Hello! My first baby, Anders, is 3 weeks old. I know that it takes awhile for babies to get on a schedule, and Anders is doing well for his age, but I feel so sleep deprived I could die! Sometimes he sleeps all day and I get a ton of things done. Other times he is awake for hours at a time at night and the next day all I do is sleep when he does to try to feel human again. Is there anything I can do at this point to help him sleep at night? He breastfeeds only every 3-4 hours usually at night, which I know is good, but then he will not go to sleep for up to 3 hours. And he cries unless I am holding him or holding his pacifier in his mouth. His vibrating seat and swing only calm him if he has a pacifier in his mouth, and he needs help holding it in. My husband does all of the changing during the night, which is a huge help, but I don't want to ask him to do much more since he is the only one working right now. I go back to work as a 2nd grade teacher in 9 weeks.
At 5 weeks old today, things are going much better. He isn't on a schedule by any means, but most nights he has been going 5 hours between feedings, which I know is considered sleeping through the night. He sometimes will soothe himself to sleep (bliss!) and other times we rely on the good old vibrating seat. I have also learned to sleep when he does; that doesn't make me a bad mom or lazy wife; in fact, it makes me happier and easier to be around :)
I don't know how to get him to sleep more my kids where never good at night. But one thing when he sleeps you sleep let some of the other things go.
Good Luck
Joell
Sara,
I saw another comment that said don't let him go more than 3 hours sleeping with out waking him up and feeding him. I agree with this. It's important that he get his sleep, but its also important that he not begin to confuse day with night. I have actually heard this suggestion before and it's discussed in some books I've read.
I did this with my second child and it worked well. Sometimes, the only time he was awake when he was the age your son is was when I'd wake him up and feed him. Sometimes he'd fall asleep while I was feeding him, but that's ok, he had that awake time (however breif it was). It definately will not make him sleep through the night, but it should help with the sleeping all day and being awake at night (for super long periods). It might take a day or two, but you shoudl see at least a little improvement. You'll still have to get up every couple hours at night to feed, but that's typical.
Also, remember to take it easy and as the other mom suggested, sleep when he's sleeping during the day. I know theres stuff to do around the house all the time, but sometimes (especially with a new baby) you just have to forgo it. I didn't rest enough when I had my first either, but I sure learned and when I had my second, I used most of the opportunity to sleep when he did. It helps a lot.
There's a really good book that helped me. It's called "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to calm, connect and communicate with your baby" It's authors are Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. Unfortunately I didn't find it until my oldest was 4 months old. I really wish I had it earlier. You may find some helpful suggestions in there.
Congratulations on your little one! I have four children (ages 1-10) and if anyone were to ask me the toughest part about being a mom, it is definitely SLEEP DEPRIVATION . . . at first anyway! There are nights now that I actually long to have a tiny one to hold. I know how hard it can be at first, but it really does go fast! Your smart to sneak in your own naps whenever you can. When my first one was born our pediatrician recommended a book called "How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Ferber. It REALLY helped and I have referred to for each of my children. It gives great ideas and truly works. Good luck!
I can't really offer a lot of advice, but I can provide empathy and let you know that yours is not the only baby like this. My sons are now 8 and 11, but both were very colicky and neither one slept well at all. My oldest slept a total of 8 hours in a 24 hour period when he was 6-8 weeks old. He started sleeping through the night (mostly) when he was 6 months. My youngest, who was breastfed, didn't sleep through the night until he was 18 months. The oldest one is now a great sleeper (it took a little work on my part). The youngest one still has a few issues, but has a fairly regular sleep schedule. I know you are exhausted beyond description and I know exactly how you feel, but this too shall pass! When people told me the colic would end at 4 months that seemed like an eternity, but it did end.
That said, 3 weeks is still pretty young to get his days and nights straightened out. If you want some advice I would start with your pediatrician or pediatric nurse practitioner. Most of them don't suggest really trying to get babies on a schedule until they are about 4 months. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, an Eagan resident, has written an excellent book about sleep issues in children and may provide some advice for getting your baby on a good sleeping schedule once he is old enough. She has a website too. I would also try to let go of some of the housework and sleep when your baby sleeps, even if it is during the day. Do you have a family member who can help with some of the housework while you nap? I'm not a napper, but I did it out of desperation when my babies were little. Good luck!
It is SO important to sleep when your newborn sleeps. She'll probably start giving you longer stretches of sleep fairly soon - even though it seems like that will never happen.
Is there anyone else that can help you out with laundry or pick up some take-out for you? I wish I had accepted others' help when my baby was a newborn, but I was so determined to do it all on my own. I became horribly sleep-deprived because of that and can hardly even remember the first few weeks after my baby was born!
My daughter would also only sleep with a pacifier. I bought a co-sleeper (a 3-sided bassinet that attaches to your bed) so I could hold her pacifier in her mouth as we both drifted off to sleep. The co-sleeper was a life-saver for my family! I highly recommend getting one if you don't already and are okay with having your baby sleep in your room for the first few months. Some people will warn that it is hard to get them to sleep in their own rooms after sleeping in your room, but we found the transition to be quite easy with our little girl. All babies are different, though!
