ramble...ULTIMATELY, you read, you listen to advice, you try different things (really give whatever you try a fair shot), and you decide what works best for your kid and your family.
good luck.