Sleep Training?

Updated on October 16, 2008
M.P. asks from Chicago, IL
9 answers

My baby's 20 days old. His days and nights are mixed up, so he's up every 2 hours wanting to eat and be entertained all night long, and is often impossible to wake during the day(wet wash cloths, playing with feet/head/hands, stripping him, and changing his diaper sometimes allll don't awaken him).

I've tried everything I can think of-- darkening the room at night, a cursory bedtime routine with music and a walk outside (we've been told to only bathe him twice a week at this age so a bath can't come into play)... I've tried leaving him in his crib and letting him cry for a while to see if he'll cry himself to sleep... doesn't work.

When did you start sleep-training? How? Should I just leave him in his crib and let him cry all night if he's clearly famished and red and mad? Should I indulge him and walk him and sing to him all night long till he figures it out for himself?

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So What Happened?

I have a friend who had her kids sleep-trained by 6 weeks, by letting them cry it out; she'd go to their cribs and rub their backs, talk to them, sing to them, whatever, but not remove them from their cribs. Then finally by 6 weeks they got it. But that seems young to me and apparently it seems young to all the other moms who've responded to this thing too. And it's hard enough when you don't know why your kid is crying to endure it. When you KNOW your kid is crying for milk and attention, saying "no" is heartbreaking! Ok I'll continue with the spending time outside and I'll get a book on different sleep training methods etc. Thanks!

More Answers

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M.K.

answers from Chicago on

Congrats on your baby boy! I agree with the other Moms...a baby of his age should not be sleep trained. When he cries, he is definitely communicating a need -- and it may simply be for physical contact. Babies require this as much as they need to be fed or a diaper change. At this age, it is not an indulgence. You are actually fulfilling a very important physiological need.

As for the "confusion" over day and night, I remember my Pediatrician telling me to limit the duration of daytime naps to no more than 3 hours. I tried it with my first born but it didn't seem to make much difference. This is something the babies grow out of over the first couple months.

During these first three months of getting to know your newborn, this is a great time to start watching for his sleep cues to emerge (he may tug at his ears, etc.) and discovering which soothing methods he starts to prefer (does he like when you sing, etc.)

It's also the best time to find a sleep training method right for you. I recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby," by Marc Weissbluth, MD. It is written in sections, according to month of your babies age (all the way through adolescence), so you only have to read the introduction and then the section on your baby's age.

I wish you and your baby all the best!

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Your baby is way too young to sleep train. In fact, sleep training is not recommended for the first 3-4 months. They are physically incapable of self-soothing that young. They also need to be feed every few hours.

Do you have a sling? If not, get one. By carrying your baby during the day, for at least 3 hours, your biorhythms should help straighten out your babies.

At night, do your routine then sit in the dark with soothing music on. Do not entertain him. Rock him, nurse him, do whatever it takes to get him to sleep.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I am okay with CIO training, but certainly not at 20 days. We didn't start any formal sleep training until 6 months of age. Our son also had his days and nights mixed up for quite some time. Continue what you're doing, especially with the overemphasizing the 'waking' hours and 'night' hours.

You could also try to soothe him using a swing or a vibrating bouncy seat. Our son was in one from about 3 weeks until 3 months to 'sleep' at night, and while I didn't feel it was ideal he actually wold fall asleep and sleep restfully for several hours at a time (3-6).

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E.J.

answers from Chicago on

You are doing a great job!! He is very young to be crying it out, but it does get frustrating after awhile. Enjoy this time while he is portable and take him for walks, to the library, run a quick errand....they love the security of the car seat and the motion of the walk or car.

The best advice someone gave me was to read Dr. Weissbluth's book. It is so validating and helps to keep you sane! I would recommend this book over "What to Expect" one hundred times over.

Are you breast feeding? Do you know how much he is getting? That could be part of the issue for him also.

Enjoy this part of motherhood! It goes by so fast! Congratulations!

