Hello,
I am trying to get my 14 mth old to start to sleep on her own. Up until this point, her routine has been bath, story, milk and me holding her in the glider until she falls asleep. About a week ago, my husband and I decided that we need to get her to learn to fall asleep on her own. We would go through her normal routine and then put her in her crib. Instead of leaving the room, we would sit in the glider and wait for her to fall asleep. She cries hysterically, and then after about 45 mins she finally goes to sleep. My husband thinks we are traumatizing her by doing it this way, but I disagree. I think she will eventually learn that it's bedtime and she needs to go to sleep when we say good night. I think we should actually just leave the room. But, my heart breaks to hear her cry so much, it's so sad. I'm sure others had gone through this with thier kids, I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it's okay to let her cry it out?? Does anyone have any suggestions?Thank you!!!
Just my opinion:
I think it's too soon to expect her to get to sleep on her own.
The transition may be difficult for you but I am not a fan of letting a child "cry it out".
If she were to fall asleep after 5-10 (max) minutes that would be fine but 45 is too long for her to be upset.
Again just my opinion.
I am sorry but NO it is not ok to let your child cry it out and especially if she is hysterically crying for 45 minutes. I am really sorry but I have to say that I do not ever give any other aprent critical advice but this seems cruel to me. I think your husband is absolutely right. At 14 months your child has very real and significant issues of abandonment. To the people that say it is nto harmful to let a "child cry it out," please use some common sense when giving advise that will so adversly affect a child's well being.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not continue to let your child cry out and suffer in such a way. PLEASE try askdrsears.com for terrific and very helpful hints.
Good luck
We used the cry it out method for my daughter at 6 months and she slept throught the night ever since! She cried for maybe a week and it was over. Yes, it was hard to listen to. Truly heartbreaking. But, it has been wonderful ever since. She sleeps better and so do we, making for a very happy family! I don't think she ever held a grudge. She loves us just the same!
Hang in there!
I think crying it out is okay in certain situations. If you left her alone in her room and she was screaming, I could see that as abandonment, and that could be traumatizing.
Be you are staying in the room with her, you are not abandoning her. You are teaching her the skill of being a self-soother and learning to fall asleep on her own.
She is probably crying because she is testing you and she wants to see if there is any possible way to get things to be the way they were.
Continue to sit in the room with her quietly. She knows you are there for her. She will learn that no matter what she does she will have to remain in her crib. Eventually, she will give up and just go to sleep on her own.
I think you are doing the right thing. I wouldnt leave the room though until she is comfortable with her new routine. :)
(We did the same thing with our son, and he turned out just fine. He takes a bath and then climbs in bed all by himself, kisses me goodnight and that is that. He is 2 1/2. But he was 16 months when we started putting him to bed on his own.)
This is what I do as my little girl is 14 month old too. We still have the same routine as well. Which I feel it's very important at this age. Then when it's time for nite nite, I give her milk and she usually laying on me or with daddy on the sofa. Then I tell her give daddy hug and kiss and lets go nite nite... She then walks up the stairs with me behind her and I give her a hug and kiss and I place her in her, and tell her it's nite nite time. She will grab her teddy and start playing with her ears. I usually stay in the room for a few minutes, I rub her head etc. and I say goodnight and see you tomorrow. Then I leave the room. She may whine a little but will eventually fall asleep on her own. I would suggest comforting her at first and let her know that your right outside the room (they need alot of reassurance at this age) and just stand by after a few minutes if the crying continues do the same process again, until eventually she will go to sleep. It's does get easier and the crying will stop.
Crying it out is not bad for her, just you!! We all know how hard it is to hear them cry like that! There are so many different things you can do. Personally, I prefer to put them in their bed and walk out of the room. Give her some time to cry it out, only a few minutes. Then you can go it, lay her back down, gentle rub on her back or belly then leave again. This may go on for sometime until she's satisfied that you aren't going to leave her and she'll fall asleep. Length the time before going back in her room so she doesn't get used to you coming in at the first sound. You'll have to follow this routine for several nights, but eventually the time involved will shorten until she's asleep before you walk out of the room. It will be hard, because your natural reaction is to run in and pick her up. She will learn that it's not a terrible thing that's happening! I did at one point have a son that would scream to the point of vomiting when I left the room. In order to keep him calm, I did have to stay in his room. For him, I put him in his crib, sat on the far side of the room (by the door) and read a book (to myself) until he settled, then I quietly left. This only lasted a few days and he was able to settle on his own. These things don't traumatize them. All of my sons are great sleepers and go to bed with no problems.
Hang in there, sister! You are doing great! We taught our first daughter to sleep on her own at about the same age. We started the way you are, by staying in the room, and after a few days, she stopped crying so much. Then we started leaving the room before she fell asleep, and eventually working up to just laying her in her crib and leaving. Within about 3 weeks, she was a great sleeper and has been ever since. Really, I think it's more traumatizing for the parents, but don't give up or it will make it harder the next time you try!
Oh yes. It's normal. But, she does fall asleep. You're standing your ground.
It does hurt to hear it but, at 14 months it is high time she gets to sleep on her own. Keeping the night routine is awesome. I have mine. Bath, stories, milk. But, I say goodnight and leave him there.
I believe he cried hysterically for a week but ever since then bed time is a breeze. That was when he was a year old. Now he's 2.5 so its even easier.
Hang in there. Show your hubby some research by pediatricians and psychs to ease his mind.
The baby crying hysterically is just her way of communicating that she wants it done her way. She is not being ruined for life at all. In fact its a small stepping stone towards independence.
I, personally, don't think it's ok to ever let a child "cry it out." I think it's mean and tells a child that you are not there for him/her when he/she needs you. It is extremely traumatizing to let a child cry and get so hysterical during a time when rest and peace is supposed to be what's going on. 45 minutes is a LONG time.
I hold or snuggle my son to sleep every night, and when he's asleep I put him to bed and he sleeps through. My daughter is 14, and I did the same with her, and she's adjusted just fine.
