Ok, we have a 5 and 4 year old, so we dealt with this twice within a year and it was tough. I can tell you that it is very much an anxiety thing usually. They're more aware of themselves and being separated now, and they don't want to be left alone. My kids too would sleep fine if I slept with them, but we did that with our oldest and paid for it, they won't break the habit until you make them...it's not something they'll grow out of, you have to teach them. The best thing we did was do this: First, a bedtime routine, i.e. bath, teeth, story, bed...or whatever you guys do, is so important so they know bed is coming. Then after the story or whatever, tell them good night, give a big hug and lay them down. When they get up, shorten the statement, and say only 'bedtime' and put to bed. Don't ever show anger, just lay them down. Next time, don't even make eye contact or say anything, no matter how big the tantrums are, just lay them down. If they wake in the night, do it all over again...in the beginning it will be very frustrating, because they'll cry and not like it, and you'll want to give in, but DON'T!!! It's so important to be consistent, or you send mixed signals and it only upsets them more down the road. The other big thing, is make sure that during the day, that she is getting adequate attention...I still find with my kids that if we're going through a stressful time or a time when they're not getting as much attention, they'll do it more at night...in those cases, I try to make story time a little longer, give more hugs, but still be firm with the bed routine, otherwise, you'll be back to newborn sleep, which is never good. Good luck :) Oh, I forgot, also it may help to try this...which we did too: Do this technique I said, but the first night, sleep next to her bed and do this, then the second night, sleep in the room but by the door....the next night...sleep in the doorway, until you make your way to the bedroom...in a sense you're weaning your child from you as a need at bed.