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S.W.

answers from Chicago on

Please read The Baby Book by Dr Sears or read on his website. If your baby is breastfeeding, he NEEDS to eat every 2-3 hours. As far as getting him on the same days/nights pattern, try swaddling him at night and keeping him in a loose blanket during the day.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

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K.

answers from Chicago on

I'm sorry to say you cannot sleep train a baby until they're at least 4 months old. You have a loooong way to go! Babies don't even start to form perminant sleep habits until they're at least 12 weeks old, so at this point just do what you need to to get some sleep. Some thoughts:
1. Babies are way too little to self-soothe at this point. Do NOT let him cry it out. Pick him up and snuggle him
2. A crib is a big strange far away place for a newborn. Can you put him next to your bed (or even in your bed?) in a bassinet or pack n play? Give the kid a break - he's less than 3 weeks old! Snuggle him up next to you. Lay him on your chest. You are comforting to him.
3. Try and wake him up a bit before bed time to play. This will help him get sleepy at night
4. Swaddle him
5. If you insist on keeping him in his crib, at least put something that smells like you in it. Take a shirt that you wore earlier (but didn't wash) and lay it down in his crib, so that it smells familliar and comforting to him.
6. I agree there's no reason he needs to be bathed every day at this age, but you certainly can if you want to. Just make sure to put some oil or lotion to keep his skin nice.

Finally, don't worry - it will get better I promise. Babies need so much at first, but he'll be big and smiling at you and cooing in no time. Congrats on your little one!

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

try using the Baby Whisperer's EASY method for a schedule, and the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 s's method. Those two combined will make cio not be a needed thing (at that age)
EASY - when the baby wakes up it Eats. After you feed it, then it has Activity - bouncy seat, tummy time, sitting up and playing with toys, swing, exersaucer, etc. When the baby gets fussy check the B's - boredom, butt or burp. If it's none of those then off to Sleep. Don't wait for the baby to do more than get the tiniest bit fussy, then see what is causing the fusses - if it's just that they needed their diaper change do that, but if it's not the activity is boring, the butt is dirty or they have to burp, then put them down. This may happen after as short as 45 minutes, don't freak, it really means they are tired.
Now, to get them to sleep use the 5 s's. Swaddle the baby, hold the baby on their side and sway as they suck on something (paci, your knuckle or their finger/thumb) and make a shush noise. This will calm your baby. When the baby is calm, but not asleep yet, keeping them swaddled lay them in the bed. I like to pat them instead of sway after a minute or two cause you can still pat after they are put down but you can't sway, so pat the baby and continue patting gradually decreasing it as you put them in the bed. Also continue the shushing as you put them down, again gradually getting quieter.
If you do these two you will find a well rested, easily managed baby in no time.

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K.R.

answers from Chicago on

First off, 20 days old is WAY too young for sleep training and cry-it-out. You may hear differently from well meaning mothers and maybe it worked out fine for them, but research shows(and common sense) that at this age a child needs to learn that he/she can count on your and that his/her needs are going to be met. That being said, the night/day confusion is very common...what usually works in time is just what you are doing...keeping a consistent night/day routine. Keep him out in the house during the day so he is in the middle of the daily happenings...maybe keep the television or some upbeat music playing throughout the day...It will work in time...you didn't say how long this had been going on, but it may take a few weeks to get sorted out...it's just one of the many snags we run into...be patient...and please, it really is way too early to let him cry it out...you are not teaching anything by doing this (except that his needs are not being met) Good luck! Oh and a book that I really liked about sleep was The No-Cry Sleep Solution...you might want to check it out...it had some good information about infant sleep even this early in the game :)

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C.P.

answers from Chicago on

Your baby is much too young for sleep training! Forget about all of that and don't let the poor thing cry it out at this age! You have to just hang in there. Eventually he will turn the days and nights around all by himself. Get outside during the day as much as possible and keep the house bright during the day, window light, lights on, whatever. But being outdoors will help more than anything else. This is part of being a new mom. Some babies take longer to make the switch than others. My son seemed to take forever, but our daughter switched within a couple of weeks. Your son is only 20 days old! You've got a long way to go. Sleep when he sleeps and don't worry about the rest : ) Good luck!
ps. you should read sleep trainging books so that you understand the principles involved... you can't sleep train a baby until 4-6 months... try reading Ferber or Weissman...

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