Sleep training/CIO 9 Month Old. HELP! What Are We Doing Wrong??? (LONG!)

**read your edit:
The thing is, she is ALSO going through major gross-motor developmental changes... and this tweaks sleep too. It is a phase. One of MANY to get used to. You cannot 'extinguish' these things... it is developmental. They WILL pull-up, stand, etc., vocalize etc. Because it is what is developing in them... at these age-junctures... and they do NOT have these 'skills' mastered ... yet. Just learning still. Once their motor skills are more controlled at 'at-will' then they can better manage it, all.
And, a baby does NOT have 'impulse control' yet... and that is not even fully developed until at least Kindergarten. So in a baby... their 'reactivity'... is impulsive still.
And yes, your baby is OVER-tired. Over-tiredness makes a baby that cannot sleep, nor fall asleep well, nor sleep well.
You should try co-sleeping... AND nurse her before ANY naps and bedtime. That is normal.

Your baby seems normal to me, and that is what almost all babies do.

Next: 9 months is a growth-spurt time... and a baby gets hungrier, needs more intake and needs to feed more frequently so that their intake keeps up, with them and their growth/development.
Thus, on-demand feeding, 24/7. For the 1st year of life.

Also, when a baby is going through a growth-spurt, or teething or separation-anxiety... which is all NORMAL developmental based occurences... this is NOT the time to 'sleep train' a baby. It is the wrong timing.

all the best,
Susan

If babies were meant to all sleep alone and on their own then they wouldn't have to cry to do it, right? You're right, it is flawed and it sounds like your daughter is trying to tell you that. Go back to what you were doing and I'm sure you will all be much happier. I nursed my DD to sleep every night for exactly 3 years and she is just fine and in fact a better sleeper than most "sleep trained" kids I know. The problem with "sleep training" (and I hate calling anything to do with kids, 'training,' as if they are puppies) is that it needs to be repeated in order to accomplish what you are trying to accomplish. If everytime you disrupt their lives in the tiniest bit, you need to start CIO all over again, it means it didn't work the first time! Go with your gut. Hold your baby and just love her unconditionally. She isn't ready to be plopped down and walked away from nor should she be. That isn't developmentally normal. Why do you want to create a baby that no longer needs you?

I never did CIO nor sleep training, so you might not like my answer... However I did rock my daughter to sleep. My two cents: if you think she is waking up as soon as she senses being away from you chest, then try letting her fall deeper asleep while positioned farther away on your lap. I would place my daughter on a receiving blanket which was on top of a pillow, and let her fall asleep there... And I would need to wait a good 20-30 minutes for her to fall more deeply asleep. Then I would slowly, gently lift her off the pillow, letting the blanket buffer the feeling of movement and place her in the crib. (If you daughter is falling asleeping with the feeling of your bodyheat, heartbeat, hands/arms holding her, then you need to introduce a new sensation that is akin to how the bed feels but still with you holding her.)

Maybe I shouldn't respond b/c I didn't read your entire post, but I do not believe in CIO. I nursed both kids to sleep 'til they were 1, so I understand needing to transition to something else. We rocked my son to sleep, he'd sleep 12 hours. He is 4 & sleeps like an angel. We sit in my daughter's room 'til she (21 months old) is asleep. I know people have varying opinions on this, but if you are trying CIO & it's not working, please try something else. Some babies may do well w/ that, but not all. My daughter would've been so pissed off at us if we did that (& yes, she's only 1). It's a huge transition going from nursing to sleep to crying it out. Go with your gut. It sounds like you think the CIO method is flawed. I personally think it is. If you do, then try something else. It is so relaxing for me to sit in my daughter's chair for 20, sometimes 30 minutes until she falls asleep. Sometimes I nod off. It's relaxing...a heck of a lot more relaxing that listening to your baby cry for an hour. Again, go with your gut. Don't be afraid to try something else...CIO is not a one size fits all "method."

We did CIO at 6 months and the first night was HARD. He cried for 1 hr and 20 min. The 2nd night he cried for 20 min and then 3rd night no crying. He has been a dream sleeper since. Baby #2 is a different story and (at 9 months) every night is a little different but we never rocked or nursed him to sleep like we did with baby #1. No way, we learned from those mistakes.... He sleeps pretty well and we've never had to do CIO to date.

There are a lot of sleep hiccups that lead to hard bedtime rituals. Is your baby getting 15 or so hrs of sleep per 24 hours? At this age, baby should be sleeping about 12 hours at night and getting about 3 hrs of naps per day. If they are not, they can get tired and going to sleep is tough for an over tired baby. "Sleep begets sleep", that is my favorite line from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It's a fantastic, educational book on sleep patterns of a newborn-12 years. I wish I had read it while pregnant instead of all the pregnancy books.

Our 1st baby got very wound up at the extinction method. Seeing us made him more upset, so we had to CIO. It's what he needed from us.

Good luck to you. Whatever you decide, this shall pass and it will get better.

I didn't even read all the answers,but I can tell most moms @____@____.com,I'm not.I think it's a torture -think how unhappy your baby is.Think about her developing nervous system and how it can affect her in the future.
My baby never was falling asleep on a bottle,we 'd put her to bed and sit next to her holding her hand,singing a song,stroking her.That might take some time -from 10 to 20 minutes,but I'm not in a hurry.No one can prove that mental and emotional problems don't come from this early time in life-why chance it,I'm sure you want to raise emotionaly stable,happy child

Here are some ideas other moms have done/are doing and maybe it will give you some ideas of what you could try:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/sleep?utm_campaign=t...