Good luck! It WILL get better - I promise. :)
My son did a little of this. We just tried to do really stimulating things when he was awake during the day. We kept the house really light and cool during the day to help him stay awake and stimulate his natural cycle. Go outside, talk to him, wave toys around, look into his eyes and talk, put him on the floor to play on his back (maybe even with less clothes to keep him cool and from falling asleep right away), give him cool baths, ect. Also, we woke him to eat every 2-3 hours during the day, then let him sleep as long as he would at night. I figured if I filled him up during the day, he might get the message that night is for sleep. We kept his room dark and cool at night and bundled him up in jammies and a sleep sack to him warm and cozy. After about two days, he seemed to figure it out. A friend of mine from Mexico told me to tip him upside down to remedy the problem! I don't think that really helped :D
Good luck with your little guy and NEVER feel guilty sleeping when he sleeps!!
I found that it took almost two months with my daughter before we got into a good sleep routine and I wasn't completely exhausted. She wasn't sleeping through the night at two months but she wasn't waking up as often to eat. Just make sure to rest when your baby rests during the day. It is hard because you want to get things done and feel like you are living a normal life but eveything things will settle down. You really do have to take things one day at a time if you spend a lot of time resting on somedays then that's good because thats exactly what you need!
Hi S.,
My sister was having the same problem when her baby was a week old so this may or may not help. I suggested getting the baby outside in the sunlight each day. It doesn't have to be a long trip or go for a walk. And have the lights on in the house/ his room during the day and then dimmer during the evenings. It helped her boy to get his internal clock set. I hope that helps.
J.
My daughter did the same thing, and when she was awake at night, I felt I had to be entertaining her. I think she was about 2 months old when she started to sleep more at night. Every baby is different, but you could start only getting him up if he cries or is hungry and be very quiet at night. Eat/cuddles/diaper and right to bed again. It's ok to leave him in his room with the lights out coo'ing away on his own. I always felt guilty about that, but he'll be fine...and if he's not...he'll let you know. Good luck. :)
Something else to remember, your body needs rest right now to recover. I ended up with mastistis when my second son was born, and I am convinced it is because I was not taking the time to rest that my body needed. My son was born just before x-mas and I had a bunch of things to do... anyway - make sure you take the time to rest. It will get easier. Many babies turn a huge corner at 6 weeks for "getting it together". I know that sounds like forever, but in hindsight, the first 6 weeks will not seem long at all.
Good luck.
J.
This was best advice I recieved from one of the doctors before leaving the hospital with our baby boy. She said because they have their nights and days mixed up, the best thing to do is in the morning make sure they are in direct light and at night make it as dark as you can.
So every morning we would bring him out into the living room open all the shades to get as much natural light as possible.
Then at night we would turn every light off, wouldn't have the t.v. on, it was dark and quiet.
At three weeks I put him in his crib, in his own bedroom and he started sleeping thru the night. He never came back into our bedroom. I don't know if it was because of what we did or if we were just very very lucky!! He's 11 months now and still sleeps thru the night.
Make sure you sleep when he does. I know it's the perfect time to get things done but all that will still be there when you get up. Make sure to ask for help also. I have a wonderful family that would and still do come over and help me out.
Good luck
J.
You have lots of advice on sleeping through the night. The only part of helping him learn the difference between day and night that I have not seen yet is to keep the day lively and and active- tv on, music on, whatever you would normally do. Be interactive with him during changings and feedings, but at night, keep interactions to a minimum.
You mentioned that he will calm (maybe sleep?) in his seat and swing, but only with his pacifier. What kind of pacifier? My boy used a soothie pacifier to help keep him from having nipple confusion. But he always needed help keeping it in. The NUK pacifiers actually suctioned to his mouth a little and he can clamp his gums around it a little more because of the shape. He only loses this one when he is pushing it out with his tongue. Which he still does even when he doesn't mean to! All in all, he's been more successful with it though. Also, I read somewhere that if you gently pull it out a little when he is sucking on it, he'll learn to suck a little harder to keep it in. This worked pretty well for my boy.
It is pretty normal for babies to have their nights and days confused. As hard as it can be, try to get him to be awake more during the day. I know it is hard when you are so tired yourself but if you work to turn it around you will feel much better. Is there anyone that could help you out other than your husband?
My 2nd son was a sleeper. I had to strip him down to get him to wake up enough to even eat. I suggest stripping him down and holding him next to your bare skin for feeding. After that you can get him dressed again but do it slowly. Try to keep him awake afterward, burp him, have him do tummy time, then after he has been awake for a while get him to sleep.
I found baby wise to be a pretty handy book, though it says to use the cry out method which I disagree with. Look at Happiest Baby on the Block too(I think that is what it is called). The books give helpful advice. Just remember to take what you want and leave the rest (like crying it for example). Anything you aren't comfortable doing don't do.
May I suggest not letting him go over 3 hours between feedings during the day. Most babies have one episode of longer sleep in a 24 hour period and you want that to be at night. He is still very young to go over 4-5 hours at any time. By 10-12 weeks he should sleep 6-8 hours and your life should get easier.