Good luck!

I really liked the book, The First Three Years of Life (Revised ed.) by Burton White. He suggests during the 8 month to 14 month phase babies are ready to learn to fall asleep securely by themselves. This book was available at our local library - he suggests an easy method of teaching the baby to fall asleep in the book. Our daughter nursed herself to sleep before we attemted this. It was tough for a few days but it worked.

We also did CIO at around 9 months. I would just put him down still awake but we would read to him before putting him down. Our routine is letting him play a little bit but not let him get too excited. Then we change him into his jammies then read him a book then put him down. He also would not lay down but would pull up on the rail and stand on his crib. We tried keep going in there to lay him back down but he would stand up again so we just stopped going in to lay him down.

The first couple of nights were horrible. I think the first night he cried for almost 2 hours it seemed like. We do go in there incrementally to soothe him without picking him up. After the first week or so, he would only cry initially then he would pull up on his crib then eventually he will sit and pull on his toes and then he would plop down on his bed and sound asleep.

I was afraid initially that he would hurt himself by pulling up on the crib and then falling back to sitting position but now that he has more control of the way he moves I am not as worried.

My son is now 2 weeks away from turning one and he has been falling asleep fine on his own. He still fusses occasionally but not very often. He recently started sleeping through the night too so we hope he stays this way.

Good luck. It's hard in the beginning but if you keep at it he should be fine.

I would suggest reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and see what it says for this instance, I can't remember as we didn't have this specific problem. We did use CIO to drop his last night feeding around 9 months when it became clear he wasn't getting up because he needed the food, but rather to socialize (went from being all business of eating, burping, going right back to bed, to not really eating and instead just hanging out with me) and it worked in a couple of days.

I don't think it's torturing a baby when with only a few hours of crying over a few days, they now sleep soundly all night every night. Good, quality, uninterrupted sleep is so important for their development and happiness, as it is for yours. I do agree with the poster below, it might not be for every baby and if after a period of days the crying hasn't decreased, then it might not be a good idea.

As for the getting baby to sleep, switching up the routine a bit might help. This has worked for us with other changes, like dropping nursing/bottle before bed when our son was older. Nurse her as much as she wants before bed, but save something for after that, like one more short relaxing story, or a couple minutes of rocking while singing a soft lulluby. That way she is drowsy, but not asleep. I think that instant waking up, for whatever reason it is happening now, really wakes her up and makes her wide awake and irritated about it. Thinking of myself, I know how I sort of snap awake sometimes out of a dream or falling asleep in the car on a roadtrip and how then I am wide awake and have to get my mind and heartrate to go back down before I'll fall off asleep again. She's probably experiencing that same jolt and then is upset at being jarred awake. Who knows, she might be fine with being drowsy and laid down awake, but fully ready to go into sleep mode.

Oh, and I also think an earlier bedtime is in order, especially if she's not getting good naps. Do bedtime at 6pm even if you don't get home until 5:15. That was our son's bedtime. It's just a short period of time anyway before their bedtime starts to move back to a later time in the evening and the benefits you'll get from doing it that early will be worth it. Good luck!

All I can say is, you must be very tired. Don't give yourself such a hard time. I experienced the same thing about 1 1/2 years ago with my little girl & really all of us go through it at some point, just some have it worse than others. After 9 months of me always going in & also nursing, her doctor told me to have daddy from now on go in. If I went in she expected to eat. She won't have the same expectations from dad. Dad goes in, simply says it's time for bed and leaves. If the kid is standing up, so what, keep truckin right out that door. The first night was terrible. Our kid cried herself to sleep after an hour, slept an hour, got up and cried again for an hour and so on for 2 nights. After the third night, she slept through the night without issue & we've never had a problems. If your baby is standing, she'll eventually sit down b/c she's tired and then also go to sleep. It will happen. I know plenty of people who nursed their kids to sleep & this same thing happened to them and that just might mean your kid now has another thing to cry about. Look at it this way, you're hitting 2 birds with one stone.

Cry it out is a test for everyone. Your baby has to realize she's not an extention of you anymore & that's sad and you have to hear her cry during this realization and that's sad too. I'm not saying it's easy. It is what it is.

one thing I noticed is that you talk to her. No more. Just hold her, pat her, put her down, rub her back or whatever, then leave. Make sure that there are no stimulating lights or sounds, just you calming her down as silently as possible, perhaps with shing.

I would try putting her down awake.... :) It might get worse before it gets better, I'm sorry!

we went through the same thing with my daughter- would fall asleep being held but the second you tried to put her in the crib- no way! After spending over and hour standing at the crib with my hand on her back- we finally went to CIO- tried the gradual method- did not work for her- we finally had to just say goodnight and walk out and stay out- the first night was much like your night tonight- but each day after that it got easier- now she sleeps 8-7 no problems (just turned two) Give it a few more nights of not going in- if still not getting better then let it go for now- try again in a few weeks.

CIO doesn't work for all temperaments and all babies. It didn't work for my "spirited" babies/toddlers. One got so agitated he threw up. I gave up on CIO after that--just didn't seem right to me. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka should have some pointers for you in her book, "Sleepless in America." Good luck.

What if you moved nursing to earlier in the bedtime routine? Do you think that would make any difference (since she might be awake when you lay her down)?